DAILY FACT I LEARNED FROM THE TV
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MARCH 2008

3/31

So last night on 60 Minutes I seen that we snatched some dude off the streets of Pakistan and chucked him in Guantanamo for 5 years and dunked his head in water and punched him in the stomach and strung him up hanging from a ceiling and gave him electric zaps and stuff. Turned both the US and Germany found out he had nuttin to do with nuttin and was just a weird dude-- put paperwork just takes time sometimes. Weird dudes beware!

I'm embarrassed to say that when I first saw him I thought, 'I dunno. That dude looked like he was up to something....' My bad. I admit it tho.

3/27

Last night I watched my 3rd favorite show called Bizarre Foods. Bald dude was in Minnesota at the State Fair where apparently everything is sold 'On a stick'. Deep-fried twinkie on a stick, pork chop wrapped in bacon on a stick, spaghetti and meatballs on a stick, deep fried fried fry on a stick, salsa flavored eyeballs on a stick, glob of glub on a stick, wangdoodles on a stick, horseschlong on a stick, and on and on and on... All I's know is I wanna go! I like things on a stick!

Here's a list of all the things there... on a stick!

3/26

So I got yelled at for bashing David Cook 'The Rocker'. Well I'm not gonna apologize! That guy gives me dooshchills! And I was sad to see Chicheezy go too! Now who's left to look forward to seeing? That tattoo armed McChick who thinks she's the best? (Big call!) Little kid? Blondie who pretends she's all innocent? Very mad at Idol right now? There's no goofballs in the batch here or there! I'd even be happy with a whatshisface. Blake Louis!

Can you imagine having dinner with this guy and he beatboxes the order or whatever?

3/25

Ok. It's official. This really is the worst season of Idol yet!! I don't blame the show. I blame the anti-talent! And I blame the voters! First off! As much as Amanda Hossenfeffer was no Idol she was someone to look forward to every week!! Who do I look forward to now?! Huh?! Jason Castro with his avatar face? Syesha with her generic Syeshaness? Or how bout that dork who thinks he's a rockstar (sorry ladies. he's no daughtry. and he sucks.) I kind of want Simon to just turn against the show at this point. Just call a bore a bore! Where's Melinda Doolittle when you need her! She would have ruled this season!

Somehow I missed this Edy's thing last season...

3/24

News dork total me that they found 'methane' on some distant planet somewhere and that was a 'discovery' of sorts. When questioned at a press conference about what it means for that planet--- the scientist responded, 'It means it smells like fart!!!' and then he started laughing hysterically and then made fart noises with his armpit then yelled, 'Fart! Fart! Fartie fart fart!'

Here's Mr. Methane! Can you imagine what an absolutey SuperHero this guy would be at a kids party...

3/23

Although this is old news I found out the other day that Arthur C. Clarke died. It made me sad because he never got to see aliens. I dunno. Would it have been so wrong to mock up newspapers and newsfootage that seemingly friendly aliens had landed. And that we are starting communication with them. Get some weird photos and audio. Give this guy a little something special before he slipped out the door. Would that be wrong? I don't know. I'm open to no.

If you're looking for some good Clarke reading. I think this one is probably my fave.

3/20

Sorry no daily factoid yesterday. I'm still recovering from being so super wrong about Idol this year. Pulling myself out of the funk. I hate being wrong. It so rarely happens!

Girl in lingerie here...

3/19

So yeah. I was apparently WRONG again this year about my Idol pick. Dagnanmibit! I'm pissed about being wrong but I'm not totally unhappy bout the whole Amandafiasco. She was sort of getting on my nerves and I resented it when she said 'ballads are boring'. Terrible call by her... and by me. I'm gonna make a new pick later on... not that anyone is gonna be impressed by that. At least I did better than last year. Dude I picked last season get his ass thrown off on day one. Glad I'm not a talent scout...

Here's some free music if you want some...

3/18

So on American Idol last night nobody was great really. There's something about some hack aussie goofball singing Day in the Life and chopping it up and screwing up the lyrics is seeming a little sacrilegee and stuff. And my girl Amanda Hoofenweider did ok but it concerns me that she said, 'Ballads are boring.' Ballads are your ace, dope! Whatever. I just woke up and I'm grumpy. I'm gonna check my lottery ticket right now and see if I won... Nope! Damn that would have totally turned my whole day around!

Anyway, here's a semi-strange video to Day in the Life...

3/17

I don't know if it's me or what but commercials seem to be getting weirder.... in the bad way. I saw three recently that I stare and can't figure out what they're trying to do. One was for Reddi Whip with some like Reddi Wip superhero guy with two cans of Reddi Wip in his holster (I couldn't find on the net anywhere-- including their slow and visually nauseatingly website).

One was for Ambien CR which pleasantly warned the side effects may include "...driving while not fully awake, with amnesia for the event..." With amnesia for the event?.. AKA DRIVING WHILE TOTALLY ASLEEP!!! WTF FDA!!? They should also warn it might lead to making bad youtube videos.

Another was for Cheetos where some chick on a plane jams Cheetos in some snoring guy's nose. They were promoting this insanely stupid intentionally skippy website. Staggeringly horrendous.

Is everything going sorta sideways crazy or is it me?

