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FEBRUARY 2007

2/28

Tonite on local news I saw something that grossed me out about cod. So if you like love cod you should maybe probably start stopping reading what I'm typing now. (How's that for a sentence?) The news showed this woman who bought some cod at Whole Foods market-- and when she cut into the raw cod she saw worms! Live wiggily worms! Cod worms! Fairly common they say! Not really Whole Foods fault. It's the cod's fault. Alot of cods have worms. But no worries, if you don't notice them and cook em and eat em they won't hurt you. And most people do just that...

Here's some Q&A bout the (EW!) cod worm...

2/27

Ok I admit I might be on shakey ground with my Idol pick right now. He better friggin pull it together next week! To make matters worse I found out after Idol that 5th graders are smarter than me. (Some dopey Fox show matched up adults against 5th graders with trivia.) Unfortunately it took them like a half-hour to ask like five questions. Way to keep the show moving along Fox dopes! Whatever... Bad TV night tonight...

Plus I just took this here test and it told me I'm as smart as a 4th grader.... great.

2/26

Today I heard that the CEO of Starbucks is all upset because he feels like Starbucks has lost touch with Starbucks. Now that they use speedier machines and don't grind beans or whatever he's afraid that they're just gonna become another fast food chain or whatever. He thinks Starbucks brand is all watered down. So the first thing he wants to bring back to Starbucks is the 'coffee smell' by forcing people to grind beans for the hell of it or piping it through the vents or having employees fart more or whatever. Sort of coolio to hear a CEO publically say something that makes sense...

Here's a pdf of a bunch of chain restaurants that do extreme eating. That cheesecake do look good tho...

2/25

Last night I watched the Oscars. I was happy that Alan Arkin won because I finally saw Little Miss Sunshine the other day and I thought that movie was great and he deserved to win totally and all that. I know everyone was yelling at me to see it when it was out and apologies for not doing that then and stuff. Great flick! (Yes I'm way late to even bandwagon) But I thought it was funny! No joke! (here)

Here's the site with a bunch of weird links to stuff and stuff...

2/24

Today TV told me that there's a new threat on the horizon. Chimpanzees. Apparently they're getting smarter and have started using sharpened sticks or spears to hunt stuff. The other thing that's interesting is apparently it's the chick chimps who are developing these tools. The young chimps seem to pick it up pretty fast. And the last ones to understand how to use the spears?  Adult males. Probably too distracted by their wangs I suspect...

Hi ya! Karate Chimp!

2/23

Yesterday I found out how John Wayne died. Forever I heard he smoked his head off and eventually keeled over but apparently it might not have been cigarettes that done in the Duke. He filmed this sucky movie called The Conquerer that was filmed in the desert. And the whole set was downwind from where they were testing nukes. Like half the people who worked on that flick ended up all messed up from the radiation.

Here's a link to the movie set site and a bunch of other nuked up places in Utah...

2/22

Tonite some dude on TV issued a warning to me about some new energy drink called 'Spike'. Apparently some kid in Colorado drank a bunch of it and his heart raced and then he puked all over himself. Other kids have been getting sick from it too. The manufacturer issued the following statement, 'If our drink makes you puke... Don't drink our drink! Done and done. Now f**k off, dickbrain wieners...' They later retracted the 'dickbrain' remark... but left the wieners.

Here's a whole bunch of things that have been 'recalled'..

2/21

So I found out that Virgin is getting like real serious about developing rocket flights from New York to London. They go like 'hypersonic' or whatever. For a little while people will be all weightless and stuff floating around and blah blah. I dunno. People will pay $200,000 for the trip. The only danger is it'll shoot off into outerspace and the people on there will become like involuntary space explorers forever. Which I guess wouldn't be the total worst thing in the world. I think their $200,000 could maybe go to a better place. Then again I don't know if I want pricks like Richard Branson being like first contact people on the planet Triton...

Here goes Virgin Galactico and a personal page from Triton...

2/20 -fixed link

Ok the Idol updates have officially begun starting......... ...... ... NOW! Ok for the most part this season seems to be really lacking in people who can actually sing. Everyone was awful tonight including that frizzy haired Jack Osbourne and that Sundance Sunbeam Soulpatch scrub. But I'm telling you right now that Jared Cotter is the next Idol and I'll be here bragging about it week after week until you can't stand my bragnicity!!!! Mark my words!! Mr. Cotter in 07!

Speaking of Mr. Cotter. Here's Horseshack and Barbarino done by some guy who has got to be super annoying when drunk...

2/19

TV told me that scientists are making progress in figuring out how they can like regrow fingers and regenerate limbs and stuff like that which is very coolio! Especially if they can branch out (so to speak) and grow extra limbs! Like extra legas and arms like Doc Ock! And then with extra arms and legs we could like totally multitask at the office and type super fast while swatting flies and be like amazing at karate and stuff.

