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AND HERE’S A GUEST MOV-AY REVIEW!
(thanks to A Citizen! if you wanna send in a review… get to typing and send it here! oddtodd7@hotmail.com)

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Date: Thu, 2 Feb 2012 10:35:06 -0500
Subject: Guest Movie Review
From:
To: oddtodd7@hotmail.com

Hi Todd- its me A Citizen…this is what I got for “The Artist”.

Okay, three things to get over with before you decide to see The Artist.

One- Its in black and white.
Two- Its silent.
Three- Its kind of corny.

If you can get over one and two, then you have only to deal with
yourself on number three. In fact its so corny, that its corniness
makes it cool. That’s how corny it was.

A friend of mine recommended I see it. Well, she didn’t recommend it-
but she did mentioned that it reminded her of our friendship. I went
to go see it Sunday, instead of seeing Soderberg’s kick ass chick
flick Haywire. I am glad I did.

Its a throwback- maybe it only works with old people’s minds, who are
used to the old movies from the 30′s and 40′s. The two leads are these
french actors, who are really un-recognizable- and that actually helps
the film move along. You don’t have any pre-conceived notions that
they are going to act one way or another. That said, they got King
Ralph in it, and Alex from Clockwork Orange. They kind of take you out
of it for a second, but then you fall right back into figuring out
whats going to happen with the main two actors.

In the middle, I shifted around an a couple of quarters fell out of my
pocket. MAN it was like a set a bomb off in the theater- the quarters
rattled around and sounded really LOUD! With out dialogue or things
blowing up like most movies now-a-days, a couple of quarters made
everyone in the place turn their heads around and look at me! I
shuffled down in my seat and and tried to hide.

Anyway- they do everything right. You really believe that you are
watching an old movie, but in some sort of bizarro dream world where
King Ralph and Alex are co-existing in it. Everything works. They have
some sound at pivotal moments, which make you laugh. Compared to the
same old stuff that’s out there, it’s a lot of fun.

And yes, it did remind me of my friendship….:)

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Hello, We are running a new deal where flash artists who submit content will receive five to one thousand dollars The basic rules are if a Submission is over 3.5 stars after 50 votes, they will receive five dollars, out of a possible one thousand dollars! Meaning, if you submit 5 pieces of winning content, then you get $25. If you submit 200 pieces of winning content, you get $1,000! For more information see here http://www.stormgardens.com/community/viewthread.php?tID=28&pg=1#76 – Dan from Storm Gardens Staff

Here’s how that conversation went:

Me: Hey! You’re watching True Lies!
Barber: Yes. True Lies eez the best movie.
Me: Yeah, it’s a good movie.
Barber: No! True Lies eez BEST movie.

Whoa guy. Take it easy…

Anyway, yesterday I go in there and they’re showing something different. The barber razoring my head was showing the Bar Mitzvah video of his son. Fun video with all these Uzbeks dancing around to an 12-piece Uzbek band doing their best to cover, ‘Every days eez shufflings…’ Cue blasting trumpets.

Of course, I feel compelled to ask talk about the video and ask questions. (Why else show it to strangers?) But it went weird.

Like this:

Me: Hey! You got a looking family there! So, your son is thirteen…
Barber: Yes thirteen. You a jew?
Me: Uh yeah. I am. (?)
Barber: Then you know thirteen is bar mitzvah.
Me: Yeah.

Then silence. He sounded grumpy at me. I’m thinking like, ‘Take it easy, guy…’ Just making conversation about YOUR video playing in MY face….

The video keeps playing some girl is dancing around.

Me: Hey! Who’s that there?
Barber: Eez cousin.
Me: Oh.
Barber: You not know her.

(No! I don’t f-kin know her! Obviously! WTF! Why’s he being all rude about this??)

The video keeps playing and I see the barber himself dancing. He’s pretty stiff.

Me: Look at you! Busting the moves!
Barber: You make fun?
Me: No! No! It looks like you’re having a good time!

