August 2004

8/31

Tonite I watched Arnold Schwarzenegger speak at the Republican National Convention supporting the President of the United States of America calling people girliemen and influencing destiny and stuff. People held up signs that said 'Arnold!' On the TV a graphic said "Gov. Arnold Schwatzenegger (R - California)" People chanted his name. It was all surreal. Has everything gone all crazy or is it me?

I mean this is the same guy. ... right?

8/30

So today I got kind of a boring fact off the tv that is not very exciting. Unless you find boring facts that are not very exciting-- very very exciting. In which case you would find this fact very very exciting. It's about the pogo stick. The inventor of the pogo stick was this dude back in the day in Burma. He wanted his daughter to be able to get to temple without stepping in puddles so he invented the bouncy stick. His daughters name? Pogo. Yawn.

This guy does lots of stuff.

8/29

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. I was all distracted up and stuff. But today I'm not distracted. In fact I'll be inside all day probably unless I go to Subway or something. Right now i'm drinking coffay and typing this. Fact today later for sure.

Here's a superdog to entertain you in the meantime.

8/28

Today I tv told me about a new dog sport contest. It's called Dockdogs. Dogs run down a dock and jump off the end for distance- like the long jump. It wouldn't be the best sport for my old family dog (rip). She was the type of dog that would run down the dock fullspeed and then second guess herself last second and slam on the dog brakes but the dock would be all wet and she'd just skid on her butt frontpaws sliding along- then she'd flip off the end of the dock head first all dorked out. Then get out of the water and hold a grudge against me for making her do that in the first place.

Here's info about da dockdogs.

8/27

Tonite I learnt about screwworm flies. First off they're gross. Second they used to be a bad livestock problem. They're like maggots but live on live things like cows. And eat like alive flesh. Gross. Alot of times they'd kill the cows because they like cause infections and stuff. So farmers fought back by creating a new breed of screwworm flies but made em sterile thru radiation. Then the killer screwworms would mate with the radiated screwworms and eventually screwworm population went away -because no new screwworms. Kinda smart. Kinda scary.

Recently scientists recorded what a fly thinks about all day. Here's the thought.

8/26

So tonite tv was all about the RNC protests around Manhattan. There's tons of different groups and places to go and march and yell. Lots of different protest options. Protest naked. Protest in the park. Protest the protesters. Or protest the protesters protesting the protesters. Most people interviewed on tv seem really into the idea of getting arrested. Apparently five people jumped the gun today and got arrested all early. Total protestdorks. Protesters protested their premmature protesteration.

Here's a kinda dopey cool protesty thingee...

8/25

Tonite local news done showed me that's there's been a new advance in beer. They're coming out with metal bottles which apparently make beer stay cold longer. Plus when you're in a bar fight you're not limited to smashing someone across the face with a single fragile glass bottle. You can smash numerous people across the face with your new metal bottle until the bouncer grabs you in the halfnelson and throws you out into the trash bags then hocks a loogie on you and tells you to never come back. 

Here's what the new non-smashables look like.

8/24 

TV told me today that the tobacco companies are working hard to create "reduced-risk" products. Apparently they're getting very concerned for their ex-consumers and would like to start selling something to people who have decided to sacrifice smoking cigarettes to lead a more healthy lifestyle for whatever reason. The cig companies feel just because people have decided to quit cigarettes doesn't mean that they shouldn't smoke a cigarette of some kind. Very courteous.

Here's some kind of uncool (in both ways) battery powered smokeless cigarette. Click on the Accord links...

8/23 

Tonite I done seen some weird thing on tv so I figure I'd share. TV showed me something called a "narwhal" and it's like a sealwhalewalrusweirdo thing or something but with like a big tusk like a unicorn. Narwhals hang out in like freezing water and joust with their tusks or whatever. Not really sure what the tusks are for because I tuned in like half way thru -and I'm still not sure how something could be so weird looking that I never saw before but I never have. Somehow I missed the narwhals up till now.

Check out these freakzoid unicorns that somehow sidestepped extinction.

narhwal feedback

8/22

Sorry no daily fact today. I headed out the NJ to go swimming and my head is all waterlogged. I still have some water in my ear and I've been hopping around the place.

Here's a horrible ear story you just don't want to read.

8/21

Today I learnt about a weird condition some people gots called 'synesthesia'. If you gots the synesthesia you see colors or tastes certain tastes in weird ways. Like someone will say, 'Hey! Let's go play basketball!' And the synethesia person will see a orange or taste oranges and be like, 'Ok cool.' It's some sort or weird cross connection in the brainzone. Certain sounds or ideas trigger other senses to go mental or something.

