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JULY 2006


Local news nerd told me that there's a new stupid 'drug' for kids! Mothballs! Some dopey dummy discovered that if you stick a bunch of mothballs in a paperbag and inhale deep or if you literally chew up mothballs it messes you up bad (aka good). Weird. It used to be about going home paranoid about cigarette and wine cooler breath... now it's about friggin mothball breath?? WTF? If dopey kids are resorting to chewing mothballs and spraying lysol in their ears or whatever... maybe it's a decent argument for legalizing cheebah.

Here's some info on huffing.


Today I found out that Kazaa (a program that was sort of like Napster) has agreed to pay millions of dollars to settle legal things with record companies in order to go "legit" (aka "out of business").

I remember back in the day when I worked in biz dev I used to meet with all the P2P companies. Places like "Scour" and "Applesoup" and "Aimster" stuff like that? I remember I had a meeting with the Applesoup people were super cocky dicks acting like they were changing the world. During the meeting some chick stopped things and asked me where I went to college. I didn't know what that meant really...

Anyway, that was back in the day. You can still find the old programs here.


No daily fact today. I'm rushing around to head out to NJ today (to hang with niece and nephew) and daytime TV isn't the most educational time to learn things. Ready I'm gonna turn on the TV at random and I'll tell ya what I get.

Soap Opera. ABC. Some guy wants to get off his medication. Some blonde girl is telling him that he saved her life. She's pushing pills on him. He just took pills from the girl. She said she only needs to stay on em for a little while until he feels better. He feels shame over his need for the pills. Looks like he's in pain. He walks out and shuts the door. Now he's opening the bag and taking the pills. But he knows he shouldn't be...

So that's sort of a zero fact. And I got a zero on this too.


So tonite TV told me that nicotine might actually cut the effects of alcohol. They ran some tests and apparently if there is nicotine in the blood then there's less alcohol or something like that. But they only tested it on drunk rats so far. I'd like to see that bar where they conducted the tests on drunk buttsmoking rats. Friggin talk about your dive bars...

Here's an umm... rat tribute...Cute rats! I don't get the song choice tho... And here's a Ratt flashback!


Today I found out that Jeff Bezoid from Amazon.com is gonna sink some cash into building some sort of rocketship or something. They say it'll take off vertically and land vertically (aka crash). I guess Bezos wants to start delivering books to dudes hanging out on the spacestation or whatever because they're definitely bored flipping cards and looking at porn and having weightless swordfights or whatever they do up there. I guess free shipping is probably out tho...

Maybe he'll deliver books to our old friend Gloonork!


Ok I totally slacked off over the weekend on the facts because was outside alot. And I'm doubly pissed because today while wandering around WITHOUT my camera I saw two cool things that I wanted to click at.

1. Someone left a dead horseshoe crab on the corner of some intersection and there was a small crowd around it poking at it. Kids were freaking out and alot of people had no idea what the hell it was. Roscoe was scared of it. So was I a little.

2. Some bus driver apparently left off the emergency brake on his bus and it rolled like a half-block and side-swiped a couple cars. I didn't see it roll but I saw the after effects. But needless to say I'm a jerk for not having my camera and for ball dropping on the facts over the weekend.

Starting tomorrow! All facts before 6PM for the whole week! Maybe! And here's a bunch o stuff bout horseshoe crabs.


Tonite some tech nerd told me that Microsoft is going to come out with an iPod killer. A device so super awesome that everyone will throw their iPods right in the garbage and then urinate in the garbage can! A device so incredible that after it kills iPods it's gonna kill scanners then monitors then printers then finally your whole computer. Then it's gonna kill your tv and your toilet bowl. Then finally your car and then smite all your enemies then it's going to take on the forces of the universe and urinate in their faces! It's called the Zune! (cough.. um maybe.. that's just a temporary name or something maybe and it's due to come out sometime in the next not any time soon.)

Here's the latest on za Zune.


