So for a while now I’ve been short on little white ankle socks. The kind of socks that make it look like you’re not wearing socks. I’ve been missing them more often lately because I’ve finally abandoned wearing Crocs. (Sorry Croc people. I just can’t do it anymore. I bumped into a chick recently that I hadn’t seen in a while and I felt like I was ‘busted’ and embarrassed wearing Crocs. I’m sorry, crocpeople…)

But I did pick up a pair of summer shoes that I really like!! To replace my crocs!

Check em out!

Cool, right? Plus, they have the one quality that I loved about my Crocs! No laces! So no bending down to put on! And stuff!

Anyway, these shoes really need the little white socks because if I don’t wear socks in these shoes my feet end up smelling like Doritos. And for a couple months now I’ve been really low on little white socks. I have maybe 2 pairs. I keep meaning to buy a new pack of little socks and then I keep forgetting. And I go out sockless. And get Dorito feet. (Or it might be BBQ Frito feet…)

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You are not my local bagel shop.

I don’t go into your place often because I have my bagel place– but sometimes in a moment of weakness while walking the dog I’ll head to your bagel store. For a bagel and iced coffay. And seriously every single time I patronize your place I get the same treatment. It’s almost like your customer service policy is from the bizarro world or something.

First off, I walk in the door and immediately get glared at by your cashier. She gives me a look that I would assume is exclusively reserved for shirtless men carrying cats. Then she looks away like ‘Uch. This guy again…?’ Hey! I’m in your shop once every six months, Sunshine!

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So I have one favorite pair of shorts. These here:

ACTION PHOTO!! I’M ABOUT TO KARATE KICK YOU IN THE FACE!!!

I wear these shorts probably three days a week all summer long. They’re my fave. A few weeks ago I noticed there was a decent sized hole in one of the front pockets. My keys snuck through and I was like, ‘Oh no! Pocket hole!’ So did I sew? No.

As a precaution I totally ripped the hole open all the way so there was no chance of things sneak falling out while I walked around. If I put anything in there it would immediately slide through and hit the floor. Straight through. So I’d know right away that that pocket can’t be trusted. Smart right? With these cargo shorts I had five other pockets too! I figured I’d just learn to not use the left front one. Break the habit of it…

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