Usually the person who was in charge of the party atmosphere was some long suffering DJ who would spin songs that always seemed to go too long– and then he’d clear the dance floor by mistakenly cueing up Wings of Love or something for a slow dance. A desperate move to round out the music and vibe.

I remember these fail DJs angrily yelling into microphones insisting everyone get on the dance floor. Trying and bombing to ‘get the party started’. Having to drag out the Hokey Pokey or something just to get any action going. But that type of nervous teeny party is long in the past round these parts.

Main reason being the now obligatory presence of ‘Motivators’.

This weekend I went to a cousin’s Bat Mitzvah (totally fun and she did great. good times etc). Lots of kids running around and all that. But right away the dance floor was hopping because of sky high energy from the hired ‘Motivators’. One hot girl and two like modelly guys. 20-something. Dressed in cool black t-shirts and black pants. Their job was simple. Get kids involved, boost energy in the room, make sure a live mic is always active, and dance crazy non-stop. Paid party party in the house.

I’m always amazed to watch motivators at work. Good ones have it down to a science. Mixing Karaoke and dance clubbing– and at the same time diffusing tension. They make the kids feel cool. 12 year old boy dancing with some motivator hot chick and he’s gonna feel like the Man. Girls getting twirled by some good looking guy will make them feel special. It makes all kids feel successful and relaxed. Nerds get dragged in and grouped in with cool people one of the same. No favoritism. And no moment of slow down to sit and worry.

The music has progressed too. No random song after random song. Now it’s now one big mega mix. The goal is to get to the chorus that everyone likes to sing. A microphone gets jammed in some kids face willing to yell/sing the song and feel like a star. (Thankfully this mic is turned way down in the speakers. Sparing the adults of a few hours of full blast kid-karaoke). Then it’s on to the next sped-up hit.

Also, I watched the motivator chick and realized that she wasn’t just there for the benefit of the kids either. Secretly dudes and dads at the bar were innocently watching the dancefloor scene– but really gawking at some blonde with a crazy butt shaking it non-stop. Making the delusional alternative universe assessment if they could somehow ‘get’ her. Nothing wrong with that really. Probably moms were getting kicks out of watching soloflex style dudes doing whatever as well.

The thing I found seriously amazing too– is when things calmed down because of food or whatever and the dance floor reduced down to a stray kid or two. The Motivators didn’t stop. No break. No taking advantage of the slowdown. No exhausted sitting in a chair. I’d look over at the dance floor and they’d still be going nuts. Just amongst themselves! Full blast! The girl would be dancing around in circles and the dudes would be all jumping around. These people can’t stop partying! Seemingly choosing to do keep doing their “job” over taking a ten minute break. Waiting for the kids to come back…

But I gotta admit– I wondered if the kids were missing anything by not having the weird old school style situation from my back in the day. The awkward stress of girls and boys separated and having to do double dares just to get something going on. Maybe some nervous rite of passage was being cheated or skipped?

And I decided that probably isn’t the case. A good time is a good time. And chances are if the 12-year old me just finished dancing with some super hot dancing motivator chick– I probably would have an easier time asking out the girl I had a crush on or whatever. It would be a delusional confidence booster if anything.

But one thing I know for a fact– (holy friggin macaroni) that motivator job just ain’t (and never was) for me— times a thousand.

ok bye!
tOdd

The magazine also told me that a man should always ‘know his drink’ when he steps up to a bar. A ‘man’ should never look over all the bottles and hem and haw about maybe this or that. Step up. Boom that’s my drink. Etc. I figured that was good advice because since reading that I’ve stopped with any hem and hawing when ordering a drink. It’s nicer for the bartenders too I assume.

But in the same breath this article said, ‘Know your drink (and never the Sauvignon Blanc!) I was like, ‘Uh oh spaghettio! I order that wine sometimes!

I had no idea it qualified to be singled out as a don’t in parenthesis in the ‘Be a Man’ article. I wasn’t sure if it was specifically Sauvignon Blanc or all white wine that is wrong for men. To me it seems like Zinfandel seems more girlie taboo or whatever. But I guess Sauvignon Blanc carries the main stigma of unmanly guy?

