So last night I was watching The Bachelor with the gf-f (go ahead and make fun but it’s a solid show) — and the Bachelor dope kept referring to all the contestants on the show as ‘women’. He’d say stuff like, “I can’t wait to go on my group date with those women.” Or, “There’s so many great women to choose from…” Or whatever.

But every time he said, “Women.” It didn’t sound quite right. Like maybe it was too formal. Just didn’t seem right for a group of dumb dumb chicks all jockeying over a dopey guy. “Women” doesn’t seem casual and fun. It seems like a part of a larger organization or something. Too important and strong. Or on the flip side– too associated with a bathroom door sign.

I guess it’s on a par with ‘Men’– but Men has ‘Guys’ as an alternative. And last night I realized that, women don’t have a good casual alt.

The closest to ‘Guys’ is ‘Gals’. But gals is a no-go. Gals works better in the context of, ‘The gals are all getting together to organize the bake-sale…’ Gals seems dated or maybe for older women or something— but besides ‘Gals’, everything else is condescending or too cutesy.

‘Chicks’ doesn’t make most ‘women’ happy. ‘Ladies’ has been stamped with sarcasm ‘Here come the Layydees…’ (Plus, it got ruined by the song Ladies Night). And there’s some Euro stuff out there like, ‘Lass’ or ‘Bird’– or you can kick it old school with ‘Dames’ or ‘Dolls’. But none of those are going to be a full-time replacement.

So I say it’s time to launch a solid counterpart to ‘Guys’ — so I’m not all distracted while watching my Bachelor tv show! Maybe I should contact the National Organization of Women to tell them to get cracking on this? Those chicks would have the clout to make something respectable stick.

ok bye!
tOdd

27

So for a while I got kind of burnt out on apps for my ipad and iphone. After the initial glee of Angry Birds and Tiny Wings there was a downward spiral into football kicks and home run hitting without much satisfaction other than obsession to conquer a game nobody cares about.

I had a quick affairs with Temple Run and Where’s My Water but they were whatevery. Fruit Ninja got a fling but I’d get my asskicked all the time playing multiplayer– and got tired of it. Couldn’t stand knowing that there was some 12-year old laughing about how pathetically slow I was at slicing fruit samurai style.

I tried a few adventure type games or shooters but they were also sort of whatevery. Am I really going to sit here on ipad and kill zombies or race cars for hours on end? I started to wonder about apps in general. They started feeling way disposable and repetitive. And I felt relief that I stopped combing through the App Store looking for the latest greatest ultimately disappointing or scammy freebie. (continue reading…)

21

12

So yesterday I go into my local barbershop to get my haircut (or buzzed or whatever). The shop is run by a bunch of Uzbekistans (for real) and they’re always showing some movie on their flatscreen that I’d bet they’ve seen at least 20x. Recently, they were watching True Lies.

Here’s how that conversation went:

Me: Hey! You’re watching True Lies!
Barber: Yes. True Lies eez the best movie.
Me: Yeah, it’s a good movie.
Barber: No! True Lies eez BEST movie.

Whoa guy. Take it easy…

Anyway, yesterday I go in there and they’re showing something different. The barber razoring my head was showing the Bar Mitzvah video of his son. Fun video with all these Uzbeks dancing around to an 12-piece Uzbek band doing their best to cover, ‘Every days eez shufflings…’ Cue blasting trumpets.

Of course, I feel compelled to ask talk about the video and ask questions. (Why else show it to strangers?) But it went weird.

Like this:

Me: Hey! You got a looking family there! So, your son is thirteen…
Barber: Yes thirteen. You a jew?
Me: Uh yeah. I am. (?)
Barber: Then you know thirteen is bar mitzvah.
Me: Yeah.

Then silence. He sounded grumpy at me. I’m thinking like, ‘Take it easy, guy…’ Just making conversation about YOUR video playing in MY face…. (continue reading…)

16