So anyway, today I was on the subway sitting across from a tattooed girl. She was cute and punky and wearing a skimpy mini-dress so her tattoos were on full display. When I first sat down I immediately looked away because on first impression seriously tattooed people make me a little nervous. Like I think they always have a switchblade hidden on their person or something. And they could –swik swik– cut me before I’d ever know what was what.

Anyway, the train ride is going along and I find myself looking at this girl’s feet and ankles which had pretty nice tattoos. Cartoony style. Birds and vines and stuff. I started to admire the work. Lots of detail. I was trying to decipher what was going on there.

As I worked my way up her calf– (I realized I was staring a bit but I figured she knew why) she crossed her leg and exposed her full side thigh which had wildlife on it. Like deer sipping from a stream and stuff. And high up on the side of her thigh there were a bunch of samurai and geishas in there together and they disappeared under the skirt. I couldn’t understand what the samurai and the geisha were doing in the woods with the deer and the birds but…

(continue reading…)

35

So over the summer they opened a new dog park not too far from me. I was excited about it because Roscoe’s usual dog park is over a mile away and sometimes I just want a quick fix of dog parking.

Anyway, after I heard it was open I headed down there– and the first thing I noticed was there was no shade. It was the beginning of August midday 140 degrees outside. The new dog park was this big round circle straight under the sun. And all the dogs were in there half-conscious broiling like they were lying in some giant petri dish under a heat lamp. The place was scorching. So right off the bat that wasn’t so hot. Or it was. Or whatever. In any case, you didn’t want to be in the dog park at noon.

Second thing I noticed…
(continue reading…)

15

I’ve never seriously exercised before. Ever. Not on any sort of regular basis. I’ve played sports and done stuff like that. And on and off over the years I do stints on the ‘elliptical’ machine. But people who do ‘real’ exercise tell me that the elliptical machine is sort of the lowest form of exercise. That it is close to doing next to nothing. Yoga is more of a workout etc…

There’s been lots of reasons why I’ve never been into exercising.

1. I’ve been blessed with a natural physique with situational abs and umm… buff fortecs and all that and I don’t want to mess with that perfection.

2. I feel if I do something like say… jogging– my awesome mannish superhero strides will make other joggers feel bad about their own non-awesome non-superhero strides. And I don’t want people to feel bad about their superheroless strides.

3. There’s a side of me that feels that exercise is actually unnecessary. A myth. Not only because women tell me that my ‘gut’ is cute (not helping)– but I feel like hard exercise might actually be more damaging long term rather than healthy…

Like, you’re telling me my knees aren’t stronger than the guy who runs marathons every year? You’re telling my heart isn’t stronger than the weight lifter who strains his heart every day? You’re telling me the crazy guy in Russia who is 115 years old got there by… exercise? I’ve never even seen a 115 year old buff guy! Ever!

>>>>>>>>>>>> (continue reading…)

55