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APRIL 2007


Yesterday the news told me that some people... Gotta Fight!.... For the Right! ... to umm.... drink raw milk...? Some people believe that drinking raw milk is like super healthy but it's illegal for people to sell raw milk because the Man says it'll give you some ecoli or some ria or something. So people who sell raw milk have to sell it under the label 'pet food' and then people buy it and drink it. Moo?

Here's the site that's fighting for their right...


Today I seen that some company is working away at new video games that work by reading brainwaves. Not sure how it all works but you strap some geekwear up on your head and try to focus on something and it reads your mind or something. Sounds like a great idea... for about a week. Then it'll be boring and dopey. Then then again that's how I thought people would react to the Wii...

Here's the company that's burning money on reading brainwaves...


Today I watched some news dope on TV tell me that people with high IQ's doesn't mean that they have more money. Apparently smarty smart people might earn more money-- but it turns out they spend more than lower IQ people and end up in extra debt. Lower IQ people are better at saving money. So it sort of balances out and stuff. Ha! First time I took an IQ test I scored like 100 AND I don't have any money! So in your face IQ smart people! Take that! Yeah!... um.... wait...

This test says I might have been dropped on the head...


Sorry no daily factoid yesterday! I was like all distracted so much that I totally spaced out while watching TV. So I missed whatever it is I was supposed to learn or whatever. But today! Tonight! I'm watching some Saturday night TV and I'll find something! For sure!

Started reading this. Recommendation by a friend. Diggin it.


This morning I'm watching some morning show segment about bathing suits. Do's and don'ts and stuff. A swimsuit intervention they said. I'm gonna just take dictation straight off the show. Lady on TV says-- Never too high of a neckline. Low cut leg not flattering. Plunging neckline is good if you have a 'boy body'. If you want to suck in on the sides there's a suit with lycra in the middle. Gold piece is not good because it highlights all the wrong areas. One piece is sexier than two piece if you are shaped like a pear. The lady said, 'You don't need the gym. You just need the right suit.'

Here's a chart to find the right bathing suit. Man, chicks got it rough...


So last night I watched American Idol (Gives Back). I was wrong again. Nobody got voted off and I do count that as a loss. Fine! This hasn't been a good year for me and Idol predictions! I'm like 1 for 8. I guess last night raising money and awareness was all well and good. (Although it would have been nice if American Idol donated all the advertising dollars from last night to the cause because they make ten trillion dollars a year and they don't need the money that badly.) But whatever.

Celine Dion sung with Hologram Elvis. I always have mixed feelings about making dead people alive again. I guess it's ok. I just wish Hologram Elvis would have done something totally out of character. Like Hologram Elvis throws down the microphone and storms into the audience like morphs into Hologram Big Scary Monster Elvis and Hologram Big Scary Monster Elvis bites into Randy Jackson's shoulder and takes a chunk out then Big Scary Monster Hologram Elvis races at up the aisle and bursts out of the theater into the street where he flips a cop car over and then Hologram then grabs some guy by the face and throws him through a storefront window and then Hologram Big Scary Monster Elvis rips three people's heads off and juggles them like apples taking a bite each time it goes around juggler style... something like that would be truly shocking.

Here's Celine singing with Non-Monster Hologram Elvis. Not so shocking...


Ok. I know I haven't been completely right about Idol this season considering that I've guessed every week and only guessed right once (and forgot to mention the person by name when I guess it so you have to take my word for it.) But NOW is when Idol really gets to be important and I announce right now that I am going to go 6 for 6 in guessing from here on out! So starting off... who's going tonight?? First guess: Phil Stevens.

Here's umm... (cough) American Idol camp. Imagine the nightmare of being a bunk counselor there....


So the news told me yesterday that they discovered kryptonite in some mine somewhere. Apparently, the chemical makeup to kryptonite is a real thing and now actual kryptonite is a real thing too. I know it sounds weird but that's what they said. The rock of kryptonite was put on eBay and immediately bought by Batman who released the following statement: "Superman sucks and I'm gonna punch him square in the nuts!'

Here's smore info bout the real life kryptonite.


Happy Earth Day! Exxom Mobil Sucks. Anyway, today I found out that the Earth is gearing us to give all us allergy people a bit of a smack this Spring. I guess it's gonna be like the worst allergy season since flowers were as tall as trees. There's a pink flowery tree or something in front of my building and it blooms for like two weeks a year. When that thing goes off I'm screwed... it'll be like a pollen bomb or something.

This is the scariest story going right now I think...



Today some chick told me about that the super rich are running out of ideas of how show everyone that they know how to spend obnoxious money on stupid stuff. So they're turning to their kids to showoff their disrespect for money. Buying luxury items for toddlers like Gucci shoes, designer diaper bags and jewelry and stuff. I mean why push your dopey kid down the street in a stroller. When you can drop two grand... and push your kid down the street... in a umm... stroller? If you wanna start your kid off on the wrong foot... you better start earlier than your neighbor...

Wanna see what a two thousand dollar stroller looks like?


Yesterday I done found out that NASA is all busy ramping up four (FOUR!) space shuttle launches before the end of this year. Apparently there's a mad rush to finish building the International Space Station... before it falls out of orbit crashes down to Earth in early 2009.... just in time for the 30th anniversary of the crashing of Skylab.

Here's some goofballness about Area 51 and Skylab.


