In Defense of Dining Solo

I'm usually not a guy who likes eating in a restaurant by himself. If I'm eating by myself I'm more of an 'in-front of the tv' kind of guy. If I order chinese food I grab my pot with the handle. I dump some rice in. Some chinese food in. And I sit there holding the handle and shoveling it in.

It's always been hard for me to understand why somebody would prefer to sit in a restaurant if they're going to be eating alone. You can't eat out of a pot with a handle in a restaurant! Why not just stay home and not worry about anything?

Here's a quick list of things I thunk up that seems weird about eating out alone:

1. Feeling like an eavesdropper on the people sitting around you.
2. Wondering if people are wondering if you have no friends.
3. Wondering if people are wondering if you're a murderer who's about to shoot up the place.
4. Feeling weirdly ghostly. Like you're there but you're not.
5. Wondering if people are wondering if if you've been stood up by someone.
6. Becoming hyperaware of everyone like 'chewing' and getting grossed out by the smacky noises and annoyed by the clanks of forks.
7. Having a fear that a group of people you know will walk in and it'll be awkward.
8. Hearing an outburst of laughter from some table and feeling lonely.
9. Fear of sitting next to a loud talker who makes you crazy.

I could go on and on. There's lots of things to make dining in a restaurant that might make me uncomfortable-- but for the most part it's all spinning wheels in insecure mud. Things that keep me from relaxing and enjoying myself on a quiet vibe.

But last night I went out to eat by myself. Two reasons really.

1. My dog had some sort of weird reaction to the anesthetic and yesterday he was puking (better today!)-- and the vet told me not to feed him anything till his stomach settles down. So all night he was involuntarily fasting and looking at me like, 'Where's my dinner, Dad?' So I wasn't going to eat chinese food in his face while he's got toof pain and hungry. That would be a dick move.

2. I've been trying to ween myself off television as much as possible. And part of that includes eating in front of the tv. And I know if I order up food I'll be right in front of that friggin tv.

So I decided to head to this Italian place down the street. And brought a book I just started that I'm more than half-digging called The Night of the Gun. Tis here.

I walked down the street swinging a book in one hand (vaguely feeling like a show-off bookworm nerd being all showy about the fact that I am reading a book. Like I was accessorizing myself with something that made a statement! "I'm smart! I read!" Like the book might as well said Advanced Complex Calculus Physics for Super Expert Smart People or somethin

(OOH! TWO CAR PEOPLE YELLING AT EACH OTHER OUTSIDE MY WINDOW! ONE SEC!)

Bah! Nothing good.

Anyway, I sit down in this restaurant and I took a corner table. I ordered a glass of wine and linguine with clam sauce. And just sat there reading. I didn't care about the people around me. I tuned them out. Yeah, occasionally eavesdropping but not interested in their conversation. I didn't care what these strangers were saying or thinking. I didn't mind if they thought I was a murderer.

The waitress was perfectly nice and extra attentive actually. (Maybe out of sympathy but whatever-- I'll take it). The linguine was way good. I wasn't concerned about splattering it all over myself either as I was wearing my dirty all-day shirt. I didn't miss random conversation. I got through a chapter of the book. And I appreciated paying a check that was simply just mine.

Granted eating out alone may be a slippery slope to hermitdom-- but I don't think I'm gonna go that route. I'm way too insecure and self-conscious to actually become a real deal holyfield hermit. And I'm sure I'm not the type of person that will eat out solo on a regular basis because I like being home too much.

But once in a while-- if you have a chance to take a break from everything-- I recommend eating alone. Grab a book, or a magazine or newspaper or comic book or whatever and just try it. Take the social hit (it's really not a hard hit).

It's just quiet and nice... and quiet.

ok bye!
tOdd