DAILY FACT I LEARNED FROM THE TV
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3/30

This morning I found out that the internet could crash on April 1st. There's this virus that's sitting on millions of machines right now called Conficker that isn't doing anything but 'asking for further instructions'. Rumor is that those further instructions are coming on April 1st. Could be a dancing baby popping up on everyone's screen. Could be a yank out the cord on everything or something. We'll see. Ooh. I'm so not scared again...

If you want to download and install Conficker so you don't feel left out. You can do that here.

3/29

So I found out something I didn't need to know today... so I figure why not share. Some scientist went all-in on researching if all live things feel pain. He focused on lobsters and crabs and did all sorts of experiments to see if they like/don't like/or don't care if they have their legs ripped off or get dunked in boiling water. Surprise surprise he claims he found out that they indeed can feel that it totally sucks and hurts to get messed up or horribly murdered. Which might slam the door on me ever being able to personally 'do' a live lobster at home.

The thing that I don't understand is, 'Who originally said that they didn't feel pain?' Seems like a pretty basic necessarily to avoid umm... extinction?

Here's something called the Crustastun that like seems much mo bettah for lobsteriria.

3/26

Ok. So on Idol there were no real surprises this week. I thought Smokey Robinson looked really good and seemed cool (although he did look like a vampire when he was singing). Smokey is one of those weird guys that has always been 'old'. Like when I was growing up he was old. And he's still old. Like Don Rickles was always old. Y'know? But I think it's possible that's Smokey had the best plastic surgery of any celeb out there. If there is such a thing...

Here's a plastic surgery site that's sort of whatevery.

3/24

Sorry no daily factoid yesterday. I did watch the President talk and decided I would make a bad President. I would definitely personally insult the reporters if they got rude with me and might even give the finger to some people I didn't like. Plus I'd be eating through the whole press conference just because nobody could say otherwise.

Here's a Bob Dylan press conference...

3/23

Today I found out that crazed germaphobes have a new keyboard to keep their fears at bay. It's a self-cleaning keyboard. Sort of like disappears into a drawer and gets zapped with UV light then spit out again fresh and clean. (Probably 'spit out' isn't the best term for germaphobes. By the way, I'm not a not germaphobe. I gotta Purell up probably 4x a day.) Actually the keyboard is a pretty good idea for hospitals and stuff where everything has the potential to be extra gross.

Here's the keyboard on their crappy website.

3/22

So tonight I was watching an interview with a politician dude who was way ahead of the game in terms of blowing the whistle on AIG and all the financial shenanigans going on. Years ago he was calling bullshit on the bullshit. And now in 2009, he's saying don't worry about the whatever bonuses here and there or whatever. He said the bigger problem is the fact that alot of this bailout money is flying out the doors to Goldman Sachs and Merrill Lynch and disappearing in their mess. This dude said that's the money we should be worried about. Because that's billions that are disappearing down those poop shoots.

He might be sort of a whistle blower hero right now... umm...  if he wasn't running around banging hookers when not at work...

3/21

Today newslady told me that the cheapest car in the world has gone on sale. It's made in India by Tata Motors and the car is called the Nano. It comes with no air conditioner, air bags, radio, or power steering. It also has no steering wheel or seats or tires. Nor windows or doors or motor or floor. Nor sides. Basically it's just two plastic door lock knobs and a key  in a ziploc bag with a card that says, 'Here's your f--kin car, bitch...'

Here's American style Ta-Ta Motors.

3/19

So last night I watched a show called 'I Shouldn't Be Alive'. Seems like survival shows are friggin all out of the woodwork in the barrens of cable. Anyway, in this one I found out that babies have superpowers when it comes to freezing. They have this stuff called Brown Tissue which kicks in if they're out in the cold for too long. Basically the same sort of body heat/tissue energy saver thing that bears get when they hibernate. Sorta coolio. But I wouldn't test it out or nuttin...

Try and read the first paragraph about it.

3/18

Today I found out that there's like pythons on the loose in Florida. I can't remember if they said 30 on the loose or 300 or 30,000 but whichever it was it was too many for my tolerance for loose pythons. They like eating things that don't like to be eaten. umm... which I guess applies to most everything that managed to evolve enough to have a thought.

3/17

Sorry no daily factizoid yesterday. All I watched was Idol. I still can't stand Kara Guarani. And think Paula is awesome. It still is the best show on my television right now... but now that I'm finished with The Wire (the best) I'm starting in on a new series via NetFlix dvd.

After much internal debate... I'm going forward with the new.... Battlestar Galactica! First disc is on the way! Psyched!

Don't make fun! It gets good reviews!

3/16

So last night I woke up around 3AM and was wide awake so I watched some TV and on practically every flunky channel there was this informercial called Shortcuts to Internet Millions. I couldn't turn it off. Obvious super scam. But I just kept watching. Maybe it was the boobs. No I didn't pick up the phone.

Here's a video clip. Best to start it at like 2:30 mark. She's very convincing about the 'internet system'.
And here are some testimonials from unsatisfied customers.