Since then I’ve not ordered the Sauvignon Blanc and I only order white wine if I’m feeling particularly confident. I probably should have picked up on the white wine stigma years ago because once I was on a date and I ordered the Sauvignon Blanc and the girl was like, ‘Oh! Can I judge you on that?’ Like jokingly. And I was like, ‘Why is it? Not right?’ She was like, ‘Well, you know… White wine…’

Anyway, I got into an argument recently with a chick about this white wine stuff– and we had the back and forth about Sauvignon Blanc in particular. She said I should post here and ask if men are ever allowed to order white wine at a bar.

Was Esquire just being insecure– or were they basically right about women passing judgment over white?

Yes, I realize in an ideal world a ‘real man’ would order whatever the hell they want whenever they want wherever they want etc. I get that. But would a man with that manly man attitude be the guy that orders the Sauvignon Blanc?

Umm… how bout the rosé? I like that too…

ok bye!
tOdd

But I noticed he was weirdly lying on the ground. Face on the floor. Arms at his sides. Too flat. Too out. Us bar people just sort gasped and wtf-ed and stared. This woman gets to his side and shakes his back a couple times. The guy isn’t moving at all. We’re all just standing looking at each other like, ‘Ummm… Why isn’t he moving?’ Then the woman looks up us idiots and yells, ‘Someone call 911!!!’ The whole bar snapped out of it. I was like, ‘OMG! That’s a friggin dead guy! That guy literally like just dropped friggin dead! Dead guy red alert!’ I’ve never seen a real life new dead person before (thank god) but I felt like I could definitely spot one! And that guy if anyone– was one!

I get on my cellphone (a half-dozen people did the same) and we all called 911 at the same time. ’9-11 What’s your emergency?’ I’m like, ‘Guy is like… on the floor… not moving and…well… unconscious… that’s kind of all I got…..’ As the 911 operator was taking the information– the guy on the floor all of a sudden wakes up like a brand new zombie. He gets up and starts walking. His woman friend is sort of guiding him toward the door. I give the play-by-play to 911 like, ‘Umm… Ok… cancel the unconsciousness. Now he’s up off the floor and he’s sort of shuffling and…’ (He definitely wasn’t drunk btw. This was some sort of medical thing).

He takes like five steps and he goes over again. Falling like life just left him in a snap. Shoulders first. Matrix unplugged style. People tried to slow his fall but the dead weight thing was just too much. He hit his face on a table and crumbled to the floor again. Out cold. His head started bleeding and I continued giving the 911 person the play-by-play, ‘Ok… He’s down again. He’s dead again…’ I could hear all us 911 callers giving the same info at the same time. And I was thinking this is 911 overkill big time– but how do you hang up on 911 when you’re half-way through the call?

After 30-seconds of straight-out lifelessness– the guy wakes up again! Undead! And this time people tell him to stay down but he doesn’t even seem to see us or hear us. He just gets to his feet and the whole bar in unison goes, ‘No no no no no…!’ Literally everyone was going ‘No no no!’ But he slowly walked outside and sat down on the bench in front of the bar with the woman.

Some people followed him out and kept watch over him until the ambulance came (which took under 10 minutes– but it seemed like a very long time considering we were across the street from a friggin hospital) the EMTs (what a friggin action packed job btw!) threw him in the back and took him away. We never found out what his condition was or whatever. (Narcolepsy?) The bar soon returned to normal. I ate my grilled cheese.

Anyway, a few days later I bumped into the friend who was with me at the bar– and he was like, ‘Hey, man. I saw Crumbles smoking a cigarette out by the Trader Joes. He had a big bandaid on his head but otherwise he seemed totally fine!’ It took me a second– but then I got it. And I was like, ‘Really dude? You’re going full blast nickname on the guy? And ‘Crumbles‘?’

I gotta admit it was a pretty solid nickname though…

ok bye!
tOdd

It was at a place on Sunset called Trousdale but in my head that read ‘Troubadour’ neither of which place I’ve been to but I know Troubadour is sort of a big place so I figure Trousdale was like a just-as-big sibling or something. In any case, I pictured a big party where I could wander anonymously like a bald ghost.

Unfortunately, my friend had to back out at the last minute— but he said I’d still be on the list if I wanted to go it alone.

