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MAY 2008

5/30

Today I found out that you can start buying some beer from outerspace sorta. Sapporo like sent some barley or something out into space and when it got back they ground it up (or whatever they do to make beer) and brewed it up and is selling it as beer. The first 'taster' had his eyes melt out of his head like in Indiana Jones but he screamed, 'The glory! The glory! It's worth my eyes! It's worth losing my eyes!' Then he started vomiting up these like greenish looking bugs wearing helmets and carrying little tiny spears. The green creatures threw the spears at the people in the room and one spear hit some dude in the tongue. The end.

Here's more info on the beer.

5/29

Sorry no daily factizoid yesterday. Did alot of running around and not alot of TV watching. But today! Lots of TV!!

If you use Firefox this might interesting...

5/28

Ok! Sex and in the City people! Get in my theater. Flop. Then get the hell out of my face! You and your Bee Movie style of marketing is all over me! All over my magazines! And all over my TV! And every single piece of it is annoying as a two slimy birds fighting in my underwear! We all know your movie is super terrible and is going to flop right on its fashionushta face! Get out of here! It's enough of you! Feh!

This is what your movie looks like to me!!! But worse and more annoying!!

5/27

Today local news blah blah person told me that there's been a big increase of people stealing gas. Dudes are going around to SUV's and like getting underneath em and punching a hole in the tank and draining the thing. I guess that's to be expected. And somehow I just don't feel bad for the Hummer drivers who are waking up to an empty tanks. Not that stealing is good. It just sort of is less terrible when it's a Hummer. Sorry Hummer drivers. Unless you live out in some rural place or whatever.... it's just a bad look.

Here's a site for Hummer hate-ahs...

5/26

Today I found out that there's a sorta bizarre looking Monument to the Unknown Soldier in Baghdad. It's a memorial to Iraqi soldiers in the Iran/Iraq war but it looks more like a memorial to Iraq/Mars war. Not sure what the dilly but it looks like a flying saucer sort of taking off or landing or something. Kinda coolio looking. Maybe a clam shell or something. It's in the Green Zone or it'd probably be like all blown up and stuff...

Here's some pictures here.

5/22

Apologies for dropping the ball yesterday on the factizizoidalness! TV fact later today!

If you're one a low-sodium diet you might wanna avoid these here dishes....

5/21

So there it is. That's that for American Idol. Blah blah fake rocker blah blah. Archeleta and his Dad go home to sing karaoke at each other etc etc... but WTF WITH THE CRAZY AMOUNT OF LOVE GURU PROMOTION LAST NIGHT!? THAT MOVIE LOOKS LIKE IT SUCKS AND NOBODY ASKED FOR IT AND NOBODY WANTS IT AND THERE'S NOBODY WHO THINKS IT'S FUNNY SO STOP STICKING IT IN MY FACE! LOVE GURU?! WTF!? Terrible...

RIP this season of Idol. Hopefully next year will be back on track....

Love Guru? That movie looked like it already flopped like six years ago.

5/20
 

5/19

So TV news lady told me tonight that we're all set to land something else on Mars on Sunday. It's a digger thing and it's all programmed up to look for water. This robot will drill into the surface of Mars and will signal back to earth. Blue light means Water! :-) Red light means No Water. :-( Flashing yellow light means the digger thing is being swarmed by hostile half-organic half-robotic half-plant like thrasher insect-like beings with blue fire tentacles and matter shattering sonic abilities that plan to destroy the digger and crumple it into a ball and catapult it back down to earth at the speed of light...

... landing smack in the middle of this guy's backyard...

5/18

Ok maybe this isn't going to motivate you to delete the internet but I found out that there's a new breed of ants running wild in Texas that might be a threat to all electronic humanity. These ants can't be killed! These ants don't have structure or logic! They're invaders from another place! They eat through wires! Some sort of insectical terrorism or something and nobody knows what to do! And they're spreading!

Crazy Rasberry Ants are coming!!!

5/17

Yah total crazy level of slackdaiquiri round these parts. But will TOTALLY be back on the stick with a crazy amount of friggin awesome daily facts this week! We're talking such serious facts that people will be like, 'Whoa! I didn't know that!!!' like all week long! Such superfacts that most people will be like, 'What do I need the interwebs for anymore! Everything I ever needed to know is right here on this page!!! And then delete the rest of the internet and make this page their homepage totally!

By the way, I got a new pair of Crocs for the summer! Smurf color blue, baby!

5/15

This morning I saw New Kids on the Block on The Today Show. Al Roker called them N'Sync. That was kind of funny. Umm... so I guess that's the Daily Fact today. That NKOTB are like back together again. With Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike or whoever. I guess this fact sucks... in more ways than one. Sorry bout that.

5/14

So today I seen something about how now that it's warmer out chicks are getting more catcalls from dudes on the street. Dudes yelling stuff out and making noises and stuff like that. (Are we all still 13 years old?) Most chicks said they don't appreciate having stuff yelled out at them like 'Nice ass!" or whatever. (Most chicks probably don't like being called chicks either). But some chicks admitted that they don't mind and it makes them feel like they're 'looking good' or whatever.

