DAILY FACT I LEARNED FROM THE TV
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4/30

So last night I was watching some Millionaire Matchmaker and some girl on the show said 'Pacific' instead of 'Specific'. I have a hard time believing any of those people are actually millionaires (I prefer to think that anyway because if those dopes could be millionaires-- I can't believe I'm not). I was gonna googinvestigate the photographer guy who was on last night to see what his dealio was. But I forgot his name. First person to email me the name of the asian photographer guy who was on last night gets a free Coff-ay magnet...

Here's ABC's How to be a Millionaire.

4/29

So last night I watched the President talk and decided that I don't want to be the President. Then I watched American Idol and they sent home that dude with the hat which was fine with me. Although my Idol prediction was WAY off this year with Lil Rounds farting up the place week after week. But I still have an outstanding bet going and need Allison to go home next week to save my $65. Long story but we used a Win Place Show structure...

Here's Eric the Actor hosting his Idol show. Love how they fill silence with silence.

4/29

This morning morning news dope was telling me about how the Mayor is pissed that the government arranged to 'buzz' the city with Air Force One for a photo op or whatever it was. The thing that I want to know is what the photo op was actually for. Are they putting the plane on eBay or something? What brochure is so important that they can't just photoshop in a plane on a skyline. I coulda done that for $40 and it would have looked pretty good! The plane would have looked like it had coolio forcefield around it too!

Who's the guy who decides everyone needs to run?

4/28

So today news was all about Swine Flu Swine Flu. Apparently it's extra dangerous because it morphs or something from person to person. Like dude who breathes it in and spreads it around will breathe out a slightly different version of whatever it was they breathed in. And that person who gets it and breathes it in will breathe out something slightly different and maybe slightly stronger. But dude on tv said, 'but it's not the time to panic...' Which is always a bad quote because that sort of implies that there might be a time where it will be a 'time to panic'. Just not yet...

Here's something disturbingly bad re: swine flu...

4/27

So last night I watched and set 'Record Series' to some show on VH1 called Daisy of Love. I don't know what happened or how it happened. But there was I was totally going all in with 'record series'. I never watched Bret Matthews Rock of Love or Van of Love or whatever. But for some reason... I'll be watching this show. btw I un-tivo-ed Millionaire Matchmaker. There's only so much douching a tivo can take...

This guy says his name is '12-pack'

4/26

So today TV news lady told me that smokers might need anger management help to help quit smoking. Apparently people who get pissed off easy go back to cigarettes easy. So the theory is control the anger. Control the cigarettes. But I feel instead of controlling the anger-- they should work on directing the anger towards the tobacco companies who are like scammers and mobsters and thieves.

Here's a cigarette commercial from My Friend Irma. Do as Willy the Penguin says...

4/23

So the other night I was watching Bizarre Foods on Travel Channel and the fat bald guy was eating weird stuff in Korea. One of the things that was extra gross was octopus tentacles that were still squirming. They said you had to dip them in sesame oil or something to keep the suction cups from sticking to the inside of your mouth. Was totally gag me with a spoon... or tentacle or whatever.

Here's a promo for Bizarre Foods (a top three show for me) including a clip of the octogrossness. (By the way, has octomom permanently hijacked octo-anything?)

 

4/20

Last night some channel told me all about how Hitler was like into the occult and the whole nazi thing. Saying like Germany was put under a spell and that when Hitler was finally dead the spell was broken. Like he was possessed by a demon or whatever. I dunno. If someone demon was gonna take over someone to build a master race or whatever. I dunno. If you're a demon who can take over someone to try and take over the world with master race ideas. You figure you'd pick someone who looks like Dolph Lungren or something. Not some scrawny dork.

Here's some Art D'Hitler.

4/19

So last night I watched some TV about people who got screwed over by their 401k tanking. Total heartbreak show. Guy the interviewed on TV said the higher the risk was the higher the hurt was. I cashed mine out a long time ago but I was definitely kept everything in the highest risk category. Just seemed like it made the most sense at the time. The guy they interviewed sounded like real dick. Like one of those guys who got the heads up about stuff crashing out and now is acting all smart about it like a double dick.

Here are the 50 worst 401k plans. Sorry Darden Restaurants. You suck the most.

4/16

Today some dork told me that they discovered weird red bacteria living under a glacier. Apparently its been weirdly hanging out under there for like millions of years and they don't know how. Anyway, the scientists took some bacteria back to the lab for analysis-- and one scientist double dog dared a newbie scientist to do the 'taste test'. (An old scientist hazing joke). And the new scientist drank a test tube full of the red stuff and immediately starting voting up this green slime glop then died of a brain explosion. The next day, a new scientist replaced him and the scientists hazed the new guy to 'taste test' the green slime that the guy threw up before he had the brain explosion. No word yet on the reaction from the green slime taste test but all communication with that particular lab has been cut off after reports of everyone screaming...

Here's smore info bout the bacteria...

4/15

Sorry no daily factoid yesterday-- but I'm psyched that Lil' Rounds is still in it! $65 coming my way if she gets to the Top three!

But if you're bored today tho here's something to lookat that's sorta very WTFy....

4/14

Tonight I watched Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimhorn on Travel Channel (a top 5 show for me). And he was hanging out in Africa with the Maasai people who seemed kinda cool for the most part. But they did some stuff that wasn't for me. They're way into drinking fresh blood. Not even like from slaughtered animals. From live ones that they sort of like 'milk' for their blood by popping a temporary hole in the neck! Then they go mix the blood with fresh milk and drink it up! That is so not for me! I gagged while watching that...there were chunks of clot and stuff in it too ew gag ew! But whatevs. I guess if I grew up drinking blood I'd be pretty alright with it.

