My Scary Neighbor is a Big Sally
So I've had a couple confrontations with the guy who lives in the building next door. The first time we met was when I locked myself out with the hammer (see message 4). If you recall I opened the box that I got my new desk in then locked myself out. Anyway, I put the box next to the garbage cans and sat down on the stoop to wait for my landlord to come home and let me in. My scary neighbor (he's a big guy. looks like an ex-marine or something. mustache. tattoos) came out of his house and started looking at the box. I told him it was empty that I had just got a new desk or whatever. He's like, "Your box is next to my garbage cans." I'm like, "And..." Then he points over to the other garbage cans and says, "Those are your garbage cans. Put it over there." I told him I wasn't aware of the garbage situation or whatever. It was totally one of those, "Nice to meet you too" type deals. A few weeks later I was bringing out my 'bulk garbage' for Friday pickup. You drag all the stuff out the curb or whatever. I put some of my bulk stuff next to his bulk stuff (unaware of the curbside garbage situation as it was the first time I was going bulk). And he comes out and yells at me for putting my stuff too close to his stuff. I'm like, 'Whatever! I'll move my frickin stuff!.' He's like, "If you don't put the garbage where you're supposed to and it's near my stuff and it's wrong. I get the fine!' I'm like, 'Ok! Ok! Whatever!' He was like all mean about it.
Anyway, I live in a part of Brooklyn where people have like backyards. Granted I don't have access to mine cause it's my landlords. But I can look down at people in their yards. And my "scary" neighbor is out there like everyday in his backyard sunning himself. No shirt and jeans. And BLASTING from his radio are the sappiest love songs. Just today I heard. On The Wings of Love and Secret Lovers! I see you scary neighbor! I see you listening to your love songs and getting a tan! Mr. Tough Guy on your wings of love! I see you!
In his defense he's also working on some sort of wood project back there and when he does his woodworking he puts on rock music. But what are you building back there? A dollhouse for your dollies? To put next to your Lionel Richie poster? I see you!
I really hope he doesn't read my website. If he does, you know I'm just kidding, man. Please don't hurt me. I swear I'll be better with my garbage etiquette.