So when I was a little kid I had some speech problems. There were certain words I would mush up or fumble over or whatever. I didn’t realize that I had a problem– but back in 3rd grade apparently somebody noticed.

Here’s the story:

One day, I was sitting in class spacing out or doodling or whatever when there was knock at the door. Two stranger adults were standing there. A man and a woman. They whispered to the teacher and then the teacher said, ‘Todd. These people would like to talk to you.’ I remember my first thought being, ‘Oh no! I have lice again!’

I go out in the hallway and these two strangers start talking to me. The woman had a real soft soothing voice. The man was kind of aggressive. I had no idea why they wanted to talk to me. The woman would mysteriously write in a clipboard as we spoke…

The conversation went like this:

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I’m not crazy about bugs in general but some I can tolerate alot better than others. Like I have a respect for centipedes and spiders. I don’t kill either. If I ever see a spider in my apartment I won’t mush it. I usually just let it go on its merry way– unless it gets all ballsy and creeps close to me. Then I’ll trap it in a jar and toss it out the window. (the spider… not the whole jar). Centipedes are kind of cool looking to me and mushing them is too gross to think about. So they live too…

Roaches freak me out totally. They got both looks and speed. Thankfully I rarely see one in here but if I ever do I’ll spray it with so much spray until they’re so friggin dead that I’ll practically be dead from the fumes myself. Lightheaded at least. (Btw I think it’s funny that Raid bothers to “scent” their bug spray. I think my roach spray is ‘Country Floral’ –not sure what ‘country’ those flowers are from– but I’m thinking it’s somewhere near Chernobyl.)

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