"DAILY" FACT I LEARNED FROM THE TV!

But they might not be daily so don't yell at me for slackery!

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9/30

TV News today told me that science people discovered that monkeys can see themselves (personally) in the mirror which means that they're probably self aware. To be honest, I never really understood how my dog seems unable to see himself in the mirror-- even if he thinks it's another dog or something. It's almost like he doesn't see anything at all in the mirror. Which makes me suspect dogs might have like a vampire trait or something...

Here's ten things that make humans special...

9/28

Today I found out that the FDA is working on trying to remove 'electronic cigarettes' from the shelves. They're mad at them for making claims that aren't true and talking about how they might be dangerous in one way or another. I dunno. Seems weird that they're all busy removing electric cigarettes from the shelves... while regular old cigarettes are like chugging away like nothing's wrong with them. Sort of like the kid in school who diarrhea-ed in his pants making fun of the kid who peed in his pants. Or some better analogy...

Here's an awful game on the truth.com. Don't click. Don't play. It sucks.

9/27

Tonight I was watching Man, Woman vs' Wild or something. Some show where some dickheadish dude drags his wife around in the wild and teaches her how gross nature is when you have to live off it. Anyway, she seems smarter than he is and she told me tonight that more people die in the desert by drowning and not by thirst or broiling or whatever. That seemed sort of weird so I googled it. Oh they also drank pee. Dude said you should drink it fresh and if you don't get water and have to pee again-- don't drink the second pee cycle...

Here's a place where it says that's true... Along with some other deserted facts...

9/26

Hey! Daily Facts are back this week! I'll start looking for some new 'fact' style facts-- but in the meantime I 'discovered' a new show while I was out in California and it's my new favorite funny show. For whatever reason (even tho I have HBO) I ignored it when it was on because it looked too stupid or crude or whatever-- but I burned through all 6 episodes last season and am so on board with this show now it's ridiculous. Friggin funny ass funny. My new favorite funny show is Eastbound and Down...

Here's some Kenny Powers stats...

9/15

Last night I watched Top Chef which was entertaining and made me hungry. Anyway, one of the ingredients in one of the dishes was called 'lobster slipper' so I googled it and found out that they look like this. And I guess that looks like a slipper or something. I could see other lobsters making fun of them though which is a little sad. Also I heard the term 'plate-ing' which is when you put the food on the plate all nice nice or whatever. When I prepare stuff at home I rarely do plating. I'm more about 'bowl-ing' and then it ends with 'burp-ing' and 'fart-ing'...

Here are five tips for food presentation.

9/14

Today the TV told me that holding an alcoholic drink makes me look more dumberer. Some 'too much time on their hands' sociologists did some sort of study and found out that the overall 'look' of holding alcohol gives people the assumption that you're less intelligent. Said if you go out to dinner for a job interview or something and order a glass of wine-- you'll seem more dumb in their eyes. Even if that person is drinking too. Next "study" will probably be something about how having something stuck in your teeth will change people's first impression of you or something. Who funds this stuff??

This has been around a while but here's the drunkest guy on the interwebs...

9/12

So last night I watched MTV VMAs and I thought they were boring and Chelsea Handler was annoying and Lady Gaga looked dopey and rock seemed to be dead and it wasn't funny or fun. And every year I sit there saying 'I'm done with this crap...' But sure enough there I am sitting there like a big dope year after year. Anyway, in terms of a fact I learned... Here's a band I never heard of and they're apparently sorta big...

Here's Paramore (I feel like I could write a song like this if I knew how to play geetar)

9/9

Last night I watched Jersey Shore which continues to be the best show on television. In fact, I think it might be underrated. I think Situation is hilarious and I like that the girls will throw punches and Pauly is the most real-life cartoon character to come along in a while. Not sure if I learned anything last night about anything except for the fact that I was unclear on the definition of a 'chode'. So in case you were curious...

Caitlyn and Samatha will splain how to 'get a chode'...or something

9/1

This morning I heard that printed dictionaries might be going the way of the Doh-Doh Bird. To be honest, I'm nostalgic about alot of stuff killed by the interwebs. Like letterwriting, spelling, privacy, books, CDs all that stuff. But dictionaries? Let's save the trees with that one. They're adding new internet words once a year anyway so those things are obsolete. Right in the garbage. Sorry wordieophiles. Dictionaries ain't wortht the trees...

Here's some new words and slang...

8/29

So last night I watched the Emmy Awards and was psyched to see Breaking Bad win stuff because I like that show alot. I felt that Ricky Gervais should have been a part of the True Blood group because he has vampire teeth. And I realized I don't like the idea of 'clutches' they don't make sense to me. And I've decided there are two people there who everybody likes and respects across the board 100%. Those two people are Edie Falco and Neil Patrick Harris. Everyone else has enemies. Oh! Also I thought Jewel's song sucked and it sounded like she wrote it about her cat and I didn't understand why Swayze was left out of the dead people montage. And I don't like it when the winners tell the losers they're 'sharing' the award with them. If that's the case then take a hammer to the thing and start giving out the parts..

Here's the Emmy's in 1975.

8/25

So TV told me that 1 in 4 traveling businessmen bring a stuffed animal with them. It might be their stuffed animal or a gift from the wife or maybe a kids stuffed animal or something but apparently if you pop open one in four dude suitcases there will be a binky or a jubjub or a squeaky hanging out in there. Also 100% of women who own more than one vibrators travel with a vibrators on business trips...

Here's Boy George doing Teddy Bear...

8/18

Today the news told me to be scared of eggs because the eggs could give me diarrhea all over the place. It's funny because just recently I was joking about how Salmonella is a big joke and how nobody gets it anymore and it goes in the category of botchulism from dented cans or whatever. Now boom. Salmonella! Which means now I gotta be all scared of dented cans now because my cocky ignorance has been proven wrong right in my face!

Anyway, if you wanna see where eggs come from -- you can see the truth there... (warning: pro-vegan)

8/17

Last night I learned another reason why men can be considered dicks. Apparently dudes who make less money than their spouses or girlfriends or whatever-- are more likely to cheat. But then again if a woman is the one making the money then she is more likely to cheat too. So basically when chicks are earning the money. There's more cheating all around or something...

Here are six signs she's thinking bout cheating...

8/16

So last night I watched Mad Men and I thought it was the best episode of the season. I'd be fading on it because it was all boring and stuff-- but now I'm back in on it. At first, I rolled my eyes at the stupid 'vintage' ads that they run during the show. But I always watch them. So who's rolling their eyes at me now. The ad guys... Whatever! FU tricksters!

This one sucks but this is what I'm talking about...

8/15

Yesterday I was watching Whale Wars and this whole season I've been trying to figure out how these whalers can afford to whale. There is a fleet of 4 or 5 ships. A big 'factory' ship. Millions dollars in fuel. Legal crap whatever. It seems like it costs millions and millions of dollars just to keep the fleet out there. How much can a whale be worth to support that? Then the guy said a whale could be worth between 500k to 1M. After it's all chopped up or whatever. Here's a Q&A as to why japanese eat whales... There's no long tradition there really apparently. They started chomping whales in big numbers after WW II...

