May 2004

5/28

So today I done found out that the sperm count in men is dropping year after year and in the last 50 years there's been a major dropoff in the average sperm count in men. Some science nerds think that this is because so many women are on the pill. Basically alot of the water we drink comes from rivers with recycled sewage or whatever ew gross- and women pee out the female hormone in the pill. Our water treatment system does not clean out the female hormone peed out from the pill and then guys drink the water and the female hormone thing and then that affects the sperm count or something like that or whatever.

Sperm game! "Sperm" is a gross word I think.

5/27

So the tv told me that cows eat everything they can eat and alot of times dairy cows end up eating metal (like nails or tacks) and that somehow becomes a problem because if a dairy cow eats too much metal it will like keel over and croak so someone invented something to get metal out of a cows stomach -and it's basically this magnet that a cow eats and then poops out and hopefully it'll have the nails or tacks or whatever things cow eats attached on its way out.

Sounds nice but they don't look too tasty.

5/26

I seen a new diet device on tv. Basically it's like a dental bite plate that dieters jam in their mouth which prevents em from taking big bites and then I guess the idea is you just get tired of taking small bites and eat less because the bite plate is so annoying or whatever. A friend of mine had a better technique to keep from eating too much. He'd eat half his plate then unscrew the pepper and dump the whole thing out on his food. Done and done.

Here are some bad inventions in the name of health

5/25

TV told me all about barnacle geese tonite. Barnacle geese set up their nests way way up high in the cliffs- but they gotta go down to the ground to find food. Problem is the barnacle geese moms don't bring food to the barnacle chicks. The chicks have to go to the food. On the ground. So on like day 3 the little chicks peep their way over to the edge of the cliff and literally jump off. They can't fly but they have fluffy coats so they bounce their way down the cliffside and hopefully live to have lunch. It's pretty much a 50-50 shot though. Another example of offbeat evolution.

Here's what it means if you dream about geese and other things starting with G.

someone sent me this here link http://www.gilly4.com/goose.html

5/24

So Jimmy Kimmel was talking to me about how the President fell down on his bike and landed on his face. Jimmy told me that the spokesperson for the President said the President crashed on his bike because it had been raining alot and the topsoil was loose. But apparently it hasn't rained in Crawford, Texas in over a week and the topsoil was fine. I don't understand why they can't say the President crashed on his bike and be done with it. People crash on bikes. It happens all the time. What's with the excuses?

Here's EXCLUSIVE video of the Presidential bike crash.

5/23

Tonite I found out that you can buy yer own submarine nowadays if you have an extra 50k lying around and need a submarine to get chicks back to your house or whatever. The one problem is if you're claustrophobic they're not so much fun. Cause the lower you go down in the water the more the cockpit fills up with water. For pressure reasons or something. So if you go down too far you're done. And you'll be doubley dumb. Cause 1. you spent 50k on a sub. And 2. you done glug glugged it like a dope.

And if you're gonna buy a sub. Do it right

5/22

Sorry no fact today. I dunno what happent. I sure watched alot of tv but nothing done stuck.

You can watch some weird tv here if you wanna...

5/21

I seen tonite that dopey college kids up at Stonybrook organized this thing called the Cardboard Regatta. They get all drunk and make boats out of cardboard and ducktape and I guess it's a race or whichever floats the longest or whatever. It seemed kind of cool. They should do one here in the east river except all the boats have to be cube shaped and made out of metal.

I guess it's done all over the place. Here's some of them boaty boats.

5/20

Tonite I found out an Omarosa update. Last I heard she was launching a book and a clothing line and a talk show and a this and a that. What that added up to apparently was a 900 number. $3.95 a minute. I figure I'd call it and I could like write off the Omarosa hotline because I'm writing about it here or whatever. So whatever I called up and recorded one minute of the Omarosa hotline and super unsurprisingly I was totally disappointed.  I recorded one minute for you. It's staggeringly bad audio quality but it's not my fault it's Omarosas. This is it. I swear this is how it sounded. She can't even put together a decent 900 number. I give her an F+.

Omarosa hotline recording here.  

