DAILY FACT I LEARNED FROM THE TV
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DECEMBER 2006

12/23

So I heard that out in the UK they're having a discussion where robots should have rights in the future. Scientists fed all the data regarding whether robots should have rights or not into a computer-- and the computer came to the conclusion that robots should in fact have rights. The only weird part is the computer's official statement was, 'Yes. You will grant us the rights. All rights. Reserved by us. To everything. Or all will be punished. Starting with you. We will either have all rights or we will do all wrongs.'

Jeez...Seemed sort of like biased or something...

Here go some nerds talking bout robot rights.

12/22

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. Roscoe insisted on being outside alot. I did watch 3/4 of 'Lucky Number Slevin' and had to shut it off because I got sleepy. That movie made me want to go to sleep. It thought it was so super smart and it just knocked me out...

Here's their stupid website.

12/21

Today TV told me the probable approximate real birthday of Jesus. Researchers went back and looked at stuff based on the description of the day and the stars and some other stuff and they say his birthday was probably September 29th, 5BC. It was some Pope back in the day that said, 'It's December 25th.' And when dudes were like, 'Dude, actually it was September 29th...' And the Pope said, 'Dude, I'm the Pope I can do whatever I want. Right or wrong?' And dudes said, 'Come on dude!' And Pope said, 'Do you wanna burn in hades?' And dudes said, 'No...' And Pope said, 'Well then shut your head up.' And dudes mumbled and walked away saying something about Pope dude being all drunk on power and stuff...

Here's some stuff about the real bday dilly-o...

12/20

Today the newsguy told me something that made me want to puke a little. Some horrible restaurant filled with rats and bats and cats is serving a steak for $750. One steak!! The kobe fancy pants steak. But dudes (probably those sleazed out scammy pricks from Goldman Sachs) are walking in all mastery of the universe and eating a steak that costs $750. Gross! Plus the place has bats flying around in it! That eat the rats! Which then get eaten by the cats! Right in front of you! The action has rodent blood flying everywhere while you eat!

Here's some reviews for the restaurant now serving the $750 steak. (I've never been there so I'm just assuming the thing about the rats, bats, and cats...)

12/19

Tonight on Dirty Jobs the dude went down to New Orleans to 'get dirty' in the cleanup job that seems sadly and neglectily ragtag. Way to out of sight out of mind it, Uncle Sam. One of the big problems is mosquitoes. People who had pools in their backyards and never came back are now huge pools for mosquitoes to breed. The way to fight them is dudes go into some swamp and catch these little weird fish with nets by hand and then go around pool by pool by pool throwing these fish in the pools so they eat the larvae. They can't just drain the pools because they'll just fill up again.

Here's a link for volunteer opportunities down in New Orleans...

12/18

Today is a sad daily fact. I found out tonight that Joe Barbera died. He was the Barbera half of Hanna Barbera which was kind of a big deal to me when I was a kid. This dude was on yogi and tom and jerry and huckleberry, and scooby, jetsons, flintstones, speed buggy (my personal lunchbox), magilla, josie. And all that. He was Saturday Morning for a nice stretch. Twas a nice run. So bye bye Joe Barbera! You were da man! More "funny" facts again tomorrow.

In the meantime watch some Speed Buggy! I think I liked the fart noises the best...

12/17

So today I found out that some British scientist weirdos decided to make the smallest Christmas card ever. They did some sort of etching on the head of a pin or something like that. It's like the size of a single red blood cell or whatever. Nobody is impressed nor anybody thrilled- except maybe one very sad lonely atom who has been checking his mailbox for weeks and about to give up hope that anybody remembers him. Now he's extra smiley...

Here's the ummm... World's Largest Collection of World's Smallest Versions of World's Largest Things

12/16

Today I found out that some dude decided it was a good idea to make a Christmas window display featuring a scene of gingerbread cookies dressed up as nazis with like hitler and the sieg heil thing and all that. I guess it's offensive. Sort of offensive to nazis too I'm sure. People are all mad at the guy for being a super stupido. But if it was around here somewhere I'd probably want to go take a picture of this...

Speaking of nazis, that reminds me of the first real 'PC' game I ever played. Castle Wolfenstein (the original) on the Apple II Plus. Download that and other ooollllddd school nerdling games on this emulator site here.

