'DAILY FACT I LEARNED FROM THE TV' 

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JANUARY 2006

1/31

Today I found out that drive-thru windows are becoming the bread and butter of fast food restaurants. Burger King gets friggin 70% of its sales from drive-thru! So now they're focusing on speeding up the process to get people through faster. So starting next week Burger King will be testing 'Speed-Thru' windows. Here's how it works:

- Basically you have 10 seconds to place your order (no exceptions) and after the order is placed you start driving thru and you're not allowed to stop. You must maintain a speed of 5MPH minimum.

- At the first window you throw 'exact change or close to it' into one of those big toll booth buckets. No stopping.

- You keep going (speed-thru) to the next window where someone will lob your order (including soda) into your car and off you go! (Burger King claims their new 'stay fast' lids will most likely keep the drink from exploding all over the inside your car if it lands wrong or something).

*After you place your order if you stop your car anytime during the 'Speed-Thru' process, someone dressed in a clown suit will come out and whop your car with a dead animal. Rabbit or cat (or perhaps dead hedgehog in certain regions). The 'Royal Whopper' is dressed as a clown as to not scare the kids.

What's wrong with Burger King anyway? Oh... this for starters.

1/30

No factoid yesterday. Was one of those loopy days where all of a sudden it was yesterday was today which is now.

Don't try this at home.

1/29

Found out that Monday starts the trials of Ken Lay and Jeffrey Skilling (the Enron scumbag thief a-hole greedy scrotum cock loser evil filthy scum liar execs) starts today. I think we should all bow our heads and say a little prayer that the trial goes smoothly and both gentleman have a speedy path to hardcore jail where they will soon become prison bitches and change their names to Kendra and Jeffrie and eat only stale cheese sandwiches with rat slop on the side and have to use their scary business skills to negotiate over things like jello. Godspeed, scummers!

Yikes.

1/28

So tonite I was watching Private Parts on VH1 and it was bleeped all over the place. Words like 'laid' and stuff got bleeped which seems extreme. But one really bizarre bleep was when Howard was talking about penis. Instead of typing it up I recorded it off the tv. Apparently only certain kinds of penis are acceptable in the same sentence. Here's the clip. Weird right? Just seems like there's random rules about penis...

Here's some women talking about penis.

1/27

Tonite I watched a show about how pink erasers get made. Basically they take some rubber and they mix it up with sulfur and vulcanize some other stuff then they mush it all up and slice it all up and it becomes a pink eraser. But the thing I really learned was the origin of the word 'rubber'. Back when they first started rubbing erasers on paper to get the pencil off... they creatively named the thing a 'rubber'. Cause of all the rubbing. So there.

Kooky japanese condoms!

1/26

Ok maybe this isn't ultra mega with lasers and stuff at all but... umm... it's not completely uncootified. I found out last night that the Russians were trying to pull together a moon base by 2015. They think there's enough fuel on the moon to make it worthwhile. So smartskies if there's so much fuel on the moon what are you gonna do? Set up a gas station for space ships? Man I gotta take over NASA so we can start doing some cool stuff!

Here's a vintage gas station site thing.

1/25

Ok back to back no daily facts is no friggin good. Sorry bout that I was out at my parents yesterday all day running around and visiting friends and stuff. Today for sure later will have the ULTIMATE DAILY FACT! NO!!! THE MEGA ULTIMATE DAILY FACT!!! NO!!! THE SUPER MEGA ULTRA ULTIMATE DAILY FACT!!! NO!!!! THE SUPER MEGA ULTRA ULTIMATE DAILY FACT WITH LASER BLASTERS COOTIFIERS!!!!

Here's some dopey laser game.

1/24

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. I headed out at night to go to a thing and didn't really watch the tv when I got home cause Roscoe had to be walked all around and doody on the street in front of people- then I had to pick it up. Humiliation all around.

Here's some poop stories if that's your thing.

1/23

Tonite Nightline told me that the Ameriquest Mortgage company done did some real scumbaggy things. Stuff like this:

Woman owns own home but needs money. Calls up Ameriquest and asks for a mortgage. She's on welfare or whatever. Ameriquest tells her she can get a mortgage easy. Even though she has no money or savings or job or anything. Then Ameriquest goes and puts all sorts of untrue stuff on her application to get the loan approved. Lying that she has a job. And savings. And a 401k. And all this crap. Woman isn't totally in 'the know'. So she signs off on it. Then when she can't pay the bills... they foreclose on the cheap and have some backend deal with local contractors. Total dicks! F AMERIQUEST!

