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AND HERE’S A GUEST MOV-AY REVIEW!
(thanks to A Citizen! if you wanna send in a review… get to typing and send it here! oddtodd7@hotmail.com)

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Date: Thu, 2 Feb 2012 10:35:06 -0500
Subject: Guest Movie Review
From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com

Hi Todd- its me A Citizen…this is what I got for “The Artist”.

Okay, three things to get over with before you decide to see The Artist.

One- Its in black and white.
Two- Its silent.
Three- Its kind of corny.

If you can get over one and two, then you have only to deal with
yourself on number three. In fact its so corny, that its corniness
makes it cool. That’s how corny it was. (continue reading…)

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Hey! My cousin Ron (guy I posted a while ago who looks like howard stern) made a video ‘Shit Zombies Say’! Click and watch if wanna!

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So yesterday I go into my local barbershop to get my haircut (or buzzed or whatever). The shop is run by a bunch of Uzbekistans (for real) and they’re always showing some movie on their flatscreen that I’d bet they’ve seen at least 20x. Recently, they were watching True Lies.

Here’s how that conversation went:

Me: Hey! You’re watching True Lies!
Barber: Yes. True Lies eez the best movie.
Me: Yeah, it’s a good movie.
Barber: No! True Lies eez BEST movie.

Whoa guy. Take it easy…

Anyway, yesterday I go in there and they’re showing something different. The barber razoring my head was showing the Bar Mitzvah video of his son. Fun video with all these Uzbeks dancing around to an 12-piece Uzbek band doing their best to cover, ‘Every days eez shufflings…’ Cue blasting trumpets.

Of course, I feel compelled to ask talk about the video and ask questions. (Why else show it to strangers?) But it went weird.

Like this:

Me: Hey! You got a looking family there! So, your son is thirteen…
Barber: Yes thirteen. You a jew?
Me: Uh yeah. I am. (?)
Barber: Then you know thirteen is bar mitzvah.
Me: Yeah.

Then silence. He sounded grumpy at me. I’m thinking like, ‘Take it easy, guy…’ Just making conversation about YOUR video playing in MY face…. (continue reading…)

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Sometimes we cook. Sometimes we order take out. In either case, we sometimes have a difference of opinion on when its time to throw stuff away. Sometimes the gf will keep stuff in the fridge that I know will never be eaten ever. Never. But she has a hard time just chucking stuff out as long as it’s “still good”.

As far as I’m concerned if I know for a fact that I’m not going to ever eat ‘those old grapes’ or ‘the leftover pad thai’ in the next day or so– if I know it’s not ever never getting ate up– why can’t I just throw it away right then and there? Why does it have to sit in the fridge and slowly go bad until it’s grossified and actually qualifies as garbage?

This especially goes for stupid fresh spices which are like always sold in bulk like friggin Costco size or something. Does anyone need a whole bonsai tree worth of dill? Or parsley!? Why so much!?

Before you get on my case about donating the food to a homeless person or something– think about what that would usually involve. Me going out on the street with a half-eaten thing of pad thai (or old grapes, or big shrub of basil), looking around for a homeless person, and then offering him or her the rest of my half eaten dinner, old fruit or fresh cut spices… etc.. (continue reading…)

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