May 05 2011

Little Liars Getting Glasses

So the other day I was talking to the gf and she asked me when I first got glasses. I think I got em in like 4th grade or whatever but I explained that I only got glasses because my brother wore glasses.

See, I didn’t think it was fair that just because my brother couldn’t see anything– he got to pick out fancy glasses (and case!) and wear his shiny gold metal frames around like a top-notch nerdling! Right in my face! And what did I get? 20/20 eyesight? Big whoop! Everyone had that! For free! Good eyesight was my consolation prize?! Screw that!

I kinda sorta remember exaggerating my bad eyesight at the optometrist– just to get glasses. And the doctor saying I barely needed em but might as well get me started.

When I first put on my new unnecessary glasses I felt like I was going to barf because they seemed so super strong. They blinded me for a week or so– until my eyes ‘adjusted’…


The gf told me that she did the same kinda thing (all the kids in her class were getting glasses too) except she didn’t get away with it because she lied about the letters she saw. Like I guess she looked at the E at the top and she said Q or whatever. Apparently, the optometrist caught on to her lying scheme.

But it made me wonder how many people got started with glasses that way. Faking blurriness just for the trip to Pearl Vision just to get even with a sibling…

If that’s the case, then optometrists should get on the ball with outing some of these little liars! Simply ask a kid right off the bat if a sibling already has glasses and go from there.

And do some other tests besides the stupid eye chart. It’s too easy to cheat! Toss a ball from far away! Show a picture of a two monkeys f-ing from across the room and see if there’s a reaction!

Because I’m thinking alot of kids are out there lying right now– just to get a free pair of glasses. And what they don’t realize is that once you start– you can’t go back and change your mind. Unless you do Lasik…. which maybe is the way to go to out the little liars! Instead of offering new glasses to “fix” their vision– offer a friggin laser beam in their friggin eyeball!!

See how clear they read the letters after that!

ok bye!


HEY says:


tainted says:

when i used to go to the optometrist they had this catalog showing “exotic” contact lenses. ones that had tiger stripes, fire, crystal blue ones, crazy purple ones, zebra stipes, cat eye, and even one that was completely white so your pupils like completely disappeared! but my mom would never let me get any of those 🙁

JV says:

Ha! I always needed glasses and DIDN’T want them. I’d lie about leaving them at home. I guess the grass always looks greener on the other side.

Kayleigh says:

Kewl you suhold come up with that. Excellent!

Marden says:

Sondus great to me BWTHDIK

Lorelei says:

When I was a kid, I wanted glasses, braces… and after my brother got Barrel of Monkeys as a consolatory gift after breaking his leg, BOY did I want a broken leg!

Lorelei says:

JV- your story just reminded me of that one episode of the Brady Bunch where Jan busted the fambly portrait the kids put together and hid in the garage wot fer the parents’ anniversary because she didn’t wanna look dorky with her new glasses and took em off before she hopped on her bicycle.

Oh, the pride! What folly!

Holland says:

That’s way more celevr than I was expecting. Thanks!

Krystallynn says:

Didn’t know the forum rules allweod such brilliant posts.

Sh!tForBra!ns says:

The whole eyeglass thing is a scam. A hoax. In prehistoric days, cavemen never needed glasses.

You may ask- and I wouldn’t blame you- what about running from saber-toothed tigers? Well, all I can say is that they’re extinct and we’re not.

Case closed.

Guest says:

You are living up to your nickname big time

Sh!tForBra!ns says:

“You are living up to your nickname big time.”

It’s not a nickname. It’s a phony name I chose for this character specifically so I could watch morons like you entertain us with “witty” observations like the you just did.

Thank you Captain Obvious.

Guest says:

Your logic is flawed, as always. You clearly have shit for brains, regardless of any character you claim to be playing at the time.

Sh!tForBra!ns says:

Thanks. I always like starting my weekend with a good laugh. And you never fail to deliver.

Earnhardt says:

Hey, that’s the geraetst! So with ll this brain power AWHFY?

Avari says:

I’m not easily imperssed. . . but that’s impressing me! 🙂

the REAL weeze says:


Kristy says:

I’m imrpsesed! You’ve managed the almost impossible.

Chubby says:

At last, someone comes up with the “right” aenswr!

Anonymous says:

As long as the “laser” beam is mounted on a friggin shark!