Anyway, here's a blog that encourages chicks to post pictures of creepy dudes or something... Here go.

5/13

So tonight I yawned through Idol again. The fact that one producer picked Dan Fogelberg's Longer (RIP Dan) made me think that the show is being intentionally be sabotaged. But after watching all three finalists tonight I'm throwing my hat in the ring to support.... Syesha because I think she's least annoying and has the most hit maker potential. Fake Rocker will be touring with Phil Stacey in a couple years while Archeltta will be on the couch getting some well-deserved therapy.... while sucking on some well-deserved Luden's... poor kid. Vote Syesha!

Remember Phil? Sounds like a David Cook song to me...

SAVE SYESHA!

5/9

Today I saw a story about the 'global food crisis' and why there's like less and less food. Apparently there's plenty of seeds. And different sources of nutrition and all that. It's definitely more expensive to move stuff around because of oil prices-- but a major factor...? The dirt. The dirt all around the world is getting worse. Scientists have been all genetically running at better seeds without factoring in the soil situation. Got overworked or whatever...

Luckily in the future there will be a non-solution! Now for sale! In real life!

But for now... the ground is sour!

5/8

Today news told me that they lit the Olympic torch flame at the top of Mount Everest as some sort of publicity stunt or something. I wish there were space aliens wandering around here because it would be fun to have a reality show where humans need to explain why they do what they do. "See we had to take the stick to the top of this big mountain and light it on fire because it's a tradition involving activities where people throw things, flip around and run in circles...."

I guess this happened on a different day at Everest...

5/7

So last night I blasted through Idol half-yawning at Tivo speed. Definitely the weakest season for Idol so far but I think it's a show that can jump backwards over the shark.

I believe in Idol!

Here's ten suggestions for next season to spice it up!

1. Let the audience throw fruit and veggies.
2. All singers have to sing with apple sauce in their mouths.
3. If someone forgets the lyrics, a family member in the audience gets sharpee scribble all over their face.
4. Everyone gets to sing their song at the same time and fight for volume.
5. The judges are only allowed to talk negatively about their own appearance.
6. The whole season is filmed in one 48-hour sleepless stretch.
7. Singers have to sing their whole song while listening to another song in headphones.
8. Everyone in the audience gets red laser pointers.
9. Your vote counts only if you mail in toe-nail clippings along with your vote.
10. All singers have to sing and dance in suits of armour filled with slime.

The end!

Here's Jason Castro sucking it up! See ya later Dreddy Avatarface!

5/6

Today TV told me that nasal spray might be a big scam. TV said that people who use nasal spray alot end up having to use nasal spray alot more because the symptoms rebound and you get more stuffy noses more often and you gotta get more spray. When the Organization of Nasal Spray Manufacturers was contacted for a comment they said, 'Hey! We're a business not a nasal cure type place that makes things to make you stop buying our spray we like people buying more spray so we put stuff in there to make things go backwards after a while so then the person has to go to the store and buy more of the spray which works out well for us because then we get more money to make more spray but we get to keep some for ourselves and buy stuff like boats.'

5/5

So I just watched the tailend of a press conference starring Laura Bush (surprisingly charming) re: Burma. That country just got smashed with a cyclone and thousands are dead and everything is like wrecked. I thought it was coolio that she stepped up to draw some more attention to it. And then it's announced that US has allocated an emergency fund of $250,000 to help the people of Burma. $250,000?! AYFKM!? Something about how that was all the embassy had 'on hand' or some crap. I can't decide if this is bureaucracy or just some sort of backhanded smack to the whole world. Either way it's not good!! WTF! Simon Cowell bought a $1,000,000 car and the whole United States is scraping up 250k for a whole country! Are they gonna send it in dimes? Our government should never deal in thousands of dollars in sitches like this!

250k?! Look at this mess!

5/44

Apologies again for slacking over the weekend and stuff! I'm back on the stick this week totally! Anyway, this weekend told me that PETA (which alot of people seem to not like) has asked for that jockey that rode that horse that broke both ankles this weekend should be banned from the sport... along with the sport. PETA claims with the weird breeding and the whipping and the whole being mean to horses thing has to stop. Seems like that might be an uphill fight situation. I figure I'll post bout that since I done did a PETA post last time before I started slacking and stuff.

Here goes someone who don't like PETA stuff.

5/1

Last night I watched a show all about PETA which seems like a coolio organization. I don't mind that they're extreme and that they spun off ALF. Gave me an idea though. Meat License! Here's the deal! If you wanna eat say chicken you gotta get a chicken license like at DMV. To get the license you gotta kill a real chicken. Even if it's just push a button style. Same with cows and veal and whatever! You just gotta kill one then you can eat that animal all you want! It seems fair. I'm gonna call my local congressman! Whoever that is!

Anyway, the woman who runs PETA has a different will.

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