Friday's Writer
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Hey Todd, I don't know if this qualifies for Friday Writer type stuff, but I'll pass it along anyway. But first I have to give you a bit of background.
I work in a really terrific office where everyone, all the way to the top, has a super sense of humor. We have a lot of laughs here. Yesterday someone brought in a live lobster for some gag they had going on with the guys in the back. Not sure what the entire deal was, but this poor thing made the rounds from desk to desk and chair to chair. Myself and several others, being lovers of all creatures of the earth, were feeling pretty sorry for "Larry", as he came to be known, and decided to "lobsternap" him. This is the ransom email that went out:
We have your lobster. If you do as you are told, he will not come to any harm. We want $100,000 in untraceable bills. You have 1 hour. Await further instructions. Do not contact the police!
This whole event caused a flurry of humorous emails around the office which went on all afternoon.
Eventually "Larry" met with his inevitable fate i.e. someone changed his name from "Larry" to "Dinner" and that, as they say, was that.
Last night I was still feeling pretty bad for Larry and felt that he should not have lived in vain, and thus I penned the following, hopefully to be immortalized for all time, curtesy of Oddtodd.
Ode to a Lobster
By Lesley Winter
O wild clawed creature of the sea
With pincered hands and rigid shell
Who would desire thee?
O solitary creature what hast thou done
That the gods have forsaken thee?
Bereft of love or warmth of sun
Ye are not a pleasure to the eyes
Dost thou not crawl in darkness
Consuming that which on the bottom lies?
Your bulbous eyes, black and wet
Your visage strange and eerie
Ugly, nasty, cold - and yet
You cause man to swoon and utter
“I desire thee more than woman
Your flesh soft and sweet - especially in butter”
Larry
R.I.P.
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