I had mixed feelings about it. I think it’s coolio and all to see celebrity people but it always makes me uncomfortable. Like if I’m in the room with the celebrity person– that celebrity is thinking they want to be somewhere else that doesn’t let people like me inside. Or they assume something has gone wrong with the door if a dwork like me is standing in the corner next to an over-piled plate of food– busily making a shirt stain worse with a napkin and club soda.

Anyway, I park the car and walk toward the place. There’s like bright lights and one of those backdrops people stand in front of. I wander up and see Sarah Silverman (full blast) standing infront of photographers doing poses and stuff. She looked pretty and dressed up nice nice. I looked at my near dirt-bag attire and banged my head for underdressing again. But WTF! In my head it was the Troubadour! Like some dive for bands! Not like a normal loungey place.

Anyway, within a minute or two– I see Gary Shandling walk in. He dressed nice. Jeffrey Ross stood in front of the photographers. He was also dressed up. Other familiar faced ‘what’s their name again?’ people were heading into the place. Everyone was at least ‘cool’ looking. I started feeling sweaty.

I check in with the doorgirl who can see that I’m looking and acting nervous. She asked me, ‘Do you know Sarah?’ (I’m thinking, ‘Umm… like from the TV? I know her from the TV? Oh! And I saw someone who I thought was her once but it turned out not to be her because this girl wasn’t her at all.) I tell her I don’t know Sarah personally. Doorgirl tells me this is, ‘… sort of an intimate thing for Sarah’s friends.. Sarah umm… kind of knows everyone inside.’ I was like, ‘Uh huh. Well that’s gonna change in a minute!’ Doorgirl told me I was welcome to go in– but just wanted me to know what I was getting in to. Which was actually nice-ish.

I poke my head in the door and take a quick look around. I was early-ish so the whole thing wasn’t in full swing at all. The place was small, boothy, and half-filled with semi-familiar semi-famous (and or ‘cool looking’) people. I looked at my shlumpiness and my know no-one ness and dorkiness– and just spun around and walked right out. I couldn’t deal. I hustled out past the doorgirl without making eye contact.

I know it’s kind of disappointing but to be honest I did feel like a total party crasher. And I just didn’t wanna be that guy. Plus, I’m not exactly social so I wouldn’t be talking to anyone anyway. I’d just be the guy people would wonder– ‘Ay… wtfs with that guy?’ and then eventually some bouncer dude would ask me if I could do him a ‘solid’ (hand on shoulder) by standing around looking weird outside instead me standing around looking weird inside– and that would be that.

So there was my brush with fame in LA! Maybe next time I’ll have more cohones to walk in and be the man. But first things first… I really need to buy myself one of those jacket blazer things.

ok bye!
tOdd

I’m back in town! The trip went aok I think but who knows we’ll see fingers crossed. I talked to some people and they talked to me. I’ll tell stories later but the freshest one is the one fresh in my head so I’ll tell you that one. All about my trip back…

As per usual, I was racing to get to Long Beach Airport all late to catch my flight. I rely 1000% on GPS to get me to the airport so I have no choice but to do exactly what it says– even when I know it’s messing with me. This time around it sent me off a random exit and I ended up detouring in my Chevy dorkmobile straight through the Long Beach hood (pants on the ground hats turned sideways). I was like, ‘Thanks GPS. Thanks for this here sidetrack. Especially when I’m short on time..’ But I cranked 80′s on 8 on Sirius radio and made the best of it. Luft Balloons blasting and throwing up made up gang signs…

At this point, I was so distracted by my lateness that I forgot to get gas for the rental car. I was practically at the airport when my flashing E empty tank light-on was like, ‘Hello!!! Stupid! Hello?’ and was like, ‘Fruck! If I fill up at the rental place it’ll cost my more than my friggin plane ticket!’ So I literally floor it to the nearest gas station.

I get to the station and fillerup (which was like $45! FU oil fks!) and floor it back to the airport and drop off the car. I was in the safe zone. 45 minutes til takeoff. But right before I head through security I get the bright idea to buy a big bottle of water which I stuff in my bag— which is of course confiscated 10 minutes later by security. So I get retro-pissed at the newsstand lady for not giving me a quick heads up that I can’t bring it through! It must happen all the time! Did she think I was gonna chug it?