Here goes a duckling with four feeties...

2/18

Today I found out that the watch business is in trouble. Whereas when I was a teenybopper it was all about your swatch watch and your swatch guard and all that stuff-- for the most part teens today don't wear a watch at all. With their cellphone and mp3 players and sitting in front of a computer or whatever. Time is pretty all over the place so they're like screw wearing it on your wrist. For the most part stupid watches only do one stupid thing! Count time! Sorry watches...

I guess they're trying to geek back in the game with this sort of bluetoof garb...

2/17

So the news showed me today some dude hooked up a robot to snowblow his driveway. And I guess he stays inside with a remote control or whatever and makes it go back and forth. Seems like a coolio idea.... if you think hooking up a robot with deadly spinning murder blades is a great thing to do! What does he think!? Some measly radio shack remote control is gonna stop this thing from killing! Stop it from multiplying! Creating more and more and more of spinning blade murder robots that will eventually work like a Go-Bot or whatever and link up altogether and become one giant giant spinning blades robot that can mow cities!!! What's this guy thinking!?!

Here go some nerds who designed a murder robot controlled by the Wii...

2/16

Ok so this wasn't exactly posted by 4PM but it wasn't because of lack of trying! I've been watching TV for 5 hours and here's what I came away with!

Some science dude was talking bout how in the future we plan to have humans live on other planets right? Like living on Mars or Venus or Quandoo-5 or whatever. Problem is people who are born and raised on Mars or Quandoo-5 or whatever will eventually evolve differently like 'Earth' humans. And eventually will be so different that they might not be able live on Earth at all. Therefore sort of become a new species altogether. I smell kooky wars in the future!

Judging by the look of this website I'd say these dudes have a ways to go...

2/15

Sorry no daily factoid yesterday. I headed into the city to see the Letterman Show and it threw off the rest of my day alot of which involved watching TV. But I'll get back on the stick and grab a factoid bright and early tomorrow! It will be posted before 4PM EST (give or take an hour)...

You can play some Woo Foo Workout in the meantime...

2/14

Ok! Although they changed up American Idol this year and shortened the Hollywood week into two nights I still am so good at Idol that I am going to tell everyone right now who the next American Idol is. Last year I made a prediction at this time and was one off with my McPhee prediction. This year I'm gonna nail it. So mark this page and quote me now. Because our next American Idol is...believe it or not.... is this guy...

SAY HELLO TO YOUR NEW AMERICAN IDOL! JARED COTTER!

Here goes Jessica Sierra. A previous Idol finalist. Doing her thing at Hooters....

2/13

News dork told me today that most women are willing to settle for "mediocre sex" these days (I guess all days realistically) for a variety of reasons. News dork said alot of women don't ask for what they want and they get distracted by their body issues and stuff. So they're not crazy about it and sex becomes just another thing on the list for some women. Like a task to check off. News dork says the starting point would be for women to start asking for what they want... then things will start falling into place and stuff.

Here go the top ten sexy time fantasies for women....

2/12

Today the newslady told me that scientists are exploring a new way to use stem cells. Apparently they're figuring out some way to use stemcells to increase boob size. Like they take fat from the butt and then shoot it up with stem cells and then put it in the boob and then sciencey stuff happens then badda bing! Bigger boobs! It seems like the core of science now revolves around four things: bigger boobs, curing baldness, better boners, and losing weight...

Wanna hear a ringtone that claims to give Japanese chicks bigger boobs? Link at the bottom...

2/11

Last night I was watching the Grammy's and a friend of mine called me up and told me she got all annoyed when people 'Thanked God' after they won a Grammy. I agree with that. It's sort of annoying. I guess it's nice to thank God in general... but to imply that God had a hand in who wins which Grammy not only implies that God is actually like a teenage girl watching TV and eating gummy worms all concerned about who wins a Grammy-- but it also implies that God is actually 'fixing' the Grammy's based on who he likes or loves the most. (aka cheating)... No?

Here's all the Grammy winners from the 1980's...

2/10

So TV told me what kind of bed chicks want for Valentine's Day so they are most comfortable when it's time to do it. TV lady said chicks want the following for their 'ideal bed'. First off, they want a canopy bed, they also want music (romantic ipod shuffle), water by the bed, good sheets, linen spray to spray on the linen, feather bed, faux fur throw blanket on the bed,  fresh flowers, dimmer switch with pink lightbulbs, candles, and breakfast in bed in the morning.

(My bed isn't a canopy bed. I have a box spring on the floor with no bed frame. I don't have ipod speakers but I do have a a clock radio, I don't usually have water by the bed but that can be arranged, I guess my sheets are ok-- they don't have holes in them or nuttin, I don't have linen spray but I do have dog smell, I don't have a feather bed but I have a fluffy dog-- you can put your head on him I guess. But he smells. I don't have faux fur blanket but I got an itchy thing made by my Grandma, I don't have fresh flowers but I have a ratty palm plant that's like half alive (I just bought plant food for it), I don't have pink lightbulbs nor candles but I have a high beam flashlight--- and breakfast in bed is self-service. I guess I have some work to do... :-(

Here goes the FBI files for the St. Valentine's Day massacre...

