January 2004


I seen on the tv that Houston launched a 'Smile Houston' advertising campaign to get Houston people to be like extra nice around Superbowl time. Apparently Houston has had a bit of an image problem. So the ads tell people to smile extra. Show the hospitality. Be friendly. Go the extra mile. Etc.. If they tried something like that in NYC it would be more like, 'Hey you! Schmuck! This weekend, try not being such a schmuck! OK? Don't yap on your cellphone in restaurants. Let people actually get off the subway before you force your way on. Don't yell, "Go <bleep> yourself!" for any reason. After this weekend you can go back to being a big schmuck, you big schmuck.'

20 Years since this ad here. 20? Whoa.. I hear Apple might do something tomorrow to like celebrate...

*someone pointed out that the chick is wearing an ipod now... blech.


I found out that science guys found out that around the time people get to be 90 years old the aging process pretty much stops. So science dudes were like, if we can find out what gene or whatever turns off the aging at that point, then find out how we can turn it off way earlier, like when yer 25 or whatever, then everyone will be immortal and live forever. Well I guess not everyone everyone. The 25th century schmuck who gets all drunk and shows off for his friends then ends up falling into his brand new Megatomic Dismembrator is screwed... aging gene turned off or not.

This is like friendster for immortal wannabees or something.


I watched a show today about Satan. It was called 'The Mr. Satan Not Happy Not Fun Shower Hour of Dark Power'. Just kidding unfortunately because I'd sure as hell tune in for that show. I bet it would be hard for them to get sponsors. Anyway, this show show about satan on like the Discovery Channel went on and on about the craziness over "backmasking" back in the 80's. Y'know when bands would put backwards messages on their albums. And I started thinking, 'Why don't bands do that anymore? I haven't heard about backwards messages in ages.' Then I realized why. CDs. Duh.

But I guess they're still going on here and there. The real scary part is thinking about the people who 'discover' these in the first place. 


Today I found out that some dude is selling Alien Abduction Insurance. Basically if you get snapped up by a UFO and returned, you're covered for medical expenses and psychological treatment- as the excessive anal probing could leave ya a little messed up on both ends. If you do decide to buy into the policy you should find out if there's coverage for psychological treatment available prior to your abduction... as you may be suffering from pre-traumatic stress disorder. 

Don't let your fears eat away at you. Eat away at your fears!


Tonite I found out who Von Dutch is. Until today the only thing I knew about "Von Dutch" was that Ashtond Kurtchurd and Paris Hitlon wore Von Dutch baseball hats for a couple months solid. Now the Von Dutch trend is over. As are they. I felt I should set the record straight as to who Von Dutch was. He was an artist who pioneered hot rod "Free Form" pinstriping and some coolio "Flame Painting" back in the 1950s. So there. And btw, if you're sporting a Von Dutch hat right now... take it off- even I know it's over for those hats... and I barely know anything. 

Here goes a bad trendwannabee trying to bandwagon by squashing a bad trend.


Today the tv told me that there is a satellite called Quakefinder in orbit that's trying to detect earthquakes and stuff. They say that before an earthquake comes, the earth gives off super low frequency noise called 'infrasound'. If the satellite can figure out the infrasound pattern-  it might be able to give people a heads up that a quake is on the way and cause some serious mass panic just in time.

Here's an earthquake monitoring thing for you folks in Caly living on shifts and faults or whatever. Click on the city and there ya go.. 


Tonite I found out about a Navy tradition. Back in the day if you were a 'Pollywog' (a Navy person who hasn't crossed the equator), the first time you do cross the equator you become a 'Shellback'. But to be a shellback you gotta get all hazed. You get greased up, hit with a paddle, thrown in a vat of gunk, then have to parade around the deck in a beauty pageant in like a dress, that kind of stuff or whatever. The Navy banned the hazing because it was getting outta hand and dudes had to chill.

This describes it in its hayday. It kind of goes on and on but it involves rotten eggs and peanut butter down the underwear and stuff... so here ya go.