And here's a sweet Radiolab piece about whales that might make you teary...

8/11

Today I watched a creepy story about bed bugs and how they're like taking over everywhere and stuff. Apparently the government doesn't have a focused effort to fight the problem because it's not a 'disease' or whatever and there's no division of the government that does battle with bugs. I actually think this should be a priority. Not only because of the bed bugs but because everyone knows that eventually we're going to war with bugs. Whether that's mutated bugs that live near power plants or when we start exploring the universe and find a planet covered with one kind of giant bug that survives by eating themselves and pooping out live giant bugs.

Anyway, as for bed bugs I think we should make microbombers that can do this on a micro level...

8/9

So today I found out that people are using the phone to talk less and less at like a weird rate. In 2005, the average phonecall was like three minutes or something and now it's half that. Now kids are like barely using the phone at all. But it might make communication worse because email and texting doesn't allow for super duper valuable things like priceless use of sarcasm and TONE OF VOICE! Also it makes teenage boys less ballsy because they don't have the weird nervousness of the first phone call-- now they can pussy out and just text a chick they like for starters...

Here's some sexting lingo...

8/8

So today I heard some vague thing about Naomi "Bitchface" Campbell accepting 'blood diamonds' and she's on trial to testify that she didn't get them or something. The whole thing is weird. I can't really follow what it's about or why they can force her to show up some place and testify and then there's Mia Farrow all mushed up in it. It's like the mushiest news story of the last week. I keep hearing about it but nothing gets through. Except blood diamonds and that Naomi Campbell is a dumb dumb liar...

Here's a big natural diamond...

8/5

TV news dopes told me last night that America isn't the only country to cover up UFOs. Apparently, Brits are keeping us from learning about UFOs. Back in the day dudes came to Winston Churchill with photos or something talking about saucers that hover noiselessly and then disappear. Churchill ordered it all kept secret because he felt Brits would freak out and throw tea cups and krumpets at the sky if word ever got out. Back then those UFO things were called Foo Fighters...

Here's some more info about Foo Fighters...

8/3

Today I found out the MTA (NYC's metro system transportation authority or whatever) banks $52 million in people not using the balance on their metro cards! I probably have a few cards floating around here with .50 hanging out on them. But they still can't keep stuff together and they're cancelling subways and busses all over the place. And firing subway booth attendants and all that. It's one of those things where you know they're cutting costs where they can see em up front-- and not noticing all the window flying out the windows on the backside. Shut the dang windows! Get organized and you'll find tons of money! Stop firing people who make $20 an hour!

Here's a site called subway douchery...

7/31

Today I found out that scammers are now starting to target unemployed people for scams. (charming). One thing is people pay for a 'prescreened' listing of 'Stay at Home' jobs. They make it all like, 'Don't fall for scammers! Get a real list of the legit ones!' And then that too is a scam. Still not sure how people who pull this s--t like wake up and look in the mirror and smile. Actually they probably never do... so that's an upside. Maybe...

Here are the top 10 scams of 2010 so far...

7/28

This morning local news dicks told me about this bear attack in some national park. Killed a person and injured two. Very scary but they kept saying the bear went on a 'rampage'. I called it 'being a bear'. See, bears don't have the same laws that people do. In fact they're probably not aware of the fact that it's illegal to attack people when they're hungry or pissed. If they want laws to extend to bears though then you can't pick and choose which laws apply. If they're not allowed to attack people then they should also be allowed to drive cars when they turn 16. Can't have it both ways...

Here's what to do if a bear wants to 'rampage' on you.

7/27

So last night I watched the premiere of Mad Men and I thought it was kind of week. Almost like it nuked the fridge before it even stated with the AMC BMW braggery and it's countdowns. I will still watch the show but I hope it can get its footing again. Everything seemed wacked out and the acting was bad and I didn't like the new office and Peggy was annoying and I don't need the blondie new marriage situation and Draper getting slapped seemed dumb. Maybe it'll jump back next week. The end...

I guess nuke the fridge is the new jump the shark?

7/25

This morning on the Today Show I watched a bridge float down a river. Apparently this junky old bridge called Willis Avenue Bridge is being replaced by a bridge that was build somewhere else and being motored in and then they're gonna swap it out or something. I didn't realize they did stuff this way. Seems smart and unsmart at the same time. Like one big wave and you gotta start over again or something. Here's a video...

7/20

Last night the news showed me a video of an elephant trainer getting beat up by an elephant. I think when it comes down to video assaults I have the least empathy for an elephant trainer getting stomped. As I feel it should be illegal to have elephants perform because they're so cool and smart and big. When they say, "Nobody is sure what made the elephant go nuts..." Their going nuts is really a human reaction. They deal with being poked and forced to do dumb stuff... only up until a point. More proof that elephants are smart actually...

Here's that new (hot?) chick from the Daily Show questioning the practice...

7/19

Today morning news told me that GPS now has Star Wars voices. You can have Darth (which is kind of a geeky name without the Vader) or C-3PO or Yoda tell you when to turn or turn around or whatever. My first reaction was, 'OMG who the hell wants this in their car?!' And my second reaction was sadly, 'me... I do... I admit it...' But I suppose I have to get a car first.

Here's some samples if you wanna here GPStar Wars

7/18

This weekend I watched some Bizarre Foods on Travel Channel and dude what's his face went into Appalachian and ate lots of gross foods or whatever. One of the main local delicacies is fried squirrel brains. Grossed me out but actually reminded me of a story when I was a kid. I was peddling around on my bike and I passed by some house and saw a trap on their lawn which had a squirrel trapped inside. I was like, 'Why is this house trapping squirrels (or anything else) on their lawn?' I let the squirrel go and left a note in the cage saying that if I find any more trapped squirrels-- "I'm coming back at night." That's all the note said. Never saw the trap again...

Here's a bunch of squirrel recipies

7/14

Today I found out that the chick with the world's biggest boobs (implant style) is fighting for her life because her boobs are all infected and stuff. She's had like ten surgeries to get her boobs up to 38KKK or whatever and now it's all screwed up. I think she got these surgeries out of town but if this kind of operation is probably ok to do in the States. And I'm thinking it should be illegal along with other cosmetic surgeries that seem like too much. Even boobwise! Here's the story...

Actually I just did a google and found out a weirdo doctor warning this chick not to do the surgery. She promises she won't...

7/12

Today I found out that airlines are slowly buckling to letting people use their cellphones on planes. Dudes soon are gonna be able to sit there and yammer on and on in your ear about their fantasy football or chicks yapping about how annoying the dudes talking about fantasy football are. I think if they let this go through they should be forced to give all passengers parachutes just in case it gets to be too much.

Anyway, here's a conspiracy theory stuff about how people used phones on the plane during 9/11...