2/9

Ok. I couldn't find an official daily factoid for this day but while I was flipping around looking I saw a movie called 'Night of the Comet' was starting up. I had vague memories about this movie from the early 80's. Comet passes by Earth. Turns everyone to dust except some chicks or something. They have the whole city of LA to themselves. I remember it being very coolio so I decided to watch it. Unfortunately, Night of the Comet didn't survive the test of time. It was pretty horrendous on all levels. At one point a zombie kid attacks some guy in a suburban house-- and the guy says, 'Well, there goes the neighborhood!'

Some think that the Comet Catalina is gonna be one to wipe out the planet in 2085. (But not in a cool turn people into zombies way--- more of a WHAM!!! The end. Way.)

2/8

Tonight I found out that women dig the smell of men's sweat even if they don't think so. Some sweaty science nerds on a mission to change the appearance of their sex appeal did some tests-- and they discovered that women are more turned on by sex than any other scents they tested. A big sweat covered nerd held a press conference to declare how sexy he was and displayed his yellowed underarm undershirt to prove his sex appeal and announce his factual findings. It was the first press conference where reporters threw vegetables at the person holding the conference and booed.

Here's the history of sweaty stuff.

2/7

Sorry no daily factoid yesterday. I totally dropped the ball but I did change the sheets on my bed and wash my towels. So the whole day wasn't a washout and stuff. So to speak. Anyway, later today I'll be posting the best daily fact in the history of all facts in the history of the world in the history of the universe! No pressure!

Here are the ten most expensive household items...(including sheets)

2/6

So TV told me that Snickers is in trouble with their stupid super bowl ad. (The one with the mechanics in denial dudes accidentally kissing and then 'needing to do something manly' afterwards to like cancel it out or whatever). Some gay groups were like, 'WTF was with that? That ain't cool...' And Snickers was all, 'What? Ummm wha... Duhhh....' And gay groups were like, 'Why did you think that was a good idea?' And Snickers was all, 'Duhh... I dunno..... duhhh...' Gay groups were like, 'Did you bother to test this ad? At all?' And Snickers was like, 'What? Ummm.... uh...yeah.... we did... nnt... ..ummm duhh....'

Apparently one other version of the ad have the gay mechanics gay bashing each other after finding out that they're gay... or something...

2/5

I found out that you can say goodbye to the penny sometime soon. The lucky penny is unlucky enough to be worth 1.7 cents. So now the penny if officially worth more than it's worth. If that makes sense. So pretty soon they're going to phase them out altogether and then we'll be stuck with boring no-personality sucky nickel as the lowest rung on the coinage chain. Save your pennies! Soon they'll be gone! And while you're at it... Check for one of these...

Ain't Luke a sweetie...

2/4

So yesterday I watched the Super Bowl and I thought it was a good game. I think the weather should always be messed up for SuperBowl. Mud, rain, hail would be excellent. But whatever. The thing that was disappointing were the ads. What the hell? What happened to ads that were super cool? I mean seriously what the hell with this stupid ad? Are you kidding me? And no, I don't buy the concept that 'people talk about it so the ad being so bad... so that's why it works'... because I ain't buying the nuts...

2/3

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. I did watch alot of TV including one show about pizza that told me that Pizza Hut is called Pizza Hut because the sign they bought for their first restaurant had enough room on it for the word 'pizza' and only three more letters. So they went with Hut... Definitely better than their second choice which was 'Bad'.... and their third choice which was 'Ass'.

If you're bored here's something very coolio and fun to watch.

2/2

Today TV showed me a product that makes me feel like America has got to get itself under control or it's gonna do a Rome Empire style collapse totally sooner than later. It's stuff like this which sort of makes me ill. The idea that there's a marketplace for this kind of product. That there are people with lots of money who are stupid enough to buy it. People who are willing to treat $40 like... absolutely nothing-- when we have an American city destroyed down south.

I can't believe people have the nerve to buy something like this-- instead of doing something good. It's sad. I spit on this product (with hocked loogie).

2/1

Tonight I punished myself by watching a show about plastic surgery. Mainly it was about boob implants so it was hard to click off or whatever because they'd sort of show boob with like the magic marker lines on em with the Xs and stuff. The thing that's always shocking about surgery is how violent it usually seems. I always expect it to be all delicate and gentle-- meanwhile dudes are like jamming implants in like all rough and stuff. It looks like how they did implants back in the 1800's... when they did them with sand in a goats bladder or whatever...

Here's a chick giving 26 reasons why she didn't like her boob implants...

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