Sorry no fact yesterday. I was doing alot of running around and saw a couple facts that were sort of ok but I didn't want to put up some sucky fact so instead I wrote this which I'm not sure is more entertaining or not than what the fact would have been but at least it's something even though its not really entertaining unless you actually like this rambley sort of stuff that goes on and on with no end in sight that is written just because I wanted to write something but didn't know what to write which is obvious because look at what I just wrote.

This is so yay!


I seen on Tech TV today that some dopey restaurant in Seattle is selling 'coffee steak' which is like fil-et mig-nin rolled in starbucks coffee grinds for some extra flavor. MMM! Yum! Sounds good! ... Actually no it doesn't. Sounds gross! And stupid. And throwuppy. And it's $29. Gross. Seattle should be ashamed. Her coffee problem shouldn't be spilling over onto her food..

But who knows. I'd try it I guess. But I sure as hell ain't cooking it. Here's the recipe.


I found out there's a new product for 'guidos'. You might not be familiar with the term 'guido' (I found out recently that 'guido' was a regional term in the NY/NJ area) but back in my high school days there were lots of 'guidos'. Basically a dude or chick who used lots of hairspray or mousse, wore tight acid wash jeans, and tricked out their IROC-Z with dark tinted windows, bazooka bass, and blue flashing lights up the antenna and around the license plate -- was considered a 'guido' (or guid-ette). I once got beat up by a guido named Lou.

Anyway, I'm not sure about the status of the guido culture nowadays-- but the guidos I knew back in the day would have loved this to help get their 'message' out. 

*Status update: Actually I guess the guido culture is alive and... well.... 

(also click
'writings' and scroll down for more..) 'writings' and scroll down for more..)


Today I found out that the water towers that you can see on top of alot of New York apartment buildings are still totally in use. I thought maybe they were like old TV antennas or whatever just hanging out until someone pulls it together to take em down. Cause they all look all old and rickety and made out of wood and stuff.  But I found out they're still used and even new ones are still made out of wood. When I was a kid I remember not knowing what they were and thinking roof gnomes or whatever lived in them because they looked like little houses and had ladders leading up to them. 

Here's a whole bunch of em if you wanna gander at em.. 


TV told me that a while ago scientists discovered these super giant explosions out in space and science dudes were like what's up with them? What's with the giant explosions? They tracked em down and found out that these explosions were coming from the other side of the universe. So they were like, 'Whoa! If we can see these explosions from the other side of the universe that's friggin nuts! We shouldn't be able to see them!' Because any explosion from the other side of the universe should conk out long before we can see it. Unless Einstein was wrong with his E=MC2 thing.  So dudes were like, 'Whoa! Was Einstein a stupid dope? Could he have been wrong?!' ...Nope. Turns out it had something to do with black holes. Yawn. Isn't it always about black holes? At this point science dudes should know if they can't answer a question... blame it on black holes! It's gotta be! Even I know that!

It's all explained here. Duh! And here's some klingon songs and songs in klingon. Listen to the anthem.


Today I found out the origin of the term 'poop deck'. Like on navy boats or whatever. Back in the day, the Romans would put an idol to worship on the stern of the ship. The latin word for idol is 'poopum' so that part of the ship was called the 'poopus'. Then the brits renamed that area of the ship the 'poop deck'. So that was that with the poop. Words are weird.

Here's the scoop on poop. Uh huh huh...


I found out today that Alaska is sort of a mysterious place. Planes and people like disappear up there like out of the blue and are never heard from again. Like all Bermuda Trianglish and stuff. Some say it's too hard to find lost people or planes in the wilderness up there, others say the missing people may have been invited into the realm of the indian legend 'Kushtaka' which translates to 'Land Otter Man'. He apparently wanders around Alaskan wilderness looking for new friends to hang out in his realm with him. BFF!

I searched the net for 'Land Otter Man' but couldn't find anything good -so here's Rubberband Man, This Charming Man, and Ice Cream Man instead..