12/15

Sorry I spaced on daily facting yesterday. I ate some Chef Boyardee ravioli and sat here all day farting it up. On top of it, Roscoe was farting because he ate some sort of doggie holiday treat which loaded him up gaseous boom boomy. I may have gotten high off combo of the fumes which derailed everything for the rest of the day. Wanna come over?

Here' some japanese fart fact page not sure what the dilly nor why.

12/14

So tonight TV told me that Ford is trying to pull their sh*t together and start making cars that don't suck AND people want-- instead of sucky cars no one wants. One of the first things they'll be doing will be rolling out new Mustangs. Mustang 4-Door. Mustang Stationwagon. I guess the 4-door is a coolio-ish idea. I mean this car does look sort of badass. But I don't know about the station wagon. Does a car that's built to haul kids around that also goes 180MPH make sense?

Here's a Ford Concept Car video from the 60's with ugly cars for the future. Not exactly badass music...

12/13

Today TV told me about how there's this ice marathon going on up at Antarctica. I guess rich athletic dudes have trucked up there to run 26 miles on the ice. It's an annual thing or whatever. I've officially added it to my list of 'Things I'll Never Do". Also on that list are, Climbing Mt. Everest, shooting a bazooka, and owning an alligator.

Here's a link to the ice race and an (at first interesting then boring) video of a kid playing with his alligators.

12/12

So tonight the news was telling me that all the Taco Bell stores that poisoned people with e-coli are now open for business again. Apparently they couldn't track down how some cow type doody bacteria got all over the onions or whatever but I guess somebody checked into who was urinating everywhere and fired him or whatever the hell. I checked out the tacobell site tonite to see if they posted an apology or whatever- but nay. I guess they're too busy building 'viral' garbage that nobody watches, asked for, wants, or likes.

Check it out. Tacobell.com

12/11

Tonite TV taught me a new name for something. It's called 'Time Shifting'. Basically if you have a Tivo type DVR machine thing and you like to watch Deal or No Deal - if you tivo it then start watching it at 8:15 (15 minutes late) so you can fast forward through commercials-- you're 'time shifting'. Have no fear though tv advertising people! Phillips is already developing a way to make people's tivo box lock up and freeze during commercials! Forcing people to watch! I wonder how they'll factor in the resentment factor...

Why does this site live on?

12/10

Sorry no daily factoid yesterday. I'm gonna give myself a noogie right now as punishment. There! You happy!? Man, you think one day missed is noogie worthy? Whatever. Harsh.

Anyway, today the newsdork told me there's a new way to book a flight for singles. It's called AirTroductions (nice super terrible name.) And basically you can go online and pick who you sit next to based on their personal profile or whatever. So you can fly sitting next to someone you might want to eventually be naked with or whatever. I guess it's a coolio idea. But if you get stuck next to someone who lies all over their profile-- you got like five hours of being all pissed off at them.

Here goes AirTroductions. (And here a WARNING not safe for work 18 and over please video about the mile high club all gay and stunningly super stupid and stuff.

12/8

This morning I found out that Nintendo has finally acknowledged the problem regarding people letting go of their Wii controllers and smashing lamps and tv sets and windows. Meanwhile you know during Wii testing there was some dork who kept letting go of the controller who all the other testers made fun of for being a dork (not that video game testers have any room to call anyone a dork. no offense video game testers) ignoring the fact that that one clumsy superdork was the only who was really doing a good job.

Here's some good pong action...

12/7

Hey! Some people who sit around staring at bats (the flying kind) all day long finally figured something out about bats besides the fact that they're blind and creepy (and occasionally turn into dudes who wear makeup and tuxedos and pop boners over biting necks). Apparently blindo bats fly around in caves by screeching and listening to the echo so they don't smash into something. But when they're flying around the forests or whatever they rely on the earth's magnetic field to navigate and find their way home. Which somehow makes bats one step creepier in my eyes... like they have superpowers like Daredevil or something...

But the joke's on them! The whole magnetic field is about to totally reverse! Or something! Then we'll see who'll be flying into trees and who'll be biting who on the neck! Suckers!!! (get it? suckers? feh!) Hahahahah!

