Tiffany's Balls

Yesterday I got the Tiffany catalog in the mail. Again! I've been receiving it like clockwork for years now. It's a nice catalog but they're really barking up the wrong tree with me. Here's how I got on their list in the first place.

Years ago I started a new job and at the end of my first week some of my new co-workers invited me to join them out for drinks. So I went along. We got a table and I tried to be friendly and not shy. One chick put her keys on the table and somehow I ended up picking them up and looking at them or whatever. She had a Tiffany keychain with like two balls on it.

It looked like this:

The balls on the end are sort of screwed on and because I was nervous I got busy with the balls unscrewing, then screwing back, then unscrewing, then screwing, then unscrewing ... until I got all cocky and spun it fast and it flew off into the crowded bar and rolled into oblivion. I looked at her and see she saw what I did. She said one word... "No." I was like, "Yeah." Then she looked at me, disgusted at the new kid, and said another word, "Uch!" (I think the uch was directed at me personally and not the situation). I apologized and went off to look for it but it was gone. I promised her the next day I would bring her keychain to Tiffany and get her another ball.

Next day, I wandered to Tiffany and up to Customer Service to get another ball. I had to sit there among all the fancy ladies and wait for like 20 minutes until my name was called. Then I headed into one of these privacy booths and the person on the other side asked what I needed. I showed them the keychain and told them I needed another bally. They wandered off to get one and came back and pushed a velvet thing out infront of me and placed the ball on the velvet like it was a diamond. Whatever. It fit. I paid for it ($10 or so) and left.

When I paid for it I had to give them my address or whatever and ever since then I've gotten the Tiffany catalog.

The end.

ok bye!