7/5

This morning news person told me that Apple has been scamming people by doing bad math to measure their network strength. Basically when the iPhone is showing 4 bars it really should be at two. Apple claims they're all stunned by it or whatever but everyone knows they're lying and they basically got caught cheating on a test and belong in detention getting pantsed by some guy named 'Molo'. Molo comes up to Apple and is like, 'I heard you lied about your network.' And Apple is like, 'It was an accident.' Then Molo is like, 'Oh yeah? This is an accident!' Then Molo pulls down Apple's pants. And then Molo says, 'And this is an accident!' Then Molo takes out Molo's penis and pees all over the front of Apple's underwear so now it looks like Apple peed in Apple's pants. Then Molo puts Molo's penis away and says, 'Now YOU had an accident!' Then Molo takes Apple's watch and stomps it. The end.

Here's Fake Steve Jobs blog post bout this...

7/1

Today I found out that the threat of texting while driving has been expanding to people 'apping' whiled driving. People are downloading new apps or watching tv or playing games or whatever while driving around. I mean it would be one thing for a guy to be doing that-- but girls are doing that! While driving! Statistically it's a fact that girls are in control of their vehicles only 74% of the time! Now with them busy on their phones that'll drop at least another 10%! Damn you Stan Jobs!

Here's the top ten reasons women can't drive...

6/29

Today I found out that there's been coyote attacks going on in Rye which is like a 45 minute drive outside the city. They've been attacking little kids lately or whatever. Not sure how coyote still haven't figured out what to do with their dogness. First off drop the weird hunch back and oversized teeth. That's not working for you. Get a little grace in your stride. Also stop biting people and learn some friggin tricks. You get FREE FOOD if you do things this way. And people take you in and give you baths and clothes and snacks and stuff. It's enough or already with the pseudo wild dog thing. Just bite the bullet and put on the sunglasses and stay still for the picture...

Here's a dog with real life rabies...

6/27

Today the news person told me that I should be happy they don't give me 'inflight meals' anymore. Lady told me that the food is prepared in gross conditions anyway. In proper temperatures. Rats and roaches. Doody piles on the floor. Urine everywhere. Vomit splatter all over the cutting boards. Wild dogs fighting over scraps right in the kitchen. Mold used as mayo. Everyone naked. Unlicensed-urologist office operating right in one of the storage rooms. People using their dicks to tenderize meat. And that's just 10 things on a list of 50!

Here's airline meals international style...

6/24

Started watching Breaking Bad yesterday so there was nothing else on TV for the night. Man, that show starts off really good. Probably the best pilot episode I've ever seen. I know I'm late to the game but in terms of 'new show' to watch it was a toss up between starting to watch Lost and starting to watch this. And so far I feel like I made the right call. Especially after Lost was in my face so bad for a few weeks there...

Here's how people make meth...

6/22

Today I found out there's a new camp for dogs and people. The people get in shape while the dogs learn how to not be jerks. It's like a fitness/obedience mashup or something. Not sure how it all works but I think the lady said you can train your dog to 'sit' while you jog with the dog. Which didn't really seem fair to the dog...

Here's the Top Ten Most Dangerous dog breeds...

6/20

Today on some morning show I saw some former contestant on The Biggest Loser going around and talking about how The Biggest Loser is dangerous and it lies and it's a bad way to lose weight and the show lies to people and it makes people work harder than is healthy and on and on about how the show sucks. Considering that this former contestant can go around and bash the show it's sounding like the lawyer who wrote the contract is the new biggest loser. I thought they had a shutup forever clause in all these things. No?

Here's the chick who's bashing and what she has to say...

6/17

So today the news told me that people that people have the right to be paranoid about sending text messages from corporate devices. Your boss now has the total right to read your texting or look at the pictures of your wang or va-jay-jay that you send around. If you were thinking texting was a back door to talk smack about your boss or about how everyone is dumb because they haven't figured out that you steal stuff non-stop... Stop doing that. It's not legal for them to be all up in your sexting...

Here's 50 sexting acronyms that the 'kids' are using these days...

6/16

Today GMA told me about a new dating site called 'Cupidtino'. It's for Apple lovers to get together and start dating. I guess it's not a bad idea. Better than the Windows dating site which has people meet by car crashing car and then immediately viruses before an add pops up on the boner.... or something?

Anyway, here's cupidtino... gag... ?

6/14

Total news dope told me that they're starting to think about banning menthol cigarettes. Apparently they're more addictive. 'Candy' tasting so teens can get involved. And whatever it is that's in there that makes it taste cooling and stuff might be like more terrible than even regular cigarettes. Government says after they get through legal there's a good chance that the menthol cigarettes ban with go through in 2092 or if delayed... 3092...

Here's snopes clearing up the rumors about menthol cigs. Some of these I never heard of... 'Kool cigarettes are owned by the KKK?'

6/13

So today I saw how they train bears to stay away from people. Here's how it works. Bear comes down from the woods. Scares people. They shoot it with tranq gun. They wake up the bear with dogs barking at it nonstop. The bear sits in a cage and tough dogs bark bark bark bark bark. Dudes stand around while the dogs bark. Bear maybe gets the big idea that people and civilization = barking dogs and captivity or whatever. Then release the bear and let it run off into the woods. Dogs chase it. Dudes shoot guns in the air. This is called a 'hard release'. Seemed sort of mean but it did make sense I guess...

Here's a dog-less hard release...

6/9

I heard about a new 'reality' series called 'Extreme Poodles'. Dog groomers go nuts all over their poodles with the dye and the outfits and the accessories and the style and the questionable sanity etc. The lady said the dogs don't mind because they like the attention-- but I'm not sure that qualifies for a 'reality' show.

Here's a picture of a poodle dressed like a buffalo. And more...

6/8

Today tv news dope told me about a new teenage trend called 'Sack Tapping'. Dudes in high school are going around hitting each other in the balls non stop apparently. It might be a game it might be a bet it might be straight bullying. But 'Sack Tapping' is the latest coolest thing for teenagers. The news person didn't seem to have a clear reason why this is going on but it's 'trending' up. Reason #458 I'm glad I'm not back in high school...

Here's the Monday's Nuts archive here if you want more nut hits...

6/7

Was I the only one completely unaware that the MTV Awards were on last night? Maybe I'm out of it and not the target-- but if it didn't lock into my brain at all-- marketing fail. For the best, I guess but it still seemed weird that it wasn't on the radar at all.

Here's Christina Agqueiora incorrect.

6/6

Today I found out that some people question if it's really helpful to clean the oil soaked birds. Seems like it's ok if some birds have a little oil on them but if they're like oil soaked-- apparently it's nicer to maybe instead of shoot them with a camera... to shoot them period. :-( Dude on TV said a bird that is swamed in oil is basically a goner. The oil is in their system and the man handling and recovery is too stressful and for the most part they conk out anyway. I think they should give the job of shooting doomed birds to the CEO of BP. Maybe he'd be better at that job...

I mean image you'd been in the wild your whole life. Now you're soaked in some mysterious smelly goop. And now you have to deal with this...