Finally, I get to my seat and I’m psyched because I have an exit row window seat! But that psychedness evaporated fast because I always seem to forget that having an exit row window seat means you get the triple bonus of No Second Armrest! Freezing Fresh Cold Air from Outside! And No Reclining Seat! So I got triple back-pissed at myself for not re-remembering why I don’t like exit row window seats!

Then my row mate comes by and sits down. He throws a book between us on the middle seat. I see on the cover it was a zombie book– but set in the future. It was called ‘Eclipse’ or something. A zombie fan! Coolio! I let him know that I too dabbled heavily in the zombral arts. But what I soon found out was that I was way outmatched. There are zombie fans. And then there’s zombie connoisseurs. He was stunned to learn I’d never read ‘World War Z’. He shot me a look of zombral disgust. Like I just said my favorite zombie movie was 1985′s Return of the Living Dead. I battled back with my current zombie comicbook series ‘The Walking Dead’. I’ve read all 11 or 12 of em (awesome). But I was soon swamped by the deep zombie literary knowledge he possessed. I promised I’d read ‘Z’ (and I will) but I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep.

I put my head on the freezing exit door, searched for my non-existent seat back button, then drifted asleep vaguely dreading the fact that I’ve had to make a big doody for the past five hours– and I was nervous I would have to do the dreaded deuce on the plane and have to Purell my butt cheeks. Fortunately, it didn’t come to that. I made it through the wilderness. Somehow I made it through.

I get off the plane and stagger through the airport literally kicking and wrestling with my wheeled suitcase which refused to keep both wheels on the ground and it’s flipping over on the skid side and making me insane. It practically broke my wrist on an escalator mishandling.

I get outside and the taxi stand guy wants to throw me in the next cab available but I let him know that I need to confirm that the driver will pick up a dog. (I wanted to stop and get Roscoe on the way). Driver after driver said ‘No dogs!’ And the taxi stand guy is like, ‘He needs to be in a box! You can’t take a dog in a cab unless it’s in a box!’ I’m thinking, ‘First off it’s a kennel! Not a box… ‘ Second, some cabs do take wild loose dogs and this is what I’m confirming! Finally, a guy says yes and off we go.

We get to Red Hook to pick up Roscoe and pull up to the doggie day care place. I get out of the taxi to run inside and the taxi guy gets out too. I’m like, ‘Why’s the taxi guy getting out?’ He walks over to the nearest wall and shamelessly pees on it in broad daylight. I was like, ‘Great… Welcome back to New York.’

Roscoe goes berserk when he sees me and he’s whipping around and spinning in a circle like a 5-year old on three packs of FunDip. And then he has a sneezing fit. Which gives everyone pause. And then he goes back to spinning and licking. Twas nice getting the BIG hello.

We jump in taxi and the taxi driver kept saying, ‘Big dog! Bigger than I thought! You tell me it was small dog!’ I’m like, ‘I never said that! (Too late now so shut up and get me home). He’s like, ‘I thought dog was small! Well it ain’t. And shut your whining pee pee man cause the metered tip in my head is starting to run backwards.

We get inside and it’s good to be home. There were lots of things I could do once I got in the door. Unpack. Go through the mail. Email. Nap. Whatever. But for whatever reason I was overwhelmed with the immediate need to put my giant air conditioner in the window. I had to! 5 minutes in the door! It’s not even hot out today but I had this weird logic that I should exploit my exhaustedness and do something insanely difficult because I’m half-asleep and I won’t notice? Or something?

I noticed. Try putting a 1000lb air conditioner in a window by yourself. In a heavy window that can’t even stay open on its own. I put this AC in the window using my head to hold the window up. If things went wrong I probably would have fallen out of the window with that thing and ended up on the cover of the Post. ‘Dumb Dork Falls Out Window’ or something.

But I did it. Done and done! Then I poured out the weird red radio spiders that were having a pool party in Roscoe’s bowl and gave him some water and breakfast. Then I crashed on the couch for like 4 hours.

