I'm hairy. I admit it. Not crazy insane hairy but pretty hairy. It started around the time I started losing my head hair. Up till then I had hairy legs and arms. Then it really started coming in on my chest. And I thought that was kinda cool. Like Alec Baldwin or something. But it kept coming in. And going up. Up my chest... And up...And I was like... whoa... hold on a sec. I think we're good here. We can put the breaks on this... Stop! Ok enough! No more up! Enough baldwining! And then it went over the top. And it was official. Too much hair.
I couldn't believe it. In a matter of a couple years I had sorta transformed. Like a wolfman in some sort of super slo-mo. The double reversal hair issue made me mental. Too much! Too little! That'll flip ya good mentally for a while. So for a while I ruled out the beach because I was embarrassed to take my shirt off and also had paranoia about my hair getting wet because it looked too thin when it was wet. I dreaded summer and didn't like going to pools. Whenever I took my shirt off I felt like it was an unveiling. Sometimes I'd give advanced warning to people to soften what I assumed was a horrifying display.
The thing about it is I just don't understand why it's there! Is 50,000 years not enough time to get the frickin caveman gene out of my frickin dna?! Also it's 2003! We're already living in the future! They can't figure out how to just get rid of hair like permanent like? How hard could it be? What is the hold up here? Gillette conspiracy? Dags! I feel like if I experimented for a few months I could probably figure it out!
So whatever... it's me. That's me. I'm over it (or at least that's what I tell myself). I know some chicks might not dig it. That's ok. I don't really blame them. I mean.. I don't dig it much either. But I've settled into that it's a part of me for better or worse. I'm like a man. A super... man! And with any hurdle in life there's always something to learn -and wolfbaldwining did teach me one very valuable lesson.
When my hair first started falling out of my head I remember praying to God to give me more hair. As it fell out I'd pray pray for more hair.
So the lesson learned here is: When you go asking God for a favor... be specific.
PS God got a second laugh by giving me almost no hair under my arms. If that's not odd I don't know what the hell is...
*UPDATE* After I posted this I got a bunch of emails from people with an attachment of a naked guy who is literally covered in hair. Head to toe. I just want to state for the record that I DO NOT LOOK LIKE THAT! It's not THAT bad! I just have more than I'd prefer! jeez louise...
(not that there's anything wrong with guys like that...)