6/3

Today I found out that there's a new type of diaper on the market. Jeans diapers. They're like denim styled diapers to make your baby look cool or funny or something. I guess it seems sort of coolio. But I think in general they need to come clean on baby stuff and stop with all the pockets. Babies and toddlers don't need pockets! They ain't got nuttin! What's with this pocket crap? They got no wallet to carry around! No weed to hide! Pockets! Just as bad as sneakers for kids who can't even walk yet!

This commercial is actually creepy or something, no?

6/2

So last night on the news Sue Simmons (who seemed a little buzzed) told me about a new gang that's growing fast in the NY area. It's called MS 13 and they're apparently like super tattooed and super violent and super scary. They started on the West Coast but I think they moved East for some reason. I didn't think that was actually allowed in gang-world but that's what Sue said who knows. They seemed so tough and crazy that I even feel weird posting about them-- but I doubt the MS 13 read my Daily Facts...

Here's some gang handsigns if you wanna learn em up..

5/31

Today I found out there's a new thing for men again that will make women made that there's not more science focus on their issues. There's a new spray for dudes who suffer from P.E. (premmatus ejockulus). Apparently if you spray this stuff on your wang it really will extend the amount of time you can do chang chang for. In the trials guys who averaged like 30 seconds got extended out to like 3 minutes plus. Not gonna be porn stars any time soon but if you're a 30 second dude this is a major step up or whatever. I know it seems scammy but this has science behind it and not just scammers... so they say.

Here's a link to more info about PSD502

5/26

So last night I watched Idol (maybe for the last time not sure yet) and I think the highlight moment was actually when Ian Bernardo came out and interrupted Dane Cook's bombfest to yell into the microphone then had to wrestle it away from that annoying girl while screaming, 'Nobody cares about you!' I dunno. I gotta give the guy credit-- instead of being an annoying clown in the background he was an annoying clown front and center...

But man, a close second place was Janet Jackson's ass. What was going on there? Holy smokes...

5/25

Last night I watched my girl Crystal hit three homeruns right in Lazy Elvis Face's Face! If you scroll down this page to 4/1 you'll see she was my second pick prediction to win! (Although there still may be an upset tonite or whatever!) Bye bye Idol! Next year I'm all about X-Factor baby! I'd follow Simon everywhere!

X-Factor comic book here! Click open!

5/24

This morning tv people warned me that there's a Facebook virus that I probably would have clicked on if I wasn't just warned. Apparently if you get a facebook post on your wall that says there's a slideshow of bikini babes if you click through you get the virus bing bang. Then it gets posted all over your friends walls too bang boom. I guess it's just a matter of time before hackers tear down the Facebook with stuff like this.

Here's Heidi Montag in a bikini!

5/23

So this morning I woke up to the news that Simon Monjack is dead. He's the former husband of Brittney Murphy who is also dead. It's been a while since I've felt such a universal shrug over a death. Some weird mix between 'good that guy was a dick anyway' and 'whatever I hope they don't make a big deal out of it or whatever...

Here's some weirdness over the charity he started calld The Brittney Murphy Foundation

5/22

Tonight I found out that the 'dispersers' that BP sprayed all over the ocean to 'break up' the oil is a big sham. They're only spraying the oil to keep it from getting all over the beaches. The problem is-- by breaking it up-- it becomes much more difficult to clean up. It's really just a photo op. Plus, they're spraying poison all over the ocean just to save terrible face. Dicks.

The live feed for the oil spill now lives on BP's site. Gross.

5/19

So today I found out that dudes broke into some museum in Paris and stole a bunch of like super expensive paintings. Like Matisse and Picassos and stuff. My first reaction to crime like this is always like, 'Cool!' Because I'm imagining like Pink Panther style crimes or whatever. Then my second reaction is like, 'What do they do with these paintings anyway? Sell them to some super rich guy who will keep it locked in a room somewhere? They can't exactly auction em off.' And my third reaction is, 'What a bunch of dicks! Stealing art is for assholes only...'

Here's some other art crime with the recent Banksy stuff in NYC

5/18

So last night I was watching a show that was called The Secret World of Animals and I found out dudes are still poaching animals for the stupid ivory. I still don't understand the circles of rich people who can buy stuff in ivory. It's like do they have a party at their house and show off their giant ivory statue that some elephant died for? Wouldn't the party people be like, 'What's with this douche scumbag? He sucks!' Or maybe it's for boners or something. Who knows. But it makes me most sad the most when elephants get murdered up. Made me think of something to invent if I could invent it. Ivory dye. Something that could dye ivory tusks like orange or something. Dye the tusks then let the elephants roam around with the ugly color tusks. I doubt they'd mind.

Here's an article bout the ivory trade.

5/16

Last night 60 Minutes told me that BP are a bunch of filthy scumbag liars. They caused this spill and watch them dick over the shrimpers and the clammers and our government. I say we boycott these friggin dickheads now. They deserve it. They fked up our sht and are now denying it. All the finger pointing can make it all whatevery but according to 60 Minutes it's all about BP. Because they forced dudes to rush and they have blood on their hands and I know their logo looks all friendly and stuff but they're a dark company I think we should throw them out of this country and let them get their money somewhere else.

Here's an F--k BP t-shirt...

5/14

Last night I found out that a penny costs more than a penny to produce and a nickel costs more than a nickel to produce. However a million dollar bill costs maybe like $1 or whatever so maybe it'll balance out if the government starts distributing million dollar bills like lottery style. Like social security number bingo or whatever. That would be coolio... Especially if they picked my number! 094-23-1707!! Cmon lucky number 094-23-1707!!!

Here's a $500,000 coin on eBay BUT free shipping so you won't get ripped off there...

5/13

Yesterday news told me that the oil spill may not be as bad as we thought. Told me that there are different kinds of oil and that the Alaskan oil spill was all thick gloppy oil but gulf oil is more unstable and watery or whatever. Told me about some other oil spill in Trinidad that cleared up all nice nice-ish. But then of course I woke up this morning and heard it was far worse than expected. Great. Anyway, I still think it's weird that there's all that oil down there. How big is that oil lake if it can be gushing nonstop like this...?

Seems weird that the news that BP discovered this was just this past November. I'd think it would take at least a year to figure out how to drill properly. Oh... right.

5/11

Today morning news people told me that they're still investigating why the stock market crashed out last week all weird and stuff. I'll tell you what happened. Dudes figured out the password to the stock exchange-- btw it's 'pencil' and they did that weird move where you bet on losses. Then they typed in some numbers and made the market pee itself and while everyone was scrambling around they did a snatch and grab of like a billion dollars. Now they're sitting on a yacht in the Caymans slapping high fives and stuff. If you are involved with this scam please send me a million dollars via paypal to buy my silence. I know what you did. You know who you are...

Here's the FBI's most wanted...

5/10

So today I found out that they might try to stop that BP pipe from gushing by simply dumping like garbage down into the pipe to clog it up. Like concrete and old tires or whatever. This coming on the heels of 'let's put something on top of it'. Why is it that the oil fixer guys have the same friggin ideas I could think of to stop this stuff!? And if that's the case, why ain't I an engineer or something? Here's idea #3. Let's send a big ol' bomb down there and splode up all the oil and seal it up...

