The Truth About Smacks
Smacks cereal sucks. I never liked Smacks cereal and I don't think anybody really loves Smacks cereal. I'm not denying that some weirdo freaks 'like' eating Smacks (who the hell knows why) but nobody loves Smacks. As a kid there was always something wrong with "Sugar" Smacks. And it only got worse with them as the years went on. They had a weird crunch to them like gritty or sandy or something and the shape of them kind of grossed me out. They looked like little shells. Evil little shells. And they're too sticky. They like stuck together or if you picked up one with your hand your hand would be all sticky. Gritty sticky shelly teeth rotters.
And who is that dumb frog spokesman for Smacks! What has he ever really done really? Just like sit there in the friggin bowl with a big spoon like with a big smile staring off the box? Where's his personality?! He's no fun at all! What is it about him that makes me feel like I should by Smacks?! What does he have to do with anything anyway? Nothing!
Other good cereals have been cancelled like Mr. T cereal and Kaboom! (not positive if Kaboom! has been cancelled but I haven't seen it in ages.) It wasn't that great anyway.) But I believe that Smacks only survives because it is a default cereal for moms. They just buy it because it might 'look' like something their kid wants. But no kid asks for fuckin Smacks! And when mom gets home with the Smacks I bet kids make a mental note saying they gotta get more on the stick with giving mom specific cereal orders so she doesn't screw up and bring home Smacks again. But kids aren't good with mental notes and that's why Smacks survive.
What's to like about them?! Nothing! It's all the one bad thing! I'm not saying all cereals have to have a mixture of things or colors but Smacks is like one big bowl of the same thing and that one thing sucks! Bland. Sandy. Sticky. Creepy looking. Bad frog. I don't think anyone on this planet can honestly say that Smacks is their #1 cereal. Smacks are a disgrace to the cereal aisle and thoroughly disgusting!