Today the tv actually answered a question that I always wanted to know the answer to. I always wondered at the Garden how they like switched up the arena from basketball to hockey. I've asked friends at games, some said that they thought court was under the ice. Others said the ice was under the court. Neither seemed right... and neither were. What they do is unscrew and remove the whole basketball court in pieces- then lay down the rink. Or viceaversa. Maybe everyone already knew this already but when I asked my dopey friends none of them knew. So there. 

Here's how the Zamboni works (another question neither me nor the people I know knew)


Today I found out about a new fuel for cars. It's made out of recycled vegetable oil and other organic stuff or something. It's called biodiesel or biofuel and supposedly it makes cars go vroom vroom almost as well as regular gas makes cars go vroom vroom. So what's the problem? It'll freeze in cold weather or spoil if it sits too long. Also the emission may smell like fart and add to smog or whatever. It's always gotta be something. Whys it always gotta be something...?

It's always something... but biofuel is something else- according to Cathy Britell


Tonite I watched some stuff about scary Charles Manson and how he thought the Beatles wrote songs to guide him to start some murderous revolution. He liked the White Album alot and songs like Honey Pie and Blackbird added up in his head to 'murder people and overthrow the government so I can be king of the world, please'... or something. I think he's an unstable individual who has some deep rooted issues.  

Charlie likes Peanut Brittle, Snickers, and Jolly Ranchers. See?


The tv told me some stuff about killer whales tonite. I found out a group of killer whales that hang out together is called a 'pod'. And each 'pod' has its own dialect so when they talk to each other they're on the same page or whatever. Also killer whales never do it with whales in their pod. They only do it with whales outside their pod because they don't want inbreeding going on and end up with a pod of bucktoothed whales with oversized fins or whatever. 

This translates to 'Your eyes are beautiful, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea.' in killer whale speak... not sure what pod..


Tonite I found out what the 'wind chill' factor is. I knew that it was the 'it will feel colder than the temperature outside factor' but not sure what or whatever. But the nerdy weatherman told me that when wind blows against your skin it will cool the water that's on your skin or whatever. And that water will get cold. So if they say it's 0 degrees out with a windchill of 20 below. That's because on your skin it will feel 20 degrees colder.  Because of the cold water on you. Something like that or whatever.

Here's the weather forecast in Volstok, Antarctica -which recorded the coldest temperature ever at 128 below zero back in the 80s.


I learnt tonite that FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) provides a manual for fire fighters called the Fire Officers Guide to Disaster Control. In the manual they cover how firefighters should handle a UFO crash or UFO attack. Here's a real quote from the manual:

WARNING: "Near approaches of UFOs can be hazardous to human beings. Do not stand under a UFO that is hovering at low altitude. Do not touch or attempt to touch a UFO that has landed. In either case, the best thing to do is to get away from there very quickly and let the military take over. There is a possibility of radiation danger and there are known cases where persons have been burned by rays emanating from UFOs. Don't take chances with UFOs!" For real.

Hey! Help your kid prepare for some disasterinos! The FEMA way...


Tonite I found out that doctors discovered what controls our sleep. Some hormone in our brains called Orexin. They think it may lead to the cure narcolepsy which is way coolio. They also think it might eventually allow people to stay awake for days and days with no side effects. So surgeons who need to perform extra long surgeries can keep going and going without getting tired. Narcoleptic surgeons (and their patients) are especially excited for the breakthrough...

Get Rusty some orexin! Stat!


Sorry no fact yesterday. I wrote down "OQO" for some reason then forgot what that was and when I looked it up I remembered it was that the tiniest PC that is coming out soon selling for like $2000. It does everything a PC does, so they say, but it's all mini and stupidy. I thought it was a boring fact. Then I went outside and it was cold and my brain froze and I forgoted a fact altogether.

Here's the nerdish OQO that I forgot about.