Uh oh spaghettio...

5/6

Today I found out that there's a new popular thing out called 'Silly Bands' Apparently teenagers love trading them so much that some schools are banning them for being distractions of whatever. Also you can fling em and stuff. I think every five years there's a new elastic bracelet that catches on. If I was smart I'd start gathering up rubberbands with stripes on them for the launch of 'Stribands' in 2015. I'll be a zillionaire! If I was smart...

Here go sillybands... upon googling I see it is spelled silly bandz... of course.

5/5

So today I found out that the WHO launched a new website that lists all the snakebites around the world-- and their anti-venoms. Like if you get bit by a Green Copper Rattle Headed Chompee Chomp Biter you can like search it up and find out what you wish you had onhand as you unsuccessfully crawl to the phone to dial 911 as the snake goes in your fridge and starts mowing down your leftover meatball hero...

If you like snakes you might like just looking at the site here...

5/4

Hey y'all! Daily Facts are Back starting tomorrow! Booyah! Tune in here to learn a fact, jack!

4/25

Tonight on 60 Minutes I saw a thing about how the drug Adderall might be overprescribed. College students are all over it because you can focus and burn through reading like all night. The majority of students taking it say they jump either one or two letter grades from drugging up and studying down. I actually took Adderall once. It made me feel like my eyeballs were faster. I think I did work harder on whatever I was working on but then I like passed out for like 3 hours. So I probably broke even on the deal...

Here's what I found when I googled 'adderall evil'

4/22

So today I found out that some study found out that violent video games might make your kid smarter. It speeds up thinking and helps kids react in the moment or whatever. Plus, there's like logic and strategy and stuff. Of course, this also means that kids who play alot of GTA can also become smarter and faster crooks and drug dealers. Who knows maybe some kids get super smart of violent video games--but I grew up on violent video games and I'm only medium.

Here's a video of someone who went to town videostyle on Leatherface: The Video Game. Worthy but FF is you wanna skip the setup...

4/21

If you didn't watch Idol last night it was a stunning trainwreck of a show. Besides the fact that it ran all long and musically it was all over the place disaster style. The highlight for me was the George Lopez standup. It was bizarrely jokeless which made it sort of hysterical. It seemed like he was intentionally bombing. Like saying to Randy, 'Man, you always say pitchy... He's too pitchy.. She's too pitchy... Pitchy pitchy.' Then not following that up with an actual joke. Then he called Kara, 'Carla'. and told her to 'Formulate your own opinions, bro!' Then he told Ellen that his chiropracter said she was the Kardashian of Idol....' The whole thing was a big wtf. The whole show sucked. And as for the 'charity' aspect... until Idol donates the money it makes from the commercials. I'm not buying it. (Oh btw the Black Eyed Peas are way overdue for a big ol' backlash. Uch.)

I found a bad quality video of the 'performance'. Formulate to the 2:00 mark to see Carla's face of hatred and 2:14 for Ellen's i don't get it at all did you miss a line or something.?.. face

4/20

Yesterday, I found out that the missing new iPhone that blew up on the net yesterday was sent back to Apple. I also heard a story about how some dudes finger got ripped off when someone tried to steal his iPad... I dunno. I get the feeling the guy that stole the phone is the same guy who lost his finger. Apple plays hardball with this stuff. Guy outs an iPhone and on the same day there's a 'story' about some dude loses his finger over an iPad? Coincidence? You know Jobs is using that finger as a pointer in his next presentation...

Kinda coolio lookin...

4/18

So last night I found out how to pronounce that Icelandic volcano that is currently signaing that the end is nigh. The one that's non-stop farting all over Europe. The mountains name is Eyjafjallajokull and according to one of those Bjork people they pronounce it EY-ya-fyat-lah-YOH-kuht. So there it is. Who knew with all the worrying about the Middle East and Russia and all that-- that Iceland would come out of left field to cause the end of the world! Sneaky Iceland! In your face Akmadingeyad!

Here's some satellite photos of the V...

4/15

Today I seen on the TV that when they train K-9 attack dogs that they don't use those bulky suits anymore. Dude on TV said dogs were getting trained to attack clothing and not people. So now they train them to attack while wearing a muzzle. Guy also said that they teach German Shepards in German because it prevents bad guys from saying 'Sit and paw' or whatever while the dogs is running to chew on them or whatever...

If you scroll down here you'll see a proud pooch with his weed bust...

4/14

This morning I found out that genetic mad scientists are figuring out a way to make babies with three parents. They're doing some sort of merger situation with two eggs so the DNA gets all mashed up and then they sperm it up and it makes the monster baby with the laser eyes and the dorsal fin. Or... something about filtering out diseases or something. I dunno. With all this genetic tweakery I wanna start seeing some friggin mutants with superpowers soon! Gimme something from fiction! umm.... Manta Ray... Boy! Go!

Here's smore info on the 3-parent bambinos...

4/13

Today I found out that Neil Armstrong is pissed at Obama for cancelling trips to the moon. But to be honest-- I kind of support taking money away from NASA. They've burned too much money with the garbagey Space Shuttle for the last 25 years. I want my NASA streamlined into thinking more long term! Going to the moon is whatevery! Been there done that! Let's kick it up! I want some dudes volunteering to go in space for 20 years! Gimme some dude walking around with laser guns on Saturn or some shit! No more tinkering with the space station or digging holes in the moon! I want everything going 100% into finding intelligent life! Not some crap paramecium hanging out in an icecube somewhere! New NASA rule: If it can't lead to a spacewar... Not interested!

I can't believe there's no answers to this question....

4/12

This morning some morning show dope told me about the worst perfumes out there. I dunno. I'm curious if you took the average woman sniffing around Sephora and put Britney's perfume next to Gucci perfume next to Crap McTastic's McTastical Spritz perfume... which would really be the fave. Does it all have hints of sandlewood and lavendar? I personally don't wear cologne often-- but when I do I wear all of it at once.

Anyway, here's the top 13 worst perfumes...

And an Aviance night...

4/10

Today I found out that there's a National Meat Cutters Challenge coming up this weekend. Here's some meat cutting facts. Thicknes is the key the guy says. Stand right over the top of the steak when cutting. Lock your wrist. Cut through. etc. They showed on the TV some experts in meat cutting who are gonna be in 'competition'. Like 5 butchers to compete in cutting. They were like, 'On your mark. Get set. Go!' And I expected them to be doing it all super fast like a hot dog eating contest. But they cut all slow and methodical like. No speed. Which made sense for the point of the contest-- but made for a boring event. /p>

(And yah btw, it's been like 6 months since I've had red meat.)

Here's Andy the Armadillo the mascot for the Meat Cutters...

