DAILY FACT I LEARNED FROM THE TV
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APRIL 2006

4/28

Sorry no daily fact today. Me gone away till Monday. Facts will start up again then...

Here's puppies vs' a cat.

4/27

So this morning I learned that scientist are busy messing with beans to make them less farty. Not sure what they're doing or whatever but supposedly the beans end up making people less farted up plus they're more nutritious or whatever. Just not sure how they actually do the testing with this sort of thing. Do the science nerds like cook up some 'test' beans and then just sit around with a clipboard make a check mark every time they blast one?

Mom must be so proud...

4/26

Ok. Maybe I'm a little slow or something and I never studied global economics. But I'm getting a little tired of people making up excuses for gas company profits. No matter how they do the math. We are paying alot more to Exxon. Exxon is making alot more money. Anything else to me sounds like a crock. At the very least... where's the shame?? Oops! You made $16 billion by luck while we  (well maybe not we we. i can't afford a car. uh huh huh... i said we we.) all suffer?! How bout just give one measly billion to the Gulf Region..?? A little something something... for the effort.

And while you're down there rebuilding! Make it snappy with one of these!

4/25

*GROSS FACT ALERT*

I watched a show about mucus today on Animal Planet and the guy on tv said that we all swallow a friggin quart of snot every single day! Friggin ew!! We're all gross! Also the guy said that picking your nose and eating it might be really actually be healthy. Boogers are filled with all sorts of bacteria and stuff- so eating them might function the same way vaccines do. So that gross dude who sits in the back of the room and picks his nose and eats it might not be the dummy you think he is. He just might be planning his immortality! Booger by booger! Uch! Immortals are gross!

Here's smore info bout picking your nose on this friggin mess of a website.

As for AI:

Yes I know Katharine was messed up tonite (the whole show was). But the twins (and that tweaky glimpse of her undahpants) will pull her through to next week. But she shouldn't have tried to sing this friggin song. Man, Whitney friggin sanged it up back in the day...

4/24

Tonite I learned about the brain and the 'aha!' moment. That moment when people come up with a super brilliant idea. Apparently scientists have been studying what exactly happens to the brain when these moments strike. They're looking to perhaps control this moment so we can all walk around with 'aha!' moments all day long. Which I guess would be like everyone being on cocaine all the time... except all the ideas aren't totally stupid.

I guess we have a long way to go. Here's the first thing that comes up when googling 'best idea ever'...

4/23

So tonite I heard about a new videogame in the works called 'Peacemaker'. It's a game that covers the conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians and the object is to create peace. Like if a suicide bomber goes off, what's the best reaction... etc. All that. The video game industry is doubtful it'll catch on. Apparently 'serious' games don't really sell that well. And they get the feeling if kids got their hands on this game it would be about non-stop suicide bombing and driving tanks over houses.... maybe the adults would play it different.

There's some flash toons on aljazeera which are umm.. sorta... well... scroll down here.

4/22

Apologies for the slackadaisical attitude here lately on the factoid postages. It's not that I haven't been watching TV. I've been watching plenty. There just hasn't been anything really good on for the last couple of days. I think TV has synced up with movies to give nothing to offer for the weekend. I dunno. I'll watch harder today and get something for this eve.

I think this guy needs his own show.

4/20

Today I learnt that there's a new type of pedicure out there. No more hassle with messy creams and painful massages. No more scraping with that rock thing or cuticle umm... trimming or whatever. Soon all you'll have to do is put your feet in some water with some little bitey fish and the fish will swim all around your feet and bite off any little pieces of skin or loose nail or whatever. Leaving your feet all shiny and smooth. Apparently the fish are small enough that they don't bite toes off or swarm like piranha (do piranha swarm? what's it called? fish frenzy?) Yeah this pedicure thing is like a fish feeding frenzy on your feet... but with little fish.

Some people really like feet.

4/19

Tonite tv told me that scenes from Mission Impossible III have 'leaked' onto the internet. The studio is sort of doing a 'We don't know who would do a thing like that! Leak cool scenes from our movie! We're fake outraged! Go look at these clips on the interweb! Join us in our outrage over this sneaky pirate thing! We can't help it if our movie is so cool people have been stealing clips!' Uh huh... yah.

Anyway, here's one of the "secret" clips. I gotta admit stunts are actually pretty friggin coolio... Tom Cruise looks weird tho...

