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JUNE 2006


Today I watched a show that told me about the history of the Mars Bar company or whatever. They talked about how Mars was on a big roll back in the day. Like around 1928 they came out with the Milky Way bar and everyone went nuts (or not. ha ha.). Then in 1930 they busted out Snickers and everyone was like, 'Holy sweetness! Chomp!' Then in 1932 they rolled out with Three Musketeers! And everyone was like, 'Mars people are geniuses these are the best things ever!' I just thought it was kind of amazing that Mars came out with the biggies all within a five year span or whatever. Definitely was some food genius round guy down in the basement thought those up and some swarmy suit dicked him over and took the credit. Just a hunch... .guaranteed.

I couldn't make it thru this "intro"... Not sure if anyone really can. I mean, jeez louise wtf is with that thing??


So because obese kids is like a growing problem they're trying to think of new ways to help kids exercise. One way is that they're going to make kid toys bigger and heavier. Like a kids teddy bear might weigh like 40 lbs or whatever and they gotta lug it, which = exercise. A second way is to super size the actual games kids like to play. Like if a soccerball is like 10x the size of a regular soccerball it seems kids are more into kicking it or whatever. I dunno. Tie large rocks to your kids shoes! Make forks and spoons weigh 5lbs each! Make kids do pushups for extra credit!... how bout umm.. maybe don't feed them too much junk food? That too?

But no matter what you buy for your kids (whether that's food or toys or games) always make sure the manufacturer is one you trust!


Tonite some nerd told me that in the future our computers are going to be able to read our emotions. Basically in the future when we're talking via our 'Webcam Phone 9000' or whatever.. your computer will be scanning your face and reading your expression. If the computer sees you've been yelling and mad at the person, it might change the background wallpaper of your computer and do something cutesy to cheer you up. If you're happy and smiley, it might do something scary or depressing to bring you down. The idea is to lull us into a sleepy even emotionally balanced state.... which will allow the robots to take over without us making much fuss.

Here's some vintage robot porn?


History Channel told me today about some Nazi stuff. Apparently the Nazis were going full steam ahead in terms of developing revolutionary weapons and science to help them win the war. They set up shop deep into some mine under some mountain and were bonking their heads together trying to figure out how to control gravity. They figured if they could control gravity they could build wicked awesome flying vehicles control the world. I guess that made sense for them. Some say they were pretty dang close with their Nazi Bell experiment when the war ended...

And now someone is supposedly picking up where they left off. Here's a United States patent for an anti-gravity flying machine.


Last night I learnt that all our oil problems are going to be solved!! Umm! By Canada! According to TV, Canada has more oil than Saudi Arabia. The only problem is it's like all mushed in the dirt and it needs to be extracted directly from hunks of dirt. Up until recently it was just too expensive to bother and it's just been sitting there. But now they're going at it full steam ahead because gas is head to $5.00 a gallon and it covers the cost. Doh! Sorta!

The guy on TV said that if there's as much oil in those 'sands' that they think America might finally be able to say FU! to the Middle Eastern oil!!!... Umm.... but also need to bend over and kiss some canadian shiek's tootsie while wearing a frilly maple leaf covered dress.

Anyway, so how do you move all that dirt? With toys like these!


Blah! No fact yesterday and today's fact ain't so hot neither! In more ways than one! Weekend news scrub told me tonight about how at some porn convention some churchy dude was busy giving out bibles that had a flashy pink and yellow cover that read 'Jesus Loves Porn Stars'. He was giving them out to try and bring people out of porn and into religion or whatever and he thought this was a good way to reach out. Hey gave away a whole lot of em but I checked on eBay and didn't see one for sale. Maybe they're working?

Here is the church. And here's the steeple. Open the doors. And see all the people.


Ok maybe this isn't wacky zany although it is somewhat kooky-- but today I saw a guy talking about how Butte, Montana has this big pool of toxic waste. Like the largest toxic waste pool in America. So instead of cleaning it up or whatever they turned it into a coolio tourist attraction! For two bucks you can check out the toxic pool of Butte called Berkley Pit. It's said that anyone who jumps into the pool and lives will emerge with superpowers- but this has yet to be proven as no one has ever emerged after jumping in. Bummer for the dude who recently cannonballed while yelling, "Invisibility!" ...sorta ironic too.

I was googling around for pictures of the pit when I came across Pork Chop John's Sandwich!

Here's an email and pics bout Butte!


Sorry no daily fact yesterday. Instead of watching TV I stayed outside and watched them shoot some Spiderman 3 up the street. Posting pictures in a bit. Wacky zany kooky fact later today!