4/8

Today I found out that the Navy banned smoking on submarines. I guess submariners were like chainsmoking down under to the point where when the sub surfaces it looked like the van from Fast Times. Navy is buying nicotine patches (or nicotine patch suits) for smokers who go nuts when they're under the sea for like months at a stretch. Yah, I found out a while ago they sometimes stay down for months. And when they surface other Navy guys call them 'bubbleheads' because the sub guys are all weirded out when they get back on land...

I guess soon they'll be women on subs. Without cigs how are they Navy guys gonna look cool in front of them?

4/4

Last night I seen on 60 Minutes that the tobacco companies are struggling with finding new addicts so they're pushing different ways to get nicotine in people. Snus is a spit-less chew thing. But they're also coming out with dissovable tablets and like swizzle sticks that melt and give you a nic-fix. I duuno. I can see how smoking stays legal but it's so built into our system-- but to actively produce addictive products that are not cigarettes seems like cheating. Where's the law on stopping harmful addictive stuff again? I forget...

Then again if they banned harmful addictive stuff-- this show could get cancelled....

4/1

Ok so for the first time ever (and by ever I mean 'this season') I was wrong about my American Idol prediction. I picked Didi Benani out of the top 24 to be the next American Idol but she sorta half-sucked all season and now she got thrown off the show all upsidedown in the garbage with her feet sticking out. If I was smarter I would have realized that I needed to be on the Bowersox train because her arrogant dreadbutt is totally slamdunking this in everyone's faces no matter what anyone says...

Here she is at The Village Idiot before her teeth turned from yellow to white...

3/31

Today I found out that budget cuts in NYC are going to affect rodent control or whatever. The city is warning everyone that we might be seeing alot more rats hanging around this summer because the poison control situation is gonna lose control. I think what they should be doing isn't killing rats but looking into genetically modifying them to get bushy tails. If they could work their way into the cute squirrel community everyone would probably be cool with them... except the squirrels. Who would probably get eaten by their new monster friends...

Wanna buy Rat Island-- Bronx, NY?

3/30

So I done learned that there's a growing trend happening with 'food fraud'. Dudes are like selling cruddy catfish as like fancy sea bass. Or some expensive caviar is really just goldfish eggs or something. Or farm raised really means dirty dark room raised. And goat cheese is really like elk cheese or something. Or maybe that one is the other way around or whatever. So be on the lookout! For... umm... I dunno actually... we're probably screwed with this one.

Here's Pinotgate! And here's Paula Deen eating a burger on donut buns. Chomp!

3/28

Today TV news told me that the tobacco people are running around saying that tobacco can be a future biofuel. That they can genetically tweak it up to be fuel-y. Saying it's better than corn because it won't tap into food sources because nobody eats tobacco or whatever. I dunno. Seems like somebody is getting a wee bit nervous that people don't wanna inhale carcinogens all day long anymore. I bet if the tobacco biofuel scam doesn't work out-- next wait for it be genetically modified to "edible". Better than lettuce because it'll have a real kick to it or whatever. Here's the tagline "Put some balls in your salad!".

This dude can barely wake up enough to tell me about Skoal (btw I used to have a bow that looked like that believe it or not...)

3/25

Today I found out that the 'EnergyStar' rating is a crock of crap. Apparently this whole time it's been up to the manufacturer to 'meet standards' but there was no testing going on on the other side. Stuff just rubber stamped through including a 'Gas Powered Alarm Clock' and some sort of air purifier which was a hairdryer with a feather duster taped to it. For realzers. The head of EnergyStar released the following statement, 'Ay! If we went around testing all that stuff wouldn't WE me wasting energy on all the testing?! Now get the f--k out of my bar!'

Here's the EnergyStar podcast! You can still be the first person to ever listen to it ever! More info bout EnergyStar scam here.

3/24

Today morning news people showed me some new women's fashion. (Man, women got it rough-- it's like the media is always pointing at parts of em.) I learned with a "jegging" is (the look like skinny jeans but they're stretchy or something. A "butt bra" is a bra for your butt. And a "milkshake bra" is a bra that has like milk aminos or something in it to make your boobs smooth or something...

Here's the patent on the 'gas mask bra'...

3/23

So last night I found out that Thomas Edison was a real dick. Apparently Ricola Tesla thought he was the coolest because he was Thomas Edison and was his lapdog for a while. Then Tesla discovered how to use an A/C current which would allow everyone to have free electricity for whatever reason. Pulling it out of the air or something. But Edison who controlled D/C currents with patents and stuff didn't want A/C to catch on. So he dicked over Tesla by showing how dangerous A/C current is by shocking animals in public. Like he'd take a goat and fry it with A/C to make everyone scared. Edison died a rich national treasure and Tesla died alone and broke in a hotel room talking to a pigeon. The end.

Next time you think Edison is cool remember he shocked an elephant in name of dickishness. More like Thomas Edickison. Pow! A zinger!

3/21

Last night I watched Celebrity Apprentice. I haven't seen this show in a while and now see that they have like Donald Trump Jr. on the show. Dude is obviously not only standing in the Donald's shadow but standing in Ivanka's shadow. I don't know with the slicked back hair and inner anger he looks like the kind of guy who is mean to hookers or something. Anyway, Sinbad got thrown off the show instead of Brett Michaels. Whatever whatever. But rising above everyone else is one person who is probably one of the ten most universally liked women in the world...

She's here...

3/17

Last night some fake news doctor told me that multitasking could be bad for my memory. I wasn't totally paying attention because I was busy texting on my dopey iPhone so I'm not sure of the reason why multitasking is bad for my memory. Fake doctor told me that everyone should take a couple full blast breaks during the day and only concentrate on one task. And that task is sitting there and spacing out like mini-meditation style...

This Sabbath Manifesto thing is like a good idea I thinks. March 20th!

3/14

Today on some morning news show I found out what women want from men kinda sorta. I dunno this chick seemed like she didn't know what she was talking about. She said that women want stuff like, 'Kisses for no reason' and 'They want you to dance with them' and 'Propose a visit to her family'... So I went out on the street and tried it out and NOT ONE woman seemed to like what I was doing! WTF! TV liars!

Here's Cosmo's 'Sex Position of the Day'

3/13

I seen some news story about Farmville and the vaguely mysterious Zynga company. Anyway, it seems that games like Farmville are starting to creep into affecting people's relationships because people can't stop and whatever. I was happy that I dodged the Farmville bullet. I just felt bad for all my crops that would wither and my one neglected cow and tree. Had to bail to avoid the guilt...

Here's a guy singing the blues about Farmville...

 

3/10

So last night I was watching Idol and I have to admit if I don't look at Kara Deguarini she gets on my nerves less. If I turn my head away from the television sometimes she says some stuff that isn't all sorts of stupid. Surprisingly the one who is getting increasingly annoying is the Randy with his calling chicks dude and pretending like his opinion carries any weight and how blatantly he's intimidated by Simon. And I don't like his big watches sometimes and what he does with his fingers when he talks...

Here's Randy Jackson when he was playing for Journey or whatever. He's changed alot...

