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So back then I was unemployed and living in Manhattan in the West Village downtown. I woke up sometime after nine and turned on my clock radio which was tuned to Howard Stern. I was half-asleep sort of listening to him go on and on about a terrorist attack on the Trade Center. He was ranting about how we should start ‘nuke-ing’ Iraq and Iran immediately or something. The first thing I thought of was I was just listening to a re-broadcast from the ’93 Trade Center attack. (Howard runs reruns when he’s on vacation). Then all of a sudden I realized that Howard was not on vacation! I was very aware of his schedule! It was live! Then my phone rang.

I jumped out of bed and turned on the TV and picked up the phone. I saw on the TV that both towers had big holes in them and they were on fire. My friend on the phone was asking if I was seeing this. I told him I was and I was ok but needed to go down to the street and I hung up on him. I was a mile or so up the street from the towers and wanted to see things with my own eyes. I ran down the stairs and out the door. There was a big group of people out in the street staring up toward the end of the city.

I didn’t really believe it was a terrorist attack at first. I assumed it was major screwup by air traffic control or something. I remember thinking that someone somewhere was totally gonna get super fired. Sirens were all around and cops and fire trucks and ambulances were all heading down there. And I just remember looking at those big holes and wondering how the hell they were gonna get up there to put out the fires and fix them up. I thought about the idea of super tall scaffolding. I thought about ‘water helicopters’. It didn’t really click in at all that people were hurt or dead. I was in denial on all that. I was busy thinking if it was possible to build scaffolding from the top of the building down… or something.

The crowd of us on the street weren’t really talking much just sort of saying, ‘Oh my god…’ And ‘What happened?’ I just stood there staring at buildings constructing various ridiculous plans to fix them. And how it would be cool to watch that repair go on. Then some foreign dude was listening to his walkman turned to me in a deep accent and said, ‘Pentagon is on fire now!’ I was like, ‘Oh yeah?’ thinking, ‘Man, this dude thinks the Trade Center is the friggin Pentagon…?’

That morning, for some reason a friend of mine was coming over around 10 to use my computer for something. I looked at my watch and headed back toward my apartment to not leave her hanging. I was totally in a fog. Nothing seemed real at all. I remember my feet felt weird stepping on the ground. Before going upstairs I wandered in the muffin place on the corner to get a cup of coffee. I said to the guy behind the counter, ‘Crazy morning, huh?’ He gave me my change and didn’t say anything. I don’t even think he saw me at all.

I headed up to my apartment and my friend was inside my place already. (I apparently ran outside earlier and just left the door wide open). She was sitting in front of my tv and I sat down next to her. She had some muffins or something. I ate some but wasn’t hungry. It started to sink in that everything was officially going nuts. I felt weird staying inside watching TV. I felt like I needed to be out. I needed air. I didn’t feel sad (that came later) I just felt mental. I remembered that I had access to the roof of my building and could see the towers from there. So we headed on up.

When we got to the roof some of my neighbors were already up there and most had cameras. I thought about heading back downstairs to get my camera but something seemed weird about that. Like I shouldn’t be so concerned with snapshots. So we just went to the ledgewall of the building and looked out at the towers. Apparently while we were heading up the stairs one of the towers had just collapsed. It was hard to tell at first because there was so much smoke. But then I saw blue sky peeking through where the tower was and realized it was gone. And I remember that moment being the first time I wasn’t just amazed and wild eyed by everything. It was the first time I actually felt scared. For me personally.

The group of us on the roof stared away at the remaining tower barely talking about anything. Occasionally saying something like, ‘Whatever this is. It changes everything.’ Stuff like that. But we weren’t so chatty. I stared at that second tower and started focusing on the edge of the building. Wondering if it was gonna collapse too. And then the mushroom cloud formed and the thing just went down. The sounds we all made as it went down mushed into one big groan. After the smoke settled down I headed back downstairs to my apartment and my friend headed off to see people.

