JULY 2004

7/30

Tonite I found out that computer sex is finally gonna be kicked up a notch! A company called Holomedia is working on developing sex hologram projections. Soon horny nerds can be chilling at home and order up a Princess Leia to stripper dance in the middle of your living room. Or maybe a little lingeried Amidala with bunny ears? Or if that's not your nerdly style how about a Chippendaled Han or greased up Jango? Or for the demento nerds shamefully a Chewy in a thong? Or a Jabbadance?

Here's a 15MB Jabba on the Dais. Yikes.

7/29

Today I learnt about suspender people. There are these people that go around hanging themselves on big fish hooks and like hang out hanging out. The hooks are through their skin the whole deal. The girl on tv claimed that 'suspending' is the best feeling in the world. I guess it's a matter of perception.... like if you perceive the definition of 'best' as 'worst'. Meanwhile I got a splinter the other day and it hurt. Still kinda bothers me a little.

 Here's a whole story about getting all hooked up. Warning: Don't click if yer squeemish. 

7/28

Tonite I watched some stuff about the pyramids of Egypt. The guy with the accent said that before they stopped building pyramids, dudes used cruddy  materials and tried to build them on the cheap. Old school Egyptian dudes would shake their heads at the bad construction but the new kids would be all like, 'We'll show you how to build a friggin pyramid! The new way! Shove off, geezer!' So the geezers would sit back with lemonade and watch the young wiseasses build crap that ended up looking like the Black Pyramid.

Check out this POS pyramid! D+!

7/27

So out in London they've like totally run out of room for people to live. So the newest thing is prefab penthouses. Basically they make a big apartment somewhere then drive it to an apartment building and slap it right on top. Instant-penthouse type thing. Which I'm sure doesn't piss off the person on the old top floor too much. Not only do they lose the top spot but they got hammering and drilling and some pretentious jerk upstairs to boot.

(Quick story: When I first moved into my old apartment (5th floor walkup) the person upstairs from me would crank the tv at all hours of the night. Blasting. I couldn't sleep well. I wanted to complain but felt weird about it because I had just moved in. Anyway, one day I'm walking up the stairs and there's like a 150-160 year old woman on her way down the stairs in slow motion. She was my upstairs neighbor. Six flight walkup for her! Once I saw who it was I could sleep fine with the tv blaring. Knowing that it wasn't a beer-bellied drunk jerk but some ancient lady made it no problemo anymore somehow.)

Here's a walkthru of one of them london penthouses. All spinny with the weirdo plugin.

7/26

Tonite I watched a show about how rich people waste their money on dumb stuff nowadays. This show was all about millionaire toys and the crap they need to buy to feel good and stuff. One of the dumb things was a $15,000 hovercraft thing that looks like it's good for a week before it's either boring or broken. Whichever comes first.

Here's a video of it topping out at 15MPH. Don't worry about people calling you a dork as you whizz by. You won't hear em... 

7/25

So tonite I saw a nice story bout fiddler crabs. It seems like fiddler crabs have their own little territories. But if some dickish fiddler crab comes along and picks a fight with some crab and tries to take over their territory, other fiddler crabs who are neighbors come and fight off the dickish crab. The crabs learnt that it's better to have a neighbor that sits in their territory and minds their own business than some crabby dick crab who comes along and picks fights like a crabby dick.

Crabby Dicks...

7/24

Tonite I found out that we're spending $53 billion bucks to set up some super fancy missile defense system. The army guy said if a country like North Korea launches a missile at us we'll have fancier missiles to shoot their missiles down. Lickity split. But I don't know bout this whole thing. $53 billion? It sounds soooo 1983 and overly fancy schmancy with the fluxcapacitor radar gizmocontrapizoids or whatever. 

When it comes down to it, what's more scary North Korea... or this?

7/23

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. I ran around doing this and that yesterday and neither this and that involved the tv. But today I'm staying inside doing this and that and both this and that will involve the tv. So something later for y'all when tv tells me something new.

Here's when Too Close for Comfort jumped the shark.

7/22

I learnt from TV tonite that some people in Taiwan have gone nutty of bees. They believe that bee stings can treat pretty much anything from arthritis to bad breath to the common cold to MS. So the sick and healthy people are going and getting stung up. Even some healthy kids get all stung because it might be good for them. Scientists are checking into if there's any real goodness in the stings. Once I got stung by a few bees at once. I was up on the roof of a school messing around and I ran past a nest and got stunged. That learnt me a lesson to not be on top of the school instead of inside it. 