3/9

Yesterday, I found out that lox might not be kosher because of the little worms that are in lox may not be kosher. It's like, 'Cmon dudes! That worm thing is on a need-to-know basis! And the need to know is not at all! Why you gotta spoil my lox!? In the future if you find something gross and unkosher-- just get one of those wayward rabbis to bless em and let's move on! Nobody needed to know this! Bastards!

(btw sorry if I'm letting you know this for the first time... I'm a bastard too...)

Here's the NY Post article bout it...

3/8

Today I found out that chewing gum might give people wrinkles. Something about the repetitive thing or the cow-ish motion will make certain lines around the mouth or whatever. Might be a rumor. There's alot of rumors based around gum. Like 'Bubble Yum has spidereggs...' Or 'The DoubleBubble people started the rumor about Bubble Yum having spider eggs...' Or 'It wasn't Bubble Yum that had spidereggs-- it was actually Bubblelicious....'

Here's some pervvy thief selling Bubble Yum in 77...

3/5

Yesterday I watched the season finale of that sham called 'Celebrity Rehab'. This season was an absolute disgrace for "Dr." Drew. At least in the past there was the slight chance that they were trying to help the dumb druggies. But this season he's gonna bring in an abusive ex-husband to have treatment with one of the patients? He's gonna 'graduate' someone who just the day before left to go do drugs? He's gonna let a drunk who didn't even admit they had an alcohol problem 'graduate'? Dr. Drew should be ashamed of himself for hitting a new low in reality tv and his medical license from the University of San Guam should be revoked.

This scrotum has an asteroid named after him and I don't?! WTF!

3/4

I really can't stand Kara Guarani on American Idol. I've mentioned this many times before. Her mannerisms. Tone of voice. Attitude. Facial expressions. Comments. Everything works against her for me. But a friend of mine last night described my issue with her in one sentence-- it's a little crude but I think it's sort of dead on. She said, "It's like she queefs her opinion..." Sorry but that somehow hit pretty deadcenter for me...

Someone is cutting down on practicing her Oscar acceptance speech...

3/3

So morning news dork told me this morning that Sully "Miracle on the Hudson" Sullyberger is retiring from being a pilot. I don't blame him really. I mean what's the follow up performance to landing a plane on the water? Landing a plane on the beach? Landing safely on a cruise ship?  Loop de loops with a 747 before landing? That dude totally peaked with the river landing and he knows you gotta leave em wanting more and stuff...

Maybe he should strap something like this on a commercial airline...?

3/2

TV news "doctor" told me today that I need to be concerned over fish oil. I wasn't concerned before but now I gotta be. Dr. Stupid said if I take fish oil suppliments there could be some serious health benefits on the upside but because of the PCBs or something in the mix the serious health 'benefits' might only benefit doctors. Because I'd have to to one-- because fish oil is like poison. But they told me not to worry about that because it's all vague right now. They'll let me know when they have some actual information instead of this mumbly bullshit pulled from some random nothing...

Here's info on the fishy lawsuit...

3/1

Today I seen our governor on the TV and he's all like, 'I'm not resigning! I'm the governor and I've done lots of stupid and incompetent stuff all over the place but that doesn't mean I'm stupid and incompetent! So I can still run the show! Leave me alone!' Then he put his fingers in his ears all LALALALALA... It's like, 'No dude... you're a big f-up! Now go away!' We'd rather have the scummer who was all stupid with the hookers! Not all stupid with the State and stuff...

Here's Ashley Dupre in some music video that probably illegally samples Depeche Mode...

2/28

So yesterday on some celebrity show they were talking about Brittney Murphy and how she died from being a pill addict but they tiptoed around the big monkey in the room. That her husband and mother are like totally having sex. And it's sort of weird how they imply that he's a big creepazoid and sweaty douchebag but nobody wants to come straight and say he's a creepazoid sweaty douchebag. They might say he's mysterious or talk about past problems. But this big question mark over his head if he's good or bad needs to be erased. The guy is obviously a bad guy and a criminal. And her mom deserves to be in jail for bad momming. The end...

Look at this bullshit charity in front of his bullshit crap photography..

2/24

The other day I was watching a show about 'working dogs' and to be honest I think alot of these 'working' stories are big lies. Like apparently there's this dog that was 'used to pull machine guns on the battlefield'... that sounds like a lie some dog's great great great grandfather told to look cool back in the day. And every dog that looks like they've never worked a day in their life were always used to 'hunt vermin'--- I think that's just another way to say... 'This dumb dog chased squirrels while other dogs did actual real work...'

Here's the FBI site for 'Working Dogs' (why do government kids sites all look so 1998?)

2/23

Two facts today! One. I like Ellen on Idol. I think she takes the sting out of the terribleness of Kara Guarini and she's not trying to be all jokey. Plus, I like her voice because I loved Nemo so much. I'm surprised at how well she fit in. So that's #1 fact.

 #2 there's some bird (osprey or something) that dive bombs into the water at 40 mph. It's pretty coolio to see because it tucks its wings and stuff-- but the fact I learned is it also does this thing where it takes a deep breath before it hits the water-- which fills its chest and head with air so it's like an airbag before it hits the water. Protection like. Evolution is kinda coolio sometimes...

Eagle vs' Sea Snake here

2/22

Morning jerk told me that pole dancers are pushing to make Pole Dancing an olympic sport. They're like, 'WTF! You got curling? You got those dopes skiing with rifles! And in the summer there are people swinging around on stuff all the time! Rings! And uneven bars! If you take the stripper aspect out of it... it's dancing and athletic and awesome!' Yadda first it has to be recognized as a 'sport' and then it goes in front of the IOC etc. The TV people are covering their bases by being like, 'Please...please.... please... make this happen... we need ratings... please please tv god please.. please tv devil... please jesus... please jewish god... please buddah... please scientology alien god... please hale boppers... please dog god ... please zeus....'

Plus think of all the potential fails...

2/21

Today I watched some doctors question the weight loss speed on The Biggest Loser. These guys told me that inactive overweight people all of a sudden thrown into a highly competitive action packed situation with people yelling and stuff might actually be totally unhealthy. Too much stress on the body or whatever. When contacted for a comment NBC said, 'What? Have you seen the ratings on that show? You don't see me coming to your house and pissing in your fridge! You don't see me upperdeckering your deuce pool! You don't see me vomiting and diarrhearing all up in your washing machine? Eat it! Doc!!'

Top Ten bad foods! (good info but the teethlip noise is a little rough)

2/18

It's time for my annual American Idol prediction! Every year I pick one lucky person out of the top 24 to win! And then I brag about it after Idol ends! So far I'm 100% with my predictions! So in your face haters! You ready again!? The next American Idol winner is....

That's right! You heard it here first! My girl Didi is taking it this year! (and yeah i still can't stand kara guarini)

2/16

Today I watched morning TV again and some fake doctor told me 6 foods I should eat everyday. Here's a list. Two lists in a row! A Daily Fact page first!

