The regular website daily stuff (Annoyances, Recipes, Stuff, Thieves, NeighBads etc) will return on September 1st!
So send in your story or thingee or email or postcard! -- Odd Todd PO Box 187 NYC 10014

Monday, August 6, 2007

Way Too Wordy Update (*now with extra words)!

Ok I finally made it back from LA. My computer hasn't arrived yet. I'd log on to track it but I can't find the receipt with the number. Yeah it's like that...

Anyway, the wireless internet connection I was stealing last night is now gone so I'm at this place called 'Tea Lounge' around the corner from me. I couldn't stand the idea of going to Starbucks. Every single person in this place is sitting in front of a laptop. Mostly new macs. I'm rocking the Toshiba 50-Z or something.

There was no seat that was like away from people so I'm sort of scrunched in between two people and I made them both move over a little and I feel uncomfortable like they're mad at me for bursting into their private space, throwing elbows and being like, "Whazzap dawgs! New guy in the house! Move over, Rovers!'

I'm eating a bagel. Everything with cream cheese.



I got to the airport and stupided out with my carry-on and had my Leathermen knife in there. The man took it away. I was sad. I got to the plane and knocked on it 3x due to my OCD. I was sitting up near the front (reading The Ruins which is fantabulous. i'm now on page 300.) when I heard a bit of a commotion. Some chick who was getting on the plane was being all loud. I looked up and saw this skinny skinny girl with boobs and high high heels clomp onto the plane wearing a pink tube top and like pink tube... skirt. It looked like two pieces of the exact same thing. She came onboard with some sleazy looking dude and she asked if she could say hi to the pilots. The stewardesses agreed. She poked her head in the cabin and said, 'Hi Guys!' They mumbled back hellos. Then she pranced down the aisle all eyes on the plane on her. The sleazy dude followed along with big sneaky grin on his face like he just ate a canary.... or something.


I had a stop over flight in Vegas which gave me over three hours to kill. I've never been to Vegas before (except for a shorter stop over flight where I gambled in the airport) and I decided that I needed to roll the dice on missing my plane and go into the city. I went outside the airport and waited for a taxi. I was assigned taxi stand #13. I figure that wasn't such a good sign but I figured it was like maybe getting bad luck out of the way... or something?

In the cab ride there I mapped out my plan. I didn't want to just kill time dicking around on video poker. I wanted to win BIG. Why not just go for it? I wanted to extract $5000 from that stupid place and go home all psyched. My plan was, I'd take $100 and play at a $25 blackjack table until I turned $100 into $500. Then I'd take my $500 to the $50 table and turn THAT into $5000! All I needed to do is hit a big roll... or two.

At first the plan went well. First four hands in a row I won. Bang bang bang bang. I just turned $100 to $200! A smart person would walk away a winner-- but that's not my style, baby. I felt the flow flowing and on impulse put down a $50 bet. The dealer (who kept calling me 'Brother') gave me an ace... and then another ace. I had to split the aces. Another $50! $100 on the table! No big whoop! I was up! I envisioned two face cards giving me double blackjacks. It would be the official kickoff to my $5000 jackpot reality. Instead I got a 6 and a (worst card of all) 4. The dealer pulled 20 on five cards. He took my hundred away. Click clack. Done done. Then within a minute or so he took my other hundred away. Click clack cluck. The dealer said, "Sorry, brother..."

After a half-assed half-drunk failed attempt to make my original $100 back and got click clacked, I ended up at the glorious $1 bet Wonderwheel chatting it up with a nice dealer and the rest of the loser squad. I threw away a final $20. But the dealer was nice and friendly and didn't call me 'Brother'...


When I got to JFK I wandered off the plane bleary-eyed. I sort of half-slept half-drunk the whole way home. Us passengers all shuffled around the luggage conveyor machine in baggage claim like traveler zombies. The luggage being the brains.

