The Great Pringles Robbery
My mom has been telling me for a while to write about this story on the site so here it is.
Back in college, me and my two roommates were wandering around in a store called Ames buying crap for our apartment or whatever. Ames was sort of like a Caldor which is sort of like a K-Mart. One of those stores that has everything. Anyway, the three of us wander down the food aisle and see that Pringles has come out with all sorts of new flavors! Sour Cream and Onion, Pizza, Taco, BBQ whatever.. (For you teens out there, there actually was a time way back when... when potato chips came in only one flavor. Swear! I know... ) So anyway, it was exciting to see the new flavors. And we decided to try them out.
Right in the store we popped open the Sour Cream and Onion. Tried a few. Not bad. Not great. We put it back on the shelf. Then popped open the Pizza flavor. Passed it around. Pretty good. We put that one back on the shelf. Next Taco..etc... We opened up probably a half-dozen cans and tried chips and then put them all back on the shelf where we found them and kept shopping. Like dicks.
Anyway we bought the crap for the apartment and headed out of the store. As we walked through the automatic doors someone grabbed my arm hard. I was like 'WTF!?' I saw that there was like three big guys surrounding us. With a serious look the dude said, 'All three of you. Please step back inside the store.' I looked at my friends and assumed one of em had swiped something or something. I didn't even think about the chips.
We were ushered into like a back office and told to sit down. The main dude sat down behind a desk and dead seriously said, 'We saw what happened... With the potato chips... We have it on video.' I swear I almost started laughing. I was glad I didn't because this guy looked like the type of guy who would pick something up off his desk and throw it at me. Then he started questioning us. Asking why we did that. Calling us criminals. And kept threatening to call the cops. Meanwhile I had an exam in like a half-hour and really needed to get back on campus. So I was like, 'I'm really sorry bout the chips...umm.. sir. I'll pay for them or whatever.' He shook his head and said, 'It's too late for that.'
At this point I was more aggravated than annoyed. I mean WTF? What was he going to do? Sentence me to Ames Jail? Like in the storage room surrounded by big cardboard boxes and a baseball bounceback net for a door? Nope. He told us we all needed to sign a piece of paper saying that we were responsible for the chips. Of course, I whatevered that. Didn't even really read it and signed it. I figured we'd get a bill for the chips or whatever. We were free to go.
A week later I got a legal type bill. For $750!! Punitive damages to the store. Fuck! We all got one. The exact same letter like printed out on some cheesy dotmatrix printer with no real signature or nothing. But it was still scary. So I did what any college kid would do at that point.... I called mommy and daddy. And told them their son was a pringles thief and got smacked with a $750 bill for his criminal activity. So they had a lawyer make a call to the Ames lawyer who immediately dropped it. I was the only responsible one. My other two friends just chucked their letters in the trash and called me a sissy for taking it seriously. They totally whatevered it. So did Ames. We never heard from them again.