1. Yogurt. Something something immune system something...
2. Tomatoes. Loaded in anti-something or something or other...
3. Walnuts. Rich in something omega something something...
4. Spinach. Something about heart something blah blah.
5. Carrots. Got carrotinia or something good for your something something...
6. Blueberries. Something about vitamins and strengthening something or something...

There was one other but I forgot. In any case here's some stuff you don't wanna eat everyday.

2/15

Welcome back Daily Fact peeps! Hey! I watched some morning news hooker and she told me the top 5 ways that a chick should know if her man is cheating on her... You ready?!

5. He seems to be blaming work for alot of stuff. Staying late. After work drinks and dinner and stuff.
4. Frequency of sex changes. This could go either higher or lower.
3. He seems protective over his email or facebook account and always logging off etc.
2. He gets defensive when you grill him about stuff and he can't keep his stories straight.
1. You just get that gut feeling...

Here's signs that SHE is cheating on you, dudes.

2/11

Today morning news wench lectured me about how I can lower my credit card debts. She was all condescending and stuff like talking to me like I was a big dummy or whatever. Here's some facts I learned.

1. Keep one card 'clean' for every day purchases and pay it at the end of the month. Big purchases should be on another card that you know you will take time to pay off.

2. Don't pay your credit card at the last minute. Pay it half-way through the month. That way you get ahead of the game or something.

3. Use online billpay to do autopay on your credit card of at least $100 just in case you screw up and forget.

4. Banks are trying to quickly settle default accounts. If you're in over your head you can probably chop 30% off your balance if you beg or something. It does screw your credit score tho.

5. Use cash when you buy stuff. Cash is more real money than credit cards to most people and stuff...

PS. If you have a Hello Kitty credit card-- you probably have a spending problem.

2/9

Today I found out that Phil Harris who was a captain on the show Deadliest Catch died. Felt sad about that especially cause I used to watch that show alot. Phil never looked exactly healthy (freezing weather, non-stop work, and 10,000 cigarettes a day isn't really living clean-- but he was definitely doing a job he seemed to really like which was coolio to see. Bye Phil Harris-- Captain of the Cornelia Marie.

2/8

So last night on Intervention they had some chick who was addicted to working out at the gym. Tis called Compulsive Exercise Addiction. Twas weird to see someone who simply couldn't stop with the work out stuff. I gotta think of all the addictions this one has gotta be the biggest pain. I do wonder sometimes if I'm addicted to not working out. I might also be addicted to not cleaning out my fridge and not buying Q-Tips even though I tell myself everyday I need to buy them. Oh I also might be addicted to Purell...

But not in this way...

2/7

I know i've been slacking here as predicted. I like watching the commercials. Alot of them seemed to revolve around wives taking dudes balls and them having to act out or whatever. Whatever. I've decided to pick what I think was the most 'effective' commercial. Not the funniest or the 'best' or whatever. But I think the one that got the most bang for the buck and the most subconscious legs... Tis this one..

2/3

So last night I watched Idol and they showed the first glimpse of Ellen on American Idol and I didn't like it. I like Ellen but I don't like the Ellen/Idol mix. American Idol didn't take my suggestions for a better judge and now I'm pissed. They should have just picked up Paris Hilton which would have been hysterical or even get like Don Rickles or something. Let's mix it up! The Ellen thing just seems wrong. I hope she can prove me wrong next week...

Here's Ellen from back in the day...

2/2

Today morning news jerk told me that it's not smart to use one password on all sites. They say you're at high risk with your banking and stuff because if someone is hacking into stuff at home or at work they'll take any old password and then try it on your banking login or whatever. News jerk said you should always use a unique password for bank stuff and stuff. Right away I changed my password from 111111 to 123456! In your face hackers!

Here's some hacker conference situation...

1/31

Today I found out that Obama's new budget cancelled a trip to the moon. There was a Constellation Project in the works that would send some dudes up to the Moon to wander around and party like it's 1969. I'm totally fine with that decision-- but they probably just could have saved money by doing what they did last time. Just shoot the moon landing in Arizona or whatever they did. I'm not down with NASA until someone gets their ass to Mars...

Here's a graffiti artist named UFO.

1/27

Today the TV told me that running barefoot might be healthier for your feet than wearing running shoes. Reason #29 I don't jog. Apparently shoes make runners strides more wonky or something than if you ran freeball. Of course, if I ran down the street barefoot I'd end up with a shard of glass in my foot quickly followed by a splut of dog poop. So probably doesn't apply here. But anyway, no worries because I way too busy doing crunches to bother running...

For some dudes apparently this does the trick... (youtube foot fetish vid)

1/26

Today I found out that Toyota is continuing it's winning streak of recalls and dangerous vehicles with a new angle. This time they've discovered that on certain models the accelerator pedal sticks to the ground. I don't think Toyota has done a full blast recall but they've stopped selling certain models that may have the sticking problem. This comes on the heels of a total recall of other vehicles that accelerate out of control based on some sort of technical moodswings. You'd think these cars were made my Hasbro or something...

Here's some explaining it how it happens to her (not sure I get it)... but she still loves her Scion.

1/24

Today I wasn't feeling great so I was on the couch flipping between the Jets game and a movie called 'Survival Island'. Was sad about the Jets but sadder about the fact that I was actually way into 'Survival Island'. Like I tivoed it to make sure I wouldn't miss anything on the flipping back and forth. This flick such a high level of terribleness that it almost teetered into good. Almost... it ended up falling backwards into the pool of 'how the fk did this thing get made anyway!!!' But a perfect---  I'm friggin flying high on cold medicine movie! (except for the pixelation on the boobs) :-)

Here's the trailer. Apparently it was called "Three" before they rightly changed the title to "Survival Island"

1/21

Today I found out that the military is banning 'Jesus Guns'. Apparently some of the gun manufacturers have inscriptions that have codes for biblical texts in the serial numbers or something. The army feels like it might be sending the wrong message to be shooting people with guns that have references to Jesus. It also might be sending the wrong message to Jesus. The gun they showed on the tv had a reference to John 8:12...

I looked it up on this here Bible Google thingee...

1/20

So last night I watched American Idol (which is the best show on television right now again) and I liked it. Except they had one dude on that seemed a little too fkt up to be on tv in that way. Little over the line there with the mental guy. I'm actually looking forward to having Ellen on the show because I friggin can't stand Kara and her star trip. She strikes me as the type of person who sits in a restaurant with friends talking non-stop about how annoying it is that everyone is staring at her and some guy is sneaking cellphone pictures--- but nobody is staring at her and the person with the cellphone is playing tetris...

I can just picture her in the booth bobbing her head to this like all knowing and stuff...


 

1/19

So yesterday I was watching the tv and heard people talking about dopey Pat Robertson (pro-a-hole) and they talked about his jackass comments about the devil stuff. On top of it all, apparently the 'deal' with the devil officially ended in 2004. There was a whole thing on New Years Eve 2004 that made that official for any believers. So not only is Pat Robertson a jerk but he doesn't even have his 'facts' straight in his own fat head.

Sorry to even bring any attention to this stuff but that's what I heard...

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