Here's all sorts of Spiderman 3 stuff...


Tonite I learnt that our Senate squished some bill that was going to raise the minimum wage from $5.15 an hour to $7.25 or something. The $5.15. has been the minimum wage for almost a decade. It wasn't really a big story but it should be. Our Senatorial dickfaces have given themselves tens of thousands of dollars in raises over the past decade but they can't bother to raise their friggin hands to cough up a couple of bucks?! Gah! I'm tired of rich people running this country! Enough with these dumb millionaires! Anarchy! Anarchy! No wait.. I'm scared of anarchy...  umm.. Socialism! Socialism! Oh wait... I'm not really sure what that is... um... Communism! No that doesn't work either. That sucked. How bout? Marx... brother...s....is.... isms? Or something...I dunno....but we gotta clear out these rich dunces. This crap has got to stop!

Here's some Marx brother goodies.


So BBC something or other told me today that Japan whaling people are being jerks because they're all pissed that they can't float around in the ocean and kill whales and they really wanna. They're trying all sorts of different ways to get international approval by claiming it's for "scientific research" or maybe doing backdoor bribes to other countries to get them to vote to allow Japan to go kill whales. I've never really hunted anything but I kind of feel that nothing should be hunted that a man can't kill with his bare hands. Seems sort of fair. Wait.. then again, I guess a guy could kill like a baby tiger with his hands and I wouldn't want that. And I guess a guy could choke and eagle and I don't want that either.... yeah my theories aren't too thought out.

Here's a bunch of explosive harpoons.


Today the local news jerk was telling me about how some car magazine came out with the 'sexiest' cars. Corvette, BMW whatever Z whatever, also said some Hyundai something or other made the sexiest cut. News jerk also said that car designers have come a long way over the years designing cars to be more unisex or whatever. News jerk said that back in the day car manufacturers would come out with straight out 'girl' cars. Like the Dodge "La Femme"... which was a big flop...

Here's that car all translated from French funnyed. I am woman! Listen to howl me!


So I found out tonite that NASA has set a date for the next shuttle launch. But some senior nerds claim that the shuttle isn't safe to fly yet and like don't support the idea of launching this relic out into space again. They might have bigger issues because when the shuttle people went to a group of potential astronauts and asked who wants to go on the next mission, all the astronauts raced to respond with 'Not it!'

Here's the whole delicious Plan 9 from Outer Space all for free and stuff. Public domain? Weird...


So yesterday I watched some World Cup and I saw some Italian guy score a goal for the Americans. He basically went to kick the ball and kicked it backwards into his own net like a dope. It tied the score 1-1. When I was a soccer kid I remember 'heading' the ball into my own goal. It actually smashed off my face right into my own goal. I saw stars and when I opened my eyes everyone was looking at me like I was a big jerk. Zero sympathy for the face smashee.

Here's the clip of him screwing up with a couple much more entertaining announcers than we had on ABC. It's redikulos!


Tonite (Friday night) I sat on my couch and watched Discoveries This Week on the Discovery Channel with Roscoe. Party time! Excellent! And I saw these two guys that build weird flying things that seem kind of coolio. Like flying lawn mowers and witches on brooms and stuff. They fly around by remote control. Maybe not a great fact but they seem like nice guys and their flying things seem fun so I figure why not link em up and stuff?

Here go their flying thingz. I'm gonna get one of them flying dog houses and fly it around in the apartment! Roscoe is gonna freak!


So today Anderwang Cooper told me that China are all out of control by harvesting organs from their prisoners and making gobs of money on the transplant business. Apparently the amount of executions is lining up with the amount of transplants so it's getting all creepy suspicious. The business of Americans going to China to buy organs is called 'Organ Tourism'. Ew...  

I don't know what's going on here but I know it ain't happening for Roscoe... 


Great green globs are gunking up the Great Lakes. Gross goo is glistening all over the goddag Greats. A gathering grotesque galaxy of gag! Like giant gangrened gelatin like garbage!  This gack is like a gross grotto! The government geeks are goggling at this green gravy gloop to gathering umm... ginformation to gix the umm... gituation... 

Gere's gore ginfo gabout the green gook...


.ya for Aquabashing some Here's

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Sorry no daily fact yesterday. I boycotted the tv and stared at my dog instead. Daily factoid later today for sure which will be the most elaborate daily fact ever!!!!! Maybe this is a lie!!!! Stay tuned!

*Update: The people who did the cartoon that I linked to yesterday got upset because I linked to a site that was not where the original animator featured it. So they asked for me to change the link to the 'real' location of the cartoon. So I done did. Watch the coolio cartoon below:

Here's something coolio for flash people out there. (By the way, what ever happened to like perved trench coat flashers? Did they all go online or something? Not that I miss them but was that a trend from the 70's? Or just something Mad Magazine made up?


