Summer Camp Admissions (#1 and #2)
When I was a kid I went to sleepaway camp and my first summer away my bunk mate was this kid Brian. He slept in the bunk next to mine. Anyway one night I was sleeping away and I had this glorious dream. I was standing naked on a cliff and peeing this giant arc of pee down like into this ravine. I remember how relieved I was to be peeing that way. Then I woke up and sure enough of course I was peeing all over myself.
I couldn't believe that I just peed my frickin bed! At camp! Within minutes reveille sounded and I flew into a panic. Every morning before breakfast we campers had to strip our beds completely. Sheets and everything had to be on the floor next to the bed to insure we remade them from scratch every day. Like army style with 'hospital corners' and all that. I figured with my sheets on the floor, people were going to see my pee! Then I'd be "Pee-pee-boy" or whatever! I looked over at Brian's bunk he had stripped his bed and went to the bathroom or whatever- so in my panicky kid crisis mode-- I switched sheets with him. He didn't notice till after breakfast when we came back to make our beds.
I remember sort of watching him out of the corner of my eye when he put the gross peed sheet on his bed. He noticed it but made his bed as fast as possible I guess so no one would notice. He looked really confused. That night when it was time to go to bed I watched him slowly get into bed with a little grimace and go to sleep on my pee stained sheet. I never told him what happened and always felt bad about it. Sorry bout that Brian!
One night at camp during 'evening activities' all of a sudden I felt like I had food poisoning or whatever and I had to get to a bathroom... fast. The closest bunks were the 'Seneca' bunks. The Senecas were the oldest kids in the camp and they were like too cool for school. They were like 15 or 16 which was way old. Because everyone was at evening activities I figured the bunks were empty. I ran into a Seneca bunk and into one of their stalls. When I sat down and it was like hiroshima. Bad scene. I was sick. All of a sudden someone pounded on the stall wall and yelled, "Hey! Who's in there!?" Holy macaroni! There was a live Seneca in the bunk! Sitting in the stall next to mine! I got scared and didn't know what to say, I was a lowly Mohican who dared poop on the Seneca sacred ground. I immediately pulled up my pants and got the hell out of there to make a run back to my bunk.
On the way there I realized I wasn't gonna make back to my Mohican bunk. It was a total emergency so I ducked into an Iroquois bunk (The Iroquois were younger than me) and decided to go in there. It was such an pressure cooker emergency that I started pulling my shorts down on the way to the bathroom but I couldn't hold it and I started going while running through their bunk! And basically left a trail down the aisle of their bunk to the stall. It was disgusting. I finished up as fast as I could because if any Iroquois came back all they'd have to do would be follow the trail to find the culprit who disgraced their bunk. Talk about case closed..
I finally headed back to my Mohican bunk and needless to say by the time I got back I was a bit of a mess. I took off my underwear and it was a disaster. I didn't know what to do and I heard campers starting to come back from evening activities. I was holding my gross underwear and I didn't know what to do with it. The problem with camp underwear is a label with your name is stitched in. So you can't just throw the doodified underwear out the window because your name is on it! So I stuffed it into my laundry bag with the rest of my laundry and then covered it up with other laundry and forgot about it.
On laundry day basically the bunk would put all their laundry into big megabags then it's schlepped off somewhere or whatever. And when my underwear came back I knew I got away scot-free. I amazingly made it through the Seneca trespass and the Iroquois insult.. Phew. What a relief.