It's like I say 'Hey you! Synesthed! Want some blueberries?' And they'll see this... or something.

8/20

TV today told me all about acorn woodpeckers. I guess I never knew why woodpeckers peck. I figured it was some weird bird OCD or something. But what they do is the peck holes in the wood of trees and then they go fetch acorns and peck them down into the holes for storage. Peck hole. Fetch acorn. Peck acorn in hole. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Which I guess is very OCDish on some weird birdly survival level...

Screw Woody Woodpecker! We want Chilly Willy!

8/19

Tonite I seen a new way to get all wasted. It's called AWOL and Florida has busted it out but NY is looking to get it banned. It's like one of those oxygen bars except with alcohol where you like breathe in on a tube and take hits of like alcohol air or something.  Get drunk on the drunk air. Sounds super dumb! I'd try it!

This is a punch in the face waiting to happen.

8/18

I don't know what it is around here but ever since the whole McGreevy thing broke I've been seeing lots of like regular McGreevy governor-stuff commercials. Talking about the Do-Not-Call List and something about car insurance or whatever. It's just kind of weird because I think they've started running them in heavy rotation and it just seems weird kinda sorta. Is it really business as usual?

And I wonder who's applying...

8/17

I seen this dude on tv talking about the JFK assassination. He said the Zapruder film was a fake. The shooter was a fake. The autopsy was a fake. His brain was a fake. The everything else was a fake. Made me wonder if JFK was maybe hanging out on an island with Morrison and Hendrix and Elvis. Unless the island is fake too! Yeah! ..ok...  I dunno. That was dumb. I'm a little drunkerd right now.

Not sure what the weird blocking is about... 

8/16

Ok tonite I was watching Olympics which was snoozy and I kept flipping around. Along the flip I learnt that back in the prehistoric day there were giant beavers. They were sort of alot like beavers but GIANT sized. We're talking 9 feet long and like 1000 pounds. They also had wings and would dive bomb out of the sky deep into the water and catch things and then flap along the surface of the water like geese and take off again. They also made dams in the clouds out of ice and would bark like thunder.

Here is a photograph of a giant beaver taken over 17,000 years ago. 

8/15

Today I learnt some stuff about Greek and stuff. First off if you wanna give someone 'the finger' in Greece you hold your hand up at them. Like 'talk to the hand' gesture. That's like saying F-U. I also learnt that if you wanna say 'No' you can do it by making a little 'ttth' noise like when you're clearing your teeth or calling a cat or whatever. So if you're in greece and someone gives you the hand sign which says FU to you, you do the ttth noise then do your own handsign back. Which translates to, 'No! FU!' or perhaps 'I'm rubber and your glue everything you greek gesture bounces off me and sticks to you and up your nose with a greek rubber hose, FU too.'

Here's some greek and how you say it and stuff.

8/13 

On Passions today, Paloma was trapped in a cave with a large snake. She was crying and didn't know how she was gonna get out of there. She was worried about her brother Luis who was wandering around in the jungle looking for her. Then some mystery guy in an office drinking whiskey said into his phone that he wanted Luis dead. A guy in the jungle on his cellphone said 'ok' then took aim at Luis with a pistol! 

(I realized the fact I learnt this fact today taught me I need to go outside immediately and air myself out. That's the real fact.)

Here's a day in the life of Passions star Donn Swaby!

8/12

TV showed me that there are new Pringles out there. There's these Pringles that have like Trivial Pursuit questions on the chips. So you can read your chip and then eat your chip then read your chip then eat your chip then read your chip then eat your chip then eat your chip then forget to read your chip but then you read the next chip and you see that it's got the same question as the chip three chips before that chip and you eat it then you look at the next chip and it's a new question and the answer is Richard Nixon and then you eat that one too and then you reach in and read the next chip then you eat it. Etc...

Here's the Pringles site if you got an idea of what you'd like to read on your chip.

8/11

Tonite I watched a new invention show. I seen something new that attracts and traps mosquitoes called SonicWeb. It's this gadget that gives off a smell that supposedly smells like human breath which the bugs like and it's also all heated up at human body temperature AND it gives off a sound that sounds like a human heart. So the bug flies into the thing thinking it's gonna be a person then-PWAP! Surprise! it's trapped and kilt! Sucker! Bugs are so super dumb! They don't know nothing! 

FYI. Only chick mosquitoes do the biting. Other mosquitofactomundos here.

BONUS FACT! Tonite I also learnt about another new wacked invention. It's a snorkel with an FM radio in it. The sound somehow plays through your molars. For pool dorks only. 

