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MAY 2007


So last night I found out that the US government is adding a certain chemical to popular food items like "soda", "milk" and "certain kinds of fruits". This chemical will apparently "boost the intelligence and memory" of all US citizens. The government does admit that people consuming the products will be "more susceptible to agreeing with popular ideas" and be less "inclined to disrupt society."

Ok this one isn't true. But I did actually dream something like this the other night... I think. Here's a Talking Heads song I like alot


So tonite on the news I saw that they're working hard on teaching apes to communicate. There's all these apes now that know how to communicate with humans by touching symbols on a board which say the word they want to say. Like if they touch 'Want' then 'Coffee' (they want a coffee)---And Joe Lab Lackey goes on a Starbucks run for the ape. And once they really know how to communicate at what point do they deserve rights? And once they have rights what's to say they can't just walk among us in freedom? And once they do that what's to say they can't TAKE OVER EVERYTHING AND MAKE US ALL SLAVES!? HUH?! AND THEN WHO'S GONNA BE GETTING WHO A STARBUCKS!? Wait...that doesn't.... wait again... double wait... is it who or whom?

This stumped me for a second... maybe they're already smarter...


Umm... so there's a new tool in development in the 'War on Terror'. The government is developing a very special kind of moth that will get a microchip implanted in it during the larvae stage (larvae is such a gross word) and then it'll be able to transmit video and other information back to the Mothership or whatever. They'll be able to control the nervous system remotely so they'll be able to land one on Osama's shoulder or something. I guess that's coolio-ish... although I'm never gonna trust a moth again.

But if you can't beat em.... eat em!


So news people told me that dolphins off the coast of Ireland have a different 'accent' than dolphins in other area. Like they have their own Irish accent brogue or something. Weird. They also found out these Irish dolphins are more prone to crack a bottle over another dolphins head just because someone said the wrong thing about their favorite soccer team. After that dolphin is on the seafloor asking what the hell they did that for... the Irish dolphin is more apt to say, 'Ahh... Stop yer crying, yah look like a fookin right coont...'

Umm... Frog and Dolphin?


So tonite I seen on the TV that Sony just developed some video screen that's paper thin. You can fit it in your pocket and bend it and it plays full color video. When asked to comment on it the new technology, Sony CEO Howard Stringer said, "Well, as a CEO I travel a lot and I found I was always running back to my room or opening up my laptop to get my porn fix. Now I can keep my porno right in my pocket! Take that Nintendo! Take that Fox! Who's laughing now?! Then Howard held up a video of himself laughing...

Here go some paper robots designed to fight?


So last night I seen that urns are becoming hip and cool. You know those things they put ashes of deaders in. Nowadays your recently charred doesn't have to be hanging out in some lame vase. He can be chillin in a Stanley Cup replica for all eternity! Or be inside a teddy bear made of their favorite t-shirt or whatever! Or something with their favorite baseball team logo slapped right on it! I'm sort of psyched that funeral stuff is getting more personalized. Going to a funeral can be a bit of a buzzkill so it's coolio that there's some fun being worked in there somewhere.

Here's a buncho fishy funerals for your funusement.


So last night I found out some Sultan guy in Brunei is (supposedly) paying Michael Jackson $10,000,000 just to appear at his birthday party. WTF! Michael Jackson? Is that Sultan guy like turning 10 years old in 1985 this year?

Maybe that Sultan should take some of that money and update is POS website that looks like it's from 1985 too...


As Idol limps to the finish line with the 4th place and 5th place looking peeps in the finals, I just have to say, although I feel a little nauseaus when I watch Blake and his dopey everything--- I gotta admit I felt the selection of the last song made the whole thing feel fixed. I thought it was unfair to pick a song that so played to that chicks strengths. Boo! Idol! Weak! FU! Whatever. At least it puts Blake into Guariniland...

I can't tell if these girls know or don't know how to dance...


Howdy! So the other night TV showed me the best ways to destroy a hard drive. Apparently there's a growing feeling of paranoia about just tossing an old hard drive in the trash so people wanna know how they can permanently erase stuff on it before tossing it. The best solution they came up with was either taking and axe to it and smashing it up. Or placing it up on a curb at an angle and running over it. Or boiling it in hot water. You can also "feed it to a big robot" or "use a slingshot that can reach outerspace" or "drop it in hot magma poop."

