So a couple times a week I get motivated I go to the gym and work out. Mainly, I do the elliptical machine but sometimes I do the bike. Keeps my face from getting too fat or whatever. But my main motivation for working out is for the steamroom afterwards.

On a long list of levels, the steamroom totally grosses me out. Because it’s gross. And on top of it, there are weirdos in the steamroom sometimes. There might be some dude doing naked yoga in there. One guy once kept slapping himself on the legs and back. Once there was a dude disgustingly brushing his skin with some kind of hard brush (I walked right out). It’s always a bummer when something weird is going on in the steamroom because I just want to zone out like meditate– and sweat it up. Until I feel like I’m going to pass out.

I just want silence and steam.

Anyway, the other day I walk in and the place is kind of packed. Maybe 8 people in there. (Usually there’s only 2 or 3 max). A naked guy with a big horse wang is standing and stretching in the middle of the room. I’m like, ‘Whoa! Congratulations on your giant horse wang, sir!’ (Not that I was checking out “wangs” but I almost had to step over the thing on the way to a seat).

Fortunately, nobody was really talking. I put a towel over my head and stared at the ground. Horse wang continued stretching. Everything was nice and quiet. A few minutes later the door opens and I can sense it’s staying open for too long. (When entering the steamroom you gotta zip in zip out). The temperature drops in the room and I hear some guy say, ‘Hurry! Get in there! Hurry!’ And I hear a kid laughing.

I look up and see this Dad and his little girl in a pink bathing suit (6-years old?) walking into the steamroom. The father starts explaining the steamroom to the girl while she drags her pink towel across the gross puddily floor. She complained that it was too hot so the Dad asks if she wants to leave– but she said she wanted to stay.

Anyway…

She’s all giggling and playing around. Our communal heads were like, ‘Dude! Get your giggily little girl outta here! This is no place for her! Horse wang is right over there! (he had sat down and covered up). Your little girl’s towel is laying in a puddle of ballsweat! And now she’s touching the floor and the walls with her hands! Now she’s putting her hands on her face! Now she’s putting the towel on her head! Dad! She has ball sweat on her head now! Your little girl has some dudes sweat… from his balls… on her head!’

But then I thought, ‘Shhh… Calm down. Relax. It’s not your kid. Don’t be so angry. Don’t be such a germaphobe. Here’s a dad simply spending time with his daughter doing something that he likes and she doesn’t seem to mind. I’m sure it’s ok. She’s having a good time. It’s steamy in here so she probably can’t even see that guy’s mega wang. Nor would she care. So why should I care?’

I tried meditating through the giggles and slap noises. Breathe in… breathe out… (giggle giggle slap slap) breathe in… breathe out…relax….

NO! Screw that!! ‘Dude! Get your friggin daughter outta here! She’s slapping at a puddle of ballsweat on the floor! WTF are you doing?!’

ok bye!
tOdd

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