Being a Sweater

Summer is here. And I'm a major league sweater. 

I don't get like giant pit stains under my arms. I sweat on my head only. If I was a dog my head would be my tongue. Or something like that. Every time the humidity reaches a certain point I just sweat off my head. I can walk a block in the heat and go inside somewhere and sit down and just sweat for like 10 minutes... hardcore. Then I'm all better. Not sure why I'm like this and a day like today it reminded me how thoroughly sweaty-ew I can be at times.

I'm just got back from doing some errands. Grocery shopping, haircut, bageling. And now that I'm home (AC not back in the window yet. too lazy. too hot out to make that sort of an effort right now) I'm just like sweating off my head like I just ran the friggin marathon. Right now it's not an issue because I'm by myself. But when I was working or in meetings or interviewing for jobs this was a major problem. 

Like this one time I was interviewing for a job to be the Special Sales guy for History Channel videos (I think that's what it was) and I was really late for the interview and it was in the summer. So I half-ran there in a suit. When I got there I was immediately brought in for the interview. And for a minute or so I was ok. No sweating. I remember being really psyched. Then it started. And didn't stop. Through the whole interview I was pouring sweat which I have to assume was interpreted as nervousness. (And most likely nervousness was a factor but the nervousness was based around sweating and then being nervous about the fact that I was sweating and what the person might think about my sweating.) I could just see the interviewer lady doing the smiley "I'm-pretending-to-ignore-the-fact-that-you're-sweating-like-a-lunatic-on-the-full-moon-fourth-of-July-but i'm-not-hiring-you-because-you're-gross--no-offense" look. I tried to explain how I half-ran there but nobody ever believes a sweater excuse. Except other sweaters. 

Maybe I would be better off if I sweated under my arms like the normals. Where I could hide it or something or at least it wouldn't be so obvious on my baldy bald head.  I've thought about spraying antiperspirant on my head but that seemed like a bad idea. That's the type of activity when you do it you humiliate yourself even though you're alone when you're doing it. And I can see myself sweating anyway and then the antiperspirant going all in my eyes and then I'll be the red eyed squinty guy sweating looking like a zoomer on crystal meth.

Sucks to be a sweater. Just one of those things... and another reason to stay inside...

ok bye!