WTF!!! He gives me a second long look at me through the reflection in the mirror to make sure I’m not making fun– then goes back to razoring my head…

I gave up. We sat there in silence while I watched dancing and candle lighting and all sorts of stuff. It was awkward. I’d rather be watching True Lies or Problem Child. I had no magazine to hide in either.

I couldn’t tell if he was mad about the bar mitzvah or my questions or maybe he was unhappy with one too many ‘starburst’ transitions in the video production or whatever. But I was like, ‘WTF, dude! You can’t run a home video in my face then act like I’m a dick for asking the basic questions!

Why does everything have to be a thing?!

ok bye!
tOdd

As far as I’m concerned if I know for a fact that I’m not going to ever eat ‘those old grapes’ or ‘the leftover pad thai’ in the next day or so– if I know it’s not ever never getting ate up– why can’t I just throw it away right then and there? Why does it have to sit in the fridge and slowly go bad until it’s grossified and actually qualifies as garbage?

This especially goes for stupid fresh spices which are like always sold in bulk like friggin Costco size or something. Does anyone need a whole bonsai tree worth of dill? Or parsley!? Why so much!?

Before you get on my case about donating the food to a homeless person or something– think about what that would usually involve. Me going out on the street with a half-eaten thing of pad thai (or old grapes, or big shrub of basil), looking around for a homeless person, and then offering him or her the rest of my half eaten dinner, old fruit or fresh cut spices… etc..

Also, if I buy a bunch of fresh apples and there’s one sad lonely apple still hanging out in the back of the fridge. That sad apple goes in the garbage!! Even if it’s “still good”. Why should I eat an old sad apple when I just bought a bushel of fresh apples? For spite? To show I’m a good person who doesn’t waste? I should sit there munching through some mealy apple while staring at good fresh apples?! Screw that.

And another thing! How long are cold cuts good for before they’re bad? Like if you have a thing of sliced turkey in the fridge– when is it over for the turkey? I say three or four days… but gf says it’s good for over a week? I don’t trust my sense of smell. I want dates dammit!

And another thing! This goes for frozen stuff too! If I have some frozen pizza uneaten in my freezer for over six months– chances are I ain’t never ever eating that froze burnt pizza! So right in the garbage! Boom! Same goes for old frozen anything! Isn’t six months enough time to have a half-pint of tundra-ed ice cream before calling it quits on it!!?

It’s not still good!!

ok bye!!
tOdd

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I guess the idea was they had paid placement for a hashtag that promoted the “goodness” of McDonalds #McDStories

Seems like a harmless enough idea. Get the word (lies) out. Also seemed promising for Twitter in terms of corporations actually paying money for their service.

Then of course it all went wrong. People started posting non-friendly McDonalds stories via the #McDStories hashtag. McDonalds totally lost control of this marketing campaign when tweeters all piled on and post stuff like this…

and…

and…

When stuff like this happens I always think about that one guy. The one cocky d-bag responsible for launching the stupid campaign. The fast-talking guy in the meeting with the chunky glasses, three phones, and soulpatch explaining to the dated McDonalds execs what social media is all about and how it works. Busting out twitter lingo extra fresh at every turn to show he knows more than everyone in the room.

He has gigantic numbers and figures to support his marketing idea. Older executives feel intimidated. They don’t want to miss out on the “social media stuff”. They grumble a yes. Soulpatch guy gets the greenlight to go ahead.

Not only is this a score for Soulpatch because he landed the big fish (filet-o-fish) but if it works out well– perhaps he can build a social networking career off of this campaign! Getting McDonalds onboard with Twitter has got to be a major achievement in Twitterfield…

The build up to the launch of #McDStories has crazy anticipation for Soulpatch. He re-reads the initial tweet about ‘tasting food’ 100x — rechecks the short link over and over. He counts down 5…4…3…2…1….Then it’s off! First tweet tweeted! Enjoy it world!

He sits back in his Herman Miller chair and cracks his knuckles. Hard at work.

Then the first tweet comes in about diarrhea. Scarred with #McDStories. Another tweets about how McDonalds makes the person feel like he’s dying inside. Soulpatch’s heart sinks. He’s been blindsided by the media he’s an ‘expert’ in.

