Department of Labor Hearing

So I had my hearing with the Department of Labor today and I don’t think it went that well. I go into this courtroom this morning and sit down at the table. The judge asks the prosecution to make his opening statement and he goes on and on about how I was dishonest and cheated the State of New York and so on. Then I was asked to make my opening statement which I hadn’t really prepared. I stuttered back a response about how I wasn’t a liar and how I really don’t understand the law.

To make a long story short, the prosecutor kept accusing me of being a “fraud” and a “cheat” and a “liar” and at one point he asked if ‘my mother would be proud of me’. He was going on and on insulting me so at one point I threw my papers all over the place and asked the guy, ‘why are you being such a dick?’ He told me that I was the dick …and a liar. So then I figure the guy is calling me out, right? I stand up and he’s all ‘Bring it on, slackerboy!’ and I was like, ‘Oh it’s already been broughted!’ I rush him and the judge started banging the gavel saying something about holding me in contempt and order order! and stuff but this lawyer guy had my number and went after him.

Before I was able to mix it up with the lawyer guy, a bailiff grabbed me chokehold style with one of those wooden bats. As he held me he was all ‘relax.. relax…’ and the lawyer guy mocked me saying ‘relax… relax.. ’ like all nyaa nyaa.  I tried to get out of the chokehold like a fish flopping around so another baliff guy came at me from the front. I managed to get one kick out into the other baliff’s chest before the guy who had me in a choke hold kicked out the back of my knees (cheap move) and landed me flat on the ground. As he was cuffing me the judge was banging the gavel insisting I be ‘removed from the courtroom.’ I started yelling, ‘Attica! Attica!’ They clinked the cuffs on (way too tight) and I was brought down into a holding cell.

I remember hearing if you’re ever brought to jail you should kick someone’s ass right off the bat so you don’t become someone’s ‘bitch’. And although there was only one other guy in the cell (he seemed drunk and pretty out of it) but I decked him in the face straight away to show how I meant business.  And when lunch came I even ate his cheese sandwich. There is no mustard on the sandwiches in the clink and if you ask for mustard from the guard he'll ignore you... just fyi.

All in all the trial didn’t exactly go according to plan and I’m not sure how they’re going to rule and all that. I’m out on bail for now while they bring new charges against me. I guess maybe I overreacted a little bit. We'll see how it goes..