Sucker for New Stuff

So I was in the deli today buying pickles and potato chips when I saw there was this new Coke out. Vanilla Coke. Now I knew for a fact that I wouldn't like it. How could it be good? Have I ever said, "Man this regular old coke would be so much better if it just had ...a ton more vanilla!"  But I had to buy it anyway just to find out how much I hate it. The answer to that? Very much. It's gross. It tastes like the coke you get at the diner sometimes when there's too much syrup. The thing I can't figure out is what research is done before a product like that comes out. Pepsi' Twist was equally gross. Described to me by someone as 'Pepsi with a spritz of Lemon Pledge'. It seems the soda companies every few years come out with something new that eventually almost always disappears forever. But I need to try everything new.

Like years ago I tried this drink Orbit (best picture I could find) which had floating balls of gelatin in the drink. Besides looking like a big choking hazard it was totally disgusting. But I had to buy it. I'm bad with cereal too. I like Raisin Bran so I bought this relatively new Raisin Bran Crunch. Which tasted ok except the Raisins are like supersized or something and they sink to the bottom of the bowl. So when you're like almost done you see you have like 20 big raisins hanging out at the bottom. And you look at them like, 'Hey! Where the hell were you guys when I was all branned out a few minutes ago!?'

New pringles, new oreos, new dorito flavors, new candy bar spinoffs, new weird water (like Dannon Water which reminds me of the little bit of water that's on top of yogurt when you open it up), new ice cream flavors, new crackers, new diety potato chips, new alcohol. I gotta try everything once just to reinforce how much I like the original things that I've liked all along. Like Breyers Vanilla, Original Doritos, Budweiser beer (not Bud Ice or any of that), and regular frickin Coke. Maybe that's the grand plan. To have you try something that you totally don't like if only to remind you how much you like the original thing.

Coke did a number on the whole world years ago with New Coke. I am convinced New Coke was something done to make us all appreciate 'coke classic' even more than ever. They scam us and lie!

But I'm on to the marketing angles and the grand plan when they force new products on me. And I resent it. They don't fool me! I'll just have to keep buying new everything just to stay one step ahead of their game.

Don't buy Vanilla Coke.

OK bye