News dork on tv told me tonite that Marriott hotels have decided to go smoke free for all rooms all the time. I guess the burn holes in the bedspreads were just costing them or whatever. So you smokers out there for now on if you're in a Marriott you're just going to have to... umm... have to umm.... take the water glass and use that as an ashtray for now on. Like you do anyway when you ask for a non-smoking room because you're only a "casual" smoker (even though you are really just a smoker in denail) but you don't want to admit that you smoke bad enough to ask for a 'smoking room'... type dealio.

Not digging the piercing... in more ways than one.


Last night at my parent's house I saw a newstory about how some congressdork is busy trying to push a bill through wherever to get rid of all pennies. He claims that pennies suck and are a hassle and that all cash transactions should just be rounded up to the nearest nickel or whatever. Apparently pennies are like draining our economy or something and we'd be better off without them. Somehow the idea of getting rid of pennies helping fix the economy feels the same as airlines getting rid of free pretzels to save their whole industry...

Whatever. Look at all these bras you can get for 1 penny! (<cough>+shipping)


Sorry no daily fact yesterday. It was way too hot to like do anything at all. Even type stuff after watching TV. Today it's cooler and the daily fact will be super cool!!

Here's the hottest days on record and stuff...


So I found out that planes in the future won't be made out of clunky metal anymore. Boeing is gonna make em out of plastic! Apparently it's like reduces the weight of the plane! And it doesn't corrode! But best of all, they won't even need engines anymore! Just some sort of rubberband slingshot situation and then it's gliding all the way! And turns will be made by people leaning left and right! And if the winds ever die down they're be a herd of albatrosses onboard that will be hooked up like sled dogs to tow the plane across the sky!

Here's a prototype of the new plastic plane coming from Boeing!


Tonite I seen some real estate mogul nerd named Robert Bigelow has decided that he's going to build an inflatable space station by 2015. He's gonna invest like a half-billion to do it up. He tested something over the weekend that supposedly inflated in space or something so now he's all puffed up on his first success. Not sure what the Bigelow space station will be for though. He probably just wants to bang chicks up there or something. Rob Bigelow: Space Gigolo. (No this is not a "good" idea, Schneider!)

Here's Bigelow's site... and what looks like some sort of photoshop scam...


With all the sad craziness going on in the Middle East I've been getting extra annoyed when I flip channels because for whatever reason TV dopes can't decide how to pronounce and spell stuff. Like Hezbollah. Or is it Hizbollah? Or Hesbolla? Wait is it Hezbowl-ah? No? Hizbalah? Hizbullah? Hesbol-lah? Hazbulla? Hazmalalatazamzimzam? C'mon! At the very least as we strive to better understand each other... let's settle on one spelling! And one pronunciation! I proclaim we need an Ambassador Minister of Pronunciationicity! Stat!

Here's a guy driving to McDonalds in Beirut the other day. And here's commercial for McDonalds in Israel. If only people could like each other as much as they like their McDonalds...


Today I finded out about a coolio new vehicle that's on it's way. This thing can go over dirt roads and snow and 4-wheel around and it's sort of like a snowmobile and a motorcycle type dealio with like a tank tred type situation. It can go so fast that you can drive up the side of a tree trunk and launch yourself out off the top of the tree. It's light design makes the machine float down to earth like a feather...

Ok maybe that second part isn't 100% true but it's still a coolio looking tank tred type situation.


Ok. I don't like posting gross facts but here's one I got of one of the tv today and it's totally gross. DO NOT read on if you're grossed out easily. Ok... here tis. I warned you. Hokay. Kevin Federine gets $20,000 just to show up at parties! And he's made like $700k just being a stand around shmuck and clubby parties for insecure dickheads and dickheadettes! I'm sorry regardless of your business and how rich you are... if you find yourself signing off on a $20,000 check made out to "Kevin Federine". It's time to take a good hard look at your priorities.

I can't tell if this guy is for reals. Wtf..