Tonite I watched a show about bees and I found out what honey really is. I mean I knew it was something done by bees screwing around or whatever but I never knew the process. Unfortunately tv told me that honey is bee puke. Basically when bees are at a flower drinking nectar it's the same as some dude drinking tequila shots in a bar. When the bees get back to the hive they puke in the honeycomb... in the same way the drunk dude pukes in his toilet bowl! Uch. That's honey. Barf. Vomit is gross.  I think need a V-Chip for Vomit oriented programming.

Here's smore info from the bee folks.


So a few weeks ago some dude took home a disc containing like millions of vets names and social security numbers and used it as a beer coaster or something until he lost it in a poker game or something. And today I find out that some 'hacker' hacked into our National Nuclear Security Administration and stole like 1,500 names and ss numbers of people working there. WTF? It's like, 'C'mon dudes! Buy a firewall! And keep files off the network share drive! Done and done! Do I have to do everything?!'

Here's a Hack a Day...


Tonite on the science channel I saw that there's a brand new soccer ball for the World Cup this year. Instead of the regular ol' checkered ones, they did this whole redesign so the ball is totally super round and no matter where you kick it, it will do exactly the same thing. Goalies hate the new ball though because it's apparently really helps the shooter guys kick harder and more accurately. Maybe the World Cup people are hoping that if the scores turn out to be more like 21-17 instead of like 1-0... Americans might start paying attention to the sport...

Here's what the new fancy soccer ball looks like...


So last night I was flipping back and forth between 'So You Think You Can Dance?' and 'The MTV Movie Awards'. It was pathetic. I felt shame for myself and for my television and for my couch. To be honest, I sort of like the dance show but I don't like any of the people on it. And I sort of like the MTV Award show (which sukt) but I don't like the people on there neither. So for punishment for my terrible tvness yesterday we all get no factoid today!

Look at these podcast dorks from MTV Asia...


So tonite on tv they told me that back in the day not all dinosaurs were big. There were actually like dwarf dinosaurs that ran around all small. The science dudes claim it's cause they got stuck on an island and it made sense for them to grow smaller and smaller so they wouldn't be all tripping all over each other and stuff. I actually had a theory about dinosaurs recently. I think God made them when he was a little kid...

Here's smore info on the dwarfasors.


So I seen on the news that some people believe there's a chance that armageddon might be today (6/6/06) and that the anti-christ will be busy spreading evil all over the world. well, it's almost 10AM EST and it still seems like a relatively nice day out. I guess the demons are getting a late start or maybe mixed up the AM/PM thing on their alarm clock or something. However, if armageddon is today I just want to say it's been a pleasure...

Here's some number of the beast hardy hars.


Sorry no daily factoid on this day. But this morning I had the Today Show on in the background and I learnt that there's something called a Kringle. Someone from Racine gave one to Al. They looked kind of good. So there's a fact sorta. Kringle's exist.

Here's a quick history there..


Today on a show called 'Future Weapons' or something on the military channel I learnt that there's a new most powerful handgun in the world. This handgun can fire three rounds before it even recoils. The secret? There's no moving parts besides the bullet. Like there's no revolver thing or magazine loading. Pull the trigger and it sends an electronic signal to the actual bullets which fire themselves. The company is called Metal Storm and they're cranking out machine guns and stuff with the same super fire power. Here's some vids.

Seems perfect for something like ED-209...



Yesterday I found out that some dude may have discovered aliens in red rain in India. Apparently some weird rain fell from the sky and some dude scooped it up and brought it home to his kitchen and stared at it for a few years- then discovered he found the rain globs can actually reproduce in extreme heat and have no DNA. So he declared, 'Aliens!' Traditional scientists countered with, 'Bullshit, dude!' Stoner scientists declared, 'Narly!' Fozzie scientists said, 'Waka waka waka!' Crazy Ape scientists yelled, 'Glaaaarrr!' And Ghost Scientists finally moaned, 'Oooorrrrrrhhhh.....'

Here's the red rain scientists page. He should go over to myspace and make friends...


Today the newsman told me that New York Mets fans are like super pissed because they got a new team song and it super sucks. Mets fans feel humiliated that they have such a lame song representing their team. At first I thought the Mets fans were being dopey and over sensitive because how good is a 'team song' supposed be? But now that I heard it... I think they have every right to feel shame about it. It gets an F+. Here tis.

And here's the petition with some funny comments..

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