And now I just woke up and wrote this!

ok bye!
tOdd

But then it seemed like something else was going on. Nobody was leaving or talking to each other. They were just sort of milling about. Seemingly anxious or something. There was a buzz in the air like something was about to happen. Like a protest or something. I couldn’t figure out what was going on so Roscoe and I pulled over to watch for whatever was coming next…

A minute or two later, a dumpster was carted out of Trader Joes. Then another. Then another. And they were parked along side the building. The people waiting around immediately started digging in the dumpsters. Not like a frenzy but definitely rushed. They were pulling out big plastic bags and ripping them open. Inside were fruits and vegetables. Much of it was shrinkwrapped. Like straight off the shelves. I couldn’t see what else was in there.

I was sort of stunned. These people were dumpster diving at my local Trader Joe’s. They knew when the trash was coming out and were waiting for it. It wasn’t the idea of people getting food that way that surprised me. And I was glad the food wasn’t going to waste. Nor am I snobbish about street stuff. (Hey, I got a few pieces of furniture in my place brought in from the curb…) it just was the clientele was surprising. Because this wasn’t like a homeless situation at all. Some of the divers looked like straight out hipsters or parents.

Then I wondered if maybe they were all doing it for some sort of charity? Like maybe they were gathering the food to donate somewhere else? Or something? But it wasn’t that vibe. It was too rushed. Too excited. Plus, if they were a charity organization I’m sure they could work out something better with Trader Joe than having them huck it all in a dumpster and carting it outside “for charity”.

I gotta admit it freaked me out a little. Sign of the economy stuff or whatever? These ‘regular’ people were grabbing up the goodies from the trash. But then again, most of the stuff was shrinkwrapped or in plastic bags– and the food was probably entering their very first day of expiration. It was far from “gross”.

So when I saw some dude walking away with a full plastic bag of perfectly decent groceries and throwing it in the back of his car– I kinda shrugged and was like, ‘Whatever. Pride or less pride or whatever— that dude just got a free bag of groceries! Good for him!’

But still… I did feel weird taking out my camera. So I didn’t.

ok bye!
tOdd

PS. Here’s pics I took a while ago when Trader Joes first opened…

UPDATE: Apparently I’m a bit of an ignoramusus about what was going on here. (most likely freegans and anti-waste people. not like hard-times people necessarily). And didn’t mean to seem jerky or judgmental at all. In fact, to mention pride was wrong. Now that I’m clear on it– this apparently doesn’t have to do with pride– seems more like it has to do with attitude. Just hadn’t seen it before and that was what’s happening.

Including some feedback from the April Fools situation and some other randoms etc yadda…
—————————————-

From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com
Subject: SSUP
Date: Thu, 8 Apr 2010 19:22:46 -0700

Hey Your Oddness,

You don’t mind if we have a local chapter of SUPP, do you? Of course I’m not
supposed to be telling you about this since it’s super secret, but some
folks were paranoid that we could get in trouble, or something. There will
be cupcakes.

-Mike
Portland, Oregon
Land of the highest unemployment in the nation on a fairly consistent basis

———————————————

From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com
Date: Fri, 9 Apr 2010 14:55:25 -0400
Subject: “upset”

I was totally going to ask for a free magnet even though I thought the April fool’s joke was funny but you got me with the *. Always one step ahead of me!

I never wrote before so… thanks for making me laugh when I’m at work.

Chris
———————————————

Date: Thu, 8 Apr 2010 13:20:54 +0530
Subject: Query about oddtodd.com/DFarchive.html
From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com

Hello,

This is John, a game addict. Being a lover of online games I spend maximum time on playing various online games. I liked the collection of games atoddtodd.com/DFarchive.html – a lot to play this weekend! So do you randomly pick the games or is there any specific criteria? Will be great for your reply.

Warm regrds,
John Smith

———————————————
From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com
Subject: April Fools Uncool
Date: Fri, 2 Apr 2010 14:21:58 -0700

Sorry man. I usually am right with ya, but this one really was just not cool. Personal pet reasons like many others.

A free mag would be a apropos apology, but your explanation on your website does the trick.

Here is my addy.

Paul
———————————————
From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com
Subject: I really believed your post because
Date: Mon, 5 Apr 2010 15:40:56 -0400

I had to really give my beloved “Kitty the Wonderdog” away 2 years ago. She’s ok and I get to visit her. I was not home enough to give her the attention she needed and my son was getting older and staying late at school for activities etc, leaving Kitty alone for 10 – 12 hours a day. She is a maltese and they are very cuddly and needy.

