Sneezy Handshake Brain Argument
I did a wrong thing. Last night I went to meet a friend out for dinner at this neighborhood place that I like alot. I got there early and was sitting at the bar having a drink-- and I sneezed. I covered my sneeze with my hand (which by the way I think is just a gross tradition in general. I have a friend who sneezes down into his shirt all the time which I find much more civilized although it's frowned upon. I sometimes sneeze down in my shirt when I'm with friends. Isn't that better? Hands is the worst place. Or no. I dunno...)
Anyway, I sneezed at the bar and like 10 seconds later the guy who like runs the place came over and said hello to me like he knew me. I thought that was kinda coolio because he like acted like I was a regular and stuff and that was cool. But he went to shake my hand and I remembered I had literally sneezed like 10 seconds before. And when he held out his hand I knew I knew my hand was recently sneezed on and my brain had a superfast argument with itself.
One side yelled, 'Whoa! Don't shake! That would be gross and germy! Take a stand! Right now! Do the right thing! Refuse to shake his hand because you sneezed! Tell him! Refuse the shake! It's the right thing!'
Then the other side said, 'Are you crazy!? He's like doing the restaurant guy hello reachout thing! Just be normal and shake his hand! He'll might be offended if you turn him down! Or he'll think you're germphobic or weird! Shake shake shake! It's not like he'll ever know!'
Then the other side came back with, 'Don't listen to that! You just sneezed in your hand! That's disgusting! Don't be disgusting! Don't shake with sneezy hand! He'll appreciate it! Who wouldn't! Don't do it! Don't be disgusting!'
Then the other side interrupted with, 'Disgusting!? If you turn him down because you sneezed he'll think you are disgusting! He might never want to shake your hand again! This is your chance to be a 'regular' regular! Don't start off your regularness by being an irregular regular! 'Just sneezed' is on a need to know basis and he doesn't need to know! Now shut up and shake!'
...and as I shook his hand I felt weak and guilty. I buckled. I knew it was wrong that I should be shaking his hand knowing the gross secret information that I knew about me. But that brain argument went by so fast I had no time to analyze and societal reflex kicked in way before there was any hope of going with the refusal option. Oh well. At least I'm a regular now...
Hopefully next time I'll be more prepared able to resist the gross option.