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I Didn't Deserve to See Dark Knight Tonight

(I just woke up and took a look at this. Sorry for the overwriting. Not sure why I was all wound up last night...)

It'll be a challenge to read this all the way through. Don't feel bad if you're not up for it though. Honestly, I suspect my personal attention span is far below what reading this will likely require.


(I just took a deep breath because I'm so drained by this experience I don't even feel like writing this up-- but I have to because I'm afraid I'll forget details if I try to do it tomorrow. And not remembering stuff would add a brand new annoyance to the top of the pile of this already way annoying series of things that I just did. And at this point, I'll take what I can get.)

Anywayyyyyssss... Dark Knight was playing at the neighborhood UA Stadium 12 Cinemas (said in a booming voice). They had this thing going on like eight screens! I checked online and the movie times were like 12:00 12:01 12:05: 12:15 12:20 12:25 12:30 12:35 etc...(none had a line thru em) so I figured I may as well just show up around midnight and funnel into whatever seems best and hopefully get a center seat.

I didn't buy a ticket online. I never do for late-night movies. Hancock was friggin half-empty when I saw that first night. And it wasn't on nearly as many screens.

I've seen a bunch of Thursday at midnight shows at this theater. Spidermans and the lot. It's never been like crazy crowded or anything because it's Thursday night at midnight. And playing on tons of screens. Plenty of room eventually for a movie where the last show is at 12:35AM... right?

I further rationalized my no-ticket buying because there is a bank of ticket machines at this theater and I always just walk past the box office line-- straight to the machines. Sometimes it seems alot of people on the regular line simply don't realize that they don't have to actually wait on line. That the machines sell actual tickets. They're not secret machines! It's a weird phenomenon. Which always works out great for moi! (the 'moi' said Spader-style) And if I bought them online I'd have to use the machine to pick em up anyway-- so what's the diff really?

I head down the street toward the theater. Probably an eight block walk. And I stop in the deli on the way and pick up a tall Sapporo and an Almond Joy. Stuffed them right in my bag where I already stashed a bottle of water that I took from my house! And a sweatshirt just in case! Prepared! Like a real smart guy!

I get to the theater and it looks like this:

All the way down the flippin street! I was like... 'Holy shit!!!' A Thursday at midnight show with 8 theaters going in the one place! I figured people would be inside already. It was already midnight and there was that line? I've never seen anything like that!!! '

Then I'm like, 'Shit. You know what goes really well with, I've never seen anything like that!!!'? A camera. Mine was safely at home. It would have been pretty smart to take it along. Smarter all of sudden than the stupid bottle of water.

I wanted my camera. And I started thinking. Why get on the line? It was only midnight. I figured I'll just see the 12:30 or 12:35. Fine. Let the OCD style first adopters fill the early theaters and let it all clear up. By the time I'd get back I'd just probably walk right in.

So I walked back to my apartment to get my camera-- annoyed the whole time that I didn't take it along in the first place. I get back to my place, up the steps and in the door-- and Roscoe is like, 'Back so soon? How was the movie?' (He totally said it in an overly excited voice). I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic-- or if his concept of time is just that awful.

Anyway, I immediately start searching the apartment for my digital camera which (to my joyful glee) was totally MIA. I checked everywhere. Five minutes later I find it on random shelf where it's never been before-- because it has no business being there in the first place.

However, I realized there was more to the story when I felt the weight of the camera! Just friggin yesterday, I took the batteries out of the camera because I was out of AA batteries-- and I needed them for my tv remote control! (Mental note: Buy AA batteries already dammit! You've been nagging yourself for weeks! And btw! Second Note! You got enough stupid C batteries! Plenty! When are you gonna actually use those bad boys anyway? C batteries? You don't even own anything that takes C's! Radio Shack sale was that good? Whatever! Shut up! I bet they'll be worth something on the street after the horsemen ride down from the sky!)

