Department of Labor Hearing
So I had my hearing with the
Department of Labor today and I don’t think it went that well. I go into this
courtroom this morning and sit down at the table. The judge asks the prosecution
to make his opening statement and he goes on and on about how I was dishonest
and cheated the State of New York and so on. Then I was asked to make my opening
statement which I hadn’t really prepared. I stuttered back a response about
how I wasn’t a liar and how I really don’t understand the law.
To make a long story short, the
prosecutor kept accusing me of being a “fraud” and a “cheat” and a
“liar” and at one point he asked if ‘my mother would be proud of me’. He
was going on and on insulting me so at one point I threw my papers all over the
place and asked the guy, ‘why are you being such a dick?’ He told me that I
was the dick …and a liar. So then I figure the guy is calling me out, right? I
stand up and he’s all ‘Bring it on, slackerboy!’ and I was like, ‘Oh
it’s already been broughted!’ I rush him and the judge started banging the
gavel saying something about holding me in contempt and order order! and stuff
but this lawyer guy had my number and went after him.
Before I was able to mix it up with
the lawyer guy, a bailiff grabbed me chokehold style with one of those wooden
bats. As he held me he was all ‘relax.. relax…’ and the lawyer guy mocked
me saying ‘relax… relax.. ’ like all nyaa nyaa. I
tried to get out of the chokehold like a fish flopping around so another baliff
guy came at me from the front. I managed to get one kick out into the other
baliff’s chest before the guy who had me in a choke hold kicked out the back
of my knees (cheap move) and landed me flat on the ground. As he was cuffing me
the judge was banging the gavel insisting I be ‘removed from the courtroom.’
I started yelling, ‘Attica! Attica!’ They clinked the cuffs on (way too
tight) and I was brought down into a holding cell.
I remember hearing if you’re ever
brought to jail you should kick someone’s ass right off the bat so you don’t
become someone’s ‘bitch’. And although there was only one other guy in the
cell (he seemed drunk and pretty out of it) but I decked him in the face
straight away to show how I meant business.
And when lunch came I even ate his cheese sandwich. There is no mustard
on the sandwiches in the clink and if you ask for mustard from the guard he'll ignore
you... just fyi.