The bags started coming. I was waiting on two. The first one came right away. I made the top ten! I was psyched! They had to be like together-ish, right? Half-hour later I'm watching one lonely bag spin round and round in disbelief. It wasn't my bag. Not even close! And there were no other bags coming. I was like, NOOO!!! My bag! Not here! No good! Very no good! I rifled through my head to try and place what the hell was in the bag putting imaginary labels on everything marked 'Gone forever'.

I rationalized that it got flagged in security because it was loaded up with bizarre looking computer wires and my graphics tablet and USB adapters and microphones and crap like that. Plus all my toothpaste and crap. AKA bomb. I pictured the government guys going through it extra throughougly to make sure it wasn't splody. A reassuring thought.(Of course I also pictured an angry gorilla in some cage jumping up and down on it while drunk baggage handlers flucked jellybeans at him.) But whatever...

I checked in with the Delta lost-luggage dude (not an easy job) who took down my info and gave me no info about what happened with my bag. He told me it should be delivered to my place soon and they would call to arrange delivery.

Two days later it showed up unannounced. I was psyched to see it. It was slighty wet and wrapped in tape like a mummy but it was home! On the handle was a tag that read, 'Perfect Delivery'. Swear.


After dropping off my stuff I raced over to get Mr. Roscoe. I was really excited to see him. I actually looked at cellphone pictures of him on the planeride back. I showed up at the doggie boarding place and they told me he was a good boarded and was alot of fun and he made lots of friends. They said he'll be right out. I was nervous he'd fergetted his dad.

Couple of minutes later, Roscoe comes out looking wet from the pool and races right at me and jumps up on me. I was like, 'You remember!' I shrunched down and started getting lots of kisses on the face. I was really happy he remembered me and was giving me the big hello. Almost cried. I love dog. Dog loves me.

But while settling up with the doggie people, some chick walked into the office. She saw Roscoe and announced how cute he is. She went all squealy bent down to say hellos and I noticed that Roscoe's hellos to her (aka total stranger) was suspiciously close to the hellos for me. I wrote it off as him just being happy in general and was happy he was happy. (but maybe a devious way of getting back at me for leaving him in a strange place for a month without being a dick about it?)


On the walk back with Roscoe I was happy because Roscoe remembered all his favorite places. The deli that he likes for no other reason except for the fact they allow him inside. The dry cleaners with the treats. The restaurant where he gets bread and fries. And where I live. But he seemed sort of tired and a few times he made coughing noises like he was coughing up something but not doing it right. I remember my old family dog used to do stuff like that sometimes when she got back from the kennel. I was 99% sure it was kennel cough.

Roscoe is all up to date with his shots and stuff and apparently this is just a thing dogs get sometimes and it'll take a week or so to clear up. I'm bringing him to the vet today to double check on stuff but he's definitely sort of sluggerish and half-fevery looking. Other than that the same exact dog. Same exact me.

RoscoeCam will be up and running when the big computer gets back.


I haven't been away for that long of a stretch in a while and I'm totally happy to be home. I have lots of pictures but my stupid laptop can't even understand a friggin camera without software and didn't want to deal. Thanks again for being there while I was away.

And, major thanks again to all the people who bought a duck or quack pack for the Million Dollar Duck Race. All the Odd Todd Ducky Ducks raised over $2000 for Special Olympics. The #1 TEAM this year! Coolio!

There's still time to buy a duck if you want in. 5PM cutoff I think. Graphic link is over there...

Sorry for all the words. Off to the vet!

ok bye!


Blogger Tamsen said...

Awwww! A good trip done and done, it sounds like. Almost cried myself when I heard about Roscoe and you meeting up again. No way I could do that (the whole boarding thing for a month).... I think I would have anxiety separation or something from Capone. I'd miss him way too much and would feel way too guilty. Not putting anything on you, but I'm just saying wtg Todd because that would be friggin tough.

Anyways, hope Roscoe feels better and that you get your computer soon and everything gets back into the old routine just as well as it always was.