After calling around to try and track down some friends that worked downtown to check in to see if they were ok, I just sat and watched TV for a while. Then I put on my rollerblades and decided to try and get downtown. On the way, I stopped in on a friend of mine who lived nearby. She answered the door in bad shape. She looked like she’d been crying non-stop for hours. We were in different places. I was sort of buzzed on the excitement of it all and keeping real reality out. But she was totally on the other side along the lines of ‘how can people be so bad to people’ and was down on all humanity. I told her to put on her rollerblades and come downtown with me. She refused at first but I convinced her. I told her I wanted to get close to the rubble. She wasn’t so into that but came along anyway.

The two of us rollerbladed downtown and by then that police had barricaded off an area around the site. I remember feeling sorta of surprised that there wasn’t a massive pile of steel and office stuff. I expected it to be a big mess twentystories tall with like computer monitors and chairs and stuff. But the pile looked way too low and small for two gigundo skyscrapers. It didn’t look like there was enough stuff. A crowd was down there staring and just trying to figure out what we were looking at. Then cops shoed people away. And we rollerbladed home and back to our places.

That night was one of the harder times to be single. It was weird not having someone there to add up on everything. And do it and stuff. So on TV time-outs I just wandered around my neighborhood looking everything and everyone. Thinking it was weird that restaurants were open. I remember the smell of the air and color of the air. It was yellowish and smelled like rotten eggs and melted plastic with a bad chemicalness. It looked weird in the streetlights. The smell was totally unfamiliar. Like toxic alien fuel burn. Whatever it was in there, it was way obvious that the smell was super wrong. Plus the air had friggin color in it! Yellow haze! And this was over a mile away. ‘The air is safe…’ was such a lie. There was no way. It was awful and it smelled real bad for at least a month or so.

Anyway, that’s what happened with that that day. I spent the next few weeks crying and clapping at worker trucks on the West Side Highway. And looking at missing person flyers. It does seem like a long time ago now. I guess it was. Five years is a while. I still miss those big dorky towers. I used them all the time to get my sense of direction when lost in the city– I’d look to them and they’d always tell me which way was up.

ok bye

tOdd

1. Nivea Cool Body Wash

For years I’ve been using Old Spice Sport for my shower soap– but ever since that Old Spice guy started making me feel bad about myself I’ve been looking to switch it up. (I guess it’s possible that in the long run that ad campaign (as funny as it is) might be backfiring. I don’t make the connection between “Look at your man… Now look at me…” and have the end result of me feeling “good”…

So I’ve dabbled here and there with some other soaps. I refuse to buy Dove for Men because I think Dove is always for girls even if it says ‘For Men’ on it. I tried some seemingly ‘gender neutral’ stuff like Aveeno or whatever but they still seem to fall on the girl side of the soap world. And I won’t go as far over as Axe because… um… I’m not an Axe guy.

Anyway, recently I tried this Nivea Cool and I really like it! It’s my new soap! It’s refreshing and clean and I think it smells good– and the product doesn’t make me feel bad about not being on a motorcycle horse or whatever. And it’s called ‘Cool’ which automatically makes me ‘cool’.

2>>>>

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2. Stonyfield Farm BaNilla Yogurt

I’ve been eating yogurt with berries and granola or whatever ever since my body told me I can’t eat Fruity Pebbles non-stop anymore. I used to get the Fage yogurt– but to be honest I was never crazy about it. It seemed pricey and sour. Like extra sour or whatever. But recently I started getting Stonyfield Vanilla yogurt which I liked more.

But the other day I accidentally bought Banilla flavored. I didn’t realize it until I opened it up and it was all gross yellow colored. I almost barfed. I thought the vanilla had gone totally bad all the way through. But then I looked at the label and saw it was banana and vanilla flavored. I was like, ‘Gross! I got the wrong kind!’ Then I realized I like both banana AND vanilla. And I ate it and I liked it and now it’s my new favorite yogurt. So there’s that.

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3. Apple Slicer from IKEA

Soon it will be apple season and I’m psyched! Once the ‘good’ apples come out I seriously probably eat a couple dozen a week. I don’t like biting into apples I like slicing them up. It’s been my way for years. But recently I was in IKEA and I saw one of these apple slicer things. I’d never used one before. Not sure how common they are or what but I decided to buy one. It was like $5.00 I think.