5/19

Tonite I watched a show called The 5th Wheel. It's like one of those classy dating shows. There was three girls and two guys and somebody is the 5th wheel and they end up getting left out. So I watched and the guy would say dumb stuff then the girl would laugh then the drunk girl with the boobs came over and she said something stupid and then he laughed and then they made out but then on the other side this girl and this guy were talking and the guy said she had a nice butt then this other girl came over and then they made out because she didn't want to be the 5th Wheel. Then I decided maybe it was time to give my brain the night off and stop feeding it junk food.

To all you married people. Don't forget the grass is always greener. Reminders: For married girls. For married guys.

5/18

Today I saw on the news that they found a rocket launcher near some train tracks somewhere. The newscaster said that it wasn't a big deal because it was a "small rocket launcher that you can pick up at any gun store and certainly not big enough to take out a train or take down a plane" ...like that was supposed to make me feel better. I guess I'm out of the loop on gun control- but gun stores sell rocket launchers?

I guess so. Here's one if you want one.

5/17

So if cellphones weren't annoying enough I found out today that they have the potential to get even more annoying. In Japan people are running around doing "karaoke on the go". They like go somewhere near a tv screen or something and then they sing karaoke directly into their cellphones then can download the song they sing when they get home. Or something like that. Uch. I just don't need some chick on the street screeching 'Let's Hear it for the Boy' in my ear while I'm waiting for the bus..

Maybe practice at home for a while first. Crank up your speakers and annoy your neighbors faithfully..

5/16

Sorry no daily fact today. I was all doing stuff and stuff. I did see some car racing. They went round and round but me not learn nuttin bout neither with that there them.

Here's a look at some slot car racing.

5/15

Today I found out that the people at Maytag are acting like dicks so I figure I'd spread the word on their dicknicity. See they put out this dryer called the Neptune but apparently it doesn't vent properly and it gets all gross with black mold cooties. Then the mold gets on the clothes and stuff. So people wrote to Maytag and said, 'Hey! My dryer got black mold cooties!' And Maytag sent them some kit to fix the problem- but the kit didn't work. So people are like, 'WTF Maytag?' And Maytag is like, 'Screwoff! We tried!'

Here's the class action suit that might help the Maytag repairman get off his ass.

5/14

Tonite I found out about a new video game for sale that combines fun and sad in a whole new way. It's called Sexy Beach 2 and it's some Japanese thing where the object is to turn the virtual girl on with your mouse or whatever. So you mouseover and do a little of this and a little that and she goes ooh ooh and then you score points or whatever. So ummm... yeah that's what I learnt today.

Here's some screenshots to sexy beach 2. 

5/13

Today I found out the history of mother's day. See back in the day this chick Anna Jarvis campaigned to set aside the anniversary of her mother's death to celebrate motherhood and thought it would end all the troubles in the world and stuff. But 16 years later she got all disgusted because it got super commercialized and she campaigned to have it banned. One out of two ain't bad.

Here's some of the best and worst mother's day gifts.

5/12

Tonite I got a Justin Guarini (runner up on first american idol) update on the Fox 5 local news today and Guarini wasn't happy. Guarini feels like the show totally dicked him over and tossed Guarini aside. Guarini feels like the Guarini album wasn't promoted the way it should have been and it only sold like 100,000 copies. Guarini cut his hair and was wearing a bandana. I felt a little bad for Guarini but Guarini says Guarini is launching a comeback soon so maybe we haven't seen the last of Guarini. 

Here's Guarini singing Desperado

5/11

TV told me something gross about Koala bears tonite. See Koalas pretty much live off eating eucalyptus leaves which are poisonous. But Koalas have like super strong stomachs with bacteria to detox the leaves. But koala babies aren't born with that bacteria so they spend their youth eating the poop of their moms. Which gives them the bacteria so they can eat eucalyptus leaves when they get older. Gross. I still don't get evolution. How do you evolve eating poisonous plants and poop? Why start there?

Here's Amy's report on Koalas. I'll give it a B. 