She lives on the Upper West Side now with my friend’s parents and is fat and spoiled now. I guess now that I live in Phoenix, I may never see her again except in pictures.

So, I believed you.

Send me Elf Up!

Susanne
———————————————
From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com
Subject: Coolio funlink
Date: Wed, 31 Mar 2010 21:01:42 -0400

If you haven’t seen it already, this site is hilarious. ThereIFixedIt.com.

Also thanks for dealing with the issue with the comments. Those losers that live to type the word “first” are my Monday’s Annoyance. What’s with the first thing anyway? First to say absolutely nothing, if you ask me so what the heck is their point?
———————————————
From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com
Subject: Was Very Sad…
Date: Mon, 5 Apr 2010 02:07:07 -0400

Todd, I totally believed that post, and could picture every word as I read it.
You were very convincing; paradoxically, I read it in disbelief.
I was very sad to read it, you totally got me.
I do believe that you love Roscoe very much.
I would love an elf-up magnet to mark the occasion when OddTodd almost had me in tears.

P.S. I hate April Fool’s Day (but not in a bad way).
Your friend,
Heather
———————————————
Date: Fri, 2 Apr 2010 20:46:07 -0400
Subject: Roscoe
From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com

Hey Todd, yours was one of the first I visited yesterday and it pretty
much bummed me out for the rest of the day. I remember when u first
got roscoe, when he got his teeth out, even when he pooped in front of
the church. i was sad there would be no more roscoe stories and
remember when my parents put my dog chief up on an adoption site
i would totally love a magnet– Justin,xxxxxxxxxxx

thanks for the site and all you do–
viva,
Justin
———————————————
From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com
Subject: April Fool
Date: Sat, 3 Apr 2010 05:16:42 -0400

Todd,
I got to say, man that your site is becoming lower and lower on my list of daily sites I visit. I know you are busy and I know that you have more pressing issues and Im glad you are working. But I LIVED for your cartoons when I was unemployed. They cheered me up and gave me, little as it was, something to look forward to on a regular basis. Is it really THAT hard to crank out an Odd Todd cartoon now and then? I was really looking forward to seeing what you were going to do with April fool and the thought of giving away your dog never crossed my mind. That was pretty low. And pretty lame too.

Send me a magnet, Im pissed and upset. Probably shouldn’t be over a stupid website but that was pretty close to the last straw.

Still love ya, man. Just disappointed

JON
———————————————
Date: Mon, 29 Mar 2010 05:44:59 -0700
From:
Subject: A gift of laugh for Odd Todd
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com

Dear Odd Todd

Many thanks for many laughs and mucho fun over the years. In return I share with you my latest and greatest. You will belly laugh.

Good vibes 4-ever! Pantucci!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkIDZlMavEw
———————————————
Date: Fri, 2 Apr 2010 12:11:38 -0400
From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com
Subject: Extra pet sensitive.

Dear tOdd,

I’m not a fan of April Fools, period. But I think at the very least,
innocents such as children and animals should be kept out of all the
mayhem. I lost my much loved dog around Christmas 2000. Granted that’s
been a long time, but I still feel the loss pretty deeply at times. One
of those times was yesterday with your prank. That’s why it upset me
and perhaps why it upset others with similar stories. I’m not mad at
you, cuz I don’t really know you (though we share the same birthday!),
but sometimes you can be a complete butthead. So yeah, I think I’d like
that magnet.

By the way, the reason it was so believable for me is because your site,
and by extension your life, seem to be undergoing some changes/upheavals
lately. I miss your cartoons (I was especially disappointed by not
having a much appreciated Halloween cartoon last year). At this point
I’m thinking things aren’t going to go back to how they were when I
first came on board (c. 2002). But of course, you can’t be expected to
remain stagnant. I’ll try being more patient and wait for things to
evolve. Good things are on the horizon, no?

Sincerely,
G
———————————————
From
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com
Subject: April Fool’s
Date: Fri, 2 Apr 2010 08:51:51 -0500

Hi Todd,

You did have a really believable post yesterday. I did scroll down their site to see whether Roscoe was posted there. Even though people were mad, perhaps you introduced a few to this really nice-looking animal welfare group, and who knows – one of them may adopt a friend!