Yadda, I go to the tv room to get the AA batteries out of the stupid tv remote to put back in the camera-- but alas! Guess what? I can't find the remote either! At all! Not even a little bit! And I rip my couch apart looking for it! Plus now I'm starting to feel that time is actually ticking. That I needed to put the brakes on wherever I was going with this redonkulous fiasco-- or I could be stuck with a dreaded front rows only type of situation!)

Finally, I find the remote and take the batteries out (btw, as a side note, just today (swear) I had taped the backcover of the remote shut because whenever I drop the remote the plastic back pops off and the batteries explode out. I've been meaning to tape that down for like a year and finally did it earlier today! The tape was a pain to get off too because it peeled in thin strips that went to points. Shreds really. Just figure I'd throw that in).

I realize now this is probably getting pretty unreadable. I think that's pretty dang impressive you're still reading along -- under the circumstances!

Anyway, I take the camera (now with batteries) and run out the door. Now it's like 12:20. I'm like, "Fruck!" I have to hussle. And its humid. Halfway there I realize....(Swish! Nothing but net! The crowd goes wild!) I've left my bag with my Sapporo beer and my Almond Joy back at the apartment! And there's no time to go back!! And no time to stop again at the deli even if I wanted to! Which is probably for the best because I'd be buying the same thing again (Sapporo and almond joy?) which would be weird for the deli guy to see. Plus I didn't have a bag anyway!!!

Anyway again, I get back there and snap a picture of the still outside line (see above) which was a relief picture-wise-- but concerning because it looked like the line had just started moving. I noticed the line wasn't going into the box office either. It's filing into the theater. Right past my secret machines! Everyone had tickets. And it was the first time this thing shifted into full blown disaster territory.

But I get on line anyway and as soon as I get inside I rush up to my wall of machines. And, of course, all shows are sold out. All eight theaters. It was so over. I stood alone. The only person at my bank of "secret machines". And as the line passed by I caught looks from people like, 'What's with the no-ticket doosh in our midst? Ew. Don't stare...'

And I turned shamed and headed home (again!). Absolutely stunned that it had all gone so viciously wrong.

So the saga ends. Phew. I guess its safe to say that I 100% underestimated exactly how stratospherically gigantic this movie plans to be. I go to the movies at such crazy hours I never expect anything to actually sell-out. Stupid thing isn't even supposed to open until 'tomorrow'!

I guess I'll go to the AM show-- but umm... Question? What time do I have to get there for that?! First show is at 9:45AM! Do I have to like set my alarm now? It's fruckin like way late now and I'm typing this out only because I didn't want to forget a detail or two (which obviously in retrospect would not have harmed this overall reading experience!) Whatever.

You know what though? I realize that I'm actually satisfied with my massive screwup!

Here's why!

Because in an ideal smart-me universe-- I probably would have bought a ticket to the 12:35AM show. I'd assume it was a safe bet. But that being said-- because of my massive underestimation of what's going on with this movie-- I doubt I would have showed up super early for the show! Maybe 10-15 minutes before max. It's the last show! It's in eight theaters! I would have wandered up at 12:20AM. Plus, those late-night shows are usually half-empty on blockbuster thursdays. And I was looking forward to that half-empty theater experience dammit!

So the end result was I didn't buy a ticket to a movie that I probably wouldn't have seen at all! I would have gotten there way too late for a decent seat in that other smart-me parallel universe! And I would have never watched this thing too close or too off to the side! I would have just left. And ate the $11 ticket! And be even more pissed than I am now! (Which is mild) Plus, I wouldn't have any pictures to boot!

And in a way, you could say that is a happy ending.

The end! (I'll backtrack for typos later...)

ok bye!

PS. The theater was still a mobscene this afternoon. With screaming teenagers. I think I have to hold off for a bit before seeing this. It may go as far as Monday now. Biggest movie ever potential?


Anonymous Mr. Ambulance Driver said...

Wow. That beats me

7/18/2008 4:23 AM  
Anonymous Adamant said...

Three words! WAY TOO LONG

7/18/2008 7:58 AM  
Blogger Jake said...

I liked it todd, the stream of consciousness was kinda cool.

