April 12 2010

The Trader Joe Divers

So the other night I was out with Roscoe and we walked past the local Trader Joe’s around 10-ish. Right around closing time. We hooked around the corner and walked smack into a decent crowd of people hanging around by the back bay of Trader Joes. Where the deliveries come in and the trash goes out or whatever. 15-20 people. My first thought was the store was closing and the employees were all leaving at the same time.

But then it seemed like something else was going on. Nobody was leaving or talking to each other. They were just sort of milling about. Seemingly anxious or something. There was a buzz in the air like something was about to happen. Like a protest or something. I couldn’t figure out what was going on so Roscoe and I pulled over to watch for whatever was coming next…

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31

April 11 2010

Lots of Random Emails Here

Hey wanna read a bunch of emails that have come in lately.

Including some feedback from the April Fools situation and some other randoms etc yadda…
—————————————-

From:
To: [email protected]
Subject: SSUP
Date: Thu, 8 Apr 2010 19:22:46 -0700

Hey Your Oddness,

You don’t mind if we have a local chapter of SUPP, do you? Of course I’m not
supposed to be telling you about this since it’s super secret, but some
folks were paranoid that we could get in trouble, or something. There will
be cupcakes.

-Mike
Portland, Oregon
Land of the highest unemployment in the nation on a fairly consistent basis

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April 05 2010

The Easter Egg Devastation

So anyway, every year Easter brings up one memory for me that always stings a little. And I figure I’d tell the story– so here I am doing that.

Back in my kindergarten days around Easter time, I was in a class of like 25 kids. We were all hanging out busy playing with blocks or thinking of gum or whatever we did. But on that day, we were all super psyched because we knew at the end of class– if we were ‘good’– we’d all get an easter egg! Rumor was they had our names on em and everything! I think they were painted up by some teachers assistant or whatever..

Finally at the end of class, the teacher had everyone sit down like dogs and pant for our eggs. A table was set up for them! And there they were! The rumors were true! Different colors! Different styles! And unbelievably one of them up there had MY name on it! Treasure!

The teacher called up the first group. “If your first name is A through F… Come get your egg!” And the A-F kids all gathered around the table and snatched up their eggs. (I cursed my last place T name). Then G through L. The G-L’s all headed to the table. They all returned with coolio name-brand eggs. They showed them off to us still waiting. I couldn’t wait to see my egg…

“M through P come get your egg!” I was practically whizzing in my pants in eggtiscipation! (sorry) And then finally R through Z come get your egg! Four or five of us rushed to the table for our eggs. Robert got his. Sharon took hers. Foreign exchange Zeron got his. And I excitedly searched the table for my ‘Todd’ egg when it dawned on me that I was standing all alone. Just me. With only one blue egg left on the table. And that blue egg had the name ‘Ted’.

I think I went full blast tears on this one. Bawling tears. The teacher came over and apologized and quickly corrected the mistake with a sharpee or some shit. It looked worse. My egg was all sorts of f-ked up! I headed back to the group with my crossed out scribbled on defect egg. Utterly humiliated and crying.

Fortunately, in kindergarten kids aren’t smart enough to know it was a prime opportunity to start calling me Ted from there on out. It may have stuck…

ok bye!
tOdd

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