Barbara G
———————————————
Date: Fri, 2 Apr 2010 09:25:13 -0600
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com

not sure about the magnet but MAN was i shocked and hurt and sad….my pets (blue the basset hound; walter etc) have been featured twice in your wednesday section and i have never been without an animal in the house since i got one waaay back in 1996…when i finally realized a dog was missing from the home….

you totally got me….so bad that it was one of those things you just gotta tell the girlfriend (she’s in the pet pics sometimes too—all beautiful and stuff) the very moment i saw her….it was sad news for us like hearing a friend had received mad medical news or worse…died…

damn i got taken….i guess on second thought i do need something to make my heart vibes good towards you again….Tanya’s pissed too so you better send two magnets…or she’ll write you too….

we’ll always love you but man you took us!!

mike
—————————————-
From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com
Subject: Roscoe Apology
Date: Tue, 6 Apr 2010 11:48:32 +0000

Todd -

I am the guy that got royally pissed off at the end of the messages xxxxxxxxxxx. Sorry I blew up disproportionately, but I was already aggravated when I read your story I couldn’t believe you would be that much of a prick to give away Roscoe. Then when you tried to make a joke out of it I thought about all the people who have had to find new places to live because of the recession and how many pets had to be given up to other or just abandoned and all the heartbreak involved, and seeing as I was already a bit aggravated I just blew up. Sorry.

I have been checking your site out for years and while you are generally funny the site has been going downhill. I understand that you have to pay the bills and all that but I remember a time when there were new cartoons that were funny all the time and games and the like. The procrastinating comments about new stuff coming real soon went from making me feel like “Awesome! Can’t wait!” to “Um, ok… soon I bet!” to “Quit lying to everyone! You aren’t making shit!”

Anyway, I still like your site, but I used to love it. I’ve done the Oscar pool and the duck race and I will gladly take a elf up magnet, but I have to say – if I had just started checking out your site in the last couple years I would have no idea who elf up was.

-T
—————————————-
Hi Todd,

I definitely bought the Roscoe story. And it made me sad. I actually thought about it a lot throughout the day. Saw picture in mind’s eye of him awaiting new owner like some cast away child from Dickens.

My address is:

Thanks,

John
—————————————-

I was not psyched about plunging into the city process because I always imagine it’s going to be a big mess with long lines and grumpy Patty and Selmas or whatever. And I was super pissed that I couldn’t find a way to do it online without feeling like I was being ripped off or screwing up…

I get to City Hall and there’s an Information Booth right there. I told the guy I wanted to file for a DBA and he told me to go downstairs to the County Clerks office. I get down there and there’s another information desk. I tell the woman I want to file for a DBA. She tells me I need to fill out a 201 form– and told me I could get the form right across the street at the ‘candy stand’. I was like, ‘At the candy stand?‘ She was like, ‘Yeah he’s also a notary. Right across the street…’ She points in the general direction. I shrug and walk across the street into this other building to the mysterious ‘candy stand‘. Wondering if it was an actual candy stand with candy and stuff.

It was. Here’s a picture:

I tell the guy I want to file a DBA and he gets the paperwork out and I fill out the forms right there. Then he notarizes it. $14 for the whole thing (including peanut M&Ms). Then I go back across the street to Window #2 and a nice guy in a suit processes the form. He sends me down to Window #3 to pay for it (over $100 less than any place online btw). Then I go to Window #6 for the closeout or whatever.

The Window #6 guy (who sounded like he hasn’t set foot outside of Brooklyn never ever) asked me what kind of business I was starting. I told him it was an animation studio. He sincerely wished me luck with stuff and gave me a wink. Nice guy as well.

The whole process was inside of 25 minutes. Boom done. Sure, none of it seemed 20th century and the whole place looked like it was a set from a 1977 TV show.

But when I thought about it… it was a much better experience than doing it online. It was efficient. Faster. I wasn’t nervous I was doing something wrong or being ripped off. It was all done in the same day etc. I dug the vibe of walking into a time warp. I trusted the city system. I liked the people I met. I saved money. And I’m sure it was all done correctly and processed on the spot.

Plus, I had a nice walk and chomped on peanut M&Ms. Made me realize I really gotta get out more…

ok bye!
tOdd