And look at their super terrible Rolling Stones site. See what you get for selling out blindly, Mick! You're associated with them now!

1/22

TV told me today that beer drinkers are more likely to eat more junk food than people who drink wine. Apparently beer people are more into like chips and meat products and stuff while wine people like olives and cheese and that type stuff. Frickin DUH! What's the next study? Comparing people who like to sit on the couch and smoke cigarettes to people who like to jog and eat salad? Stupid scientists...

Here's Josh's least favorite beers...

1/21

So I had the tv on in the background today while I was doing stuff and some science show told me that human blood has such a high content of oxygen and blood  that if you filled a tank with human blood and threw a live fish in there it could actually live in the blood.... But I'm not sure if I really heard it right.

So if someone can send me proof that fish can live in human blood you win a free coffay mug! (NO EXPERIMENTING AT HOME TO PROVE THIS PLEASE! IT'S JUST A MUG!) First person to send proof of my half-heard-it-on-the-tv-in-the-background theory wins!

Here's some fish not swimming in human blood.

We have two winners! Proof enough that I'm not crazy... Here's something about that...

And this email came in too!

On 1/22/06, Keith T <[email protected]> wrote:

OK, so I'm schooled in the ways of fish...no really, I actually went to
school for aquaculture...and this is my take on fish wallowing in people
blood.

Human blood content (12-15%) and pH values (around 7) are suitable for fish
respiration, but total solids in blood are around 22% which is basically
sludge and not conducive to breathing for fishies.  So while a fish could
live for a short time, the lamellae of the gills would be gummed up rapidly
and fishy would cease to breathe.  Plus they might die of horror before that
anyway.

Not sure if its mug worthy, but there ya go.

wickedfun

 

1/20

So today on the television set I watched something about how scientists are busy working with the genetic code in pigs to tweak things to make pigs taste better. I think all this genetic tweaking is gonna make the world mental and demented and the whole thing is starting to creep me out.

BTW last week, I decided I was gonna give up eating pig altogether because I saw a thing about how smart pigs are and it made me feel bad for them. Seems wrong to eat them. I did eat bacon by accident the other day (it sure was tasty!) but starting next week I'm not gonna eat pig anymore ever! I'm gonna really try and put it on the list of things I don't eat anymore. This list now includes: veal, sea urchin, Lay's Dill Pickle flavored potato chips, cilantro, and now pig!

They're smart and nice!

1/19

Today tv told me that Iceland is working to be the first country to ditch using gasoline. Apparently because they have volcanoes all over the place, they take the volcano musto and put it thru the machine that turns the musto into go-go and the go-go can be used to heat cars and drive houses and all that. Sounds coolio. So I guess all we have to do is build giant peter brady volcanoes all over the country and we're set! If we put giant peter brady volcanoes in every state we'll have as much musto as we need to make lots of go-go! Right?

Here's how you can build volcanoes in your house which can be used to create personal go-go.

1/18

Today was Roscoe's bday. Kind of weird last night I woke up in the middle of the night around 4AM. Like wide awake. So I decided to watch TV and while flipping around I saw there was a tv show on channel 10,000,000 called Radio Free Roscoe. So I watched that. And passed out to it. I didn't know there was a Roscoe show on tv. So that's what I done lernt.

Here's Radio Free Roscoe... on the N.

1/17

So tonight American Idol finally returned and I'm very psyched totally as it is the best show on television. However, I felt that Simon was unnecessarily harsh on some of the auditioners (is that a word 'auditioners'?) he could have toned it down a notch or two or at least been more funny about it. He's officially on probation.

Also I was watching it on with the dvr tivo thing and I thought of a new lingo for it! When you fast forward through the commercials (tv is so fkt btw) and you want to stop fast forwarding and play the show the second it starts.... I call it 'sticking the landing'. Here I'll use it in a sentence. "I was fast forwarding through the commercials and I totally stuck the landing. Whap!"

Monkey calls never caught on the way I'd hoped maybe this one will... also here's the 10 most popular non-words.