3/15

Last night on 60 Minutes there was this organic food woman Alice Waters who is like all about growing food and not eating pesticides and stuff or whatever. Seems coolio or whatever. Anyway, she's doing a big push for the President to put a veggie garden on the lawn of the White House to promote healthy eating or something. Also a compost heap. Seems like a coolio idea. Except for the compost heap part...

Here's her letter to the Prez

3/14

So last night what's his face on SNL the weasely guy who does the news told me that they were talking about banning Brazilian waxes in New Jersey for some reason. The joke was it would become the 'overgrown garden state' or something. Hardyhar etc. Anyway, I looked up why and the law says you can only wax like arms and face or whatever but can't go downstairs. And people have had some issues ending up in the hospital after waxing gone wrong and stuff. And suing or whatever. I dunno I just think it's funny that lawyers and politicians and stuff have to talk about this sort of thing with a straight face.

Here's some Marine waxing. Are women tougher than men when rip comes to shove.

3/12

So I've been watching this new show called Human Prey (animals attacking people) lately and there seems to be a common theme in it. They don't really say how you're supposed to avoid getting attacked except 'just stay home'. But if you do get attacked by a bear or by a shark or a gator or whatever. 1. Go for the eyes. See what you can do to hurt their eyes. If that doesn't work...2. Try to keep the thing from biting your head off. That's pretty much it there.

Not sure what the hell this is all about. Cheetah vs' Ostrich.

3/11

This morning they talked about how Bernie Madoff may like finally get to start sitting in a jailcell forever and write 'I'm a such a dick..' in his prison journal over and over again for the next 25 years or whatever. But what's disturbing is I don't feel enough pressure happening to bring down the whole Madoff organization/family. As far as I'm concerned it's probably not even Bernie who was the master mind behind all this garbage. I'm betting it was his wife. And she needs to be in the clink. Same with those kids.

But there's a bigger fraud out there that they ain't talking about...

3/10

So last night on American Idol I do admit that I think the guy with the glasses with the dead wife probably did the best job and Lil Rounds didn't light up the room. But the good news is I think Kara Guarini continues her spiral into irrelevancy and I can't imagine she'll be asked back next year. I want her off my show! I even found a replacement for her that I think I'd actually like! Paris Hilton! Boom!

Anyway, that site Vote for the Worst picked who they think is the worst. Personally, I think the blind guy is realistically the worst...

3/9

Today I found out that women win one on the science side. More often then not it seems men get away pretty easy on certain things while women have more to deal with. Not thinking of any examples but you might know what I mean. Anyway, TV lady told me today that older fathers have babies that are sort of short on brain power (just don't learn as fast or something. However, babies with older moms do really well in the tests. So it's like that. So all you chicks waiting to have kids... you're best off hooking up with some 20 year old dude than some guy with like old balls and stuff. If you want a super smart baby...

I guess this is some kind of horsey show...

3/8

So last night I was watching 60 Minutes and I watched how the FDIC works when they need to go to work. If some bank is like failing. It's not paperwork. It's not about transferring stuff over computers or something. The FDIC team like descends on a bank at night (or after the bank closes) and they like completely swarm in and take it over. They count the money in the bank. They go into all the computers. They literally like invade and take it over. Fortunately, they've never missed a payment etc. But I just think it's weird that this accounting nerds go totally SWAT on flunky banks...

Here's the video. Is pretty nutty...

3/5

Ok sorry bout no daily fact yesterday but I did get some inside info from another source. Rumor is that Kara DeGuarini is totally kicked off the show already for next season! Which is great! I found another thing that's annoying about her too! She tries too hard to come across as sexy! That is all!

Here's a non-top 12 contestants website... run by his moms I think.

3/4

Today I found out that Toys-R-Us just coughed up $5,000,000 for the domain name toys.com. I thought multi-million dollar domains went out of style back in like 1998 or something. I dunno. Is it really necessary to own a URL like that at this point? What's next? Pets.com sock puppet as spokesperson? Maybe full flash shopping site like boo.com? And expand to sell groceries? C'mon dudes... sell your toys, streamline your money, and stop looking for expensive cheap loopholes.

Here's someone mad at Babies R Us...

3/3

Ok! The trials are over with American Idol and I'm ready to make my annual prediction which I've NEVER* been wrong about. I think there's one clear winner this year. No it's not the guy with the glasses. And no it's not the girl with the pink hair streak. And no it's not the 'cute' dude who is like Rick Astley...

My prediction is: LIL ROUNDS!

Get used to the name. She is our next American Idol!

Here's the Lil Rounds fan site...

*always

3/2

This morning the man on the television told me that some study found out that kids would eat alot more vegetables if the vegetables had cooler names. Like not just boring 'carrots'. Turn them into Ninja Power Eye Orange Sticks. Or take 'celery' and turn it into Green Monster Stalk Grass Stix. Or 'broccoli' into Face Punch Mini-Trees. Or something cool. Or not cool. Or cooler than that. Or whatever.

Here go the top ten good foods gone bad.

 

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