Me See Pee Left For Me
On Saturday night I was in a restaurant and they only had one bathroom. When I went there to pee it was locked so I waited in the hall for whoever was in there to clear out. While waiting some cute chick got on line behind me. I sort of smiled at her. She said 'Hi.' Then some guy got out of the bathroom and I headed in to pee.
I walked in and looked at the toilet. The seat was down and there was pee splash all over it. I was like, 'Uch! that dude peed all over the seat!' So I put the seat up and peed. Then I thought about the chick waiting on line behind me. She's gonna have to put the seat down and there's pee all over it. That sucks! But wait a sec... Is she gonna think that I peed all over it? That I'm the guilty gross pee guy? I didn't want to be blamed. But am I responsible for cleaning up that guys pee? For the cute chick? I was like screw that! But I also didn't want to be the guy-who-peed-all-over-the-seat guy and walk out be like.. there ya go, honey! Sucks to be a chick! Enjoy! Especially after I had some interaction with her of some sort..(well she said 'hi')
But then I thought, well if I was pee-on-the-seat guy, why would I put the seat up afterwards? Pee-on-the-seat guys don't put the seat up at all. So in my head I could rationalize it by saying, well when I walked in there the seat was already up in the first place- and pretend in my head that I never saw the peed on seat. So in my head she would think that in her head too maybe and not blame me. Plus, what was I gonna do? Clean off some gross splashed seat for her? That's not my bag, baby! Especially cleaning off some schmucks pee who is the type of schmuck to pee all over the seat?! F that.
And then again maybe the guy who walked out didn't even pee on the seat either. Maybe that pee was already there for him and he went through the same thing I went through except he just said screw it. But then again he should put the seat up if he's peeing regardless. What was he? Too much of a germaphobe to touch the seat if the seat was peed on? No he was guilty. And for extra arguments sake if he was doing #2 what was he doing? Hovering over the already peed on seat? No way.
The hovering task was for the chick who was next on line apparently-- who I walked by head down and slightly ashamed at my guilt of leaving her a peed on seat.