1/16

Didn't find anything good on martha but later I found out that they're busy working on alternative fuel #543. Whiskeyish fuel. It's basically taking the same grains that are used to make whiskey and recombobulating it to be a fuel. I'm all for alternative fuels but whiskey based fuel just seems like a bad combo when it comes to a car fuel. Dudes at the fuel pump going one for me <sip> one for you <glug> with the car then speeding off doesn't seem like a good call...

2005's biggest gas guzzler for like regular vehicles was sort of surprising. Here tis.

1/15

Ok I flaked on the fact yesterday. But I'm watching Martha right now hoping to grab something for today. She's doing something with apple pancakes in a muffin tray or something and talking to some cocky kid who she's sort of half-ignoring.

Here's Goth Martha.

1/14

Tonite tv told me that we're launching some probe to fly over to Pluto and take some pictures. Let me guess. It's going to be very cold and there's going to be ice and some sort of canals that make scientists wonder if there was water there at some point. There will also be something that looks like a face or some sort of design or symbol?

I for one am tired of NASA throwing so much money at dopey probes and crap. Enough with the butt probes! This is what I propose. Shut down all space exploration for 15 years. Take all the money that would have gone into probes and space shuttles and crap and pour it all into building a spaceship that can actually travel outside of our orbit with people on board for years on end. Let's get it going on in space or just bag it! Enough with the probes! I'm willing to wait for some real space excitement!

Here's Pluto's Plight.

1/13

So there wasn't a fact on this day. It was Friday the 13th and I was scared to use all electronic devices for obvious reasons.

Here's some dopey old superstitions.

1/12

TV showed me that Taiwan is getting in on the action of like altering genetics of animals! Great! Their first step was turning pigs florescent green. All glow in the dark. So now there's are these glowing green pigs (inside and out btw) running around Taiwan. When reporters asked the head scientist guy why he turned pigs green he said ever since he was a little kid he "....always wanted to eat a plate of Green Ham and Eggs. Just like Sam I me." Apparently the translation got messed up... and so did the pigs.

Here they go! G-oink g-oink.

1/11

So tonite I learnt two new cattleman type things. One for the men and one for the ladies. First off when you got a boy cow the ranchers need to make sure when those guys do it with the girl cows that they're not shooting blanks. So they test out their spermage by hooking them up to something called an Electrojac IV. It's this thing that goes up their butt to stimulate the prostrate to make em spahjooge. Then they look at it and if the spermage checks out swimmingly they can go do it with girl cows all day.

Here's a link to one of them devices.

For the girl cows the ranchers need to check to see if they're preggers or not. So the stick their arm all the way up the cow's butt and just physically feel around to see if there's a baby cow in there. They say if the cow is far along preggers they can feel the whole face and stuff. Which I thought was weird. That procedure is called palpating. And it looks like it's zero fun all around.

Here's a cattleman's bloggerino.

1/10

Today tv told me that scientists had a breakthru today! They umm...  finally figured out how bees fly. Apparently that's been a mystery up till now. What was the hold up in figuring it out? Were lazy stoner scientists on the case this whole time? I mean its 2006! They can send something to Jupiter and take pictures! And they can clone sheep! And cross breed giraffes and shrimp! And build a robots can catch lightning in mason jars! But up till now they drew a blank on how an insect with friggin wings... flies? WTF?

Here's the 'buzz' on bee trivia. And a creepy bee video.

1/9

Last night tv told me that cough medicine like robottussin doesn't actually do anything except taste like its actually doing something. I guess some researcher went around chugging it while he had a cough or whatever then came to the conclusion that it doesn't do jack. Or maybe it sounds more like someone got turned down for a job at the Robottussin company a few years ago and is finally getting his revenge or something...

Here's a duck that's also a  umm... doctor who doesn't act like a doctor?

1/8

Today I found out that the country (I've been corrected. CITY) of Dubai is running out of ideas of how to spend their gigantic supermound of cash. Besides already having the tallest and "best" hotel in the world (suites cost $15,000 a night. uch.) And they're already working on building the tallest building in the world (sorry Freedom Tower). But they just opened a friggin snow ski resort.... in the middle of the desert. Ski Dubai. Jeez louise. There's gotta be someone down there who can give me a million dollars and not even feel it. Please Mr. Dubai? Ok cool. Thanks!