4/18

So tonite on Idol Katharine knocked it out of the box right in everyone's faces!!! BAM! I know people are gonna start bandwagoning on the McPheever now! Right! When she starts showing off the cleavage more it's gonna be all over! Bidda bang badda bing! You know it!!! Here's the final two... just fyi.

Nice! Good times! Here's Willie Nelson singing the same song McPheever sang tonite...

4/17

This is sort of a fact I compiled from watching alot of different shows but sort of an interesting thing. I'm noticed that the fake 555-3953 number they use on TV shows is now gone. I've been seeing real looking numbers pop up on screen. With real area codes and stuff. Not sure what's changed but it's about friggin time they figured something out. Those 555 numbers were getting distractingly ridiculous. If anyone knows what changed please write in and say why and stuff...

This site might be out of business...

4/16

Back to back robot facts! Last night I found out that doctors are now practicing delivering babies... on robots (which of course will lead to robots learning how to breed on their own but that's besides the point). Doctors have finally discovered that it's not the best idea to 'practice' delivering babies on actual patients. So docs are training on robots before going over to humans. The problem is the robot screams during birth are deafening and shatter windows and lightbulbs and stuff... so now the doctors are teaching the robots scientology.

Here's silent birth stuff here and here.

4/15

So I found out that the robot revolution has finally begun. The military is finally beginning to arm robots with machine guns to help with the fighting. As we all know from the movies eventually those robots are going to grow independent secret superbrains and start to get ideas about what to shoot at. The good news is when the robot war breaks out we'll quickly realize that we shouldn't be shooting at them with bullets but water. The robots never planned on that and they'll all short out and rust and keel over and we'll win the robot war! Sort of lame like Signs meets War of the Worlds type thing...

Check out this 1 cent robot!

4/14

I found this out this morning (4/15) but I figure I'll post it now for the hey of it. I was watching the Today Show and Produce Pete told me all about arugula. Here's what I done learnt: 1. Don't wash it until you want to use it. 2. Make sure the arugula you buy still has roots. 3. And it should be firm and not yellowing at all. 4. Arugula is from the mustard and radish family. 5. Romans thought that arugula made you smarter. So there. (Unfortunately I'm not that crazy about arugula regardless.)

Here's Produce Pete if you wanna learn tings.

4/13

So I found out that the Germans apparently got all cocky with developing products with nanotechnology. They decided they wanted to be the global leaders on the consumer level. They put some spray called Magic Nano on the market which was supposed to be awesome at killing mold and mildew in bathrooms... unfortunately it was also equally awesome at giving people fluid in the lungs and making them almost die and stuff.

Apparently our FDA is on the ball on the nanonicity...

4/12

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. I went outta town and got back late. But because I was wrong two weeks in a row with my predictions I'm gonna stop predicting except for my initial prediction about Katharine McPhee winning the whole thing. Do you have the McPheever... virus?

4/11

Ok last week I idol predicted that Elliot Yamin was getting booted off but Mandisa did. Elliot came in 2nd to last but it was sort of unfair because Mandisa apparently said some off-kilter things about gay people and that did her in. So technically I feel like I was right because if she just shut her yap she'd still be on the show. So who is going to be kicked off this week? Sorry ladies (and some men that Mandisa has issues with)... Ace is done.

Here's Ace at 16 (lost recording or something) and a multiple choice poll...
 

Idol Poll
How do you feel about the American Idol updates every week here?

 
I like when you post about Idol!
Stop talking about Idol!
Be even more detailed about Idol!
I can't believe you made a poll about Idol!
I can't believe you call American Idol just 'Idol'!
Katharine McPhee better show more cleavage or she's a goner!
Whatever totally!
I don't like Taylor Hicks!
Kelli Pickler is gonna win Idol!
I'm gonna puke from all this Idol conversation!

4/10

So this morning I found out that if you suffer from chronic sinus problems or whatever there's something new coming to help fix yer breathing. Is it some wonder drug? Nay. Basically you go to the doctor and they shove a balloon up your nose and like inflate it. Stretches the breathing passages, see? It sort of amazes me that medical science is still at this level. Like these 'professionals' are sitting around in a room trying to figure out a way to widen sinus breathing passages and some guy raises his hand and says, 'Whut if we done shove a balloon up there?' That's it? Then meeting adjourned and they all take lunch.

Don't try this at home by yourself. If you wanna do it check this out over here.

4/9

So tonite some nerdling told me about how the 'European Space Agency' (who even knew there was one) done shot some orbiter thing off to Venus. (There's still a small side of me that finds it hard to believe we're capable of doing stuff like this and all space agencies are scams that take money and produce grainy videos.) Anyway, there's a tiny chance they might find tiny life floating around in the gases of Venus. We should know if we're alone in the universe probably around Wednesday/Thursday.

