The Knucklecracker Sweet
I was out to dinner with a group of people the other night and I did a quick knucklecrack session with my hands. It horrified some chick at the table who like stiffened up and asked me to please not do that. It was hard for her to get the words out. That's how chilling it was for her. I didn't know her that well and was embarrassed for my cracking. I didn't even realize I was doing it. She seemed grossed out to the point where I could have been picking my nose and it would have been just half as bad. Not sure why the cracking bothers people so much. I guess it sounds supergross to noncrackers but not sure why. She got the quickie version of my crackability too. If she got the fullon cracky crack dealio she probably would have run away screaming if she didn't pass out first..
I have a whole cracky sequence that I do in the privacy of my own home. It starts off by me using my thumb of my left hand and to push down each finger on my right hand flat against my palm. Then I do the other hand. Then I do sort of the same thing but each finger bent at the middle joint. Then I finish it off by twisting the tops of each finger for little minis. Next I put my palm against something and use my fist to hit the backs of my elbows making them bend the wrong way. This causes a goody pop. Then I follow that with this sort of Elvis swivel thing with my legs which makes low pops of my pelvic bones. Then kick each leg out like a showgirl for the knee cracks. I follow this by scrunching my toes and getting cracks out of them too. Sometimes they're tricky and I have to intervene with my hands and crack each toe. Even the baby toe. The process is complete when I twist my neck far left and far right to get the good vertebrae neckles.
Since I was a little kid I've always cracked my knuckles. I can remember sitting in the hall at elementary school in like 3rd grade cracking my knuckles and some kid came up to me and told me I shouldn't crack my knuckles because I'll get arthritis. I said, 'What's arthritis?' I didn't like the sound of that. He said, 'It's when you're knuckles swell up giant size....' At the time that sounded kinda cool. Like Hulk or whatever. But it was a warning that cracking was controversial.
Apparently the only people who can appreciate good knucklecracking is other knucklecrackers. You are either on the crack and love it or you ain't and are disgusted by it. I guess there's never been an answer to dangers of knucklecracking. Is it good? Or will I pay for it later? Will I get arthritis? Or not? Will I get Hulk hands? It really doesn't matter to me because at this point there ain't nothing gonna stop me from cracking away. It feels too good and it's a habit that's way too deep. Maybe I should be more courteous when busting them out in front of strangers cause people get grossed out or get chalkboard chills or whatever- but if they only knew how good and necessary it feels -they might tolerate it easier.
In like 50 years I'll give you a status update on my hands and we'll see if I'll pay for my cracking sins... till then it's all about snap, cracker and pop, baby!