Here's a photo tour of the poorest city in the world... also the highest.

1/7

Sorry no daily fact today. I was out and about and then crashed out and took naps and was blurry all day.

Here's a Blur song for ya.

1/6

Yesterday I found out that people are seeking revenge on people through internet pranks. Like this dude in Long Island apparently had a junker corvette in his driveway for like years. So one of his neighbors got sick of looking at it and posted on craigslist that the car was free to the first person who came and got it. Posted his address and everything. So people were like showing up with flatbeds or whatever trying to take his car away for days. Sort of like the modern 'order pizza to the neighbor's house and watch out the window' type thing.

Here's a long list of pranks. I don't really get 'forking'

1/5

Tonite local news told me about a new ridiculous super car that's coming soon. It's called the Bugatti Veyron.  Anyway, this car goes 0-60 in 2.3 seconds and taps out at 253MPH. It goes for 1.3M. I guess that's coolio if that's your thing... but couldn't they have taken some of that development money and thought up a better name than 'Veyron'? It sounds like a friggin air-conditioner or something.

Here's some pictures of this dopey ride for bored mental richies.

1/4

TV told me that the ultimate nerdling convention (Consumer Electronics Show) kicked off in Vegas. Lots of ridiculous gadgets are on display like the Roomba but like mop mop-roomba or something (I forget what its called) and I also saw this thing from a company called eMagin (get it? oof.). They're all about these goggle glasses that you wear when you play a video game and it like totally immerses you in the game! Umm... Hi! Yeah hi.. 1987 just called. They want their idea back...

Just kidding. Its about time someone got on the stick with that mix so we can speed up the race to become robots. Here they go.

1/3

Tonite (while glued to the tv hoping for the best for those coal miners) I actually learned some stuff about coal. First off, it's the #1 single source of electricity. (How they take that rock and turn it into lightning is really beyond me.)  #2 Coal is made from like decomposed plants or something that get supermushed over a long time or something. I don't really get that. (I do not understand anything in general.) #3 The iron and steel industry would be totally fkt totally without coal.. HOLY MACANOLI! ANDERSON JUST NOW ANNOUNCED THEY FOUND THE 12 MINERS ALIVE! HOLY WAY SURPRISE COOLIO!!!

Anyyay, when I used to read books I remember reading this essay and being wowed.

Also some coal facts came in via email here.

1/2

Tonite TV told me something weird about the Swiss. Back in the day when everyone was superparanoid about nukes the Swiss government built and now maintain bomb shelters all over the country. There's enough space in the shelters for every single citizen of Switzerland. For a country that's big on neutrality they're apparently way paranoid that they're gonna get totally suplexed at some point.

There's some weirdo nuke video and audio on this here timeline.

PS. If Switzerland is switzerland why aren't the people Switz?

1/1

Hey! Happy New Year! Three nerdy facts to start off the year!

1. Tonight I saw some nerd girl clothing designer is busy making electronic clothes that run on batteries and have high tech fabrics that change with temperature. So like when its cold out a black dress might be down to your ankles but when it warms up the dress turns a lighter color and the hem line automatically rises up over the knee with a gentle whirring noise or something. When they took a poll of women to see how many were interested it came back zero.

Here's the five worst fashion trends of 2005.

2. The NSA told their shady government nerds to put illegal cookies on computers that visit the NSA site. When they got busted they were like oops and took off their stupid worthless illegal cookies and they felt like douches. When they first announced they were doling out illegal cookies I logged on right away to get one of my own and saw their website was super dorked out all flashy X-Filesy. Check it the flash side. Gov't nerds..

3. I found out the the Mars Rovers are still roving around on Mars looking for stuff. Two years later they're still going which is way past what anyone predicted they'd do. Now that they've done everything they could (aka found no alien bones) NASA has announced that they plan to let the rovers have rover sex and make lots of mini-rovers in the hopes of colonizing mars all rovery. It's called the 'Let Rovers Take Overs' Mars Initiative. When reporters asked if the rovers were actually capable of reproducing a spokesperson said, 'No, you gullible gulliver. They can't reproduce.'

Here's some Mars Rover wallpaper if you wanna geek hardcore...

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