He prays that this is just a passing ‘trend’. People will leave alone his precious #. But he knows it’s too late. (that’s the moment) There’s the word ‘diarrhea’ has been blapped all over his marketing campaign. It’s over.

By days end, the hashtag has been killed. Some executive has to the shame to explain to some Old McDonald exec why it was possible for some nobody to use the word ‘diarrhea’ in association with their marketing campaign.

And our Soulpatch stares at the screen. Disaster. Someone DM’s him asking, ‘Yo! Was that McD campaign what you were talking about the other night?! ROFL! It wasn’t yours, right?!’ Soulpatch hears the Hindenburg announcer broadcasting in his head. A single tear runs down his face and soaks into his soulpatch. The end.

That’s what you get for trying to cross the streams I guess?

ok bye!
tOdd

PS. But it did make me seriously wonder (for the first time in real life) about the fact that if corporations who are willing to pay can actually get burned (fried) by Twitter — that from a business perspective… Twitter might be totally fkt…

I was jealous of his $2 bill stash so I immediately went to the bank and got a bunch of $2 bills of my own. The banks don’t seem to care if you ask. They’re not stingy with their twos. Just wander in to a teller and switch out a $20. Boom! You get a magical wallet of $2 bills!

This morning I couldn’t resist and a bought a cup of coffee with my $2 bill and sure enough I got an, ‘Oooh fancy…’ from the coffee girl. Nice.

$2 bills have been rare and cool ever since I first saw one and thought it was fake! Or discontinued or something. It’s got a whole different vibe. It’s weird that bill seems like it still barely exists. I don’t think it’s even ever had a serious redesign!

But I think $2 bills should finally come out of the shadows and step up! They’re too convenient! They’re too handy! If pennies can still be everywhere there’s no reason the $2 bill shouldn’t go wide.

What is this reluctance to mass-out this particular bill? Did it piss off someone down at the US Mint back in the day and that guy yelled, ‘You’ll never be big, Twoey! You hear me! You coulda been as big as the five! You coulda been a contendah! But you messed up, Twoey! We’ll never mass produce you! Neverrrr!!!’

It just seems strange that there’s this perfectly good, handy, primed and printed bill just loitering around in banks or tucked away in birthday cards or held onto for good luck– when we all can agree the $2 would be totally embraced! For frucks sake a stupid bottle of water in a machine is now $1.25 minimum! You’re still telling me there’s no place for the $2?!

It’s enough of this bullshit, US Mint assholes! Drop your grudge and let’s bring the $2 out of the stupid shadows! It’s time to break it away from the $1 coins and other nothing currency and let it fly! Be free!

And who knows, if all of a sudden everyone gets these brand new $2 bills– maybe people will be more inclined to spend money… and if that happens maybe it’ll be the pathway to save the whole global economy or something like that?!

Whatever! Free the two!

(just don’t redesign it and make it look all fake…)

ok bye!
tOdd

It might seem weird to acknowledge a dog’s birthday because dogs are somewhat unaware of things like “birthdays” and “time” and somewhat with “self”– but he’s a nice guy so I figure it’s time for a bit of Roscoe post with….

Fifteen Quick Facts About Roscoe!

15. Roscoe is currently on a diet. Last checkup he was 5lbs overweight so we’ve cut back on biscuits and treats (he used to get them all day long every day just for being good) — now he gets carrots instead. At first he was all wtf with the carrots– but now he seems to like the carrots as long as they’re fresh. (he doesn’t like those mini-carrots though– he thinks they smell weird.)

14. Lately Roscoe doesn’t like it when a dog sniffs his privates for too long. If a dog goes long with an oversniff at his crotch — Roscoe will freeze up then throw a flag on the field and will start fighting with the oversniffy dog. It’s a problem at dog park

13. Sometimes I play one on one with Roscoe in this open field near our apartment. But because he doesn’t like to chase balls around (he won’t chase one friggin throw)– the only way for us to play is for me to chase him around yelling how I’m gonna get him and grabbing at his butt. Once I noticed some teenagers watching me chase my dog around and it was embarrassing.