Here's a bizarre video someone made with the whole blood drink thing. If you can stomach it.

4/13

I'm staring at this babbling chick on the Today Show with some new theory about how to live my life. Ah! They just told me it's Jack Welsh's former wife. She's talking really fast and she looks like she throws plates during in-house fights. She's promoting this 'way to approach life thing' called 10-10-10. Ug. Every time I hear her say 10-10-10 I think of this...

at the 1:30 mark if you're impatient....

4/12

Today some bidness show told me that AOL might finally be for sale to the highest bidder. (Why do I get the feeling that I could personally scrounge up enough money to throw my hat in the ring?) I've kept up with the disaster that is AOL because my parents like AOL and that's that. But recently, I had to reinstall it for them and was sort of shocked by AOL setup install. Blah blah but long story short. AOL is free now. However on the install they ask which plan you'd like to pay for. Broadband whatever the hell or whatever.  It doesn't let you know that it's FREE until you try and back out of the install and try and run away. Total scammy...

Kind of like back in the day when people would 'rent' their physical rotary home phone for like $2.00 a month but pay for it for like 20 years. Guaranteed there's still people out there paying for AOL. Month after month...

You know what else is a big ripoff apparently... The Grand Canyon Skywalk... $75 per person!? No cameras allowed... Boo...

4/9

So this morning newsjerk told me about how that Cockifer virus that was supposed to blast all over everyone's face on April 1st is still sort of trying to do something. But apparently, it's some sort of moneymaking scheme. Gonna serve popups to people telling them they need to pay to get the virus off their machine or something. I got two words for those virus writers. Lame lame. Man, it's been so long since there's been a virus that did something fun and exciting... Throw us doomsdayers a bone here!

You can check to see if you gots the Conifker virus here.

4/8

So last night on Idol they sent home the blind guy which I think was fair. It was time to him to head on out. However, I feel like they missed an opportunity with that guy. I think he should have been in sunglasses for the first like 5 episodes and got people intrigued with how his eyes might look. And then when he'd need some votes or whatever-- rip off the glasses and show the nice eyes and stuff. Then put them back. Boom controversy over whether he's blind or not. Get people talking and all that.... just an idea. I still need Lil' Rounds to go into the Top Three for me to win $50...

Here's a guide dog graduation moment. Can you get teary in 20-seconds?

4/7

Today I found out about a new product. Dry Shampoo. It's sort of how it sounds. Some sort of powder or something that you dump in your hair that absorbs oil and kills all the bugs and dirt or whatever. They tested it out and said it worked ok even though it was weird. I dunno. Something ain't right about that. It's like... umm... sort of like... what's it like... umm... putting Tang in your hair and walking around all day? Ok that's all I got with that...

Here's some bitch getting some dry shampoo treatment....

4/6

So I decided to go in on a new show after much debate in my head. It was gonna be Battlestar Galactica but I backed out. Mainly, because someone I met who was sort of into it said, 'The politics are sort of like... Is it wrong to torture in Space Iraq?' So I'm doing Mad Men. I'm about three episodes in and I'm digging it. Although I think it could benefit from some toplessness. Anyway, the most recent episode I saw made a big deal out of this old VW lemon ad...

Here's a site with a whole buncho old VW ads...

4/5

Today the TV told me that some rich dude who paid like $35M to float around in some Russian spaceship is like stuck up in space for an extra day. Sounds like an extra day of vacation but I'm betting that after the first few hours in orbit it gets sort of boring and cramped. A few hours after that it gets a little smelly. A day later some dude is getting on your nerves by humming the Star Trek theme song half the day. And a day after that somebody floats a weightless doody log as a joke. I'm telling you that dude is ready to come home.

Here's a spacewebcam that looks sorta fake.

4/4

Sorry no factizoid today...

4/3

Today some gadget dude was telling me that Palm is scrambling to release their new phone the Palm Pre. Apparently the whole future of the company depends on people buying their phone-- but it's sort of delayed and developers are all busy working on iPhone appz. I dunno. I smell a wipeout. btw I met with Palm people when I was working back in like 2000 and they were all pricky-like sitting in the meeting with hands behind their head leaning back like I needed to 'perform' to get their attention. Then at the end of the meeting they went on and on about their stock. Palm people.

Is it me or does their phone look like its been eating Ding Dongs...?

4/2

So last night I heard news people jabbering on about how Michelle Obama touched the Queen and if that was right or wrong or whatever. I dunno. I think the world can give her a pass on that. But the thing that I'm still finding sort of weird is the gift giving. An iPod? I guess if you really squint at it there's some cool factor in the idea of that... but couldn't they just send someone out to a garage sale to buy a piece of driftwood and then paint 'Santa Maria' on it and be like, 'Here Queeny... we ripped this off the side of the Santa Maria for you...' or something...?

Here's our Queen!

4/1

Ok so last night on Idol that chick with the tattoo sleeve went home. I guess it was time but I was sort of digging her crazy vibe because it seemed to be picking up speed. I'd rather see her hanging out than Anoop or What's His Face with the Face. But most importantly, Lil Rounds has to start picking up her game. I have monay on Lil Rounds. I don't gamble on sports or numbers or whatever. I only gamble on Idol. And right now I need Lil Rounds...

Here goes some pre-Idol Lumberg... if you can't get enough of that guy. Personally, I've had enough.

 

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