I kind of assumed with most ‘kitchen gadgets’– there would be something ‘wrong’ with it and it would end up in a drawer forever. Like bad peelers or whatever. But these apple slicer things are pretty friggin awesome! (Am I the last person on earth to use one? I dunno…) It’s fun too! There’s something satisfying about slicing up an apple with one push and making it look all blooming oniony and stuff!

It also works well with other fruits too– like “Asian Pears”. Which I ate a bunch of the other day and I also like. It doesn’t work with blueberries though.

ok bye!
tOdd

You can read it up HERE if you want. And if you saw a movay this weekend and want to type up a ‘guest’ review– send it on in! oddtodd7@hotmail.com

Here’s a guest review from Nicol for ‘The American’

Good vibes to y’all this weekend! Don’t drink and drive…

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Todd,

Thanks for giving me permission to publish some pics for my mac and cheese article. As things tend to workout, my editor did not use the cool-i-o pic from the odd todd, but I do provide the Odd Todd exclusive recipe.

Here is a link to the article.
http://www.washtenawvoice.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/0810pdf_files/a8.pdf

Don’t forget to celebrate International Talk Like Pirate Day Sept 19th (ARRR!)

Thanks again

Brian Steinberg
The Washtenaw Voice
Ann Arbor, MI
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From:
Date: Fri, 3 Sep 2010 22:15:04 -0400
Subject: hello todd its me paul again
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com

i wrote you a while ago and asking you for a autograph, i dont know if u lost me address, you posted my letter wich was nice.

thanks again paul
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I figured you’d moved on to a corner office or died or became a youth ministry leader or something. I had NO idea that THE Odd Todd continues on. Wow. Memories! Must fill my (diswasher-faded, thanks Cafe Press!) Coff-ay mug tomorrow in tribute. Seriously, hope all is going wellish for you.

Tim

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i’ve been following OddTodd for the past 7 years (since i was 11, i’m 18 now), and you are just an amazing person. i can always rely for your website to put me in a better mood when i’m down in the dumps. you are hilarious, and i hope you continue to do this website as long as you possibly can. always love the pictures of the week and the stories about new york, i hope one day if i can visit new york that i can meet you, you are my hero!

with love from california, greg

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Mr. Odd,

We don’t speak that often, but I’ve always been fond of your sincere ( and non-automated ) replies to my e-mails. You sent me a coffee cup once that was lost in the battle of 2009 when my girlfriend kicked me out and I was homeless. How I miss that cup with your image so boldly portrayed on its exterior, the shiny coating protecting it from unintentional disfigurement.

I’ll have you know that among the geekyiest of circles , you are a legend. A man to aspire to, a true patriot to living a virtually penniless existence in today’s modern society; stick it to the man! Success for allot of people is based on their misfortune. My misfortune is based on my misfortune. Sitting here, in Heidelberg Germany, an ice cold white Russian in one hand, cigarette in the other, I can’t help but notice all the astonishingly beautiful women walking past, that astonishingly have no idea that I exist. It’s just as well, because at least that way I can look at their boobs and not have to worry about them catching me! am I right, hu, hu??

Regardless, keep up the good work

Love, cookies, boobs, coffee, and tv
-kris

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Sorry I can’t send money I’m laid off too -been up all night- you were right
about everything in the video.- I am a 60 yr old woman- not likely the find
work. I have applied for 28 jobs, 1 interview and they did not even bother
to tell me I didn’t get the job. I even applied to be a Sears Santa this
year http://bethesanta.sears.com THIS ALL SUCKS!

Marsha

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Anyway, the train ride is going along and I find myself looking at this girl’s feet and ankles which had pretty nice tattoos. Cartoony style. Birds and vines and stuff. I started to admire the work. Lots of detail. I was trying to decipher what was going on there.