12. Roscoe really likes having Lola as a roommate and they’re BFF (even though she’s a thief) but the bed is crowded now. I’m like all tetris in the bed all night trying to navigate my legs around the dogs and stuff.

11. Roscoe doesn’t like anything with citrus and he doesn’t like anything with peppers.

10. He pleads with his eyes to have the window open when we’re driving places because he likes the breeze in his snout. I feel it is the way of dogs washing out their olfactory smeller. I imagine it gets gunked up with all the city smells and this is the way to flush all that out and sniff clean again.

9. Every night around 7pm Roscoe asks to bark at me for like 10-15 minutes. I don’t know what this is about because he doesn’t want anything except to bark at me and give me sideways looks. So we get in the bed and he barks and barks (the neighbors know all about it). I think it’s just his form of conversating.

8. Roscoe has neighborhood arch enemies. These two black poodles. They can be literally a block away and start hating on each other. Those dogs give off a bad vibe to all dogs it seems. They’re like the Voldemorts or something. Roscoe hatttttesss them….

7. I’m still amazed Roscoe doesn’t like watching TV even if Dogs 101 or It’s Me or The Dog is on. I figure he’d be into that stuff but he barely cares about TV. It’s interesting though that sometimes barks on TV are ‘legit’ and he’ll go nuts and other times he’ll know they’re fake.

6. Once every three months or so Roscoe will sit at the window and howl high pitched like a wolf.

5. Roscoe can’t swim. (We tried to take Roscoe and Lola swimming at this place called Water4Dogs here in NYC last year. It’s like an indoor pool/tank. We strapped lifejackets on the dogs and brought them in with us. They both were absolutely petrified and panicked. They kept trying to crawl up on us. After ten minutes and dozens of scratches all over us– we gave up on teaching the dogs to swim).

4. He’s the greatest boy dog in the world and he totally changed my life. I originally met the gf because of him at dog park and now look what happened all engaged and stuff! So much has happened because of a dopey dog.

3. He farts up a storm if he has too much cheese and the other day he had to go outside bad and he made diarrhea all over place in front of a couple kids who went ‘eewww…’ because it was all farty and stuff.

2. He’s definitely pissed that it hasn’t snowed properly in NYC all winter as snow might be his favorite nature thing. I’m sort of pissed about it too…

1. I wish him the happiest of happy birthdays. And I’m floored by how much I love him. Because of him I met my girl (and got Lola too) I do believe you can love a dog as much as a kid. Seven is a lucky number to me. Here’s my first Roscoe post if you wanna revisit….

Anyway, I felt that I should approach this woman and offer to help her through the post office– but I still can’t decide if that’s intrusive or not.

Sometimes it’s hard to judge with stuff like that. It doesn’t seem to be a hard rule that sighted people need to always help blind people– and maybe that’s for the best because if everybody felt compelled to approach blind people at every stop and ask if they can help— it would probably become way annoying for the blind person.

Does it invade on personal space or question the sense of independence? Does offering help depend on picking up on some level of distress or confusion? Or is it perfectly acceptable to access their limitation and butt in to be like a good samaritan at all times?

I guess it’s not right to categorize all blind people into a certain single attitude — but there should be some hard social rules on stuff like this maybe.

I think I’d better understand if offering help is acceptable or not if I better understood how blind people to get through their day. Like if a blind person walks into a post office, are they completely reliant on other people asking them if they need help? How do they shop at the drug store? Do they ask the first person they pass by to get pointed in the right direction? Or do they just know?

I’m sure this probably a huge overthink. For the most part, blind people seem to do just find on their own. (Except this dude who I wrote about a while ago) but if I just knew what was really right I’d feel less guilty and neglectful every time I see a blind person tap tap tap away from me — off to amazingly find their own way in the dark…

ok bye!
tOdd

PS Something went koo koo with yesterdays post. Working on figuring it out and fixings..