So here's what I done learnt today. Now that everyone is wise to the Nigerian spam scams, the scammers have now devolved into going old school with their scamming. See apparently credit card numbers are all over the place but often they can't really be used. So what scammers do is they find out your phone number somehow by having your credit card number and they'll call you up asking for you to 'confirm' your three digit code. Once you do that you just bought some scummer a new plasma. Don't give out your three digit code! No giving scummers plasmas!

Here's how plasma screens work... all boring-stylee...


So today some news guy told me that a conspiracy is building around Ken Lay's "death". They were blabbing about how it seems logical that he'd fake his own death for financial reasons and jail skippy reasons. I guess that makes sense and he was a slim shady enough guy to do something like that and he had some connections and stuff. What do you think? Let's take a vote!

Ken Lay Where?
What do you think happened to Ken Lay?

He died of a heart attack.
He offed himself to skip jail.
He somehow faked his own death.
Let's let sleeping dogs lie, shall we? No comment.


So today I seen that science nerds in India tried shooting off a rocket and it went all sideways then exploded all over the place. When questioned the lead rocketeer said, "I don't know what the f--k happened with that f--kin piece of s--t rocket. To find out what the f--k happened we gotta analyze some data s--t . I dunno s--t was going straight then it wasn't going f--kin straight. It went all ass sideways or whatever then something got seriously all f--ked up and then that s--t exploded and s--t. F--k this rocket s--t!"

You do not want to watch this. You really don't.


Tonite some business dork said that AOL is now considering just giving away AOL to anyone who wants it and will go with some advertising model to pay the bills or whatever. Man talk about your washes up on shore. From $10.00 an hour or whatever down to free if anyone wants it. Ouch. Totally going backwards. If they really want to go backwards and make some money just dig up a bunch of original 1.0 discs and sell em. New business model. Done and done. Check it out.

Wanna cancel AOL?


Sorry no fact on this day. This thing happened which caused this thing to happen which triggered the thing that made the no fact thing a thing that became a thing.

Here's a  retrothing!


Tonite I found out that casinos are really doing the math on their customers now. Basically if you go to Vegas and use one of those comp cards while you play, they basically keep a record of everything you do. Your average bet. How long you stay at a machine. How many tables you play. Whatever. Then according to some formula they decide how much you deserve to be comped. Free dinner. Free limo. Whatever. It's all about the comps. And then when they add it all up the formula spits out a 'theoretical win'. Which is your estimated loss. They call your loss a 'win'. Enjoy the steaky stakes.

Galaxy Angels gamble!


Sorry for the late post. But I just saw on TV that street gangs are getting all nerdy out with websites and myspace pages and stuff bragging about stuff they do, did, will do, pretend to do, done did, dood, think about doing, threatening to do, lie about not doing, lie about doing, and doing again or else. I gotta admit I am curious about the member of the gang who is the webmaster. Like does he get a eye tear tattoo when he hacks into and takes down a rivals website?

Anyway, here's some gang related blah blah...


Tonite some TV blabbeler told me that scientists are busy developing a 'rub-on gel' that will fix impotent penis type situations. I guess you rub this stuff on your noodle and it gets all bonerized or whatever. I guess that's great and helpful but I think it's time these nerds turned their attention away from figuring out new ways to pop boners! Let's tackle something else, sciencepervs! Time to move on to something more serious! No one's gonna care about your boner if you're busy coughing up bird flu phlegm! Stop looking down! Start looking up!

Here goes Priapus weighing his wang. How cocky is that? (*Link probably doesn't qualify as work-safe)


Last night I found out the maybe origin of fireworks displays. Like 1000 years ago in China this monk named Li Tian (O.P. Original Pyro) set off some fireworks and blew up some stuff. When the monks came rushing over they were all like, 'Cool!' Why'd you do that? And Li Tian was like, 'Because I like blowing up stuff!' And the monks all stared and frowned. And Li said, 'Because I... like bright colors?' And the monks kept staring. And then Li said, 'Umm... to umm... ward off evil spirits!' And all the monks were like, 'Cool! Do it again! Do it again!'

Buttheads do firecracker butt stuff! (Buttrocket is extra owie.)

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