Drug Store Story

The year... 1986. The face...covered in zits. The place... CPC (a drugstore like CVS). The job... stockboy/cashier. The person... me.

It was weird working in a drugstore. It seemed so personal in some ways. I remember being a bit taken aback by interacting with women who bought stuff for sex. Like lubricants or condoms or whatever. I'd pretend that it was just like everything else but inside my 16 year old stuff would be laughing like Beavis being all like 'She totally has sex! I know it for a fact! Look at this stuff she's buying! It's for sex! Because she has sex! I know it because she's buying this stuff!' Once a friend's mother came in a bought a sex product and that was totally awkward. I totally found his mom had sex!

Anyway, the assistant manager really didn't like me. She'd always make me do the worst jobs and gloat while asking. Like, 'Go down in the basement with the mice and break down 10,000 cardboard boxes.' And then smile at me. She'd be like, 'Go there and do that job that will take all day but I'm only making you do it because I can make you do things...'. She was a guidette by the way. I don't remember her name.

Friends would sometimes stop in the CPC to visit me and buy stuff. If I was behind the register I'd only ring up like half their stuff. The other half was my gift to them. It seemed like a pretty legit way to hook up my friends. It's not like I was letting them steal everything. One day my friends came in and I was behind the register and gave them a little wink and they went shopping. There were these big plastic coin banks shaped like beer cans or whatever -and they took one of those and filled it up with stuff. To the top. When they put it down on  the counter it was heavy. I knew we were pushing it but I whatevered it. I rang up only the bank and started to put it in a bag. That's when the Guidette jumped out from behind a display and was 'Freeze!' Freeze right there!' She ripped the receipt off the register and paged the manager.

Mel the manager (or whoever) came out of the backroom and the Guidette was on fire. She was bouncing up and down on her toes like she had to pee. I was so busted. She dumped the coin bank of stuff out on the counter (my friends had really gone to town. there were some big ticket items in there.) and showed Mel the receipt. I rang up $3.99. I sort of tried a lame (oh... what... where...HEY!  did.. that stuff... hey look!.. there was... more...) It was probably $50 of stuff. The manager threw my friends out of the store and told me I had to go in the backroom, punch out for the last time, and explain to my parents why 'I wasn't bringing home a paycheck anymore...' (Like my family would have to sell the house and move to into a tent or something due to me not bringing home my $3.13 an hour check.)

I met my friends out in the parking lot and they were really sorry. I acted like I didn't care but getting fired always feels weird. I figured out the 'spin' for my parents before I got home and decided I was gonna tell the truth... then lie about the truth. Always a safe bet. I told my parents that a friend of mine had come into the store to buy some stuff ...and I didn't ring up one 6-pack of soda. I was really apologetic and explained that I knew hooking my friend up with a free six-pack was wrong. But when the manager found out I gave free soda away- he fired me. I left out the part about the filled coin bank with the $50 of stuff and stuff.

Anyway, that turned out to be a stellar lie because the manager (dick) ended up calling my father at the office that week to make sure he knew exactly why I got fired. The manager got his number off my emergency contact thing or whatever. He wanted to make it clear that I was fired for hooking up my friends with free stuff. My dad was like, 'Yeah, I know. He told me about not ringing up stuff.' Maybe sort of pissed that this manager would accuse his son of being a liar about stuff and probably proud that his son comes clean and is honest with things or whatever.

So that was that. That lie really turned out to be a super lie because it's really withstood the test of time.... until now of course as my parents will read this.

18 years later I confess to my petty crime.

ok bye!