Here's someone who's on the sting. And song Sting sing to boot!

7/21

Ok this isn't a daily fact from the tv persay (sp?) but a friend of mine (Glenn) called me up today complaining about how we need to patent some idea and get rich immediately. And he showed me this website with this thing that this dude just patented. I thought it looked pretty cool. So I figure I'd go nutty today and put up a fact that actually wasn't from tv.  I'm crazy that way! Not a daily fact not from the tv today! Daily fact from the Glenn!

Here's the thingee. Check out the vids.

7/20

So I saw a tv show a while ago that made me believe the moon landing was a hoax. But I saw one tonite that deprogrammed the first program from my head and made me believe again that we did in fact land on the moon. It explained why there are no stars in the sky in the moon photos and why the flag flaps in the breeze and why the shadows of the astronauts go in different directions. It made sense. So now I believe that the hoax is the hoax... until the next show that says otherwise.

Here's some explanations that get conspiracy peeps all extra mental.

7/19

I found out tonite that all four branches of our armed forces now offer plastic surgery type things to our soldiers and their immediate family. Boob jobs, liposuction, teeth stuff whatever. All free of charge. Tax payer cash. Apparently there is a waiting list in the Army for female soldiers who want boob jobs. 496 new boobs were implanted in our Army last year. America the Beautiful.

Here's Tara Reid's new boobs.

7/18

Tonite this guy Peter Popoff tried to sell me some water through the TV. Popoff claimed to be some sort of prophet and he said the water was 'Miracle Spring Water' from some secret Russian spring. He said I can pour it on anything and it will heal it. I couldn't believe this guy was still on the tv. He was exposed as a crook years ago but somehow he's still around scamming. He should dump his miracle water on his own fraud head and try and heal himself from being a scam scum scummer. 

Here's a petition to stop the Popoff with some comments to check out...

7/17

Today TV told me that scientists are busy studying the genetic link to being promiscuous. See apparently when things mate, they have this reward system with dopamine (I don't like the idea that our brains are busy tricking us into doing stuff but anyway) -in monogamous animals there's also this extra thing called vasopresin which makes the brain say 'Stay with yer mate, mate!' In promiscuous animals there's like no vasopresin activity so they wander off and act promiscuous. So that's that.

Just FYI: It's still in the early stages of research so, 'Honey! It wasn't her boobs it was like the lack of vasopresin type situation in my brain...'  is not an acceptable excuse if you get busted cheating... yet.

Here's some info on cheating chicks and what's doing there.

7/16

Tonite I learned about something called a water bears which are these like crazy little things that can survive temperatures of 200 degrees below or above zero by shutting down their systems. They can be like frozen solid and turn out fine when they thaw out. They can live on even after hanging out in solid ice. Or like in burning hot whatever. Somehow they figured out how to get by under all conditions. The one thing they haven't figured out is how to grow beyond a friggin microbe.

Check out this video of water bear chillin.

7/15

So tonite I'm watching the tv and it told me that someone in the States is starting up a camel dairy farm. He's busy running around milking camels and talking about how camel's milk has 40% less cholesterol and stays fresh in the fridge for four months. Says it tastes good too! Maybe selling camel's milk could actually catch on! And give cows a run for their money! Maybe! ...But more realistically seriously totally not...

Here's a camel dairy site that's got some weirdness.

7/14

On Oprah the ladies discussed what does it mean when they're asked to "come up and have a drink". The ladies said when they agree to come up and have a drink that doesn't mean they necessarily want to have sex. But after a bunch of chicky discussions they agreed that women should not agree to go up and have a drink unless there is a possibility that they will want to do the changity chang chang.

Here's 18 ways to tell a guy wants chang.

7/13

Tonite I learnt about this cool thing called a 'mimic octopus'. Not only can this weirdopus change color but it goes around the ocean pretending to be other fish. Like it will flatten itself out and swim along the ocean floor like a flounder. Then it will duck into a hole and let one leg out all wavy to look like a sea snake. Then it will spaz out to look like a lion fish. People aren't sure why it does all that. Just another friggin weirdo doing weirdness under the sea.