 And here's a link to the snorkel from Vacation Gadget Man!

8/10

Today I seen something bout weaver birds. Weaver birds are called weaver birds cause they weave nests out of long green grass. Why do they weave? To get weaver chick birds. If they make a nice green big comfy nest a weaver chick might stop by and give up some weaver sex. If the nest looks like crap then no weaver chick will come over and the nest will turn brown and the bad weaver will get no weaver sex. Then he'll have to start over again and weave another if he wants some weaver sex. Or he could just sit in the brown grass crap nest and rent some weaver porn and say screw it.

If you want a weaver nest here ya go.

8/9

Tonite on tv I seen the largest ant colony in the world. It's like 3,600 miles long. Billions of ants. They say it's a pretty amazing thing cause there's like different queens and different colonies but they all work together. Usually ants from different queens will fight but these guys don't fight. Because they're all linked up genetically. They called it a 'supercolony'. I called it a 'superslow' day on tv. Yawn. Ants. Whatever. Sorry.

Here's some coolio ant art!

8/8

I found out that there's a video game tournament called Quakecon that's starting up this week. The total prize money is like $275,000 and Doom3 is gonna be the big game this year. I would go myself but my gaming expertise dropped out at Double Dribble on Nintendo back in the day. You might laugh but I'm going on record right now that once I got good at Double DribbleI was unstoppable. I never lost. I could hit from anywhere on the floor. It got to the point where I would let my opponent go up by 15-20pts  (just messin' with em yknow) and they'd get all psyched that they were gonna beat the king then I'd school em with a run that would make them throw the controller and storm off. And I'd laugh and laugh a kingly laugh.... as I graduated college with a 2.27 gpa.

Check out some of these "case-mods". 

8/7

Today I saw on tv a brand new dumb thing people can do. It's called eye jewelry. You go to the eye doctor get a piece of jewelry (a heart, moon, whatever) surgically implanted in the white of your eye.  So when you go walking around and someone says, 'Hey, you got something in your eye...' You get to go, 'I know! It's eye jewelry! Jewelry in my eye!' And then people say, 'Oh... ok...weird... whatever.'  and walk away. You can get that sort of attention for only $3900 per eye!

It looks like that! Here's another thing too.

8/6

The only fact I learnt yesterday was from watching Nick and Jessica and when that's what your day is like you could understand why I posted on flaking the fact. Anyway it was about this guy Thomas Baker who went to Fiji as a missionary to stop their cannibalism and stuff. But the natives didn't stop. In fact they ate him up instead. Chomp chomp. But then it was all downhill from there for the chompers....

Here's some recent photos bout that dilly.

8/5

Tonite I was watching the newslady cover the premiere of the new Tom Cruise movie Collateral and the newslady was all excited and asked Tom Cruise, "You really look different in this movie! And it's so different than the way you really are! How do you do it?" She put the mic in Tom's face and he sorta paused then said, "Well... I'm an actor...." I thought that was funny.

Here's a bizarro walkthru of Tom's movies.

8/4

Today I saw a show about hippos and how they stake out their territory and what happens after. TV showed me a macho hippo who wanted to humiliate a rival hippo, so he peed and pooped at the same time and used his tail as like a helicopter propeller which sprayed the mixture of pee and poop everywhere. The rival then feels shame and slunk away or something. After that a monkey came down from a tree and picked at the poop. Survival of the shittest. Nature is gross.

This person nearly got kilt by an angry hippo.

8/3 

We got good news and we got bad news. The good news is the whole Save The Elephants campaign seemed to work really well. The bad news is now there are way too many elephants in parts of Africa and they're eating the whole place up. It's at a point where they're talking about opening hunting season on the elephants. Animaconservenviromentalists (or whatever) are trying to prevent that by sterilizing the elephants one by one. It's a big job. 

Here's the Jook Gal video by Elephant Man! (real) (win) high speed need to see the bootays shake.

8/2

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. I guess getting all locked out threw me off cause I totally spaced out totally. But I'll find a fact today and I'll post it up here later along with a song! Unless I lock myself out again. If I do that I'll probably be thrown off again.

Here's how you pick locks.

8/1

I seen on tv today that they're busy inventing clothes that don't need to be washed ever. Using nanotechnology (i'm getting a little scared of all the nano. it's turning up everywhere. there's a plot i can smell it) they use the nanotech to create like a weird film on the clothes that break down organic material so it's sort of self cleaning or something. The guy said in the future we may not need to wash our clothes and can wear the same thing over and over again no problemo. But if you're like me... on a bad week... the future is already now.

Here's the dirtiest kid in the world.

<<previous month