TV told me about the first US spy satellite launched back in the late 50's. It was called "Corona". The problem was getting it out into space without the Russians knowing. So it was developed under a project called "Discoverer" which was some standard space thing involving monkeys and mice. But the Discoverer thing was all just a fake project to get Corona into orbit all secretly. Pump fake for the Russians. Top secret stuff back then used to be scary but cool... nowadays it's just scary but scary. 

Here's some pictures from Corona.


Tonite I finds out what happened to the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree after the holiday are over. Apparently they burn it to get all the needles off then they tie some rocks and heavy chains to the trunk and then drag it over to the East River and throw it in. Yeah I was surprised too! Actually I'm just kidding. They do something nice with it. The truth is they used most of it to make toy/treats for the animals of the Central Park Zoo. The Polar Bear got slices of the trunk with peanut butter stuffed in drilled holes. And the otters got hollowed logs with fish hidden inside. And they hung apples from the branches for the monkeys. Stuff like that. All is well.

This is sort of an uphill battle.


The TV told me today that I should eat more bison. TV said if I have fears about mad cow or whatever that bison is the new meat to eat. TV also said that it's healthier with less fat and less whatever other bad thing. Then the guy on TV ate a piece of bison and said, 'Mmmm..' It seems that someone in the bison marketing world saw a window of opportunity to push bison on us.  Look for the new slogan for bison. Something along the lines of, 'Bison. The other red meat. Ain't gonna give you no crazy cow disease.'

Al Gore. Bob Dole. Gerald Ford. Yup. All bisons.


I found out there's a sport that's gaining popularity in overseas in various places. Elephant Polo. Jump on an elephants back and make it chase around a little ball while you swing around an extra long polo stick. Yay. Can't we give the elephants a break? Just for a couple years. Let's see if we can avoid thinking up some new dopey thing involving lots of elephants. What's with us and the elephants?

And what's with the Screwless Tuskers?


Tonite on Antique Roadshow I learned about baseball cards and the guy told me about the 'infamous' Bill Ripken card (cal's brother). Apparently it became really popular with collectors back in 1989 because in the picture there is some profanity written on the bottom of Bill's bat. In magic marker u c "F**k face" written there. So dudes started buying the card like crazy and paid up to like $300 for it. But because there were so many of them produced, nowadays the card is worth like five bucks. So they got totally f**kt, u c..

Here's a picture of the Bill Ripken card for u 2 c.


This guy on tv who was trying to teach people to 'look around' told me that when toddlers who can't read look at the Fed Ex logo they see the arrow. But most grownups ain't never seen the arrow in the logo. I ain't never seen it. He also told me that Tony the Tiger looks downwards because he ain't looking at you. He's looking at your kid sitting in the cart. Skrunch down and look in his eyes. I ain't never noticed that neither too so I figure I'd share...

  Here's Tony acting sneaky back in the day... (real player needed)

*people wrote in cause they don't see the arrow. tis white between the E and the X.


Tonite some guy on tv told me about how he has proof that we were not the first on the moon. He said long before man existed, some beings might have been hanging out on the moon and they built glass domes and structures and stuff. But then some other guy on the show said there was absolutely no evidence of alien visitors on the moon. Well, maybe they're both right. And here's how:  Astro-dinosaurs. Think about it. 

Here's some photos of some "structures" on the moon that may or may not have been made by dinosaurs..


Today I watched a show about horseshoe crabs and they creeped me out just as much as they creeped me out when I was a kid. It didn't help that I found out that their long stinger thing isn't a stinger at all or that I learned that when they breed, the dude horseshoe latches onto the chick horseshoe and he might get his horseshoe crabass dragged around for months.   To me they're still creepy shoreline monsters to be tapped with a stick for sign of life detection- and if they move, you run away before they sting you bad, or worse, jump on your face and use their stinger as an egg layer-er like in Alien.

Here's a somewhat bizarre walkthru of why we steal horseshoe crab's blue blood.


Nay factoid. Day off to start off the year.

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