As I worked my way up her calf– (I realized I was staring a bit but I figured she knew why) she crossed her leg and exposed her full side thigh which had wildlife on it. Like deer sipping from a stream and stuff. And high up on the side of her thigh there were a bunch of samurai and geishas in there together and they disappeared under the skirt. I couldn’t understand what the samurai and the geisha were doing in the woods with the deer and the birds but…

On the inner thigh on her other leg there was some sort of monster action scene going on. At this point, I felt like she was comfortable with the idea that I was admiring her tattoos. In my head I really wasn’t like, ‘Oooh! Look at the legs!’ I really was like, ‘I’m bored on the train– I’m gonna look at your inked up situation. Because it is the best art on the train.’

I think I was only looking her over for a minute or so– but when I looked at her in the eyes to sort of give her a ‘Hey! Nice tattoos!’ nod— she was looking back at me with a face that said, ‘What the f–k are you staring at, you fkin gorky pervert?!’

I immediately looked away and went back into, ‘I’m scared of you tattoo people mode.’

But on second thought I was a like, ‘Honey! You’re the one covered in art! In a mini-skirt! I’m sure it’s a fine line but I kind of feel like I sort of have the right to look you over!’ I guess there’s a certain protocol there and maybe I mistook comfort for discomfort– but…

And hey! I bet if I was covered in tattoos she wouldn’t have minded so much. It would have been more acceptable, right? Like she’d know exactly why some dude covered in tattoos would be looking her over. Just because I’m covered in hair and not tattoos– shouldn’t automatically make me a perv! I’m not a perv, tattoo girl! I like cartoons! I was just looking at the tattoos all over you! How could I not!? We were sitting right across from each other! You were all exposed! Don’t I have the right to admire you?!

ok bye!
tOdd

PS. Thanks for not taking out your switchblade and swik swiking me…

Anyway, after I heard it was open I headed down there– and the first thing I noticed was there was no shade. It was the beginning of August midday 140 degrees outside. The new dog park was this big round circle straight under the sun. And all the dogs were in there half-conscious broiling like they were lying in some giant petri dish under a heat lamp. The place was scorching. So right off the bat that wasn’t so hot. Or it was. Or whatever. In any case, you didn’t want to be in the dog park at noon.

Second thing I noticed…

…is that they filled up the dog park with like sharp gravely rocks. Rocks that apparently don’t feel good on dogs paws. Maybe something about them being like all jagged and stabby or something. So for the most part the dogs all walk weird on it like dainty prancy (the same way humans would)– until they get to the concrete ring around the park– and then the dogs just chase either round and round on the concrete. Ignoring the ‘park’ part.

ALSO the rocks are like dyed this reddish color so for double extra bonus all the dogs paws get dyed reddish if the rocks get wet. And the reddness has already stained the concrete benches all around the park gross style for extra annoyance…

Basically, the whole place (as nice as it seems and it was nice to build for us) is pretty much a dog design disaster. There was obviously no (zero!) dog-consultation in the mix! People always complain about how dogs have no jobs and they’re like freeloaders and stuff– and here’s a perfectly good opportunity for them to earn their keep! With dog park design skills!

Maybe we should start expanding dog resumes beyond pulling, leading, smelling, scaring or biting– and into design consultation and city planning so we don’t end up with more dumb dumb dog parks like this one…

(Then again if it was left up to the dogs– they’d probably fill the place with squirrels and chickens and they’rd be steak bones buried everywhere fresh daily. So maybe hiring the dogs isn’t the best idea– but it would be a more friggin exciting dog park!)

Decided to write about it today because I brought Roscoe there this AM and he basically shot me a look as we approached like, ‘Are we seriously going there again? You know that place sucks…’

ok bye!
tOdd

PS. Then again it’s the same park people who burned kids with these here so…

PPS. If you want you pet posted for this Wednesday send in pics and stories if you got em! oddtodd7@hotmail.com

There’s been lots of reasons why I’ve never been into exercising.

1. I’ve been blessed with a natural physique with situational abs and umm… buff fortecs and all that and I don’t want to mess with that perfection.

2. I feel if I do something like say… jogging– my awesome mannish superhero strides will make other joggers feel bad about their own non-awesome non-superhero strides. And I don’t want people to feel bad about their superheroless strides.