Here's some computer geeks doing something physical...


Sorry no daily factoid today! I'm away for a long weekend and da facts will be back on Tuesday night! That's the fact on the facts... umm... jack!

Here's some puppy curling if yer bored at this very moment. Or say hello on the Daily fact message board! linked above...


So today TV told me that baldness is reverseable. Like they're tinkering around with genes and stuff and learnt that they can reprogram them to grow again. They say it's something that might not only be good for baldies but also for regenerating fingers and stuff like that. It would be weird if they came out with a baldness cure. Not sure if I'd go for it. Would I? I've had no hair for a while. But maybe? I sort of remember liking it. But then would I be all like, 'Look! New hair!'? I don't know. Fortunately it'll probably be friggin 2050 when I'll hve to make the decision.

Here's some chicks faces as they get bikini waxed...


Ok. Idol. Whatever. Who really cares who wins at this point. Just no Blake, please. Thank you.

Anyway, last night local news dingbat told me that there's gonna be a new tattoo ink that is permanent but easy to remove with just one laser treatment. So it's an easy way out if you don't like it. I dunno. Sort of sounds like joining a motorcycle gang but sounds like a moped. I mean if you're gonna get some ink! I say no backing out!! That's what tattooing is all about! It's forever...

Umm... actually maybe it's not a bad idea.


Tonite Brian Williams said it's becoming apparent that Australia might be "totally screwed." Australia is like running out of water big time and soon they're gonna shut off the irrigation tap to farmers so the cities can live-- and outer area places have laws like, you can never ever wash your car and you only get 5 gallons a day for the household (which is like a five minute shower). Brian Williams also said if Australia doesn't get some rain soon, "....it'll be all like Mad Max and shit." I guess he's going for ratings or something.

They now say that Australians are looking into recycling raw sewage to keep things going and.... wait a sec... don't they already do that to make their vegemite?

Just kiddn, Aussies!!! Good vibes to the land down under! Let's all do a raindance for them! They need it. Rain dance I say!

Here's the history of vegemite... just kidn bout brian williams too...


So late last night I saw that farmers have been having a really hard time with red fire ants. They eat up crops and stuff and no other anything wants to eat them or mess with them. So they can just run wild and do whatever they want. Science is finally stepping in by releasing a virus into the red ant community called SINV-1. I don't like the sound of that virus. Sounds like the type of thing that'll eventually cross-spread and wipe out the entire planet.... but that's maybe just me being paranoid. But if I'm right, I'm gonna say, 'In your face! I told you so!!!!' ... or woulda gonna say....

Here's info on red fire ants (narrated by Dan Rather)


Sorry no daily factoid yesterday. As per usual I space out on Friday's. But tonite I saw something kinda coolio creepy coolio. Scientists have developed 'plastic blood'. They been poking around mixing up stuff for a while in the hopes of developing an artificial blood which could be helpful in times of war or low bloodage situation. Lazy vampires are psyched too. Finally the American culture has developed a product made exclusively for.... um... lazy umm... vampires...OK FINE! Not funny! Whatever! F!

I've very far away from understanding this lazy vampire cartoon I found...


Today I seen on the TV that Zagat's restaurant guide ranked the best fast food places. What ranked #1? Best fast food? Wendy's. Best burger? Wendy's. Best fries? McDonalds. Most child friendly chain? McDonalds. Grossest restaurant? Angry Mike's Armpit Shack. Worst burger? Splutter's Floorburg. Worst Fries? Eggie's "Dick Fries". Least child friendly chain? Bug Eyed Bunny's House of Slaps...

I was poking around for stuff and found someone hates my local McDonalds! Coolio!


Ok. Tonite was the first night I was emotionally affected by Idol other than just being pissed at being wrong. I don't like that Blake beat LaKisha. I don't like his beat boxing and I don't like his fake new wave attitude and I don't like how I can't see his teeth when he sings. He looks like he has this maw or something and I want him to go home next week. I will no longer be making predictions and I will write this season off. There's always next year... as always. All I want now is Blake to go home. Thank you.

Let's see Blake beat this beatbox... I don't think so BLAKE!!!!