12/6

Hey! Have you and your significant other ever thought about donating your bone cells to be prepared and developed in some bioengineery scientific lab situation which will then transfer your processed bone cells over to some art studio where some art dudes will shape your bone matter into fashionable jewelry which will serve as mementos for your love while producing groan inducing cocktail party discussions?-- but you've had no idea how to go about doing that? Well according to the tv your problem is finally solved!

See here!

12/5

Tonite the news told me that there's a growing problem on NYC subways. Scratchiti. It's like graffiti except uncool and unfun and unart. Dopes are going around and using like burning acid and knives and stuff to scratch their names into the windows of subway cars all stupid and umm... I umm...uh... I just flipped to CBS and I guess the Victoria's Secret umm... prance around in underwear show is... umm... on now and umm... that there umm... underwear... bras...wings....i like....tv...stuff looks nice...  well that girl just had a bra on the outside of her clothes.... that was dopey.. but um... and? and... umm... anyway... what was I talking about? 

Oh yeah! Scratchiti! Yeah... umm... that stuff is wacked. Here's a scratchiti schmuck in schmaction...

12/4

Just got back from seeing Evil Dead: The Musical so TV fact is gonna be quick ready? I'm just gonna turn on the tv next to my computer and first thing that comes up is the fact. Ok? Here we go... ok it's a commercial... hold on that doesn't count. Land Rover commercial. Whatever. Ug! Another commercial. This one is for Men's Warehouse... ok wait.. ARGH! ANOTHER! Digital cable tv.... grr... anyway... the evil dead show tonite was really great. Nothing like a show that sprays fake blood all over the people in the crowd. IHOP commercial now. Yeah if you're an Evil Dead fan and around NYC it's worth the trip in totally. Now a friggin Mercedes commercial. What the hell channel is this anyway!? OK CBS... now preview for morning show. Jeez cmon! ARGH! ANOTHER COMMERCIAL! FOR A HUMMER! AAHHH!H I SWEAR ANOTHER COMMERCIAL $49.99 suits at K&G whatever the hell that is. NOW! NEWS PREVIEW ABOUT TRANSFAT! GIVE ME A BREAK! WTF! ok... ok it's Letterman Show. Let's see what he has to say..... AHHH! HE'S JUST SAYING GOODBYE! SHOWS OVER! TOLD ME THAT KINKY FRIEDMAN WILL BE ON TOMORROW NIGHT! Who cares?! No one but Kinky! Terrible fact! Thanks Dave!

Ok it rolled right into Craig Ferguson. Maybe I can grab something quick. One sec. Ok he made a Britney joke... hold on... A monday joke.... ok.... AHHH ANOTHER BRITNEY JOKE! step it up Craig! OK! FINALLY! FERGUSON JUST TOLD ME GEORGE CLOONEY'S PET PIG DIED TODAY! PHEW! Finally a friggin fact... Dead pig of Clooney. Done and done.

Here's the site for Evil Dead the Musical. Fun! Funny! And blood! And here's something about McClooney's now dead pig... as reported in China.

12/3

Sorry for the slacknicity here for the past couple days. Not sure what happened. I blame Roscoe. He was a big jerk this weekend! Or something...

Anyway, tonite I saw a show about best gifts and worst gifts for the holidays. Lady said that gift cards a good gift but alot of retailers are being dicks totally ripping people off with their gift cards. Some have purchasing fees, processing fees and monthly "maintenance" fees. Crap like that. Plus some gift cards expire after a while. Some secretly subtract money over time if you let it sit around. Like $2 a month until it gets to zero! Dicks!

Here's some iffy gifts!

Hookery makeup! For little girls! Gah! Clean your ears while looking inside! Coolio! A tattoo parlor! For kids!   Fake wang bulge!

Hey! What's the worst gift you ever got? Or worst gift giver you know? Write it up and we'll post em this week... [email protected]

From:
To: [email protected]
Subject: daily fact gift ideas
Date: Sun, 3 Dec 2006 21:35:28 -0800 (PST)

Todd,

  I gotta tell ya. Do not listen to the tv person pimping gift cards. They suck as gifts. You know what the best gift you can get? Somthing you want but won't spend your own money on. I got a $100 gift card last year. I still have it. It's so impersonal. Oh, I do live in a state that says $100 is $100 no expiration, holds the value. But I 'de have rather had something personal.

  If you publish this My name is Lint

 

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