Monday's ANNOYANCES!

What annoys you?

Some store clerk? A corporation? Your wife? Your husband? Your mother in law? Your kids?
Tell me now! ANNOY! oddtodd7@hotmail.com
A whole lot of annoyances came in so if yours hasn't appeared yet pls be patient.

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Todd, this was a month ago and it still annoys me!  The owner of the 76 gas station in Williams, AZ is a prick.  I pulled in there after a nice day at the Grand Canyon and filled up (all the pumps were those old-fashioned kind with the numbers that kind of wind up on a wheel instead of digitally, that should've been a clue right there).  Then I went inside and pulled out my Visa.  The guy says, "No cards.  Just cash."  I say, where does it say that. I am not making this next part up.  He took my head in his hands and turns it to the side where the prices are shown outside. "See there, where you see $2.95, then you also saw the sign below it." There was a TINY sign under the prices that said Cash only. I wriggled away from this jerk and said I had to go outside and get cash from my wife.  This guy says, "You better not drive off, cause I will call the cops and you will go to jail." Asshole. So I got $40 from my wife, went back in, paid, and said "Everybody in town like you?" He said, "If they're smart."  Yeah, smart enough to drive a customer out of there ready to slug your redneck ass when there were tons of real gas stations along the road to choose from.  Way to go. 

I should've used the George Costanza line about working at the Jerk Store.

Thanks, Todd, I feel better. 

Geoff

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dearest todd,
you know what annoys me?  not too much.  but what does
is people complaining about shit.  people who are
annoyed with little things.  i guess i shouldn't read
the monday's annoyances anymore, but seriously
people....if you're going to complain about your
friends sleeping till noon AND having 8 am classes you
need to check yourself.  and if we have to complain
because people are doing something illegal...wake up.
people do illegal stuff all the time.  i know i'm
picking on a certain letter from last week but this is
meant to be a general statement to people who get
annoyed for the wrong reasons.  just take a leason
from bob marley and lively up yourself.  don't let
things bother you and they won't.  some people have
their way and you have yours.  damn.
and one other thing: president bush.  because he's
made it terrible to be an american.  f that.

peace,
paul f.
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Toilet paper breakthrough.
Very annoying indeed.
Just happened to me whilst I was wiping.
I thought I’d reeled off plenty enough toilet paper.
Evidently not.
I scrubbed my finger like crazy but it still smells funny.
Ho hum, back to my lunch.


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Ok Todd here is my small list of things that annoy me.
 
1. People who show up at my house without being invited or calling first to see if it is ok. (usually these are the people who I dislike and they know that I dislike them but they suck and like to piss me off)
 
2. People(one guy i dislike and he knows it) will come over and If it is late and we are in bed (at 4:30AM) he will try to find a way in to the house to wake us up and see if we want to "hang out". He actually checked and found we had not locked a window and crawled through it.
 
3. People who can't stand up for them selves. I don't mind it as much as the other stuff, but when people come over and they relize that someone is at my home that they don't like they tell me to make them leave, how in the world is that my problem that these people don't like each other?
 
4.Skinny girls who constantly say oh I'm fat, or oh I have gained so much weight. They look as though they have not eaten in months.
 
5.People who come over and when I say goodnight, and have gotten into my bed, will still continue to be loud and rude.
 
Thanks!
Leah

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tOdd this is what annoys me...
 
~People who think just because you are married you HAVE to have kids. Its the same question time after time, "when are you going to have kids?" Why do you HAVE to have kids just because you're married??? WTF?? I tell everyone the same thing, "uh, never, kids would cut into my drinking."
 
~People who think their kids are perfect and talk about them ALL the time. I mean, who really cares? Can we talk about something else? Football? Sex? The weather? ANYTHING?!
 
~Static on the radio when a good song is on.
 
~People who tell you crap about their F-ed up family and all their F-ed up friends. Why do I want to hear it? When those people are talking to you and you're clearly ignoring them by working, answer the phone leaving the room, whatever, they keep talking and telling you how F-ed up they are. How do they not see you are not interested?
 