Is it me or does NBC News need to tone down their branding enthusiasm for their 'manifesto scoop'? Tacky. Everywhere I'm seeing the nbc peacock next to pictures of the shooter and all video and all that stuff. I can understand that it's all competitive in the news and all that but how bout just releasing the images without slapping your logo on it? Just let them go. And another thing, I'm sort of getting concerned about seeing this coward's face everywhere. The message isn't good. Blurry for freaks? It's time to yank him off newspapers and tv. He's had enough exposure me thinks...

One of the VT victims wrote songs and posted them on this website.


So today the TV told me that super nerds are complaining the internet needs a do-over. Basically they're saying that the internet was never designed what it is doing now and where it's going. It wasn't designed for phone stuff or video or whatever so they're pushing to tear down the whole internet and start over again with a better foundation. They plan to get funding by having flying pigs rocket zoom to the moon and drag back all the green cheese for sale on eBay...

Here's some stuff about Future Internet Network Design or FIND... (cough... Hey FIND, find yourself a webmaster and update yer lame-o site... let's at least keep up, eh?)


OK. Last week I said if I was wrong again about American Idol. Now I'm 1 for 4. Still not too late to have a winning season. I know last week I said I'd post a picture of Roscoe's butt if I was wrong but I was knocked offline and it's sort of after the fact now. I figure the whole 'post a picture of something' isn't really working so I'm changing tactics. After I'm right about my prediction this week I will post any and all pictures that people send in of their cleavage! Right here! As celebration type thing! So who's going home? Chris Richardson. See you later, Timberflake!

Here's a recipe for cooking a turtle.


It was hard to flip around channels today and not just stare at the stuff on the news about the shooting at Virginia Tech. Horribleness. Gah! Just now I saw Geraldo talking to some students. What is it about Geraldo that cheeses out every place he appears? It's almost like offensive or something. Not sure why. He looked all dressed down and ragged, but I still got the feeling that he changed his "dress down clothes" 5x and mussed up his hair just right... before heading out. Whatever. Just an awful awful awful day.

Not sure what this video from VT is really...


OK. I admit this American Idol season hasn't been ideal for me this year. My early pick got thrown off the show for sucking and I'm 1 for 3 in terms of picking who gets thrown off the show and had to post my wiener last week. But I'm turning things around right now! No more bets. No more wrong predictions! Just correct guesses. The person getting thrown off the show tomorrow will be Phil Stacey! Done and done! I will post a picture of Roscoe's butt if I'm wrong!

Meanwhile I've bumped Dirty Jobs off my list of shows and replaced it with this one. Can't get enough of this for some reason. Maybe it's just me thinking about how much that job isn't for me...


Tonight I seen that Hillshire Farms has a new ad campaign which is a little disturbing. The 'Go Meat!' campaign. It's all rah rah cheerleady meaty or something. I eat meat so I can't really say much about it (although I don't eat veal and trying not to eat pork). But the whole 'Go Meat!' cheer sounds creepy or something. Like a campaign chickens would think up if they were in charge and eating people...

Here's their new flashy website with their weirdo tv spots...


Today I found out that the White House did their annual Easter Egg hunt today. Kids swarmed the place looking everywhere for Easter Eggs but didn't find one egg. The White House swore there was eggs hidden all over the place but unfortunately no eggs were found. The White House blamed 'faulty intelligence' for the failure to find Easter Eggs. (insert that dah-dum-crash jokey drummer thing. whatever that's called. here.) Also they claimed there would be yummy yellow cake for dessert but that too proved to be just a rumor (drum thing again)...

Here's the Weekly Radio Address for tax day....


Sorry no daily factizoid yesterday. I was running around all day long out of my apartment and away from the TV. When I got home I watched Sexy Beast for the gillianth time. Man I like my Sexy Beast. Ben Kingsley is wow.

No watching unless you seen the flick already...(recommended)


Tonite on goofball news I seen a new bizarre creepy product is on the market. It's called the Wedding Ring Coffin. Basically if you're marriage doesn't work out so hot and you don't know what to do with the ring. You can buy a little casket for it and like.... I don't know... bury it? Something like that. You can even get in engraved with witty terribleness like... I do!... Not!



Merciful heaven, Thou rather with thy sharp and sulphurous bolt Splits the unwedgeable and gnarled oak Than the soft myrtle; but man, proud man, Dressed in a little brief authority, Most ignorant of what he's most assured His glassy essence--like an angry ape Plays such fantastic tricks before high heaven As makes the angels weep; who, with our spleens, would all themselves laugh mortal. I ask thou to cast thine humble gaze upon mine wiener.

Hebrew National. 97% Fat Free....


OK! Time for my American Idol prediction. (Is everyone on Idol slightly annoying for some reason this year or what?) But I'm definitely without a doubt 100% right about this one. So far my record is 1-2 and that's ok. Lots of teams start with losing records and go on to win the superbowl! So I say goodbye to Haley Scarnato! To ratchet up the stakes I will post a picture of my wiener right here on this page tomorrow night if I am wrong!! That's how important winning is to me tomorrow!

And here how important winnig is to Vince Lombardi...


Today I found out that some dope is heading out to 'set the world record for the world's highest cellphone call'. He's gonna like go up Everest and get to the top and call someone up and be like, 'What's up?.... What you doing?.... Oh yeah? Watching TV?.... That's cool.... Me?..... I'm chilling on the top of Everest, mofo! You're getting a world record phone call! Highest phone cell phone call ever!............... What do you mean, 'So?' It's cool! That's so!.............No! I don't know if someone used a cell on the space shuttle! What? What on the news? Mount Chimmybrozo? What are you talking about?! .... WHAT!!!'

Here's a picture of the mountaineer training for his cellphone call.


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