Tonite I watched a show about how Colorado is sort of frucked up when it comes to juvenile justice. Like out there if some 15 year old kid like does something super bad he can get sentenced to prison for life without parole. But even if what the kid did wasn't super bad (like being around a murderer murdering but not stopping it) he can still get life without parole.

Apparently Colorado went mental years ago because there was alot of violence for a while and they changed all the laws to be all strict. But now they got all these teenage offenders doing friggin life-- and it ain't right (in most cases). Sorry to be all downery factazoid but... it just made me sad. So I thought... why not share! Here's some info on the Pendulum Foundation.

In terms of American Idol, Blake Beatbox Bonerface is gonna get sentenced to Life-as-not-the-American-Idol... tomorrow night.


So today I watched a show about nazis and learnt how before the wheels came off their plans they were thinking about attacking and invading the United States. The problem was they didn't have bombers that could fly across the Atlantic and bomb New York or whatever and fly back home. They'd run out of fuel before they made it back. So they started looking at all options to fly over and start up with the US. Friggin kooky krazy nazis...

So here's one of their solutions to the flying problem. Flying Saucers!


So I found out today that parents are giving the gift of surgery to their kids more and more as graduation gifts. Like some chick is graduating high school and she wants bigger boobs or whatever so instead of a car or some sort of computer or whatever. They're getting boobs. Or less nose. Or butt implants. Or whatever. I dunno. Seems kooky to be buying your daughter boobs... But you know what I always thought was kookier? Calf implants? Who notices calves except for the calf owner anyway? Like has anyone ever said, "That person is a buttercalves?"

Look at these things!


Ok this isn't a tv fact but I figure I'd share this anyway as a special occassion. The other day I walked into a FedEx Kinkos and there was one big long line to do 'everything'. I wanted to get some DVDs copies and my burner is broken. Wasn't sure if they do that kind of copying or not. Stuff was stacked everywhere. The whole layout of the store was like a weird maze. I was like, 'What's going on in here! Kinkos used to be like sort of casual cool. Now this whole place is like... I don't know what.... They told me they couldn't really make DVD copies but they might be able to send them out but they weren't sure or something.... Meanwhile I read all about this the other day. In the NYT! Sort of interesting... that I was thinking something was way wrong with the place.


Sorry no daily fact yesterday. It was Friday and it seems like I miss Friday's alot. I guess because I'm running around on Friday trying to finish up everything I haven't been doing all week long. Which is now done did so I'll get crackin on the TV later today to catch up on that.

Here's some coolio pencil sculpture stuff...


So yesterday I hears that people are walking faster and faster in big cities and stuff. Which I thought was a good thing! Like exercise! Fast walking!? Good? Right? No? Yah. Apparently bad. If you walk all fast that means you're probably doing everything else fast which means you're all stressed out and you need to relax. So for now on, just booble along all slow turtle like the annoying person in front of you who acts like they have all the time in the world.... they're apparently doing it right.

(Not too recently ago I found out that I definitely walk funny. I was out with some people and someone imitated the way I walk. Everyone laughed. Then someone else jumped in to correct and do it better. He walked like a real goofball sloucher. Everyone told him he nailed it... I laughed along with it but inside I was like, 'WHAT?!! I WALK LIKE THAT!? WAIT WHAT!' Like when you hear your voice recorded and can't believe you sound like that. Except this time...with umm.... walking.

Here! Test your pace! I'm a 46!


Today I learnt about a new disturbing product on the market. Basically, if you have a horny dog that's always humping your leg or the couch leg or table leg or the peg leg or the final leg of the tour or the leggo my eggo... there's a doggie sex doll you can throw at it so it can live out it's wildest fantasies and hump that thing instead. Here tis the dog doll in action:

I just love this dirty dog. Always have. Always will. And will always use any excuse to link it up...


Happy May! Hey I thought Idol was great tonight. Totally fun and stuff. I don't like the Blake. Sorry. He looked like the guy at the Halloween party who you don't know who he's dressed as and when you ask he says, 'Simon LeBon from 1986... ' And you're like, 'Oh...' And then he beat boxes for you and you pretend your cellphone is vibrating and you take a fake call. Anyway, Chris Rickerson is going home tonite! It's official! For real this time!

*I was informed that two people are getting thrown off tonite! The other person? Phil Stanley...

This video is incomprehensible. What's that about nuclear fallout? Why do I get the feeling it was 'Concept by Richie Sambora'


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