DAILY FACT I LEARNED FROM THE TV
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6/30

Today I saw some chick on Good Morning America tell me that banks will be looking to rip us all off soon because they're all going broke and stuff. Fees are gonna go up across the board. Plus they're gonna do like sneaky stuff. If you overdraft your account you'll be smashed with an average fee of $27.50. Banks made $39 billion in overdraft fees last year. Average out-of-network ATM fee will be $3.50 (which will cost you $364 a year average if you often go out of network. Late fees for credit card payments will be on average $39 each smack. Woman said if you call up and complain about any of these fees they'll letcha slide tho. Once or twice only... Stupid banks. I wanna rob a bank.

She recommended this site called mint.com if you wanna get your sht together.

BONUS FACT: Also I just learned that if you really wanna test how your breath smells you don't breathe in your hand and smell it. You actually have to lick the back of your hand and smell that. Gross. (Drink more water if you think you have bad breath. Also Listerine doesn't work because it burns. That's just bs to make it feel like its working. And tongue scrapers are key.)

6/25

So not much on the news today other than Michael Jackson and respectable rushed mentions of Farrah. So here's something you may have never heard before. An original recording of Michael Jackson sorting out the lyrics to Billie Jean. A demo from 1981...

*I'm heading away for a bunch of days but will be back on Tuesday night y'all! Good vibes to all Daily Fact readers....

6/24

Last night I watched the movay 'Valkyrie' (that Tom Cruise eyepatch fiasco) but I didn't think the movay was too bad. Sort of a cool story about these dudes who wanted to kill Hitler but messed it all up like jerks. But the thing I learned at the end of the movay that there was 15 failed assassination attempts on Hitler. Which was sort of weird. With Germans being all super good at details and stuff you'd think one dude woulda figured it out... oh well.

Here's some Nazi propaganda from 1944 that was directed toward American youth. Way ahead of their time apparently...

6/23

This morning I watched some yentas talk about why women are snarky to other women. Why they judge and complain and insult and latch onto negativity etc. I guess it's all about women feeling better about themselves. Like if some famous chick gains weight women get happy because it makes women feel better about being not perfect. Also if you're at work and bond by snarking about another woman having a bad haircut or whatever-- it creates a bond and friendship and stuff. And they say that women resist complimenting women they don't know and that women should be better about that. In the same way that a guy will tell a chick she looks good... or whatever.

Here's some Dick Denby talking about snark...

6/22

Last night I found out that the government has started an underground lab to conduct experiments in 'Dark Matter' aka 'Terrible Idea'. I'm all for the advancement of science but I'm not for the advancement of Dark Matter. Before we know it it'll be all mass produced and in children's toys and as an iPhone app and stuff. And then we'll all be living in some sort of Dark Matter void where nobody will be getting cellphone reception nor Domino's.

Here's 60-seconds of Dark Matter...

6/21

Tonite I was listening to the news and hearing to Benjamin Netanyahu talk about the dilly with Iran and all that. And as I'm listening I'm like... he sounds familiar to me for some reason. The voice is like very similar to someone elses voice. The sort of low mono-tone. The slight accent thing. The pacing... Then it hit me! Benjamin Netanyahu sounds just like another famous Israeli! Gene Simmons!

Compare for yourself! Kinda have to fast forward a bit etc...

I dunno. Maybe not. Here's Netanyahu and here's Gene....

6/18

Today there was some news story that talked about how the Wii might be helpful for surgeons. Like if they do Wii for a while before going in for surgery they get like steadier hands or something. I think that's fine. Steadier hands is always a plus with a surgeon. The problem is some kid hears that doctors play Wii to be better doctors and then they sit there playing Wii Mike Tyson Punch-Out and think they're preparing for medical school...

Here's classic Punch-Out:

6/17

Today on some morning show they were talking about the dangers of getting waxed. (Just in case you needed something extra to worry about today). There's something called cellulitistisism or something where like bacteria gets into the place where there was once hair and then you're all my head hurts and then you're all my vajayjay hurts and then you're all I have a fever and then you're all my coochie gotta go to the hospital and then you're all on an IV and then you're all not on a beach showing off your smoothnicity...

Maybe the waxing thing is done? Here's a newsclip all about downstairs hair styling....

6/16

Ay! No daily fact but I did watch True Blood and I'm so into that show like a 13-year old girl liking Twilight! Anyway, at some point during the show a new vampire was trying the 'Synthetic Blood' and thought they all tasted gross until the guy mixed up B+ with O- or something.

Here's Anna Penguin nekkid from this weeks episode... NSFW!

6/15

Today I found out that the long lost (personal brainwise) periodic table is getting a new element! The 112th new thing that I don't know what it is really but can probably kill me if I mix it with Ajax! There's only a temporary name for it which I didn't catch (urankion or something). But soon they're gonna name it. I think that should be a webpoll or maybe corporate sponsored or something. It's a super heavy element. Maybe call it like X-Destructo Mega! Or something coolio!

