Atomically Stupid

So for years I've had an alarm clock that sucks. I got it at like CVS or whatever for like $10. And it sucks.  Recently I've actually had to set an alarm for stuff and it reminded me of how much it sucks and how much I simply don't trust it. I always think it's a gamble if it's gonna go off. So I went on eBay to get me a new alarm clock and for whatever dumb reason I bid on a Timex Atomic Time Dual Alarm Clock.

The big hook to the clock is it can sync up to some atomic superclock somewhere or something. Automatically set itself. Which for some reason clicked in my head as being really cool. Because we all know how digital clocks can get all messed up. Over the course of a year, a digital clock can be off by what? 20 seconds? A minute even? I'm really not sure what I was thinking but I won the clock and the other day I got it in the mail.

I was psyched. I ripped it open. Threw out the box and the instructions. And tossed my old alarm clock into my box of dead appliances. I plugged in my Atomic clock excited for it to sync the time autoatomically. I stared at it. But it didn't sync. I didn't understand. Flashing 12:00AM? Huh?  I dug the instructions out of the trash and was already pissed. When I saw what I needed to do I got more pissed. Here. I scanned in the booklet:

WTF!!!? My atomic clock is an atomic pain in the ass! I just want the frickin thing to tell the time! Now I gotta bust out my compass to see which way is west!??! Then wander around the room?! I thought reverting to my old clock. But I wasn't defeated that easy. I finally got it to sync and tried to figure out how to set the alarm. Another dumb stupid thing! I literally couldn't figure it out! I can program a whole frickin website but I can't set this frickin alarm! Back to the booklet. Check out how to set the alarm:

ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME!!?! I got a headache just reading that! There's no switch on the frickin thing that says Alarm ON or Alarm OFF! It's like all weird with the stay on for 6 seconds or whatever! What is this an alarm clock rodeo!? The dumbest instructions ever! And of course to add insult to idiocy they provided instructions on how to work the radio! So after all the crazy instructions they basically call me an dummy to my face! Here's how you work the radio, simpleton! Look at this!

Thanks! After the mindnumbing experience of just setting this thing up my brain was actually fried and I needed the help! Atomic time on a digital clock!? What was I thinking? So if I like go to china with my big alarm clock it can reset itself automatically? Once I find out which way Colorado is? Dumb! Dual alarm!  Dumb! eBay alarm clock! Dumb! Me! Dumb!

My problem is I'm a stubborn f**k and I'll live with this thing for years. Just like I lived with the other one I hated for years. Uch and whatever. So that was that with that.

ok bye!