Error at Short
Today when I went outside I saw a kid in a little league uniform throwing a tennis ball against the wall and fielding it. And it made me think of something I haven't thought about in a while.
When I was about 10 or 11 years old I was playing shortstop in a little league game and I had a problem. We were in the middle of an inning... and I had to pee.. bad. At first it wasn't too serious but after a little while I realized I had a hair trigger type situation. I started to get concerned that someone would hit a ball to me and somehow I'd pee by accident or whatever. And everyone knows if you commit the error of peeing while fielding a grounder, you have to immediately retire from the sport and go home and convince your family to sell the house and move away... (same rule applies in the major leagues)
Anyway the inning goes on... and goes on... . every pitch seemed to take forever. One kid I remember one kid hit like four foul balls in a row. I was like cmon! Cmon! Pitch! Swing! Cmon! It just went on and on. There were no outs. I was dancing in place pretending I was getting ready to field something. Nothing was hit to me but I knew I had an emergency.
So I started to consider my options. I really didn't want to call like 'time out' and run off into the woods to pee. I'd feel like everyone in the whole place would be like looking at me and laughing. And waiting for me to come back. From peeing! I decided that was out so I came up with a bad idea instead. I decided to relieve some of the pressure by just letting out a little pee (I was frickin like 11. Logic was still blurry). So I eased up carefully just to maybe go a little and then close up shop again. But of course that sort of thing never really works right and before I knew it I was straight out peeing in my pants. I remember looking down and seeing it like dripping out of the bottoms of my baseball pants and all over my baseball socks and cleats. I looked around the field and thought, 'Holy macaroni! I'm peeing in my pants on the field in the middle of a frickin game!' Nobody noticed.
Anyway, the inning finally ended and I ran into the dugout with my mitt covering as much as I could. Right away I got a cup of bug juice from big cooler thing and immediately dumped it in my lap "by accident". The kids laughed at me for spilling like that... little did they know that their shortstop was a pathetic pee pee pantsed player postemptively protecting a prior personal pressure problem.... per se.... with the pee-pay.