'DAILY FACT I LEARNED FROM THE TV' 

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7/22

Today on VH1 I saw a Jessica Simpson video (slow day I know). Anyway, they did a nice hatchet job on 'These Boots are Made For Walking'. But the thing that was sort of striking was seeing Willy Nelson in the video. He is barely audible when he sings. It's beyond background. Sorta sad to see him do this wallpaper gig. Jeez louise is he not done paying off his taxes yet?! ...Oh yeah the other striking thing is Jessica... who looks pretty friggin ridiculous (in both the good and bad way) too.

So for your Friday fact here is the Jessica Simpson video. And I promise this will be the last ever fact involving Jessica Simpson for the rest of webternity here.

7/21

Today on a Current Affair they showed me people doing Naked Yoga. They strip down and do all the yoga stuff. It's like all spirtual and some chick said she her clothes distracted her from her yoga. I think if I was in a room of people doing naked yoga the nakenicity might be a bigger distraction than my clothing... or lack thereof. Or something like that.

Anyway, because it's like all spiritual or whatever I thought it was ok to link to this naked chick doing yoga stuff (Warning: Real live naked chick being all yoganaked!)

7/20

Tonite on the Weather Channel I saw something called a firewhirl. Basically they're tornados full of fire. They're not all that common but they can be as big as a regular tornado if conditions are weird enough somewhere. Why do I get the feeling that sometimes god just likes playing with his (or her) superpowers by doing coolio things. Like him (or her) and her friends are watching some forest fire from the clouds and drinking beer. And then God's all like, 'Check it this out...' And then everyone high fives. And god nods and sips his (or her) beer.

Here's all sorts of fire terms if you wanna talk smack with a fireman (or firewoman) at some point...

7/19

Today TV told me that we're now starting to outsource weird stuff to weirder places. Like all of a sudden JetBlue is outsourcing airplane maintence and repair to El Salvador. They actually fly empty planes there to get them fixed then fly them back home. Who woulda thunk thats where that happens. I couldn't think of a joke to go along with this one (tired of frickin outsourcing stories) but it seemed thinky enough so thats that thar.

Here's a radio station broadcasting from El Salvador if you wanna boogie down El Salvastylee and here

7/18

TV told me all about a new trend in Japan. Basically teenage girls are all carried away by the animation style of stuff like Sailor Moon or whatever so they're busy putting contact lenses in their eyes so they can look more... animated and stuff. It makes the pupils of their eyes look all extra big and all that. I once wore contact lenses but they made my eyes burn and my ears rumble and that was that with that.

While searching for the contact lenses, I stumbled across 'minty eye drops' so that seemed as good a link as whatever so there.

7/17

Tonite I found out that on Wednesday there's gonna be some big convention called RoboCup 2005. Nerds from all over the world are bringing special athletic robots to compete in one big game of robot soccer (football).  Not sure for what or why but that's what they're doing. Sounds boring. 

Next year they should juice it up by having robot soccer hooligans in the stands that get fueled on beer then argue then start punching eachother in the robot face then run all amok on the field then there's robot guards that club them and try to regain control then the whole thing ends with the robots all robot berserker deafeningly screaming like robot berserkers done do.

Here's the site for RoboCup 2005. 

7/10

Tonite I found out that a rumor I never heard before wasn't true anyway. Apparently some 'internet chatter' said that Mars and Earth were gonna like swing by each other and that Mars was going to look as big as the moon for a day or whatever. Then I unsurprisingly found out that it wasn't true. Yes it's true that Earth and Mars will be closer than they've been in a long time but no one would ever really notice. If Mars was as big as the moon we'd have giant tidal waves and everyone would probably go nuts. And I'm against that sort of thing...

Here's internet hoaxes for ya yo... 

7/9

Today I found out that some company is working on bringing Etch-A-Sketch to cellphones everywhere. So you can sit there like a dope and draw little tiny pictures on a little tiny screen then turn to your friend and say, 'Look!' And you friend will say, 'What is that? A blob?' And you say, 'No! It's a monkey! See the tail? See it?' And then your friend says, 'I don't see that... but I see a blob.' Then you can look at it and see how you really just drew a blob.. with a tail.... then you can get all disgruntled.

Anyway, here's a gallery of some etch-a-sketch artistes...

7/8

Sorry 7/8 birthday people for missing your fact.

7/7

Sorry for the slackadaisicalness here. My parents tv has all mixed up channels and I don't get the good flip through. Will try for a fact later today...

In the meantime here's this mental dog to look at... 

7/6

TV told me some bad stuff about wind farms. Y'know those big swirly propellery things. Apparently they're really good for us because it's a nice clean way to create energy and they don't look too horrible and all that. The bad news is dopey birds go flying along and get all chopped up in the wind farms. Big birds like owls and hawks and stuff are flying right in there then 'zing'! So some environmental groups are protesting the environmentally safe thingamagigs... to be more environmentally saferer...

Here's a bunch of kids running from windthings like War of the Worlds or something...

7/5

Tonite the tv news lady told me that people who drink diet soda actually end up gaining more weight than people who don't. She said that people who drink diet whatever end up eating more because they think they're being good by drinking the diet soda. And that people go for extra calories or whatever. When I hear stuff like this it makes me think the media gods just get bored and think of different ways to f**k with us. Like they're all sitting around and go like... let's tell em... that diet soda makes em fatter than regular... see how that goes over. Then they all laugh and light cigars with $100 bills...

Here's the five worst things you can eat... which was pretty much my dinner tonight.

7/4

Today I found out that the Army has a bit of a problem with the troops getting too fat or whatever. Apparently there's alot of snacking going on and there's like a weight problem going around. Also if people show up to volunteer if they're not at a certain weight status then they can't join until they lose the weight. So if that's the case and there's a draft somewhere down the road I guess running off to Canada isn't necessary anymore. You just need to sit down with a family size bag of Doritos and a pint of Chunky Monkey and be a conscientious objector of sorts... chomp. chomp.

Here's a diet that consists of pretty much air. Check out the Breatharians.

7/3

Today I found out something weird from Marc Morrone. He told me that it is illegal to keep any bird that is native to america as a pet. Like it's illegal to keep a blue jay or a robin or a crow or whatever. But it's not illegal to keep birds from other countries as pets. Parrots and all that. I thought that was sort of strange. Like there was some sort of bird lobby back in the day that pushed through some anti-pet bill.... so to speak!.... or should I say... so to beak! LOL! I'm funny ass today! On a roll baby! I'm out!

Here go Marc Morrone. Lord of the Pets.

7/2

TV told me all about how back in 1982 the Russians spotted a UFO in the sky. Then without warning a launch sequence was entered to launch a nuclear missile at some silo. The countdown started. The Russians freaked out but couldn't stop the countdown. Then right before it was supposed to launch off the countdown stopped. And the UFO flew off and disappeared. Which means one of two things... TV was really slow today (yes I know Live 8 was on but its just a flip by) or it means that some alien teenagers took out their parents UFO and got drunk and screwed around with us then flew away laughing their heads off all monster snorty.

Here's a bunch of semi-creepy historical military films...

7/1

Today I found out that out in China dudes are getting all out of control being addicted to the net. So they opened up clinics to help treat people for their addiction. They have like hydro-therapy and like acupuncture and stuff like that. Glad I'm not addicted to the net. I just did a ton of research to see if I was addicted and apparently I might not definitely probably not be somewhat so. Phew. Just because I 'miss' my computer when I'm away from it doesn't mean I'm addicted! The internet told me so!

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