3. There’s a side of me that feels that exercise is actually unnecessary. A myth. Not only because women tell me that my ‘gut’ is cute (not helping)– but I feel like hard exercise might actually be more damaging long term rather than healthy…

Like, you’re telling me my knees aren’t stronger than the guy who runs marathons every year? You’re telling my heart isn’t stronger than the weight lifter who strains his heart every day? You’re telling me the crazy guy in Russia who is 115 years old got there by… exercise? I’ve never even seen a 115 year old buff guy! Ever!

>>>>>>>>>>>>

I do believe in a healthy lifestyle and very much believe in eating good ‘non-poisonous’ fresh unpackaged foods. But I’ve felt for a while that walking a couple miles with my dog everyday– pretty much covers me exercise wise. It may not make me ‘buff’– but for years I’ve been checking off ‘dog walking’ as my form of exercise. Stress-reliever and all that.

I would definitely exercise more in sports if I could. I played on a softball team this summer but the games were too few and far between. I suck at basketball. Always have. Can’t go left. Tennis is too difficult in the city. I’ve played racquetball here and there but it’s too reliant on others and scheduling and stuff.

But I feel nowadays, I gotta be doing something more– and I’ve been considering some ‘gym oriented’ exercise stuff. It’s down to these three. Spinning, Boxing and Plilates. Other stuff is out. Boxing is the most appealing considering I honestly don’t know what Spinning or Plilates are. And spinning sounds like something that’ll make me hurl. But I gotta do one of em I think. Or I’d appreciate advice otherwise…

You might be wondering why I am considering exercise at all if I think regular hard exercise is unnecessary and unhealthy. I just think people who exercise alot normal style look better— and I have fat face. Again.

ok bye!
tOdd

I’m going away with my family Monday and Tuesday and I’ll be back Tuesday night. So site update delay til Wednesday!

This weekend had a good time running around with a nephew (even though I have an ear infection and had to take him to a drug store to get meds and the highlight may have been us running the wrong way up and down the escalators up down up down up down until the pills were ready). And we saw ‘Dinner with Schmucks’ (which had gonorrhea and clitoris in it which was awkward). I’ll try to motivate to type a review for it later but twas meh.

I did get this email from someone the next day (all in good fun)– but I confirmed with my nephew that it was indeed the case.
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Subject: Movay
From:
Date: Fri, 20 Aug 2010 23:34:27 -0400
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com

Your nephew kept kicking my seat through half the movie:)

craig
www.calindustries.com
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We apologized and I’ll be sending off a coff-ay cup. Apparently my new shoes were the giveaway…

Anyway, I know I’ve been slacking a little here but there are coolio top secret announcements (finally) and updates coming soon with stuff so I’ll be posting good newsy things as soon as I’m allowed to and stuff.

And if you’d like to read a *Guest Mov-ay Review* there’s one after the jump for Piranha 3D from Mike Anthony! Thanks Mike!

Piranha 3D

Rating 3 cookays for 3D fun

We rushed to see Piranha 3D and we were excited, as 3D can be a great fun. Sometimes it’s a visual adventure regardless of the story or the reality level: and this movie is a perfect example.

It’s a simple story; lake full of people; having a blast; and we all know there’s nothing to be afraid of in the water anymore, right? Wrong!! If a lake bottom opens up to release pre-historic killer fish (no spolier here; you see this in the first seconds) you are in a soup of hot; red, bloody water!!

Lots of great actors here; having fun with a fun movie (yes, I know how many times I’m using the word “fun”; it’s just how I see this film). The movie perfectly balances good ol’ 3D shots; with the shock and tension that pays a great tribute to the original JAWS. You even get to see one of JAWS’ stars do a great cameo.

It’s over-the-top and uses 3D to emphasize other numbers: like the 36-24-36 variety. Or maybe I should say they 36-Double-D variety to be even more clear. They deliver attack after attack and you don’t have much downtime in between. In my theatre; lots of people jumped at the right places and laughed at the right places.

Character development is minimal; but having well known actors all play equally “small roles” as part of an ensemble-cast seems to work with a horror film that doesn’t take itself too seriously.