I mean seriously... am I really supposed to believe something that looks like this is actually about to orbit Venus?

It looks like a kids robot costume with a friggin jiffy pop on top...

4/8

Tonite TV told me that there might be a video game coming for people like me who sit inside at midnite on a Saturday night and flip channels and type dopey facts on the computer. It's a game called 'Naughty America: The Game'. It's sort of like Sims but it all revolves around hooking up and doing it. You could have sex in a public park or walk around naked or do a porn movie or whatever you want. Good times. Guaranteed they'll be alot more complaints about this game than the games where people take chainsaws to cops or whatever... but whatever.

Here's a trailer for the sexy nerd sexy...

4/7

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. It was Roscoe's fault. I asked him to take over for one day and type a daily fact he learned from tv and he typed this.

yo.9w84t09-                  34wq

Thanks Roscoe. Big help. Dopey.

4/6

So like I found out how rival nerd schools fight with each other. Apparently CalTech has this cannon that they fire off every year. It's some big tradition or whatever. MIT nerds decided it would be funny to steal and schlep this giant like 2-ton cannon across the country and set it up at MIT or something. This pissed off CalTech because it was their cannon.

In retaliation CalTech exploded a radioactive green pig right in the middle of MIT campus at high noon. In retaliation for the exploding pig MIT sprayed 10,000 gallons of fish blood all over the main CalTech building. In retaliation for the blood prank some CalTech prankster catapulted a live blue whale into the parking lot of the local K-Mart by MIT. Not sure where it went from there.... but that's how nerds would fight..... In a much cooler world. In the current one it only goes as far as the cannon.

Which I guess has happened before...

4/5

Anyway, tonite I found out that the bison ranchers of america or whatever are gonna try to shove bison down our throats again. Apparently they tried this like 10 years ago and we gagged on it- so now they're remarketing bison so we like it this time and they're getting all braggy about how healthy the meat is and how tasty it is and how you burn in hell if you refuse bison and how zombie bison ghosts will haunt you in your sleep if you refuse to eat bison and how when you get to the pearly gates you'll be asked by st. bison if you ate bison and if you say no then you gotta go back to earth as a bison cannibal that eats human bison... or something.

Lookit this here coolio bison bill! Beats the crud out of the new ugly non-bisoned $10 bill.

4/4

Ok I just got finished watching Idol and Katharine did ok. She gets a little too looky at the camera and does a weird head thing on her final notes. Some bouncy cocky weirdness. But she's still gonna pull through fine this week. I think Idol is teetering on jumping the shark in general. I get the feeling next week it's gonna jump it but we'll see. It'll be interesting without Elliot Yamin. He's going home as a surprise. For now on here every Tuesday--- I'll be predicting who goes home. I'm never wrong about Idol.

Here's his myspace thing. What happened to friendster anyway? Wernt they the one's who were supposed to be myspace?

Ok I was wrong about Idol last night but I was damn close and y'all know it. Ya'mean?

4/3

Tonite TV told me that they're getting busy restoring the Sphinx down in Egypt. Apparently it got all messed up the last time they restored it because some restorashmucks just went up there and slapped cement all over it which 'kept the limestone from breathing' and now the whole thing is like falling apart extra fast or something. It's always weird when restorers mess things up. Sort of makes me feel like stuff should just be left alone. The thing been around friggin since BC..... maybe just leave well enough alone. It's apparently doing something right...

Maybe I'm the dope tho. Apparently they've been fixing this thing all along...

4/2

So tonite I heard on TV that there's something called a 'Rich Kid's Loophole' when it comes to the SAT exams. Basically rich kids have been getting 'notes from their doctor' saying that they have like attention problems or learning disabilities which tack on an extra hour or two onto their SAT exam. Weak. Coming from someone who scored a 1010 I'd like to say I'm outraged but I get the feeling if I had an extra hour I probably would have gotten a 1010. I never knew how long it took the train nor taciturn.

Duh.

4/1

Hey tOdd!!

I just heard on TV that the #1 selling item from
Wal-Mart before a hurricane is....BEER!!!!  I don't
think I've ever even seen beer in a Wal-Mart.  And
that's not all...after the hurricane, the #1 selling
item is Pop-Tarts.  I just couldn't keep this one to
myself.

Keep up the hilarious work!  Good vibes to you and
Roscoe!

Lindsay :)

 

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