Dr. Evil says:

I love Sharks with frickin laser beams on their heads! That would teach those little bastards.

Laura C. says:

Hi tOdd…yes, we ophthalmologists (and maybe some optometrists, but not that one) are onto your little lying grade-school schemes. The average little fink is in about 2nd grade and is not nearly clever enough to trick the likes of me. But then again, I did give a “blind” patient who was applying for permanent disability the finger…and voila’! From eternal darkness to cured! But I only had to do that once 🙂 You can tell a lot from patients’ inconsistent responses during the glasses-prescription-getting test (refraction), saccadic and smooth pursuit eye movements, pupillary responses, and in the faker guy’s case, the fact that he was reading magazines in the waiting room 🙂

LIMEfACE1 says:


Guest says:

So you are saying you wear glasses.

Anonymous says:

everyone that writes here is really mean

Amelia says:

At last! Someone who understands! Tnhkas for posting!

Krankor says:

For my entire life, I had 20/50 vision (eyes like a hawk). Now, I need reading glasses and I should really wear glasses for driving, but I can still pass the test without glasses. My vision tests at 20/20, but that’s a lot worse than I was used to, so it’s frustrating.

Now, granted, I’m an old fart now (54) but I still feel like a kid. I HATE wearing glasses! And I refuse to wear contacts (freak out with touching the eyes).

I can still see well enough to ride my three motorcycles at SCARY speeds (getting more scary all the time), so F*** the glasses.


Krankor says:

Correction. I had 50/20 vision before. Damn numbers.

Nicol says:

Up until about age 16, I wanted to be just like my older sister. She wore glasses so when it was my turn to take the eye test, I faked it just enough to get some reading glasses. You know the hand charts where the E would be facing different ways? I faked that part a little bit. I was so excited and I wore them for one school year. My mom found out though and I didn’t get them again. My whole immediate family wears glases, but not me. Go figure.

Nerice says:

What a joy to find somoene else who thinks this way.

Jodecy says:

Got it! Tkhnas a lot again for helping me out!

Mike Marsh says:

You are adopted 🙁

Darrence says:

That’s way more clever than I was expecting. Thnkas!

Kaden says:

That’s way more celevr than I was expecting. Thanks!

My Butt Here says:

What a waste, think of how much better of a car you could have got when you were 16 instead of wasting your rents monay on something you didn’t need. Bet they read this and are now thinking of all the other situations that you made them go hmmmmm about. Probably updating the will at this very moment. I would.

Guest says:

Lasik works really well and is well worth the stress of the procedure

Roxanna says:

This has made my day. I wish all posnitgs were this good.

Winter says:

Hey, stbule must be your middle name. Great post!

Nicol says:

I forgot to mention that I was in the first or second grade the year I had glasses.

Anonymous says:

I had lasik, it rocks, 20/15 vision! Now I see in HD.

MsM says:

I had terrible vision as a child and got glasses in grade school. I hated them. 4 eyes, nerd, boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses… So when my vision improved enough I didn’t wear them at all all through high school. I wanted contacts but my parents wouldn’t get them. If glasses were good enough for my mom, they were good enough for me. Well when I got a bit older , the eyesight started going downhill again, but now I can afford contacts. I only wear glasses on my “Hermit-don’t-answer-the-door” days.

flowy dress waitress says:

I didn’t lie about it but my a-hole optometrist thought I did and I almost didn’t get glasses over it. I couldn’t see the chalkboard and was going to flunk out 3rd grade! wtf!

Lefty says:

I’m not easily impressed. . . but that’s impsrseing me! 🙂

PolpravHalf says:

Не желаете обменяться ссылками?

Mahalia says:

Now we know who the sesnible one is here. Great post!

Terry says:

This forum needed sakhnig up and you’ve just done that. Great post!

earp says:

My wife says my penis needs glasses because it keeps hitting the wrong hole…

Pharma170 says:

Hello! kdgggag interesting kdgggag site!

Barbi says:

Got it! Thanks a lot again for helpnig me out!

Kailan says:

Such a deep aesnwr! GD&RVVF

Jailene says:

In awe of that aneswr! Really cool!

Channery says:

It’s spooky how clever some ppl are. Thnaks!

Have a website? Wanna be featured below? Send me a banner 364x40! 100% Free!