3/16

So TV told me tonight that Bear Sterns got punched in the face and stumbled around the ring punchdrunk before stepping on its own testicles in front of the global marketplace. I do think the George W will prove to be the worst president in the history of presidents in the history of the planet (Including President Gloorg from 30,420 BC who passed a law declaring fire to be something that should only be used rectally.) But as for this mortgage mess I actually don't blame W. Obviously he couldn't understand what was going on. (He strikes me as the type of kid who would brag that he knew how to tie his own shoes-- even though half the time he tied them together.) And for as much as I understand to be going on which isn't a hell of alot-- I blame on person for this FUBARed situation...

This ego tripping dunce.

I don't get why he's getting such a pass! I didn't need to pass algebra to learn that you don't give alot of money to someone with zero money and expect to get it back with interest...

I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like people say! I'm not dumb! I'm smart! And I want respect!

3/14

So yesterday I founds out that they have some sort of new genetic test that will tell kids if their genes plan to make them bald later in life. Sounds fantastic! While wait to start freaking out when you're 20-something or whatever! Get a jumpstart on that when you're like 10 years old! WTF... what parent would want to give their kid a heads up about that?

Whatever! Apparently there is a cure!

3/13

Today I watched a Fancy Feast commercial and it made me hungry and I wanted to eat the cat food. It was called Fancy Feast Elegant Medley. I think it was the Chicken Florentine that looked particularly yummy.

Delicious? (check out the 'elegant' menu link too... weird.)

3/12

That's right biatches! Everyone laughed at me when I picked Amanda Hossenfeffer as my American Idol pick! People told me that little kid was gonna win! People said the hot country chick was definitely winning! Or that way annoying Irish chick with the tattoo! Watch them all get steamrolled by my honey! Amanda! Yes, I will allow bandwagoners to bandwagon! She hasn't even sung Heart yet!

She's even already got her own cartoon doll!

3/11

So last night I was watching my third favorite show on television. Bizarre Foods with Andrew Morrone or something. He was up at Iceland eating up weird stuff which was coolio to see. Peeps up there eat Puffin! Those weird Froot Loopy penguins! They catch em with big butterfly nets! Then chomp! They also eat rotten sharks. There's some sort of weird shark up there that they leave out rotting for weeks and weeks before they sit down to chomp it. Apparently it stinks like dead unshowered zombies...

Here's the prep of the gross sharkness:

3/10

So I guess our governor dude sort of messed up. The equivalent of someone running down a spiral staircase with their pants around their ankles and their oversized clown shoes tied together. Oh well. Siyanara stupido!

Don't run ads like this if you can't control your wang...

3/9

Today local newsdweeb gave me an update on Michael 'Will Never Play Again in the NFL - Mark My Words and That Makes Me Happy' Vick's dogs that were rescued from Bad Newz Kennels (by the way... isn't it enough with the overuse of Z?) Apparently the dogs are doing really well. Coming out of their shells and not attacking everything and everyone. Just trying to learn how to be puppies again. Made me happy to see them doing licky and runny and not bitey and grry.

Here goes a video of Michael Vick passing the time in prison..

3/8

So I seen on the TV that some hero dudes are out on a boat hucking crap all over some Japanese whaling boat. Certain japanese stillllll can't get enough of some whale eating. Good for boners or whatever they say. So these rebel guys are floating around next to their whaling ship and throwing rotten butter and garbage on their boat or something. Pretty coolio move I say. I'm all for throwing garbage all over whale murderers. But now apparently the Japanese are fighting back. They shot some dude or something.

Here's more info along with a photo of a dead whale.

3/5

Politics blah blah superdelegates blah blah florida and michigan blah 3AM phonecall blah yawn delegates mccain white house mccain yadda yadda obama hillary bill delegates ohio texas precincts caucus pennsylvania turning point win lose momentum leader coverage woman black feminist african american liberal iraq convention attack ads image republican energy money oil nader war strategy...

Anarchy?

3/4

So the other day I watched a coolio documentary called The King of Kong about these dudes that are all super obsessed with Donkey Kong and breaking records and stuff. Twas the best documentary about Donkey Kong I've ever seen! I learned alot too! Like if you go high enough in the game it eventually flakes out and there's what's called a KILL SCREEN which is when the game itself gets too stupid to keep going correctly or something. Anyway, netflix it up if you do netflix and games...

Wanna see what the high score of your favorite game is... officially?

3/3

So last night I found out 'surprise surprise' that that Airborne medicine stuff (fights off colds or whatever) is 100% nonsense. The testing that was done to prove it's effectiveness was done by a people as qualified as Roscoe to make that claim. Bummer for people who have psychosomatically fixing their colds by using this stuff. But the good news is I think we can get ALL get like $60 out of these scammers! Booyah!

Up to 6 boxes worth of refunded cash! No receipt required! Click HERE or call 1-888-952-9080 for further information.

3/2

Last night I was watching 60 Minutes and they talked about how there's this new heat ray blaster that's been invented. It like makes an explosion of burning hotness that doesn't burn people but just makes them run away being like ow ow ow. As soon as the ray stops the pain stops. Good for crowd dispersment or whatever. They think it might be great in Iraq so they don't have to shoot at an angry crowd or whatever. Problem is the military ain't ordering any of em because they can't wrap their heads around a weapon that doesn't actually f**k people up...

Here's more stuff bout the Pentagon's ray gun.

3/1

Total apologies for the snacknickity here with the lacko factos. I'll get back on track tonight with some hard core tv watching... well not 'hard core' like hard core hard core... just meaning I'll put in the time to get a decent fact for later today.

But if you're bored here's something for ya...

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