Nicholas says it is very interesting.

7/12

Missed the fact today. Just got home after seeing Prince at MSG and I'm a little boozed. 

Here's some photos I took at the show..

7/11

So tonite I found out that these bird nerds have been going around doing cool stuff for eagles. Eagle eggs get real fragile cause of so much DDT in the environment. So these bird people have been climbing up into eagle's nests and stealing the eagle eggs and replacing them when fake eggs. Then they let the real eggs hatch in a lab. Then they sneak the eagle chicks back up into the nests. The eagles seem to be cool with it or they don't notice or whatever. Kinda cool bird trickery and all that. 

Here's a webcam of the eagles nest if you wanna spy on them.

7/10

Today ew I learned about guinea worms ew see they ew get in people's bodies ew through drinking contaminated water ew and then the worms grow up and they want to have babies ew but the babies need to be born in water ew so the worm migrates through the body down the leg and out through the foot ew which hurts alot ew so the infected person ew puts their foot in the water which is just what the worm wants ew to release the baby worms. ew.

It's a horrible type ew disease but it might be wiped off the planet. Who to thank for that? Them.

7/9

Sorry no fact yesterday. The only interesting thing I saw on tv was this woman Char Margolis on Larry King. She was a 'psychic' who would take callers and try to do psychic stuff on them. So Larry would go, 'Shelly from Charlotte you're on with Char.' And Char would go, 'Hi Charlotte, I'm sensing there is someone close to you with an B or an R name.' Shelly would go, 'Noo...' And Char would go, 'Maybe an S or T?' And Shelly would go, 'Umm... no S or T.' And Char would go, 'Is someone close to you in the hospital?' And Shelly would go, 'No really no...' Then the psychic Char would say, 'Sorry I'm just not connecting with you.' 

So I guess the thing I learnt today is I might be psyched too! Cause I can do that! Just like Char!

7/8

TV told me about aphids tonite. TV said that somewhere along the line, chick aphids got sick of guys so they just basically cut them out of the loop and started getting themselves pregnant. And then somewhere along the line they got so good at getting pregnant that they started giving birth to pregnant aphids. Tis a weird scene with the chick aphids. Kinda a bummer that they can get all preggers without even the action jackson faction to make it happen.

Here's an asexual type site.

7/7

Tonite I learned about a new thing because the tv told me about it. I learned about nanodiamonds. Diamonds from outerspace. Basically metorites that crash down on the earth are loaded with diamonds. You'd think that a diamond from outerspace would probably be worth alot of money. But they ain't. Cause they're all nano-ed. Hundreds of thousands would fit across the width of a human hair- so that's not so flashy.

I can't believe someone wrote this. And someone read this. And someone understands this

7/6

TV showed me something that looked cool today. Let's say you've always wanted to be the in the army's special forces division but don't want to go through the hassle of actually joining the army or going someplace where you'll have to do special forces stuff in real life. You can go to this place and take like a three day class in special forces and get your fix. It'll cost you $4000 but it might getcha juiced up if you're just sick and tired of paintballin...

Adventure yourself ...at Incredible Adventures.

7/5

Today the TV showed me a carnival and people were frying up and eating candy bars and twinkies. At first I was like, 'Yuck! Fried twinkie! Fried snickers! Gag!' Then I was like, 'Wait a sec... that doesn't sound gross! They actually sounds friggin delicious!' It only sounds bad because I gain weight in my head and if I ate either one of those my head would get so big I'd have to pull it behind me in a wagon. Or something. Not sure if that makes sense. 

Anyway, I was like, 'What kind of hickish place started deep frying twinkies?!' So I looked it up and... sure enough...

7/2

Hey! Tonite I saw some scary snakes that climb up trees and then launch themselves through the air and make themselves all flat and they glide through the air so if you're in the area and you look up you might see a snake flying thru the air and then all of sudden it comes down and lands right on your face and you go crazy running around trying to get it off your head and you don't see where you're going and you run into a pond then people point and laugh at you.

Here go some flying snakes flying around in someone's backyard.

7/1

Sorry no daily fact today! Believe it or not I didn't watch any tv! Not for a second! And I wondered about the last day that I didn't watch TV and I realized that maybe taking one day off every year or so is probably pretty healthy. We'll see...

Here's a cool link that's sort of like tv.

<<<previous months