5/10

I found out from tv today that some high school kids are cheating their way thru school by using high tech devices. Some use their camera cellphones to take a snapshot of their tests then they send the image to a friend so they can cheat off each other in class. Makes me a little nostalgic for the old cheat sheet that my smart friends would fold up really tight and do a fake stretch and launch it over by me then I'd fake drop the pencil to pick it up and do the cheaty that way. Truly old school.

Here's some bad analogies found in high school papers. Kids is getting more stupider I thinked.

5/9

Tonite I seen some stuff about killer whales. I found out that they're really smart not only because they travel in pods and like attack in teams and stuff but they also have never attacked a human (at least no one has lived to tell about it) which is also smart. Also I saw some amazing video of them literally swimming up on shore to grab a seal then head wiggle back toward the water. They're cool and crazy.

Name a topic. Any topic. Someone's gotta argue about it out there.

5/8

Sorry no factoid yesterday. I figure I'd find one before I fell asleep last night but then I fell asleep first. 

This entertained me for 20-30 seconds...

5/7

The tv told me all about sloth moths today. See sloths, which are weirdo furry animals, have lots of moths living in their fur. The sloth moths hang out on the sloth until the sloth decides to make it's weekly poop. The sloth comes down out of the tree to drop a slothduke and that's when the female sloth moths spring into action and lay their sloth moth eggs all over the sloth poop. Then the sloth moths run back on up on the sloth to wait another week. It's a slothy scene, man.

Here's goes some sloth photos. Frickin bizarros.

5/6

Tonite was the end of Friends. And I think it was time to say goodbye. Yawn enough was enough see you later bye.  Hopefully they'll take my advice and put together a sequel flipside-- call it 'Enemies'. Take three guys. Three girls. They can't stand eachother and constantly undermine each other and play violent pranks. Done and done.

Maybe I didn't watch the show close enough but this rings no bells for me. Did any of this happen?

5/5

The tv done told me about something called SRL (survival research lab) Shows. Basically some guy is going around building huge machines with huge-o destructo power and he sets em free in an arena and they smashy and shoot lightning bolts and rockets 2 by 4s and all that sort of stuff. And people ooh and awe at the massive fireifierous power of machines of destructo! Or something or whatever... sounds like it would give me a headache.

Here be some SRL photos from somewhere.

5/4

Tonite I found out some stuff about the sixth sense and why we get gut feelings about stuff. For the most part it seems like we pick up on a change in a regular pattern that sends off some kind of alarm. That regular pattern that gets disrupted could be as slight as the change of the 'echopattern' in a room. So if someone walks into a room to sneak up on you and you feel them coming closer, it's the echopattern that changes. But since i'm now aware of the idea of an echopattern change it's just one more thing to watch out for if i'm alone and feeling paranoid. Thanks tv.

Here's some psychicness. I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 20. Concentrate and pick a number. 1-20. Visualize your number. Seriously think of a number!

Then click here and you'll see your number there. Concentrate...

5/3

I found out today on my new favorite show Wildboyz how someone becomes a man in the Mee Mee Tribe in the Amazon (not sure if I spelled Mee Mee right and couldn't find anything about em on the web and the Wildboyz are dopes so I wouldn't necessarily take this as a fact but) basically the kid who is going become a man will put his hand in a glove in a filled with bitey stingy ants. The dope on Wildboyz hand all swolled up after. (plus someone forced me to watch Everwood tonite and I liked it and I'm embarrassed but I promised I'd mention it... so there)

Here's everything you didn't want to know about fire ants.

5/2

Tonite the tv showed me a 3-D printer. Not like 3-D on paper but a printer that prints objects. Like you give it a 3-D design for an engine part or whatever and it will print out a replica of that part in plastic. The guy on TV said that eventually people at home will be printing out like coffee cups and soap dishes. Finally technology will solve the problem of spending insane amounts of money on things like coffee cups and soap dishes. Phew...

Actually maybe it would be kinda cool. Check it out...

5/1

I founds out today from TV that out in LA women are going one step past bikini waxing and now there are actual downstair hair stylists that will give chicks a "style" or dye job or even do stuff like make it look like a strawberry with different colors and stuff. Coolio!... sorta..

Here go some nakeds!

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