~Working.
 
~Husbands who don't enjoy having a few drinks with HIS friends, getting a little loud and having fun. When I get "the look" and then get told to "take it down a notch". Clearly fun is not allowed in marriage.
 
~Marriage.
 
Thanks, I feel better now.
 
~s

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Hey Todd~

What annoys me is Bag pipes!  And bag pipe players!  At a recent re-enactment of some obscure historical United Kingdom event, a large field was nearly covered with pipers, all screeching their damn instruments out of tune, which is the norm.  Now, I know a lot of enthusiasts who go in for bag pipe music, especially these new-age Celtic Druid witches and Enya fans and stuff like that, and some genuine British folks who have a sort of vested interest in keeping that horrid music alive, sort of a heritage thing.  But more than one piper at a time and it sounds like a meteor shower of old Corvairs coming at you.

Well, this event was a wholesome, family type affair, a great chance to get the kids out of the house and let them run amok somewhere else while the old lady and I drank beer.  That's where the trouble started.

The bag pipers were all standing in rows like the Queen's guard or something, not moving, just blowing those damn honkers.  I noticed the twins running and playing among the "musicians", and thought that was kind of humorous, if not downright disrespectful.  It was great.

Well, when one of the tunes was completed, the twins were taking turns squatted underneath and behind this big hairy man in a kilt, looking up his dress.  As most everyone knows, the proper way a Real Man wears a woman's dress, or Kilt, is with No Underwear, Au Naturale as it were.  This is when the shit broke loose.

One of the twins stood up and screamed to me, "Daddy, is that why they call it a Bag Pipe?"

Oh, hell.  The whole world broke out in laughter.  The big man looked straight ahead, but turned as red as his tartan kilt.  For some reason, the wife didn't seem to get the association between scrotum and penis to bag and pipe.  Things kind of sink slowly into her head, but when it finally dawned on her what was going on, she was just taking a big swig of Guinness and started laughing.  She snorted beer out her nose three times between catching her breath, and fell backward on the lawn roaring with the hoots.  I sort of looked away, like I don't know this lady or those kids.

Too late.  Little runts came running straight toward me.  "Daddy, Daddy, that man's naked!  His pee-pee and butt's sticking' out!"  Mothers can be so cruel to their young.  She guffawed over and over, pointing at them and at me.  These are the flesh and blood of her own womb, and she was heaping the collective ridicule of hundreds of roaring and cheering spectators upon them.

"Daddy, do you ever wear a dress?"  Oh, for God's sake, you had to ask that here?  One would think the love of a man's heart, his own dear wife, would be so supportive of him at times like these. Oh, no, not true.

"Yeah, we trade off every other week, just after you get on the school bus."  Damn Liar.  More laughter from the pack of heathens surrounding us.

"No, son, Daddy doesn't wear dresses, and neither do those men.  Those are called Kilts."

"Why are they called Kilts?  Who got Kilt?"  Geeze Louise, how do you explain this?

"I don't know why they are called Kilts.  I just know they wore them in battle, because it gave their legs more room to move when they ran."

"Were they running toward the enemy or running away?"  By now my wife was struggling to regain breath and consciousness.

"Well, sometimes they ran toward, and sometimes they ran away."  I tried to get through this with some decorum.

"Didn't that make their bags and pipes flap a lot when they ran?"  That was the last straw.  Even the musicians were enjoying the show my wife was putting on by humiliating me before my dear progeny.  She was doubled up in laughter, spilling beer all over herself and crying with hilarity.

I found it best to stand, take the dear ones off to the automobile and explain with my best straight face what I thought I could.  Her Wifeness delayed her retreat to our car quite long, enjoying my torture.  I don't remember if the pipers were able to complete the program or not, and don't give a damn.  I just remember resisting temptation to drive away and leave the woman of my life there to find a well hung pipe to take her somewhere, anywhere but home.

I still hate bag pipes.  Now you know why.

Annoyed,
Now an ex-patriate

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If you're annoyed! Write me!

oddtodd7@hotmail.com