7/18/2008 8:30 AM  
Blogger Marla said...

Made me laugh twice - once with the C batteries and once with the shredding tape!

We bought tickets a week ago which I've never done but I suspected it would get scary! We went to dinner, came home, decided to get a little shut-eye before the flick since we both had to work in the morning and both thought the other had set the alarm! $28 wasted:(

7/18/2008 8:42 AM  
Blogger Tee said...

Just got home from my 3am show, weird that Phoenix (where I live) would have constant shows from midnight and NYC doesnt. Anyway wanted to see your review and compare it to ours but alas nothing so its off to snoozey land for me (long comment to go with your long post)

7/18/2008 9:42 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Do you think you might have gotten a ticket if you didn't go home to get the camera? Bummer, TOdd. :-(

7/18/2008 9:56 AM  
Anonymous iLLBiLL said...

Ummm.... my eyes hurt now....

7/18/2008 11:17 AM  
Anonymous Parrotheat said...

People, he warned you it was long. Stop yer bitchin about it. Good report, OT.

I don't get why people line up for that shit in the first place. I guess I can get you - ace reporter - and the like, but average Joe? Do they think the movie will change if they wait a week? Jeez.

7/18/2008 12:04 PM  
Anonymous Amy said...

It much worse if you're one of those people who line up for a phone

7/18/2008 12:08 PM  
Anonymous Gary L said...

can somebody cut and paste the highlights?? i can't read for that long. thank you

7/18/2008 12:11 PM  
Anonymous Lappy said...

I smell weed here

7/18/2008 2:39 PM  
Anonymous sunflowrr said...

Todd, it's a 2h47m movie. At 12:35am, you would have nodded off in the first hour and then wound up being all mad and yelly that you slept thru the whole thing and wasted money.

Better to let the hyped up people wait in line and let that die down. It will still be there on Monday and be just as good. Definitely go in the afternoon so you won't fall asleep.

7/18/2008 3:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry it's such a hassle to get into see it t0dd; i know you were so excited (the hulk review kinda says it all). i'm sure it will be worth the wait!

7/18/2008 4:30 PM  
Anonymous Comic Book Guy said...

Worst. Post. Ever.

7/18/2008 7:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Media By Numbers, a tracking firm, said the Warner Bros. movie set a box office record for a midnight debut, bringing in $18.5 million Friday from its midnight screening in 3,040 theaters.

7/18/2008 8:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally have my remote all ducted up too tOdd - lol.

My ex is supposedly taking Linds on Sunday to see it.



7/18/2008 9:32 PM  
Blogger Vincent said...

I'd always rather see movies weeks after they're initially released. Can't take the hassle.

BTW, did you remember the AA batteries?

7/18/2008 11:43 PM  
Blogger EL P said...

DARK KNIGHT WAS A-MA-ZING!!! The booms and explosions and humor and the edge of your seat awesomeness and the surprise turns and Heath Ledger as Joker!! Only complaint: not too keen on the Christian Bale Batman. He played a good Bruce Wayne, but his Batman was easily surpassed by Mr. Ledger's performance

7/19/2008 12:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel your pain. I wanted to see it really bad too, but I won't have monay til next week. I guess it's better that way; less crowds.

7/19/2008 1:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I *LOVE* that you wrote so much in your blog! It was totally entertaining and made me laugh the entire time. I wish you would write more all the time, actually. Great job! Do more!

7/19/2008 5:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOVED this. loved it.

7/19/2008 6:23 PM  
Anonymous Strangergirl said...

^_^ Wow, this was waay cute! Lol, you're such a funny character.


7/19/2008 6:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

7/21/2008 12:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

7/21/2008 8:46 PM  
Blogger Friggin Regan said...

Who knows tho....maybe IF you had bought that 12:35am ticket AND gotten that crappy way too close or off to the side MAY have sat next to a nymphomaniac in a bat girl costume.

7/26/2008 6:39 PM  
Anonymous Martina said...

This is my first comment did he remember the AA batteries wish he all the best.

8/04/2008 8:07 AM  

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