Good vibes.

August 6, 2007 12:13 PM  
Anonymous Kkathleen said...

I am glad you are enjoying The Ruins. I couldn't put that book down!

August 6, 2007 12:48 PM  
Blogger wheresmymind said...

Since you are doing freelancy type things and new cartoons for your web peeps are far and few between, I think you should keep this new blog format...easier than reading individual entries!

August 6, 2007 1:01 PM  
Anonymous Bingo said...

too wordy but good words!

August 6, 2007 1:21 PM  
Anonymous me! said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

August 6, 2007 1:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Me: PSYCHOoooo!

August 6, 2007 2:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome back Todd!

August 6, 2007 2:41 PM  
Blogger DeeJay said...

Not too wordy, I enjoyed it all! Glad you made it home safe and sound!

Kennel cough...sometimes my pups pick it up at the groomers. So many times that when ever they get their yearly shots I just have them do the Kennel cough stuff down the nose for good measure. Keeps 'em well and happy.

Glad to see you back! Enjoyed the LA Blog lots.

August 6, 2007 2:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

From what little blog experience I've seen me! is the real jerk.

August 6, 2007 2:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome back Todd!

August 6, 2007 5:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fake ME! folks ! The jirk is still out there - being an ass as usual.

Welcome back tOdd and Roscoe !

Give him hugs from all of us - he deserves them!

August 6, 2007 5:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

August 6, 2007 5:29 PM  
Blogger catsnjags said...

ME?? Glad it's not ME!

August 6, 2007 6:04 PM  
Anonymous ron bordeniuk aka "vinick" said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

August 6, 2007 7:10 PM  
Anonymous ALON said...

tOdd, tell us how you found your place! There was someone in there for the whole month, so something must have gone down? Strange smells/stains? Less plates/glasses? Anything left behind?

August 6, 2007 7:15 PM  
Blogger Odd tOdd said...

Twas basically a swap with friend of friends so it worked out well. I didn't trash their place and they didn't trash mine...

worked out coolio! i did get myself a fancy booklight out of the dealio... and some ice cream.

August 6, 2007 7:20 PM  
Blogger Odd tOdd said...

And to the person who keeps posting here with junk. Please stop. You're really only bothering me...

If that was your goal you can declare victory.

I am asking you to please stop.

August 6, 2007 7:24 PM  
Anonymous Lulu said...

I am sooo glad you're back. I missed your humor and Roscoe stories. I'll bet he's really glad you're home, too. And you are NOT too wordy!

August 6, 2007 8:55 PM  
Anonymous TexasGirl said...

Welcome back, Todd! My hubbie is about to deploy to Iraq, so please send us (hubbie, me, kids) some good vibes. And we send good vibes to you and Roscoe.

August 6, 2007 9:48 PM  
Anonymous GQflyboy said...

Texasgirl.. As a Airman in the USAF, I send you good vibes too!

August 7, 2007 1:40 AM  
Anonymous Tee said...

Todd, welcome home! So cool you got free ice cream ;-)

Texasgirl I'm also sending vibes of the good kind to you and yours.

August 7, 2007 1:57 AM  
Blogger Odd tOdd said...

Good vibes to you and yer family Texasgirl totally! And good vibes to all troops overseas...


August 7, 2007 11:10 AM  
Anonymous texasgirl said...

Been trying to say thanks for two days now, but my computer won't post messages for some reason.

So just thought I'd try again to say thanks for the good vibes! Hubbie leaves in 2 weeks for 5 months in Iraq. Ugh.

Good vibes to y'all, too!

August 8, 2007 10:06 PM  
Blogger TravelinMom said...

That was a lot of words, but very entertaining!! It's good your luggage was returned to you within a decent time frame. Global Bag Tag are really reliable if you're looking for a little extra insurance for having your things returned if they get lost.

August 18, 2007 6:25 PM  
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