You need to have some funny bone in you to enjoy this and be willing to say “forget plot; just throw a scary campire story at me”. And the movie short run time is just right too; to get you out before the 3D becomes tiring and you start craving a real plot. This is one of those rare movies that doesn’t need plot and character development to have a good time.

3 good things about this movie:

1. Wonderful tribute to Jaws; including a Jaws cameo.
2. Elisabeth Shue is still gorgeous despite wall-to-wall females in bikinis to compete with
3. Great attacks/surprises: I mean if a school of piranha are all working together you can never know what’s going to come out of the water:…watch for the girl para-sailing behind a boat; dipping in and out of the water…what do you think is gonna happen?!

3 bad things about this movie:

1.Paying extra for 3D
2.A piranha bites off a male organ and the visual that will hit you where it hurts—this was the only time I thought they made a mistake…
3.Not sure if i just got used to it, or they toned it down, but the last “third” of the film didn’t even seem all that 3D to me.

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Coolio! Full site update on Wednesday with photos and stuff! Photos like this!

Good vibes to y’all!

tOdd

1. Sign off on the DMV form
2. Get my eyes checked (and doctor sign-off for the eye test report)
3. Send them everything along with a check for $80.50.

Fine. Today I headed out with my little ‘Eye Test Report’ card to go to Pearl Vision.

On the way there I had the feeling I might flunk the eye test because my prescription might be too weak. (Due to this theory that I wrote a while ago and still believe 100%).

Anyway, I decided if my eyes were really too weak to pass– I’d just do it up right then and there buy new lenses from Pearl. Maybe poke around with sunglasses too and see if any looked decent on my bald head and all that…

There were four employees in the Pearl Vision and no customers. The four of them were sitting around talking or whatever. I excitedly waved my Eye Test Report card and told them I needed a test for this here DMV thing. The lady said to me, ‘We don’t do partial exams. We only do full exams.’ I asked how much for the “full exam” and she told me $79. I was like, ‘Screw that. I’m not gonna get a $79 “full exam”. When I can get some “partial” exam somewhere else! Or maybe no exam and I’d just head to the DMV and risk flunking the test there! Explore options at least! I walked out…

And as I walked away from Pearl Vision I started listing all the things wrong with what they just did.

1. There was no reason to tell me about the partial/full exam thing. All I knew was I needed an “exam” and even though $79 is alot– because I’m overdue checking my eyes I probably would have just done the full exam. Once I knew about the “partial” thing I felt like I was getting ripped off if I went “full”.

2. Four people behind the counter. Doing nothing. Butt picking. Even if you have an anti-partial exam policy– wouldn’t it have been worth it? Nobody was doing nothing! Coffay slerpers all around. Make a buck off me!

3. You’re a “neighborhood” store. Act neighborly even though you’re a chain! Wake up! I got glasses on my stupid head! Aka potential customer? If you were friendlier than ‘We don’t do partial exams’– maybe I’d come back one day? And buy your flimsy over/under priced glasses?

4. Hey! I might have bought new lenses! Today! On the spot! Or brand new glasses as far as you know! If anyone walks in and flunks a DMV eye test– you got em right where you want em, Pearl!!! WTF! They’re probably gonna buy something! Better chance than the daily gaggle of 16 year old girls that try on glasses for a 40 minutes and then leave after declaring that all your glasses “look stupid”.

5. Why not give the stupid partial exam anyway? What kind of policy is that? What are you afraid of? The crazy afternoon crush of bargain people looking for cheap partial exams for the DMV? What kind of dumb dumb policy is that anyway?

7. You made a customer immediately walk out of the store. Now, I don’t know much about business—but that’s gotta be in the top two ‘donts’. (Number 1 being “Don’t murder the customer.”)

I probably could go to 20 with this list but I’ll stop there. It’s just weird with all this recession stuff that businesses aren’t learning to smarten up a little and batten down the hatches and umm… not chase away people looking to spend money?

Plus, I’m pissed because it was something I was so almost gonna scratch off my “To Do” list!! And now I put it on the “To Didn’t Do It Yet’ list…

ok bye!
tOdd