Please Bringy Ringy Ring

My phone is broke. I know have serious mental phone issues but this one isn't my fault. Yesterday my phone stopped ringing. All day it didn't ring and that made me a little sad. I was like ... nobody? wants to talk to me? Then late in the afternoon I picked up the phone to make a call and someone was already on the line. It was one of those weird things where you pick it up and don't hear a dial tone and say 'hello?' and someone is like 'hello? and you're both weirded out. But this time the person was like... yo! why did it take you 10 rings to pick up the phone? I was like... what? So I checked the ringer switch and it said the ringer was on. So I asked the person to call me right back. The phone didn't ring. I picked it up after a bit and they were there. Told me it was ringing and ringing. I was like 'Fuck!' Phone broke! So I plugged in a different phone. But that phone didn't ring either. I was like, I can't believe it. This problem is actually outside of my control and not my fault! Unless both these phone ringers broke at the exact same time (knowing my phones it wasn't out of the question)

So I called the phone company and told them what was up and they sent a dude over this morning to check my line. He told me he couldn't fix it and said that 'it was a fiber optic problem involving voltage' or something. I was like so what's that mean. He was like, 'It means.. we gotta send out the fiber optic guys...' I was like, 'No ringy ring ring till then?' He said, 'No ringy ring ring..' I said, 'You no bringy ring ringy ring ring?' He said, 'No... me no bringy ring ring ringy ring..' I said, 'But... the phone? No ring ringy ring ring ringy ring ring?' He patted my head and said, 'No... I'm sorry... no ringy ring ring fiber optic guys bringy the ring ringy ring ring...' I said, 'Fiber optic guys? They bring the ringy ring?' He said, 'I hope so. I want you to have the ringy ring ring brringy.' I said, 'I want my ringy ring brring brring.' And he said...

ok have you had enough of that? I have.

And I've had enough of my phone not ringing. I sit here with it next to me all day picking it up every five minutes because I think I feel it ringing. But there's no one there. Just the dial tone. Lemme check again...

Nope. No one. Where are those fiber optic guys who can bringy me my frigging ringy ring!

ok bye!