How much do you remember about the periodic table?

6/14

Last night I found out that Iran has had awful PR in the US. Who knew they had elections? Who knew they could like protest? Who knew women could vote? It's kind of weird that its been painted in this weird dictatorship (yes, i know about the ayatollah and all that). But it seems wayyy ahead of our good buddies in Saudi Arabia who don't seem to have anything coolio going on democracy wise and they still don't let their women vote. Go Iran!

Here's 25 weird laws from all over the place...

6/12
Todd,

Well I wasn't actually watching broadcast television.. Yesterday I was
in a Doctor's office waiting room in south ozone park (had an
appointment to sell the peoples there some Aflac) and they had a tv with
some health messages on it and one of them was how you can use regular
gum to avoid/cure heartburn. Apparently the extra saliva stimulation is
what does it. Gross.. and cool! My boss had heartburn today and I gave
him a piece of gum.. it worked! Thought it was a coolio factoid. Later!

-Jimbo

(Thanks for sending Jimbo... here's a link to spit...)

6/11

Sorry no factizoid yesterday. Did you learn something from the TV? Send it on in. We can all learn it. And stuff...? [email protected]

If yer bored here's a coolio short film to watch...

6/10

Last night I was watching Bizarre Foods with Mark Morrone (by the way I saw this guy from a cab window once and I yelled out, 'I love your show Mark Morrone!' Not sure if he heard me. Anyway, he was in Puerto Rico eating weird stuff and apparently there's a road that's called 'The Pork Highway' which is where you can like eat a whole pig by yourself or whatever. Any part you wanna chomp on you can chomp on. A whole town of that. I don't eat pigs anymore tho. They seem too nice. Umm... unlike cows... that umm... give me weird looks or something.

This article did smell delicious tho...

6/9

Today I found out that Hermes (which I pronounce 'Herbies' based on principle) are being dicks by going full steam ahead into high-end items. One of the things they're producing this year is a $50,000 pocketbook made out of crocodiles and filled with crocodile tears. I dunno. You gotta be a pretty large selfish idiot douche to need a $50,000 bag to feel better about yourself. That sort of thing bumps up against pathetic really. Get a $10,000 bag and give $40,000 to a good cause? No? All 50k. For some bag.

 Hey! Here's $190,000 bag! (Add to cart?) Save 14% of retail price...

6/8

Tonite I found out that Saudi Arabia is moving up into the 20th century and allowing their citizens to go to a movie. (male only. women and animals still aren't allowed to go) . First time in three decades. I guess they've been banned or whatever (which isn't the worst thing. we could probably do some good with some banning-- like Dance Movie or whatever). But anyway, who knew Saudi's couldn't go to the movies!? The sucky part was that this was the one movie that was playing and the concession stand only had sand based snacks...

6/7

So this morning some morning guy told me that the guy who founded Cirque du Soleil is gonna like blast off into space to be a do-gooder or something. Not just to fix something broken or 'Look at me I'm rich and in space'! Here goes the guy talking about it... He's gonna go up there to promote the One Drop Foundation.

And here's something that goes on at Kooza-- (I went a couple weeks ago with family and niece!) Was exciting! I can't do that...

6/4

Sorry no daily factizoid yesterday. It wasn't my fault though. The TV had nothing to say except blah blah and yaaa yaa and bugga bugga...

Wienerdog race schizer!

6/3

This morning some gadget geek showed off the Palm Pre phone which goes on sale today or tomorrow or something. He says its a good phone and people who don't want an iphone might want this one. I'm not officially sad that I used me juicy contract renewal to get the Samsung Eternity phone which has turned out to be a huge piece of unfriendly garbage and stupid. But the one thing that I've noticed about all new phones.... they don't vibrate nearly has much as they used to. Maybe they can't rattle the micro-fluxcapacitors or something...

Here's the first Palm Pre ad... (sort of dramatic for my tastes)

6/2

Last night I found out the 'professional' way to taste tea and coffay. Like if you wanna discover the flavor or whatever. You take a teaspoon and you slurp it as hard as you can. The idea is to spray it all over the inside of your mouth so you can get all your tastebuds all over that stuff. Basically make the loudest slerp noise you can make if you wanna sound like you know what you're doing...

FF to 1:45 if you wanna see some Lipton Brit do it...

6/1

Today morning news bore told me about how doctors are starting to use music to treat heart surgery patients. Like let's say you got your heart ripped out and a baboon heart shoved in there and then you get zippered up. Doctors may add symphony to your recovery treatment. Because a nice beat will eventually sync up with your heart beat. Sort of like keeping it bopping along steady as your lay there wondering why you have a craving for bananas...

Not sure if this is the song they'd use...

 

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