Mourning My Morning Pants

I have morning pants. I call them morning pants because I usually put them on first thing in the morning when I go to make coffay or whatever. I've had these pants ever since I worked at the Gap and they had the wall of sweats. One day they had a sale on bad colors so I bought some aquamarine turquoise ones. I chopped them down to shorts soon after- then at some point they got bleached up and eventually they became my morning pants. I'd still wear them outside once in a while now to the supermarket or whatever when I felt extra lazy. But for the most part they were morning pants.

Not too long ago they got a decent sized hole in the crotch area. I wasn't too concerned about it because it was nice and airy, but they had to be indoor pants from then on. I considered learning how to sew to fix em but that never happened. I thought about asking friends who sew to sew the crotch for me... but it didn't seem... nice. So whatever..

A week or so ago I was sitting in my chair and noticed the crotch hole had gotten bigger. I pulled at the rip a little and it tore really easily. I was worried about the morning pants. The rip now went up the back so my butt was sort of exposed. But still I hung in there with the morning pants (probably horrifying my neighbors every morning when I ducked into my fridge to get milk and abutt-faced the kitchen window.)

But yesterday I caught a look at myself in the mirror. I looked down at myself and felt some shame. My morning pants were all ripped and hanging off me. All parts exposed. The voice in my head said, 'You're wearing a rag. You know that right?' I said, 'It's not a rag! They're my morning pants!' The voice said, 'Morning? It's 2 in the afternoon!' I said, 'Whatever! They're extra airy!' But I knew it was time.  time to say goodbye to the morning pants. They've been good and faithful morning pants. $6.99 a decade ago and here I was still wearing them- but it was time.

I realized for the sake of my neighbors and self-respect I couldn't wear em no mo. But what to do with the morning pants? I thought about turning them into an actual rag and cleaning the house with them but that would be disrespectful. I thought about throwing them out but how could I?? So into the back closet they went today. Folded up nice and neat...

Until I learn how to sew. ;-)

ok bye!


Here, I took a picture before i put em away... for your enjoyment: