Here’s the story:

One day, I was sitting in class spacing out or doodling or whatever when there was knock at the door. Two stranger adults were standing there. A man and a woman. They whispered to the teacher and then the teacher said, ‘Todd. These people would like to talk to you.’ I remember my first thought being, ‘Oh no! I have lice again!’

I go out in the hallway and these two strangers start talking to me. The woman had a real soft soothing voice. The man was kind of aggressive. I had no idea why they wanted to talk to me. The woman would mysteriously write in a clipboard as we spoke…

The conversation went like this:

Woman: Hello Todd. Umm… Tell us what you did this summer.

Me: I went to camp. I played with my friends.

Woman: Played with your… what?

Me: My… friends?

Man: What kind of food to you like?

Me: Umm… I like hot dogs!

Man: Hot… what?

Me: Hot dogs. Hot dogs are good!

Man: Say that again.

Me: Hot dogs.

Man: Hot dogs are…

Me: … good.

Woman: Say it all together.

Me: It all together.

Man: No say, Hot dogs are good. All together.

Me: Hot dogs are good. All together.

Woman: Once more.

Me: Hot dogs are good. All together.

(Now I’m freaking out thinking there’s something wrong with hot dogs being good all together and I’m admitting it on the spot! And she’s writing it down!)

Woman: Tell us… what else is good.

Me: Umm… Lemonade?

Man: Say lemonade again.

Me: Lemonade.

Woman: Do you think lemonade is.. delicious?

Me: Yes.

Man: Say it.

Me: Lemonade is delicious.

(Now feeling like I might cry…)

Woman: And what’s 10+2?

Me: Twelve.

Stranger Woman: And… What’s 9+3?

Me: Eleven? No twelve!

It was like an insanely random conversation. Especially one to be have been yanked out of class for with two absolute stranger adults. My answers seemed important too. And then I was sent back to class with zero explanation as to the purpose of the conversation. I remember sitting in class and replaying the conversation in my head wondering what I was in trouble for and what I admitted to– and wishing I had just had lice again.

Anyway, apparently I flunked their speech test and was assigned to go to ‘Speech Class’ from like 11-12AM every day. I remember going there and nothing was going on in that class. For the most part the class was made up of kids who I’d never seen before and didn’t seem to be in any ‘grade’ at all. If you catch my meaning. We sat around playing Chutes and Ladders and Candyland while the ‘teachers’ did nothing.

Once in a while, we’d all pile into a van and go to McDonalds which was ammmaazzzingg. I’d get back to regular class and be like, ‘I just went to McDonalds!’ All the kids would be like, “No way!” I’d be like, ‘Speech class is the best!’

Of course, when I told my parents ‘Speech’ was all about Chutes and Ladders and going to McDonalds they were thinking they might need to step in. They sent me to some private speech tutor or whatever to fix stuff. The tutor didn’t think I had a real problem or whatever..

Anyway, as an adult I still have some speech issues. There are certain words like ‘peculiar’ that I need to skip in my head because I know I’ll get tangled on em if I try it out loud. Probably a half-dozen words that I’ll never say… unless I’m referencing how I can’t say em. And that was that with that.

ok bye!

(ok what?)

ok… bye?

tOdd

Roaches freak me out totally. They got both looks and speed. Thankfully I rarely see one in here but if I ever do I’ll spray it with so much spray until they’re so friggin dead that I’ll practically be dead from the fumes myself. Lightheaded at least. (Btw I think it’s funny that Raid bothers to “scent” their bug spray. I think my roach spray is ‘Country Floral’ –not sure what ‘country’ those flowers are from– but I’m thinking it’s somewhere near Chernobyl.)

I kind of like that I’ve overcome my fear of bees. Sometimes while sitting at an outdoor cafe or whatever there might be bees swarming around. Me and bees cut a deal a while ago. I don’t bother you. You don’t sting me. Deal? I don’t even mind if a bee lands on me (unless it’s on my neck or something) and so far no bee has betrayed the mutual trust by stinging me for no reason.

But today I saw a dragonfly (sort of weird to see in the city). It was huge with the extra quad-wings and demon tail or whatever the hell they’re made of– and my heart sank. I froze. Immediately chills. Dragonflies are like death bugs to me. And I know why still…

When I was a kid I had this Peanuts book. And I remember really digging it:

But for whatever reason somewhere in the book there was a rumor that dragonflies can sew your lips shut. Like Linus believed it because Lucy told him so or something. And as a kid I remember reading that and being totally horrified by the idea of getting my lips sewn shut by a dragonfly! And although in the book it was saying that it wasn’t true– somewhere deep inside I believed it might be true. And that they were just saying it wasn’t true so I wouldn’t worry or whatever. That book apparently scarred me forever. (BTW what kind of image is that to put in a friendly children’s book!?!)

Anyway, although now I am adult and 99% convinced that dragonflies do not have the ability sew my lips shut– the dread is always there when I see them. It probably doesn’t help that dragonflies actually look like they’re capable of doing it— if provoked in just the right way. Or if they quietly visit you while you’re asleep…

ok bye!
tOdd

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(thanks to matt for sending in scans from the book! wasn’t exactly as I remembered but makes more sense now bc I definitely trusted Snoopy more than Lucy…)

Todd,

I laughed quite a bit when I saw your post about dragonflies, and the Charlie Brown book you referenced. I had that whole series of books too! I still have the first one, and decided to scan that page (and another random one) for you.

When the book was new and I was a young lad, I thought it would be cool to answer the questions myself, so I wrote my answers next to the questions in the book. I thought I was a comic genius back then…you can really tell that I’m like a young Robin Williams (the most popular comic at the time) with my quips and zingers! ZIP!!! POW!!!!! Take that, Charlie Brown questioner! Don’t get stung by my poisonous barbs!!!

…yeah, keep trying, kid….

I also would draw on Snoopy’s face a lot to give him emotions, as you’ll see.

Hope you enjoy, and feel free to post to your site if you want to update your dragonfly story!

Thanks for years of enjoyment!

Matt W

————————————————
From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com
Subject: Dragon Fly
Date: Wed, 28 Jul 2010 21:48:08 -0500
>
This is the “pre-sew” pose they take before they pounce…
This was following me on my last visit home.

-Stephanie from Denver